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QUESTION:
"He wants a divorce and he’s done. We’re going to stay living together for the kids' sake but this is going to be so hard. I don’t want it to be over but no matter what I say or do he’s done. I can’t stop crying. He says it’s all my fault and I think it may be but I know he’s not perfect and he has said some hurtful things and is verbally abusive but I can’t figure out how to get over him. I only want him. I’m changing and have shown it but it’s not enough to make him want to stay"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"If he wants a divorce and is done living together will do nothing but cause problems, especially since you still want the marriage to work. You will never get over him and be able to move in if y’all are playing “house” still."
"Tell him he’s watching the kids, throw on something nice and go dancing. But don’t tell him where you’re going! Treat yo self. Stop worrying about him if he’s not worried about you."
"Someone needs to move. That’s the only way. If it’s not mutual and you still want to make the marriage work it will slowly kill you as a person. Might seem like what is best for the kids but trust that they will feel every bit of sadness and whatever emotions there may be. Living apart and having a good co-parent structure will be what’s best for the kids."
"Move out, but stay close so children have the freedom to move between homes within walking distance. Get counseling for you"
"You might read a book called Women Who Love Too Much. It helped me."
"Please save yourself and the kids trauma tell him to leave. Trust me it’s the bests choice you can make for yourself, more importantly for the kids. They don’t need to see what you’re going through, trust me, if my parents had divorced when I was a kid instead of me being 25, a whole ass adult with 3 kids, oh the trauma and anxiety I wouldn’t have."
"Living together is just going to hurt the kids more. And If you think you need to change to get him to stay then I’ll raise the big red flag. If he doesn’t love you for you, then he isn’t the “one” for you. And if he says he doesn’t want to be with you, there’s nothing you can do that will make him. And if it’s just a game to him and he's using it to manipulate you, run. He sounds toxic and you need to have a better environment for your kids and show them that no one deserves to be treated like that ."
"Please let him move out it is not healthy for you or your children. Seek therapy for yourself and your children to help make the transition. Your soon-to-be EX sounds like a narcissist. I wish you peace and good luck. Trust it will get better."
"You cannot live together!! Because you won’t be able to move on… and if he goes out or something it’s gonna make you feel 1000x worse because you’ll be sitting there watching it, wondering when he’s coming home, etc… a super bad idea… I’m sorry it sucks… but for your mental health you need to live separately… you know how you feel, and he’s expressed how he feels… ya it hurts but you deserve better!!"
"Move out & move on, seems as he might have already as well. Why would u want to change who u are & beg somebody to love u & be with u? Know your worth."
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