I am currently 39 weeks pregnant with my 3rd and last child. I have a 7 year old who helps me amazingly and a 13 month old that is EXTREMELY co dependent on me. I need some advice on how to break her of this. She cries all the time! If you sit her down she cries. If you give her toys she doesnt wanna play with them. She doesn’t watch tv at all. If I walk more than a foot away from her she screams. If someone other than me (husband, older daughter) feeds her she pitches a fit. I can’t put her down to go pee without a tantrum. I am a stay at home mom but with me about to have another I’m exhausted and extremely worried about how shes gonna handle this. Anyone got any tips for me?
Just put her down. She won’t die as long as you put her in a safe place. Try changing the routine and having others help out with her as much as possible. Every time she cries and you pick her up she learns that crying gets her what she wants.
This is called, “too much mother.”
Good luck. My daughter is 2.5 years old and STILL acts like this and always has.
Let her cry. At 13 months she can do certain things herself like playing. If you continue to baby her every tantrum, she will continue doing it because she knows she can get away with it. Long as you balancing your time with the kids, she’s fed and bathed…she can learn to play alone for a bit. If she has favorite toys, songs, books, set them in front of her. Daycare for a bit might work as well or head start, play dates.
It’s ok to put her down and not feel guilty.
Maybe pre school, headstart, or daycare a few days a week
Enjoy her while she’s little she senses things are changing hold her a little longer read her another story spend as much time as u can before the other comes then ask her to help you be “mommy” get her a baby doll to feed while you feed the new one they are only little for so long one day they won’t want you try to take some time for yourself when she’s napping
Leave her at the YMCA childcare for an hour or 2 a day. Letting her be with other people will help her adjust to someone care for more than 1 child at a time. At 13 months that’s just how children are but letting her be around other people will help you get her to be more independent
She needs to be socialized with other kids.
Let her cry? She’ll be alright
She’s only 13 months. She’s still young and in the needy phase. Give it time.
Why would you want a thirteen month old to be independent ?
She’s a baby, your her safe place.
Thats what happens when you have children close together. Shes only 1 years old. 13 months isnt going to make her sound older. You’re going to have to work around that and let her go her speed to getting more independent OVER TIME. Not in a couple months. Not to sound harsh… but you should have thought it through better.
For anyone trying to be judgmental, STOP!!! She’s about to give birth to her next baby. I’m sure she’s stressed beyond imagination!!!
Anyway my advice is to try and get her into daycare. If you can’t afford it a few days a week my honest opinion would be to just put her in her crib and let her cry it out a few days. As much as it kills you it’s for her future… if that doesn’t work maybe take her to see a physician and have her checked. You got this mama stay strong!!!
Shes litterly a baby still. 13 months she’s a baby She needs you still and taught things ur mom. Ur her comfort. my 26 month old “2” needs me for everything still. People erk my soul.
My youngest was like this… He had to be attached to me whenever around me. Even crowling in bed with me. Until I got with my husband andhe started staying over( months and months after being together) and my husband got him to sleep on his own bed, after fighting him all night n him pretending to be asleep for 5 hours til my husband fell asleep(he was 2!) He finally got him to sleep on his own but his bed had to be close to mine. He was eventually able to be independent and not all up on me. But not until he was 3. He’s 8 now and still a mama’s boy. Get her a doll. Make her comfortable with beinf a big sister. If I could have more kids in sure my youngest wouldn’t have been okay with it. But as crazy as it drove me, I miss it.
She relies on you for everything. She cant cook you breakfest. You chose this situation. Not to be harsh.
I have a 13 month old and she started child care at 3 months old so I could work. I do work there so I see her often but we we aren’t together 247. She has adjusted so well with everyone around her who it gives me a little break when she wants to go to one of my coworkers while I get her things together to go home. Try childcare a few hours a day to get her use to being away from you. That isn’t healthy for you at all.
Momma, i wish i had some advice for you cause im in the same situation currently. Im exhausted and overwhelmed. Its hard and its only gonna get harder. I hope for the both of us we figure out how to handle it all! (I know we will, we’re mommas afterall!)
This sounds a lot like my 2 kiddos. My oldest is super independent. My youngest wanted to be held all of the time. Taking him to the gym daycare for an hour or two a few times a week really helped. I liked that I could be nearby and called in if he was inconsolable. Hang in there Mama! You’ll figure out what works for you and your family.
I know its frustrating, but totally normal for her age. I actually remember being on the verge of pulling my hair out when my daughter was 13 months. I couldn’t get a second to myself. The separation anxiety is bad at that age, but I believe it’s a sign that she’s developing normal attachments. A preschool program a few days a week did wonders for mine. She cried a lot at first, but we powered through and now she runs right into school and hardly says “bye momma”. Itll get better. Hang in there!
What kinda question?? She still needs to be nurtured at that age. You should of thought about that before having another child.
i have 2 that are 15 mth apart as well i also worked part time so i tried not to have them so clingy they didnt sleep with me either they cried i let go for few minutes till stopped i didnt pay alot of atten. i wasnt home during day. and dad was home day with them. so were dept and when one went to preschool they wouldnt be clingy.but like some one said try and maybe have family or day care for couple of days for couple hrs. to try and help you out. its rough glad that your 7 yr old helps you or trys to.
Keep assuring her that she’s ok…but stay in her eye sight. She’s only 1, so don’t expect to much from her.
I say let her cry. I have an 8m old and I’m 20 weeks pregnant. He is very clingy sometimes. As long as his needs are met, if I sit him down and he cries, well, so be it. It wont hurt him. He can wait for me to eat, pee, whatever.
Good luck. Had my fourth and last when my 3rd babywas only 15 months old. I am a stay at home mom as well and literally felt the same way when I was pregnant also… and now, my baby is 6 months old and my 3rd still cries all the time and I’m still exhausted and tired and some days want to give up… but I just keep going, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute…somehow. Having a toddler and a baby is literally the hardest thing in the world I have ever dealt with I have zero advice I only wish you luck because I have had zero luck.
This is my life currently.
I have a 7 year old who was never once like this.
And my second child I can’t do anything ever, without him being right there with me.
He’s a constant crier. Cries for everything. Doesn’t care that his dad is loving and wants to be with him constantly. Like his dad is his last choice.
I have NO advice for you.
I do feel for you
I couldn’t imagine adding another to the mix.
You are going to have to let her cry. Talk to her ask her why she is crying. Encourage her to use her words, or what ever language she has at the moment. Unfortunately she knows that if she cries she will get what she wants.
You learn how to juggle both. That’s what I did.
Let her cry. She needs to get over it since you’re about to have a new baby.
Crying sucks but it doesn’t kill them. As long as baby is in a safe place, fed, clean and can’t get into anything go to the bathroom or cook a quick meal.
All’s I can say is… Good Luck!!
Day care like two days a week
Buy a jug of Maker’s Mark and pack of Marlboro reds.
Don’t worry this will pass she just want’s to have attention, just comfort her and try to put her with you until she take’s a nap,this way you can sleep for a while too ,she feel’s this way because ur pregnant once ur baby is born she will be ok just let her know how much you Love her and Have her be around the baby this way she will help her bond with ur new baby congrat’s on ur new baby👶
I agree on daycare now. Some sort of toddler care would help immensely and help her find her independence away from you
Learn how to juggle 2 young children. It’s life when you get knocked up so soon after. What did you expect a 13 month old to do alone? Babe wear will make life easier.
13 months is still pretty much a baby it is tough at times but you will adjust and in time so will she but it really is a time thing that happens at different ages and stages hang in there love her up there is still so much of her baby stage to enjoy in 6 months you will be asking yourself where did my go and when did this independent toddler come from instead of pressuring her to let go of her security work on a sensible practical routine with her, good luck but im sure you can do it
Shes a year old. Ofcourse shes dependent on you.
Jeez I’m sorry for all this negative crap I’m reading. Hon while yes she’s at a normal phase it’s still one that needs corrected especially since she’s crying when left with other members of the family such as dad and big sister. My best advice is take a weekend and go do something by yourself leave her with dad and big sis let her see she can seek attention from them as well dad will need to really step up for this to work he will need to comfort her while you’re gone. When you get back be like see mommy is back and love on her. With mine my plan is if their needs are met and I’m busy (making dinner, laundry, etc) set them in a safe place preferably a play area and do what I need to get done.
Why are people being so rude to this woman? I think you might want to unfollow the page as it’s just pointless being judgemental and literally adds nothing positive to anyone. Least of all a mother who is at her wits end and is need of help and ideas.
I was in a similar situation with my 15 month old and have another due in a few weeks. It’s no quick process, it’s taken a couple of months; my other half stayed at home while I worked and my son’s separation anxiety really showed up when I was home more and he had a change to deal with again. I couldn’t do anything with him and dad couldn’t be left alone and was beyond exhausted. It was just a case of slowly persevering through tasks at a time, I took over lunch every other day, and then started to add something else to the mix every other day, and eventually I’m able to do everything with him and he’s even better being left for a minute or two while I grab a cuppa etc. We still have bad days, but nothing like they were. He’s now happy to play with his toys while I wash up quickly and just keep popping back in etc and talking to him while I’m doing chores. Now we’re just working on sleep and socialising (I say that laughing hysterically at the thought of him ever sleeping through the night).
Go with your instincts with it, what will be the easiest thing for someone to transition into doing with them? Best of luck!
What does her doctor say? They go through a stage of hating everybody, but it would be good to have some expert reassurance!
My son was like this at this age. She loves you and she probably thinks you’ll disappear when she doesn’t see you. Help her understand that although you’re not in her line of sight you’re still there.
Reassure her that you will always love her no mater how far you are. Sit her in the middle of a room and go to the other side and say mommy is still here. Practice this at the bathroom door. Have her sit outside in front of it and play peek a boo by opening and closing the door. Keep increasing the time the door stays closed.
Ask her to sit in the living room and Talk to her from another room and tell her you love her or sing a song.
When you have to do things and there’s no other way then I’d say let her cry. I had to do this it was the hardest thing ever. Don’t neglect her. Keep reassuring her that you love her but mommy has things to do. Give praise and hugs every now and then when she is quiet by herself
Find a doll or stuffie and tell her it’s her baby and she has to take care of her baby. She has to be brave and strong and smart for her baby. Show her how to feed and care for it and read it a book. This will hopefully help her gain some sense of independence.
This will also get her in the mentality to help when baby comes into the picture.
I feel your pain…my granddaughter is this way with me. She just turned 4 and is connected to my hip when shes with me. I cant walk 2 steps without her crying to come back and hold her hand. My daughter and I sometimes think she has OCD ( idk if kids that little can have it) The only thing I can tell ya is, that everything they do is just a phase and when one ends another starts.
One thing that helped my grandbaby is daycare and play dates.
I dont know how my mom did it…she had 6 kids before she was 30 and we’re all a year apart!
Best of luck to you
I wouldn’t worry too much about it. She may decide once baby is here that she no longer wants to be the baby and now she wants to help with the baby. You could start asking her do small things to help you also. Like go grab a diaper, what about helping you do dishes? That might create sort of a mess, but it will help her to create some independence.
Maybe dont have kids so close in age. Shes barely a year old calm down. You expect to use a bathroom alone to already? Shes gonna be dependent on you.
She needs to spend some time away from you.
Break the bad habit you are enforcing by having her on and near you, you are mum, shes not going to die crying hunny.
And to everyone suggesting a daycare yall do pay attention to what happens to some kids that go to daycares right? They get beat, they get abused, all that crazy shit. Come on really? Learn to deal with it. Your child didnt ask you to have another baby and try to basically force her to grow up. Sorry but not sorry its truth
She’s 13 months? Girl, you need to tell her to get a job and get up out of your house. What a freeloader who still thinks she needs her mommy. Smh.
She’s just turned one!
Don’t just let her cry like some of these people are suggesting… it’s not healthy for brain development. It’s biologically normal for her to be completely dependent on you.
If she can walk, let her follow you around while you do stuff around the house… you need to do laundry, let her take clothes out of the basket and put them back in. You need to cook, give her some pots and pans and let her bang on them at your feet or mix some stuff in a bowl. If she can’t walk then babywear.
Let her cry it out dont go rushing if you know her needs are taken care of she can self sooth day care twice a week might not be a bad idea . Maybe dad can take her for a car ride in the evenings to get one on one time so she can use to the idea. Congratulations on the new baby.
I just have to say I read this as “13 year old” and was so so shocked that she wouldn’t watch tv!
Anywho, it’s normal at this age… just have to get through it.
13 months old…you have another 17years of co-dependency… it’s not a 7year olds responsibility to meet your needs. However, daycare and birth control might be helpful.
Absolutely in shock at all the nasty and judgemental comments on here. Some of you need to adjust your shitty attitudes.
I dont have any advice but theres alot of genuine comments that have advice and I hope your pregnancy goes well and your little ones get on. You’re clearly a hard working and devoted mama.
Okay to all the rude hags on this page shes not expecting the baby to change her own diapers and cook her own meals! Sounds more like she just wants the baby to learn to be with others and entertain herself on occasion. Which are good habits to encourage in your children. This is obviously NOT the page to turn to for advice.
I have three boys and one on the way. 4, 2, 1 & 27 weeks pregnant & before anyone says my babies are to close together birth control failed on my second and third son. And I had my tubes clamped after my third and they came undone. All my boys are momma’s boys but they also are daddy’s boys. My youngest is the worst the same way. The only thing I found that keeps his attention is boss baby. My second son is cups. But being 1 is still they rely on you. No matter what u do. Yes I get tired and stressed to the max. But that’s what a momma is yes take a few moments for urself n let her cry it out. I always tell myself take one day at a time.
I’m curious how long she’s been clingy and demanding, since the pregnancy?
Make her independent by letting her choose-this toy or that toy, this top or that top? Give her age appropriate chores. Each family member plays a special part-teach her her part. AND DON’T FORGET-This to shall pass
Well she’s literally still a baby my daughter was 22 months when I had her baby sis and it was hard because she was clingy too but it doesn’t last forever, she became very independent shortly after baby was born. Just enjoy the snuggles, keep her entertained with toys & toddler friendly activities.
She’s 13 months so you have quite awhile before she begins to become independant. When she does you won’t want her to be because she will WANT to do everything on her own but won’t be capable for some time. Playing alone in another room really isn’t an option yet and won’t be for a few years.
You will manage. Millions of mamas have.
Unfortunately, that’s what happens when you have babies close together. My kids were 2 years apart and I still had that. If you have a grandparent they’re close with maybe see if they are willing to go with them for a few hrs while your oldest is at school so you can rest/have alone time.
This was my question posted to Mamas uncut. I’ve read every comment and I honestly cant believe the amount of negativity and just plain cruelty here. I appreciate the positive feedback I did receive however the amount of judgemental women on this page is extremely disappointing. Were supposed to be helpful to each other as were all mothers and should be as supportive as possible. Unfortunately thats not what I’ve gotten from this page. So with that being said I will be removing myself from this page. Good luck in life to everyone!
My now 3yr old did this and he will still follow me to the restroom but I didn’t push him away cause that will cause more insecurity, as he got older he got better about being away from me but when he was being clingy I would have to just sit down and reassure him I was here for him. Find things she likes doing with you and see if you can put a little space in there and let her see your not far. But don’t just make her cry and cut her off. She needs to feel safe and when the new baby comes try to include her in as much as possible with the new baby so she doesn’t feel pushed away. She will let go at some point it won’t last forever.
Not sure why you chose to have kids that close but oh well.
For this issue you need to socialize her and stop giving in to her. Let her scream all she wants, the more you give in to her, the less respect you’ll get.
13 is awful young for you to expect her to do things on her own or to play by herself
That’s normal to me. My 2 year old is still glued to my hip.