Fan question: how did you ladies get the courage enough to leave a man? I have three kids, age five and under. Believe me, I tried, and people will say when its done. Duh, I know, but I have ZERO support. I mean none. I have a mom and sister who lives together. She never freaks in the left home. I have kicked out my mom at age 18 on my birthday. Every time i try to rely on her, she tells my kids awful things and makes them feel bad. They don’t have a dad around. He is not an awful dad, just a terrible husband. And please don’t say she is protecting me…she is schizophrenic, and I am flat out terrified of my kids being with her as I’m working. Baby sitter? Sure…if I can ever find one I trust… I have PTSD from rapes from my own babysitter…omg how will I ever do this? My sister is a parrot of my mom. What do I do? I work only, my son is disabled and god what people do to disabled children…i can’t even bear the thought. Help…
I know you aren’t going to like my answer but here goes…You answered your question with your first sentence. “I have three kids, aged five and under”
This makes no sense
It’s asking about leaving a man but it’s all about her mom
Sounds like dad should have custody (“he’s not an awful dad”) until you have your life together and get visitation leading to 50/50 shared custody.
You will only leave when the fear of staying overcomes the fear of leaving.
Hugs love and prayers.
Go to a shelter. They have resources for mother’s with children. Even housing opportunities.
Also ask for some serious therapy.
Well I left my dv 10 years together and 2 Years free I don’t have any support not one family member I have 2 Friends and they were my only support I got a housing house and left me and my 5 kids and one has sevare specal needs I do everything on my own so can anyone else the day I left him I went to court and put at court order in place full order no nothing at all for 2 years if I can do it so can anyone
You start by getting your education. Do it online if you dont have childcare. Education is a must!!
I would start with a woman and children’s shelter, they can provide resources and help best they can.
Alternatively, you could do something a bit twisted, and meet a decent guy online and convince him to “save” you. Then you could stay with him while you figure things out. I only suggest that because sometimes the only way out is to be a little awful. For a long time, women couldn’t find decent work so leaving a man was nearly impossible. They did things like turn to prostitution, sold their hair and teeth, etc. Don’t go that far, but you might have to play it rough.
Or, find a job, and instead of a babysitting put your kids in an accredited daycare, your special needs son in a daycare specializing in what he needs. It will be hard work and a slow process, but many people do it.
I wish this story made sense
She never freaks in the left home
What does that mean? I am confused by this whole post but especially that part
If you’re that paranoid then go to a 5 star daycare and discuss your needs. Only person you will always have is yourself, that’s life, create a plan & stick to it.
Are they his children too? If so, you both should be figuring out what to do with the children or you should be receiving financial support. Many States have 50/50 parenting plans.
If he’s not a terrible father, share custody and get yourself dealt with. Divorce doesn’t mean your kids don’t still have two parents that can care for them.
Find a place to go, find a licensed daycare, make sure you have enough cash etc, and leave
I guess I get the gist of this post, but I am so confused.
What? I want to help but this makes zero sense
My suggestion is to further your education, which you can do online. You would probably qualify for scholarships. Find something that would take a year or less to learn. This will give you opportunities to make better wages, build your confidence and self-esteem. This will also make you independent so you won’t have to ask family to help. If you have to leave, then call social services in your area for help. They generally have a wealth of resources to help. If people you ask for help are vague or answer your need for help with stupid responses, move on. Don’t waste time by surrounding yourself with people that lack compassion to point you in the right direction
I had a fair share of various traumas as a child and had no support, financially or otherwise. But, I made it through and can pass the advise on. Good luck.
You said hes a good dad ok . Take advantage and go to school. . But honestly the needs of my kids come before me… so go to school. Have him as a babysitter
You can always go into a family shelter after some.time they will help you get housing or section 8
Start by getting a job, ANY job, any job looks better than no job, even if you dont plan on staying long - you need some sort of income. If you secretly apply for help from the state (talk to a ‘low income therapist’ and they can usually hook you up with the right people to talk to) then you can support yourself while you get back on your feet.
If he is abusing you go to a womens/childrens shelter and ASK FOR HELP. If your husband has beaten you down so that you believe there is nowhere for you to go…he is wrong. Just GO. THey will help you. If there is no danger in your home then you have time to make plans…especially if he is never around as you say…make a plan and move forward one step at a time. ONE step at a time will get you where you need to go no matter which route you decide to take. Also talk to your Dr there is something going on with you (this post is very erratic) ASK for help NOW!
You the only one working, then that means your paying for the house. Why should you leave? Kick him out if he’s being awful to you. Let him find somewhere to go, you have kids and that’s there home.
So why do you want to leave him? How is he abusive? You can take your kids to a women’s shelter and they can help you with a place to stay until you feel comfortable. And find yourself a counselor, it sounds like you have some old baggage that is eating at you and you should talk about it with a professional so you can get on with your life.
Are you trying to leave a man, or your mom? Im so confused.
So why do you stay you must like what he is doing
There is no easy answer to this. Its gonna be rough and you need to be brave momma. See wat options are available to you for housing options. They may place you quicker due to the situation. Perhaps see about assistance? If you have babies that need you its an income that will allow you to be at home. Lastly be strong. Its a rough go for a while but it does get better in time. Good luck lady
Get paid to take care of your son sign up to be a caretaker
Your PTSD may be affecting the way your thinking & trust. That’s is very understandable. If you could get into some counseling to work through some of this you will find your strength & will be able to come up with a sensible plan that works for your situation.
Find a woman’s shelter, they can link you with organisations in your area to help
Have you thought of kicking him out and babysit there is money in baby sitting you can get certified and state will help with food and things and state also pays for some kids.
In order for me to leave my abusive exhusband- I went back to school. I qualified for enough grants to pay my tuition and could take out student loans for survival. Welfare does NOT count student loans… yes going into debt isn’t always the way to go but… repayment is income driven. Child support will not count as income for repayment. Do something where you can work in the schools, then you can be home at a normal hour and off on school vacations eliminating the need for daycare. That is how I liberated me and my children from that nightmare.
Try marriage counseling. It’s cheaper and you might be surprised. Also if you have ppd it could distort your thinking
Sometimes we have to sacrifice even if it’s for a while until we can get on our feet …
Call the DVCC they have resources that can help you
My sister left her husband my signing up for any state assistance she could get without telling him. When they approved her HUD she found a house, moved into it and then found a job. (She did work part time on call basis so she had a little income).
I could not follow your post at all, calm down
Their dad is a good dad but he’s not around? This is a very confusing post…
Everyone is assuming with this question. And rightfully so. He’s an awful husband but a good dad. Ok but how is he awful? We are all assuming he’s either physically or mentally abusing you. But assuming isn’t going to get you the answer you’re looking for. First of all regarding your mother. Stop depending on her you already know she isn’t going to be there for you or the kids. Next week within yourself. You have past issues you need to tackle from the sound of it. You can’t get through this life being fearful of everything around you. I know you were raped and abused mentally in your past. It’s time to seek help not just for you but for your children. No one can tell you what you should do. In the end you need to just do it. If you don’t feel safe then leave! There are local hot lines for you to call to seek help. Most of these places have lawyers that do Pro-bono work as well. Get on the list. Everyone will be quick to tell you to apply for section 8 housing. In reality the waitlist is long and it could be years before you can get in. So keep that in mind. You need to first seek help for yourself. Rely on google for now to seek cheap counseling.
Sounds like you have your own mental health issues that need to be worked through.
I walked away with nothing cause my peace of mind was worth more than anything he tried to take from me materially. No regrets