Honestly I think it’s just the age my son has really long hair and he’d freak out the same way the cycle didn’t break till he was about 4 and half stay strong and keep her hair long my son’s almost 6 and still has all his hair from birth no hair cuts and gives me no probz now when it comes to washing and combing
You can buy a toddler bathtub or chair that will sit in the shower…
This brings back dreaded memories lol. My daughter was like this and I had terrible time trying everything. I finally decided to cut it short and kept it short for years but her 1st haircut was so traumatic for me and her. I took her to cartoon cuts in the mall and she started screaming as soon as we walked in. 2 hair dressers denied us and finally this amazing woman said “come on mama, I got you” . I had to sit in the chair with her on my lap and we had her favorite cartoon on but it didn’t matter, she screamed, cried, slapped me and scratched my face, but we couldn’t stop once started. Poor little thing had knots in her hair, I felt awful, but the stylist kept cutting and talking to her and singing and was amazing! It took about 20 minutes of he’ll but once she was done I couldn’t believe it, she accomplished an adorable little Bob that was short and so easy to brush through and my daughter finally calmed down after the scissors were gone and she just kept staring at her self in the mirror 
. Everyone who had been staring at us in horror started cheering her and telling her how brave she was. I made sure that the 2 stylist that were rude when they basically told me “no way. I don’t want anything to do with her” were present as I handed or stylist a $100 tip. She kept trying to give it back saying it was her job and she would be happy with a few dollars. I told her that I had already planned it depending on how my daughter behaved and because she wasn’t mean or rude to us and she accepted us and showed me compassion for what we were going through, she deserved every dollar. She finally accepted the tip after I said that and from then on every time we went to the mall we would stop in and say hi, and she would let my daughter watch her cut hair for a few minutes and we did this a few times and then one day a few months later my daughter actually walked in and got in the chair and it was awesome. I guess I wrote this to say you aren’t alone in this battle, it just took patience, perseverance and quick gentle hands until she was ready. And once she had her haircut, she still fussed during washing and brushing, but it was so much more manageable and I had the right tools for the job thanks to her stylist. She recommended a soft bristle brush, No tears shampoo/conditioner and spray leave-in detangler I would spray right after a little towel drying. The detangler worked wonders and I also let her pick what shampoo she wanted from the store. She would pick whatever one she liked the bottle look and how it smells. Now she does the same thing with my 2 yr old granddaughter, she makes it a fun thing for her to smell all the different scents and pick what she likes the best. My daughter lucked out lol, cause my granddaughter loves bath time 
If you’re worried with her standing and wiggling about, have her sit in the shower instead. If you can find a nice, natural based conditioner use that on her after rinsing out shampoo. While it’s in, brush out her hair and then rinse out. Makes the hair easier to brush and you won’t need to do all the brushing after qhwn the tangles are worse and harder to manage. I’ve been showering my 4 year old for months, even when 3 because she hated lying back in the tub to rinse her hair, and it’s simply just cleaner for them that way.
Get one of these for her from wish 
then you can just take it down when she’s done
Buy a large tote or storge bin and use it as a bath tub.
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My daughter did the same. The fits she would throw scared me. Later learned she was autistic and it was a sensory problem.
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My 6 year old doesn’t like water in his eyes. He HATED showers until we tried letting him wear goggles and now he does fine with them!
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When my son was that age he was the very same .having him wear swimming trunks and goggles helped along with hundreds of toys . He used the goggles up until he was 10
tell her to hold a facecloth on her face, it worked with mine
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When we didn’t have a bathtub I bought a tote bov from Walmart and filled it and bathed my littles that way
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I have the same issue with my son and same shower situation, bath times are always supposed to be relaxing so not having a tub made that difficult so I bought and inflatable tub for kids and the fit perfectly until it popped then I used emptied a clean plastic drawer and use that now. Try making water fun outside of the shower, like maybe bathing in the sink(only way I can wash his hair) I just think a body of water will calm her down rather than a bunch of water from the sky fall on her , and also try it shower with her, my son like to sit and play with his toys so if I don’t put the drawer I’ll put a towel for him to sit and he’ll lay there with the shower on him just pushing his car back and forth. A lot of trial and error is what you need, just try a bunch of different things to make it fun, and maybe skip the hair washes here and there. Now my son will allow me to bush and style his hair as long as he knows he’s leaving the house after. Maybe have her sit with you while you do dishes so she can see there’s water everywhere and it’s nothing to be scared about
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Get a storage container that fits in your be shower. Full with water.
If you’re handy you could even put a drain plug on it.
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Buy a baby bathtub fill it in the shower. Let her get used to bathing there. Still use the shower head to rinse her hair. If the shower head is not removable get one. The water on he head can be what is freaking her out.
Do you join her in the shower? If not maybe she would feel more comfortable with you there. Also you can find a thing to put on her head to keep the water out of her eyes.
Try getting a toddler tub, a temporary pop up, a bucket, a tote, anything you can put water into then grab some toys, water tablets for coloring, rubber ducks, etc to see if it can keep her distracted as you bathe. Be careful with bubbles/soap in the water as these can cause UTIs in girls. Get one of those rinsing cups they make specifically for heads and maybe that can help with the hair.
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Get a toddler tub!!!
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It sound like a sensory processing issue I would talk to her doctor about it also what about a kitchen sink would she let her bath her in that ? If so maybe try that and see if it works or the same thing happens I would talk to the doctor
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If she’s small enough get one of those big storage containers like at Walmart or home Depot and use that as a little bathtub for her.Just set it in the shower and fill it up with water and let her take a bath.
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My son same way. Had to get a different shower head that had softer water, give him swim googles, toys like a baby doll so I’d wash him & he’d wash his baby doll. He also likes the water warmer than i would think. When he was 4 i started letting him choose a shower or a bath but he had to do one his choice. He still HATES bathing but it helps a lot. Also got him shower fizzers which help when he takes a shower or water color tablets for his bath so it’s something special he can choose the color or scent. I’ve also given him a popcicle too.
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Omg same and my daughter is 3! All I have to do is say the word shower and she freaks out like someone is hurting her.
My almost 3 year old son is autistic and hates showers and having his head touched. It’s sensory issues.
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Get your bathing suits on and take one with her.
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Put the removable shower head when it’s on on the ground wash hair with water on ground rinse repeat for the body…when doing the body dont get her face
My son felt like he had to hold his breath if ANY water hit his face or hair and he freaked out. Even the removable shower heads he still just freaked. So I made a guard ( I literally cut a water bottle/milk jug and left the handle up front,lol we drew on it to make it fun) to cover his face at first to show him he can still breath while his hair is wet-- sounds kinna funny,lol but he just didn’t connect that in his sweet little head at first and it was like a panic fight or flight thing. The guard helped and eventually all was just fine, he is 14 now and every now and then I say " you’re not holding your breath in the shower right? 
" Thank goodness he has grown up with a good sense of humor!! 
All the best to you!! 
Get her a blow up bath tub & put it in the shower with some rubber ducks, barbies etcs.
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You should have always drizzled water down babies head hair and body when they were born and this never becomes a problem as they grow up
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They have blow up baths for the bottom of stand up showers, you could see if that would help her
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Try getting the handle that you can hold instead of the kind that just runs from the wall. Try a shower hat. Worst option kitchen sink or large bucket in shower (if fits).
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My youngest had this issue from birth. Would scream absolute bloody murder. When she was 1 yr old I put her in the tub with her older sister. Explained to my oldest to be calm and show her baby sister it was ok. I washed her hair and body. Asked my youngest if she would like to try… From that moment on she was a water baby.
They have large ducks for soaking. Fill it up in the shower. Or a large basin. Get creative.
My son was like this for ages, we brought googles for a start which seemed exciting to him, kept consistent (showering every night) and now he enjoys it and doesn’t use the googles anymore 
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Mine did too and it was because she was afraid of getting water in her ears. She had tubes.
When I had a shower only when my daughter was three, had the same issue. We went and bought a large storage tub (one that fit in our shower) and I would fill it up and bathe her in it! She could also play with her toys, too. Maybe try that! Good luck!
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Get one of those little tubs that she can sit in. Showers are noisy and there’s water splashing everywhere, they do really cause a lot of over stimulation.
Googles and/or ear plugs…
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No advice regarding washing their hair
But maybe get a little container or blow up baby pool for them to sit in
Maybe try sitting in the shower with her and letting her wash your hair/brush your hair to see if that will help her be more comfortable? Does she have a favorite toy/character that you could find a bath toy of to help keep her distracted?? The blow up baths are nice for showers! If she has issues with brushing/washing her hair then a hair cut might be a bad idea since they have to wet/brush/cut her hair. I hope this gets easier on you, just keep trying different things!
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If you can’t get a little tub, maybe a seat so you at least don’t have to worry about her falling. Don’t point the water directly at her and use something to pour the water on her.
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Get in the shower with her.
Draw a face on the shower head or use a cup with her favorite Disney cartoon on it let her splash water in you face make it a game I know it’s hard with little ones but they want it to be fun 
My friends daughter was sensorily overloaded by showers but this did help.
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Give her the shower head to play with. Always worked for me. My girl hated baths for so long. The first few showers freaked her out. Let her draw with bubbles on the shower wall. Theres also bath crayons which wash off shower walls pretty easy (can be a pain for tile showers but comes off easy with a little scrub brush or a steamer).
A detachable shower head so you can have more control of the water so it doesn’t get in her face. Let her hold a rag over her face as well. You can even get bath bombs so she can see the fizziness. Or get a plastic tub from Walmart and fill it with water. My daughter was the same way
Have you got room for a little paddling pool she could sit in and have like a mini bath
We have a bath tub and my son does the same for showers… not all kids like showers… would recommend buying a small tub for her instead. Could be anything to hold water in your shower.
You can get a tote to put at the bottom of the shower so she can take baths! My son is the same way about showers, he can’t stand them and screams his head off when the water sprays on him and washing his hair and stuff is hard too. He’s two but he just doesn’t cooperate so I’m still figuring out easier ways to wash his hair. But I always just give him baths because he won’t do showers. I know it’s gotta be hard only having a shower. Maybe the tote in the bottom of the shower would work or a little inflatable tub
I don’t give my kid a choice, I know it sounds mean, but I tell him that he either lets me wash his hair peacefully or I just dump water on his head, eventually he got over his issues and does it himself now
Maybe have her sit down in the shower or get a shower chair? Or shower with her while she’s little
Go buy a tote and use it as a bath tub. No reason to stress both of you out that bad. Especially her
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My son did the same thing until he was 5. He is not on the spectrum either. Now he loves showers. I’ll never know why.
Get a big enough plastic tub to sit in the bottom of the shower
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Get in the shower with her
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We turn our shower on and angle the head towards the wall and use a cup to catch water and wash our babies off. Maybe instead of keeping the head directly on her, try what we do.
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I count with my little one when I am rinsing her hair. 1-2-3 pour.
Make sure you use conditioner, a leave in spray afterwards and the “wet brush” brand of brush. Put on music that she likes and ask her what bath toys she wants to play with so she can make a choice herself and feel more in control. Also, there is colored bath foam that I get from Walmart and I always ask my little one what color she wants to use and what design she wants on the shower wall: heart, smiley face, her name etc.
The foam is made by the mr. bubbles brand.
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She may be just as afraid of falling as you are. Lay a towel down in the shower so it’s not so slippery.
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Swim lessons turned my daughter who was this to a T into a fish who doesn’t seem to ever want to exit the water.
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OK abby…this is not frayah?
Get an inflatable tub or a tote bin, fill it up with water and let her bathe in it like a tub then she can sit and lean back to wash her hair. Or try washing her hair in the kitchen sink. She can stand on a chair and bend over the sink. My oldest prefered her hair washed that way for years because she didn’t like closing her eyes and putting her head back. Brush her hair in the bath with conditioner first then when she gets out squeeze her hair til the excess water is out then brush it. My girls have thick curly ethnic hair and that’s how I did them. Friction from rubbing the towel on their head causes the hair to tangle again
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We are in the same situation, only a shower and my 5-year-old HATES it! I bought a small plastic shoebox size box and fit with water. I dump water over his head, lather him up, and dump another to rinse him. It’s quick and works with him.
try letting her rinse her own hair
This is something that a lot of parents go through, so don’t think you are alone.
Purchase a large tote to put in the bottom of the shower and fill it up PRIOR to her coming in for a tubby.
Have toys, foaming colored soap and some soft music or her favorite music.
Make getting a tubby a game with songs, counting etc.
Have a separate container with water for her hair. If taking care of her hair is too traumatizing for her, maybe a haircut is in her future.
She is likely scared of the shower head, so don’t use that while she’s getting the tubby.
Eventually her fears will pass.
Blessings.
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My 4 year old was the same way.when she was 3…
She’s finally alot better now.
She’s autistic…so she has meltdowns alot.
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They make these rubber things that go over the faucet in the bathtub they’re like whale shaped or you know various different things so it looks like the water is coming out of the whale maybe she would like something like that maybe just try some bath toys to calm her down and they do make these cups they go right to their forehead for easy washing
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I used to have just a shower I got a big plastic tote and filled it up or and inflatable pool just small enough to fit! Worked wonders
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My son had this,
He ended up being almost fully deaf in one ear, & partially deaf in the other.
Having showers/water poured on his head literally caused him pain.
I’d go get her hearing checked.
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Instead of holding her and standing you could both sit on the shower floor, aim the shower head at the wall and use a cup.
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Get her a little blow up pool or even A storage bin to put in the shower 
Once my tub was broken so I put a big plastic bin in the other bathroom with only a shower. I let that fill up with water like a tub.
Try installing a hand held shower head. Much easier to direct the spray only on the hair without water in her face.
Can you get a tote and put in shower for a bath? My sister did this and worked like a charm.
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Honestly your child maybe scared of water running my children didn’t like showers at first because of how noisy the shower heads can be but both got use to it. Could be anything really 
I would see your pediatrician because it could be sensory issues to nerve pain to pain from the water hitting her skin /pain while shampooing hair or brushing her hair or could be issues with hearing.
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Get a baby pool and use it as a bath tub in the shower stall
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Can you get a small pool that will fit in the shower and fill it up that way. Make a hole in the bottom and find something that it plug in up and then when you are done you can pull the plug so it won’t be hard to empty the water and move out of the way.
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She doesn’t feel safe. Find a way to regain her trust. It takes hard work and soft, light, voice. Be patient.
Your one smart cookie Amanda
Like others have said, try a large rubbermaid tote
My daughter is 2 Almost 3 & she is the same exact way. Bath time is fine but as soon as I wash her hair it’s nothing but screaming and kicking. Brush her teeth the same way. She has very curly frizzy thick hair so I always have to wet it every morning to brush it and that’s another dramatic event. Same routine every day. You would think she would be use to it by now. But nope. I’m really hoping it’s just young age and she will mellow out.
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It’s most likely a sensory thing. Maybe don’t leave the water on while you’re washing?
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Put a small plastic or inflatable pool in the shower
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Put a giant 72l bucket in the shower. From Bunnings
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I feel you’re pain and frustration. My daughter loves baths but hates being washed. She does not like ANY water in her face, it’s always a struggle. We have a tub and I use a removable shower head, it’s better than it used to be but she still cries whenever it’s time to wash her hair. I am SOOO careful but she’s so concerned she moves and ends up with some drips in her face. It’s not a soap in eyes thing, that’s just how she’s always been. I hope she eventually grows out of it. It’s a struggle, but you’re not alone! You’re doing everything you have to, kids have to be washed. Take a breath and try to calm yourself (I know that’s easier said than done), no need for you both to be upset it only feeds her anxiety. Maybe try some toy to distract her, there are even bath crayons and paint she can use on the shower wall. Or offer to let her help wash herself. Let her pick her soap/shampoo and make a big deal about using it. Maybe try talking to her about bathtime at a completely unrelated time of day and see if she can tell you why she gets so upset. Even if nothing works, know you’re doing a great job Mama!! Eventually this will pass
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We use the kitchen counter and sink to wash hairs when my kids were little. If the child doesn’t freak out up until that point maybe try the counter and sink.
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My son went through a phase of hating baths as a toddler and when we moved with no shower it was hard for him to adjust. Maybe try washing her hair in the sink and to get her body clean you both could wear swimsuits and you could show her it isn’t so scary. Make the experience fun and try to figure out why she is so upset
Try putting toys and colors in the tub… bath bombs and music. Maybe put some candles… maybe you get in the tub first and ask her for help washing your hair?
Your child sounds like she is extra sensitive so any pressure put on her is painful. Maybe need to see the doctor about her sensory skills. Water hitting the body can really sting for a little one. Also get a special head band shaped like an umbrella to but on her head so she isn’t feeling threaten with water fallen on her… just an idea
Get a storage bucket/tub like the rectangle ones. Use it in the shower like fill it up as if it’s a mini bath. Or replace your shower head with a hand held one on a hose. I got one that is for washing the dog. You can have it attached and the regular shower head and there’s a switch that you twist to use one or the other. I would put the switch in the middle and let my daughter hold the handheld one while I stood under the actual shower head. Over time she felt like she had more control over the water and eventually was fine with just the regular shower head.
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I hate water on my face, always have. I wash my hair as the very last thing ensuring my head and face are out of the water as much as possible when washing the rest of me. It can be a sensory issue. Perhaps keep a dry towel near by so she can dry her face as it gets wet.
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Maybe let her bring her a favorite toy to shower with her? If that didn’t work maybe buy her a small pool that can fit in your shower coz the drops from shower might be too hard or sound scary? My 4yr old was like that too but without the slipping she just cries in a way that can win her an Oscar award really even in tub but the toys helped her a lot. There would still be time where those didn’t work either but those are the rare times that she really too tired already and ready to zzzzz…
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I’m not gonna lie, I let my little girl shower with me a few times when she was 2. It wasnt scary at that point. I showed how I got clean then we got her clean. Then the next few times I stayed in the bathroom with her and basically leaned over the tub to help her (like she was taking a bath) to help with hair only. She was super proud of herself each time because she was able to do more each time. By the time she was doing this consistently for a month, i didnt need to be in the bathroom. She was showering on her own but with me close by when she was almost 4. Now I still let her take baths occasionally because kids love baths. Hope this helps.
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Have you tried a small wading pool in the bottom of the shower, it could give her the confidence she needs
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You shower with her a few times. play with some of her toys. hopefully she’ll get better
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Sounds like it could be sensory related. But there’s a lot of great suggestions in the comments.
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Try putting a small pool or storage bin and filling it up and use as a tub?
Get a tub fill with water and turn of the shower duh. Why do you want to scare your child smh or use sink and don’t cut her hair just because you wanna be lazy as ***, fuck when there is creams and sprays to help her… Your dumb girl. Be a mom and stop trying to get out of motherly duties. You have to teach her not run away from being a parent
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Get her a tub for the shower ?
Get her ears checked , she could have water in them. She may need swim plugs. My daughter hated showers until she had tubes put in her ears
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