How can I help my daughter adjust to her brother?

How can I help my daughter (4.5 yo) adjust to new brother? I delivered almost 8 weeks ago and she loves him dearly but she keeps acting out/having a hard time. I try to include her in everything with her brother, give her special one on one time but she still acts out or gets sassy/hits/throws things at my husband and I. We’ve had to put her in timeout more and more it seems and I hate that. She seems almost depressed and I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!


Maybe ask her to draw a picture about how’s she’s feeling and draw with her and just talk about how she feels about her brother and that you love her as much as her brother x

It takes a long time. Every time you think you’ve got it sorted, the baby makes a major developmental leap, and it starts all over again. Time outs aren’t going to help though. Punishment will make it worse. It’s better to acknowledge that she’s having a hard time and that all of this change is hard for you, too. Love her through it.

You really can’t. They will get used to each other on their own. My niece is 8 months. And her older brother who is 4 he never did anything with her. Any time someone has the baby he won’t go near the person with the baby. It will take time. Now he will take toys from her lol. But that’s about it. Lol.

Just have to give her time. It’s a big change going from just her being the only child and be the center of attention. Don’t give up and keep doing what your doing. Also don’t stop reminding her how much you love her and him and that your there for her no matter what and your love hasn’t changed for her . Some kids just adjust faster then others the key is patience and persistent.

I’m going through the same thing my 1year old throws things at us as well her baby sister is 6months old and I think she’s abit jealousy needs attention although we try to give her everything

Alone time. I personally feel that can’t be stressed enough. Make sure your carving time out for just you and her. Lots of words of affirmation. I’d stop the time outs and try to focus on natural consequences. Time outs can feel isolating,especially with a new baby.

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my 4 year old acted out terribly when we brought his brother home, he loved his brother but he hated me and his dad💔 it got better over time.

It sounds to me like you’re doing everything right. Hang in there mama. It will pass.
Maybe try a date night, just one on one doing something out of the house if it’s possible.

I’ve come to realize that kids acting like little brats is perfectly normal for their ages. That there is nothing wrong with them, it’s absolutely normal. Time is all it takes sometimes. .

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If your including her and giving her one on one undivided attention then just keep up the rules and follow through. It takes littles time to adjust. Maybe ask her about her feelings see if you can help give her the way to process and name her feelings. Seriously everyone’s prob all about he baby and they use to be about her and now she’s learning about sharing time and that she’s not the “star” in everyone’s lives.

You may need to address bad behavior like throwing or hitting and just redirect everything else. You may find that she acts out to get that interaction from you. Only address the positive behavior.


Stop hating putting her in time out. You’re doing what’s best for her. There will be an adjustment period. She’s likely picking up on your feelings. Kids pick up on emotions and small changes in behavior behind those emotions. It’s only been 8 weeks. Tell yourself that you’re teaching her what is and isn’t acceptable by putting her in time out. Yes, it’s tiresome, but welcome to life with 2 kids.

Just keep doing what you are, it takes time & the youngest becoming old enough to defend themselves lol. Sorry but it’s true. It’s a sibling thing. The older ones always start it :rofl: they are mean or teasing to them as baby’s then wonder where they learned it from when their 2 yo and pestering them or beating them up :rofl::rofl:. My son was 3.5 and it took until my daughter was 9 months old & gave him a bloody nose then he stopped being mean to her constantly, now its just like any other sibiling relationship, besties and only they are allowed to be mean to each other, nobody else lol. We always gave him quality time alone one on one with us and made sure to take him out and do things with him just us as much as we could but it’s literally just an adjustment that takes time. It’s a lot for a child to adjust to just like it is for us going from one kid to two.

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My daughter wouldn’t hold my son and become very attached to me for a few months. I would do something with her when I didn’t have my son even if it was just watching a movie just so that way she had mommy time. Alot of I loves you and making sure she didn’t feel excluded. She loved getting diapers etc for me

She is depressed. She went from having both her parents all to herself to having less than half their attention. Get your parents and his parents to help more by taking her for visits if you can. If not, get her into counseling.

Mine are 6 and 12 let me know when you figure it out :joy::sob:


Time out may not be the best in this particular situation, as she is acting out because she wants more attention. I would mention it to her pediatrician and see what they suggest.

Get her a baby that she can take care of when you take care of him.also includ her with helping changing feeding. Bathing,lotion, dressing. Discuss how you use to do this for her but you didn’t have help. Thank goodness you have her to help you now.


I now have a 9 month old and a 5 year old. One thing that I read while pregnant was to not ask the older child to do things like getting you a diaper, throwing one away, grabbing the paci for the baby to have or anything that is for the baby. That makes the older child resent the baby more. It’s one thing if they want to help completely on their own but don’t ask them to do it. Some days they want to help and others they want nothing to do with helping. Quality one on one time is very important bc their whole life has been flipped upside down. The child feels like the baby has taken mom and dad from them so they automatically dislike the baby. Use plenty of positive words like saying how great of a big sister she is for even doing the smallest of things and tell her how cool it is to be a awesome big sister and not everybody gets to do that. I was so lucky that my spoiled rotten daughter did so good with her brother coming into her life. I was so surprised but now she acts out more that he’s a little older. I wish you luck and patience momma💜


I had my daughter when my son was 4. I used to take him on dates just him and I. That helped tremendously because he still got some of my undivided attention away from his baby sister.


Stop punishing her and start connecting.