How can I get my son to understand boundaries?

I need some advice about my son…he is 6 years old and when I deny a hug from him he gets furious…i know it sounds bad but he gets plenty of affection and I tell him I love him all the time but I am trying to teach him boundaries and that he cannot force himself on someone…and honestly sometimes I just dont’ want to be touched…How can I get him to understand this?

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Yikes the comments aren’t passing the vibe check. It’s not about mom not wanting the hug it’s about the boys reaction to being denied. Your title to someone NEVER equals entitlement. I also applaud you for wanting to teach the lesson because there are people with sensory issues or other problems who could be upset by a hug. Id start to really stress the lesson that MOST people don’t want to be touched unless you ask. Ask for a hug, kiss etc. Explain how being overwhelmed with emotions can make someone want to be left alone and why its important to give people space. Given his age I want to ask is this new or an ongoing problem because it DOES make a difference given he’s 6

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This is just sad….I can’t imagine ever denying a hug from my kids!!!

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Maybe try telling him that hugs are meant for special times, like before bed or before he leaves for school?

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I know what you’re trying to do. I have 1 that thinks he has to hug everyone even strangers. I’ve been working on that for years. Just keep practicing. Tell him you love him but hugs,physical contact aren’t for always or everyone. It’s ok to say no or not right now.

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i would never deny my kid a hug even if im annoyed by it to be honest

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I 100% understand being “touched out” so please don’t let these other people talking about “i would never” get to you :roll_eyes:. Validate his feelings. While it’s okay for you to not want to be touched it’s also okay for him to get sad about it, neither of you is in the wrong. I have always stressed that “no means no the first time” meaning that you need to respect other peoples boundaries the first time they set them. My son is 9 and it’s been sinking in over the years, it just takes time. You’re doing a great job :two_hearts:

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Seriously? You can teach boundaries in other ways. You denying hugs from your 6 year old is just going to make him think something is wrong with him or question why he isnt worth a hug… you are literally hurting your child more than teaching boundaries. Thats sad parenting right there, im sorry. I would never deny hugs from any of my kids.

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I used to reach my kids boundaries with tickle fights. Anytime someone says no or stop while in tickle fights, everything stops immediately. It works really well. It reaches them boundaries and the importance of those words

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I Don’t care how touched out I am, I will always take a hug from my kids. I remember being denied physical affection by my dad after I had a day of bullying because he was tired from work. I also remember crying about it alone in my room and wondering why I wasn’t good enough to get a hug from him when I really needed it. All it taught me was that he won’t be there for me when I need him, nothing about personal boundaries. And now as an adult we don’t have any type of relationship.

All the people condemning you for being over stimulated need to take a seat and chill. They’re probably the same people who can afford daycare or a babysitter or get to get out for alone time. We have no idea the full scope of your situation but I totally feel you. I love my children with every fiber of my being but sometimes one more touch makes my skin crawl. It’s perfectly okay as a parent to not want to be touched constantly and even more okay to want to teach your child boundaries in this overly sensitive quick to accuse men/boys of being inappropriate world. You’re doing the right thing. Maybe calmly explain to him that sometimes we have to take a rain check on that hug but that you still love him and you’re so happy he thought of you for a hug.

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As a mom personally I wouldn’t deny the hugs but you could notice when he’s coming in for a hug, take a step back, remind him to ask and when he does continue with the hug.

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I understand being touched out, but it is something you just have to deal with. You are an adult, this is a child. THEY don’t have to hug anyone if they don’t want to, but you are supposed to be their source of unlimited affection. I have 4 kids and they are ALL very affectionate, and sometimes it’s very hard being touched all the time. But you can NOT avoid a hug from your child that is absolutely not a healthy thing to do for him. No matter how you word it to him, you will not be sending a message of anything positive.

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Find a time where he doesn’t want to be touched or have something of his touched.

Use that moment to get him to understand that those feelings are not unique to him.

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You’re his mommy. If he can’t hug his mommy who can he go to for affection ? Worry about teaching him boundaries when he starts doing this to classmates, friends, others in his life or even strangers.

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You better take those hugs while you can cause trust me when they get older they won’t want to hug you our hang out with you once they hit those teen age years they won’t have time for you

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Don’t worry he won’t even talk to you in a few years :rofl::rofl::rofl:

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Eventually he will understand. Unfortunately for you it will come with a cost to you. You will be the one that wants or needs a hug from him and he will have built a wall. Good luck on this one.

YouTube, the boundaries song. Have him learn it. And say you live by it. Sing a catchy part of the song or something and he will catch on. https://youtu.be/aSFvJbSQdA4

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You set boundaries with others. I would never, ever denies a hug from my child what so ever. You do not know what they are thinking for them wanting that hug. If I know a child and they come to me with arms open, guess what. Maybe they were pushed away by someone (else) that they wanted a hug from.
Denying your (a) child a hug …NEVER, PERIOD!

You say furious. That’s a strong word for a 6 year old. I would start there. What’s causing such strong reactions? My youngest is on the spectrum. He can be like that. My oldest is very huggy but not reactive like that at all. Maybe consult a doctor if you’re worried his behavior is actually a concern.

I never deny a hug from my 6 year old but if he goes to hug his sis she’s 3 and she says no he will get upset I simply tell him she doesn’t want one right now and no means no he’s getting better about it just have to explain not everyone is going to want a hug or kiss and if they say no then that means don’t do it and walk away

By being honest and consistent.
I am a stay at home mom of 3, and my husband has been gone for 18 months.
I explain to my son that sometimes are senses get over stimulater and they just need a moment to calm down.
If I don’t want a hug I will offer a high five or tell him in 5 minutes let’s have a snuggle.
It’s also asking your your son permission as well, if he says “no I don’t want a hug”, honor it.

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Maybe offer a high five instead? Or get him a hug bear and tell him that you want to give your hug to (whatever the bears name) instead. And have conversations when the moments passed after that sometimes people don’t want hugs, it doesn’t mean they don’t want you, but if you hug them anyways it feels like you don’t care about them.

Can you just talk to him? I have a 6 year old too. I never deny him a hug, but we do talk about personal bubbles and I will say to him after an extremely long day “Mama needs 5 mins with no one one her and then I will snuggle you up!” Or “Mama needs to shower. She’s smelly and daddy will love you up. I’ll be 10 minutes!” And we set a timer. However, this is only after I’ve been with him all day. Usually like a day that he is sick and has laid on top of me all day and my husband is home to take over for a little bit. Just to give you some other ideas we teach boundaries at the grocery store when waiting in line “not too close to the person in front of us buddy. Personal bubbles!” When we talk about or see animals out in public “we never touch a dog or a kitty without asking permission.” And sometimes I’ll do it during tickle fights. We’ll tickle each other and then I’ll say “ok readyyyy stop!” And then if he doesn’t stop I remind him “buddy when someone asks you to stop touching them you stop first time they ask dude!” And then I’ll say go and we go again. With all that being said, I would never deny a child affection. It’s psychologically damaging.

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It’s an f’ing hug, why deny him that?!

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You explain it. Short and simple. I don’t want to be touched right now. I said no. And keep doing it.

I think you are the one with the problem not your 6 year old son . You need to learn when a child needs a hug he needs it for a reason. Maybe he knows that you feel down and wants to make you feel better . You should be grateful you have such a wonderful caring child. So stop thinking of yourself so much and act like a loving mother and cuddle him .

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Bro :eyes: he’s 6 years old he’s gonna remember u doing that and cause issues later on. Wtf

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I can relate. My 4 year old is the same way. She hugs us all day long non stop and says I love constantly and it’s so sweet but evidently she does it at school too. Her PE teacher made a comment saying “she sure is a hugger” and sounded annoyed by it. My older daughter also is annoyed by it. So I can understand how you feel

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This is plain disgusting :face_vomiting: what type of person doesn’t want hugs from their child/children. What the heck is wrong with people?

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Your being a big selfish, there’s going to come a day , he doesn’t want those hugs., How would you feel if you denied him a hug, he went to school , and never came home, for what ever reason. I’m sure parents that have lost kids in school shootings, would give anything to hug their kids again. Your straight up selfish. It takes 10 seconds or less to hug your child.

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