My youngest is having a hard time adjusting to Kindergarten and it breaks my heart that he comes home every day after school very upset and in tears because he is afraid to make friends. Of course we weren't able to get him in to pre-k last year due to Covid and nothing being open around here (even my 2 older babies were fully remote). Daycares weren't even open so he never had the chance to try to socialize with kiddos his own age and hes just really struggling. I did have a feeling this was going to happen just due to his behaviors at playgrounds/parks. He would sit by himself and watch the other kids play but never put himself out there.
So, yesterday he came home in tears saying that he wanted to make friends really bad but couldnt. He said that the other kids didnt want to be his friend. I reassured him as best I could and said something to the affect of āIts okay buddy! Everything is still brand new so just give it some time and Iām sure people will be so happy to be your friend.ā At this point I didnt realize that he hadnt tried making friends because he was scared. Today he came home and said that he was afraid to make friends. He was scared to talk to the other kids. He even made a comment stating that there were āso many peopleā and he thought they were going to knock him over.
My boy has only really been around family. Iām not one to really socialize either. I had friends throughout school but they were quite literally my cousins, thatās it. I know how lonely it gets. I dont want my boy to go through that and be like me, you know? Because itās not that I dont want to socialize and actually have friends, I just dont like putting myself out there. Iām afraid that maybe he has picked up on that and maybe started applying it to his daily school life. I just want him to fit in and have fun and not be afraid like I was/am.
I think itās also important to note that he is an āodd oneā- as people tell me unsolicited. He Naruto runs (yes, I have that child), makes funny faces whenever he talks (doctors and guidance counselor think itās a coping mechanism for shyness), sometimes squawks for some reason or makes a clicking sound with his mouth. Recently he was diagnosed with ODD and they are currently doing testing for ADD as well (he truly cannot sit still ever). The teachers have been FANTASTIC at understanding his needs and working with him but Iām just so afraid that he wont fit in and it will affect him in the long run. How can I help my boy?
You need to talk to his teacher asap! There are many things that can be done in school to help. I would also reach out to the school counselor as they can either do therapy there or refer you to someone. Sounds like he is suffering from social anxiety. Getting him help now is key. If the school is unable or unwilling to help you need to find a therapist for him. The sooner this is addressed by professionals the better his life will be.
Maybe talk to the teachers again and ask them if they can do some exercises where they have to partner up with other classmates to learn about each other during schoolwork? Maybe starting off with just one student can help him adjust to talking to others. Or if you have any friends that have kids, ask them to help out and do the same and show him it isnt as scary as he thinks it will be. My kid learns a lot through example so I had to show him how to interact with other people. Sometimes a friendship can even begin with a simple compliment like āI like your shoesā or āYour backpack is so cool!ā
Are the other kids at school being mean to him? I have a book i read to my son its called ājust askā its about people being different in all kinds of ways I loved it honestly it helped my 5 yr old understand why ppl are different in so many ways. But your son cant help it if he is an introvert. Nobody can make him be anything or do anything he dont want to, but when he is ready heāll click with one good friend hopefully
Make a post in a local group in your area and set ur son up for some play datesā¦write in the post some of the things your kids interested in. Maybe tell ur son ur meeting with a friend at the park and mention she has a kid his age. So itās not so much pressure for him. Say the gathering is for you.
Have you tried calling the school to see if they have a counselor or somebody in the office that maybe could help him and introduce him and maybe ease him into making friends instead of him having to initiate it on his own? My daughters counselor at the school helped a ton with stuff like that. They even took her aside in a quiet area and had one other kid join and they asked them if they could play together and that helped a lot
Talk to the teacher and ask for help. Tell her about your fears and about what your son tells you at home. They will talk to you about what you can do und will also help him with making friends if its necessary.
Trust them and their knowledge!
Und try to not poject your own problems onto him. Just try to be very positive und give him confidence in himself. He will get used to everything and also make friends, when hes ready
I used to work in a kindergarten classroom. There was a little guy who was only around his family, no one else. Every day he cried, calmed down for a bit, and start crying again. At recess he would stand against the wall and cry, or just look sad. One day I told another student to go get him by the hand, and play with him, or include him in the group. At first he would just stand there, but the kids would include him. From then on, if the kids saw him standing by himself, they would get him, and include him. Eventually, he was able to go on his own to play with others. Perhaps talk to his teacher, and ask her if she could ask a student to be his āfriendā until the other kids start to include him?
Maybe speak with the teacher and see if your son could do a āshow and tellā take some of his favorite things and some treat bags for the other kids. It may be easier for the other kids and your kiddo to relate to each other if they realize they have common interests.
Oddness in this judgmental world is relative. Give it time,He will meet others who appreciate his oddness. I have always been considered odd. Iām married. I have 5 beautiful children. My oldest is a successful nurse. My other 4 will choose a path ā¦ their ownā¦ whatever it may beā¦and will be equally successful as well. Let him be himself. Uniqueness is rare in this clone creating, spirit crushing ride that we all call ā lifeāā¦
Last year, some people in my area started a Saturday play group on the school playground for their kindergartners to get to know other kids in a much smaller setting. Does your class have a group Facebook page or class list? Maybe you can send an email and set something up, that way he is not overwhelmed by an entire class of kids and can find some common ground playing together. Or maybe volunteer to be a parent helper in the classroom and encourage him while there helping. I agree that itās just going to take time and lots of encouragement! Good luck!
If its possible homeschool for now and get him into some kind of afterschool activity like soccer so he can run be with other kids see if your community has soccer for special needs kids. Then even home school special needs kids are entitled to help so go to counsoler at his school and go over your options the earlier you start getting him help the better.
Talk to his teacher. We as teachers have amazing ways to help students to connect. If you explain to her his fear of making friends then she will know to be alert of that and can help. . Qlso tell him to start small by asking one kid at recess if he can play and assure him that its ok if a child says no. They may be playing a game already. Tell him itās OK to ask someone else. He will get through this. I want to add that its important to let him know not everyone will want to play with him and thats ok. Its so tough at this age, but just keep reassuring him that he will be ok.
One of my children had ADHD he was happy to be in his own little world
I spoke with his teachers he had therapy that was years before covid it must be super difficult for children and parents with everything thatās happened
Maybe ask a mum if she would like to take your children out to a play park
My daughter was Dx with Sensory Intergration Disorder at 3 ( Autism Spectrum) and ADD st 6. ( I threw that dang ritalin in the garbage the day she told me she ācouldnāt clean her room because she hadnāt had her pillā) I thought it was best that I did not let her be ālabeledā so she was in a mainstream world fighting to undestand how her reality was not everyoneās. Fast forward, she is addicted to Heroin/Fentanyl ( started with an RX for pain due to Crohns with RA). She told me that taking those meds made her feel 'Normal" for the first time in her life. One of her Therapists in Rehab told me that by NOT letting teachers know she was on the spectrum was the worst thing I could have done for her. That her living in a world seen through differet eyes made it MORE difficult for her. I will carry that guilt to my grave. I was not ashamed, I just knew how bright she was and feared she would be ādumbed downā. I am somehwere on the spectrum ( self Dx) myself,so if only I had let her intergrate on her terms, maybe this story would have ended differently. Ironically enough, it was my Mother who first developed classes for kids who were Nuerodiverse in Palm Beach County ,Fl. My daughter is a gifted artist, with a camera her canvas. Please get second, third opinions. When desribing your son,Touretttes came to mind. Bless your baby boy, Lord knows seeing life through a round hole in a square pegged world is hard. Sorry this was so long, my heart just broke as I recall my little girl struggle.
Elementary art teacher hereā¦we are seeing SO many behaviors we have not seen beforeā¦ Lots of other kids are feeling just as alone.
Right now, nationally there is a HUGE push for social and emotional learning and kids mental healthā¦we have 3 counselors this year at my school. PLEASE contact your school counselor about your son, explain what he is saying and feeling about school. Our counselors actually have groups JUST to help kids make friends!! He is not alone, you are not alone- there is help!!
Tell him that other kids like when people are friendly
Kids are glad for other friendly kids. Practice at home with him
Teach him to say hello. Counseling would help. Pray for him and with him
Cultivate his passions. Be it LEGOs, Dinosaurs or art. To be interesting you need to know something or be good at something.
Have him join something. T-ball, music lessons, karate. (That has other people in small numbers.) help him navigate by discussing how it went each time they meet.
Teach social manners. How to greet people. Smile. Introduce yourself. Small talk. Practice until he is comfortable and confident.
My son was shy and I failed to understand. My grandson was shy and I made a simple rule, either you have to say goodbye to everyone or be last to leave church each Sunday. He had a play date after church. They began calling him the āMayor ā he added saying hello when he arrived. Although still a quiet boy he practiced being social, got lots of positive feedback and felt confident. We did this when he was three and itās lasted for life.
Many children have this especially since Covid interrupted preschool. Itās ok if he shy . Talk to the teacher. Anx tell her your concerns. She can put him by a friendly little boy . Also talk to teacher and make a few play dates . You can meet at the park for lunch , or at your home . Keep trying and donāt give up. My youngest was just like this . I went to school and volunteered, and offered to do things . Most teachers really appreciate that .keep your eyes and ears tuned , and above all pray for him . God can put a chatter box friend in his life . Donāt lose heart , socialization is so very important.
Talk to the teacher first meet some of the other moms maybe one on one play dates with some of his classmates he will feel more comfortable meeting them in his own environment
Ok hereās a few suggestions. Let the teacher know. She will put him next to some friendly kids. Contact some mom and make play dates. Find out if your school has a FB mommas group and go to the mommas!
These are all great suggestions. Iām sure he is not the only one in that class that is having a hard time adjusting. Maybe the teacher can pair those having a difficult time together.
I have two words: home school. Plenty of kids donāt go to school for all kinds of different reasons. Thereās time for him to socially mature. It doesnāt have to be right now. But not fitting in and feeling badly about kindergarten could stay with him forever.
Take him to the park playground and help him meet a friend to ask a new friend to play with. Role model how to find out their name and ask to play togetherāswing, merry go round, etc.
Canāt the teachers pair him up with some kids to do a little project. Small grouping will help your baby. Sorry this is so difficult for him. Let his teachers know. Volunteer to be a room mother if they still have those then you can help
Change the perspective just a littleā:blush: they are all to little to know what friendships feel like. Take the attitude that he is already a friend to his peers. And he gets to decide who he will choose to be his friend. This puts the ball in his court. See if you can ask identify friendly behaviors he exhibits with his siblings and point these behaviors out when he and his siblings exhibit them. This way he will understand the behavior of friendship verses it as an ownership of another.
Check with your dr to see if he might have Touretteās Syndrome or Aspergerās.
Most kids get over the āgoing to schoolā jitters. Your son may need some added help.
Include his teacher with his adjustments and get his or hers help.
Setting up a play date is not a bad idea but let him pick who and when. ( within reason of course).
My son is 24 and I worry about him everyday, he is a loner and had been his whole life, try not to worry, he just got a new job his first job ever cause I didnāt want to push, he is still a loner, goes to work comes home takes a shower eats goes to bed
Go on your community Facebook page ask if any moms want to get together with 5 and 6 yr Olds. Meet somewhere in a small group. These kids are overwhelmed sometimes with 20 kids. A group of 5 will make it easier maybe at a park
I know that neurodiversity manifests in different ways amongst different people, so itās likely that I may not be spot on with what your son is thinking and feeling, but - as a former āodd kidā I remember just wishing I could stay home around people who I knew loved me and I didnāt have to prove myself to. I didnāt really want to be socially involved with other people, the only thing that hurt me about them was their inability to understand me and the purposeful ostraciztion, and the realization that if I wanted to be accepted I would have to āmaskā. As a current āoddā adult - who is now capable of making and keeping valuable friends by my own will, I still believe I might have saved myself a lot of hurt (trauma even) had I spent my very young formative years fostering self acceptance and being surrounded solely by people who validated my existence instead of challenging it. Heās a little dude, heās tender, exceptionally so because of his neirodiversity. Thereās a widely accepted rhetoric about āhow important it is for kids to be in school to learn about the worldā, but perhaps your son doesnāt need that right now - and in any case I donāt think learning about the world should include being exposed to persecution and conditioning, and childhood should be about safety. I think if youāre soundly willing and able you might try homeschool? I understand itās not an accessible option for all people, but Iām guessing your baby wants to stay close to home
Talk to the teacher and explain what is going on and how shy your child is. Teacher should be able to help. Are there kids in your neighborhood? See if any can play.
With the noises and clicking, that sounds like tourettes not ADD or ODD. My brother was just like that and was misdiagnosed for years. He was nott ADHD, he was and still is bipolar and has tourettes.
The squawks and clicking is a sign of Touretteās and the stuff u said sounds like he may have that. Also odd and add are associated with Touretteās too. Also the friend thing sounds like anxiety
My little one struggles with ADHD so I can kinda understand he wasnāt really sure how to make friends either at first and COVID hit in kindergarten for him so it was a very short lived school year. Eventually my little one broke out of his shell and made his own friends but I also talked to his teacher about his social skills to see if there was anything I could do