I need advice. My momma heart hurts. My 11 year old and her best friend of 3 years have been inseparable. We lived in the same apartment complex and they instantly hit it off. Well recently, they bought a house and so they don’t see each other near as often, it’s still frequent. My daughter is more the quiet bookworm, artsy type while her best friend is outgoing and plays every sport out there. They’re complete opposites but get along so well. Until this year. My daughter has a hard time making friends at school and idk how to help. She’s also bullied a lot for her looks and silliness. Her friend does not have the same issue. She has another friend who she has become very close to which is fine. They’re getting more distance between them which I think is sort of a natural thing but my daughter is heartbroken. She’s losing her best friend and I’m unsure of how to help. She’s a sweet girl. Smart, funny and genuine. I might be biased, but I think she’s great! How can I help her make friends and stand up for herself to bullies and learn to love herself? I was the same way so I’m trying my damndest to spare her the life I lived never feeling like I was enough….any advice is appreciated!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I help my daughter make friends and stand up for herself?
Get her into social groups… Martial arts will help build confidence and strength. But also consider her passions and talents and put her into those groups so she can make like minded friends.
Put her in a self defense curse , karate or boxing , knowing how to defend yourself give you a lot of confidence, also in extracurricular activities, like sports , art class etc . So she can interact with other kids her age and make new friends
I was a bigger girl, and of course there were a few immature boys that tried to pick on me, but for the most part I never got bullied because I was not the one they wanted to pick on. I tried to make friends with everyone, I walked with my head held high, if they see you cry they see you as an easy target and pick on you more, so I didn’t let it get under my skin. Eventually those immature boys got bored 
Socialgroups and therapy has worked wonders for my little girl that was in the same situation last year
First and foremost does she want friends. As parents we feel that they need friends but as someone who growing up was forced into social situations I now hate it. I never liked being forced into being social and now because of it I have social anxiety.
How does she feel about it?
She will find artsy friends that have more in common with her likes. You just need to promote her talents in a fun and natural way.
omg i feel like i wrote this my daughter is 11 and her best friend of 4 yrs decided she wasnt her friend anymore it has been so hard and this mommas heart hurts for her and wish i can make it all better for her
Martial arts classes are a fantastic way to make friends and boost self confidence.
Put her in things she likes and hopes she makes friends with the same interests my son is 11 does t got out or do much of anything but he has 1 friends a female they get along so well cause they have the same interests
The best way to get your kid to make friends is to have her join clubs and programs that she enjoys so she can meet people who have the same interests. Slowly but surely friendships will be made, not of convenience because they live in the same building, but because they have things in common, and those friendships are much stronger. However pre-teens and teens grow and change so frequently it’s likely she will go through this again. Just be there to listen, and let her feel, and encourage her to always be true to who she is. Eventually it’ll get better, and she will find her people.
Put her in self defense classes or karate. She will learn to defend herself if need be n give her confidence. Plus she may meet kids that she has more things in common with
Some people are just loners but definitely check into self defense classes. Also check your local library for activities. She may connect with another bookish friend.
Find activities she likes and have her go. There she’ll meet friends who like the same things she does. Keep trying to have her see her friend when possible too.
get her involved in something she loves or hasn’t tried…some of the best friends I ever made were from joining something (and confidence)…wish I had joined more things when i was younger…i played rugby in my early twenties and wow, it really gave me a boost of confidence, and friends…i did things I never thought id do. looking back i just wish i could have done it a little younger .
Joining clubs she likes will help her find her people. I’d personally put her in a self defence class so she can defend herself if she needs to, she’ll also make friends in those classes too.
Oh your sweet girl 
. I would totally take her for a books a million treat… they have such artsy journals and pens and Italian sodas! Just tell your girl that this won’t be the last time bc we are forever changing and people serve purposes for different chapters in our lives. It’s apart of growing and there is a new chapter now that may bring her next best friend. There could be a period of waiting for that friend and that’s time to grow strong being alone and “time with Mom” y’all’s girl time 
Following. Same ish boat. Pm me and we can figure this out together!
Hype that baby up and encourage her to interact with other kiddos & teach her to communicate her feelings so she can to her best friend .
Have her join groups at a rec centre so this way she meets other people my oldest son is like that although he has a few
Friends he’s quiet likes to read. And draw. We put him in drawing classes and swimming at the rec Center
Gotta get your daughter involved in the world. Not just the neighbors. If you can, look into community center painting groups. Or arts and crafts nights. During the summer growing up there were always nature programs and art activities at the community centers and pools. Loved those things!
Get her involved in activities she enjoys. Socialization is important. Friends will come and go. If she enjoys reading. Check out local library reading groups or clubs. Much peace and love ☆
this is the best time , to go for a walk with just your daughter & talk, really talk, Ask her how everything is going, Listen, really listen & maybe do this at least once a wk if not more, the bonding is great, the time you spend with your daughter is unreplaceable. Also explain to her, not everyone is going to like her & that is OK, only the good ones will get to know her & be her friends
Unfortunately, all you can do to help your daughter is let her know she’s loved and make sure that she knows she can talk to you. Friendships evolve. People come and go. Have your daughter get involved in groups at school. Key club, media, choir…try them out, if she doesn’t like them she can quit and move on. I was bullied for being in 6 different schools in 12 years. I know what she’s going through. I know it’s hard, but this too shall pass
I say work on her self confidence and the rest will follow. Do things for her to help her feel good about herself whether it be a new hairstyle, nails, or an outfit. She is entering a difficult age where she and everyone around her is changing inside and out.
I’m going through this with my 12 year old daughter" she’s been bullied by African Americans " and Mexicans" now she is becoming racist tward all of them" explained tgis to her is challenging as she has Autism and I raised her ti get along with all cultures and race does matter " you can be Asian " African or" Mexican kids are going to bully other kids is don’t matter what race" Now she struggles making friends she don’t trust anymore" We are trying to work through this
My son had a hard time in middle school for many of the same reasons. He was actually attacked by 3 boys in the gym in 6th grade and I pulled him out and started him in smaller private schools it was what he needed he just didn’t fit in but he is almost 15 now and has grow taller than me now so his is going back to public this year for 10th grade. It’s a hard age I remember losing friends in middle the same way she is it really wasn’t easy years.
Try getting her into some after school art classes. It will give her some new ideas with her art and she will meet other kids with the same interests. Good luck.
Constant positive affirmation
You said she’s artsy.
Find some activities for her to get involved with so she can find friends that share similar interests with her.
Also, share your experiences as a kid with her. That helped my daughter realize why I push her so hard.
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Awe she’s a beautiful strong women. Just keep believing in her. Lots of hugs. I always think about how we gardeners plant seeds. We prepare our soil and plant the seeds. We tend to our gardens with tender loving care. We water and feed it. Watch over it. We thank the sun for helping our plants grow. One day we go to our garden and to our surprise, we see what our love grew. True story. We reap what we sow
She’s at a tough age. I would recommend checking with your local library to see what activities they have. The local community center sometimes has activities aimed at her age group. Also I would look into finding a church you feel comfortable with and getting her involved in youth group. There are all sorts of activities that youth groups do with the kids to help them make lasting friendships. And the groups are properly supervised so you don’t have to wonder what is going on. You mentioned she likes art. You might check to see if there’s a 4-H group in your area. They run art projects, photography projects, it’s not just for farm kids showing livestock. There is sewing, cooking, baking, food preservation, all sorts of projects that can later be entered into competition at the county fair. Your daughter can make friends with the fellow club members. Also, if you want her to find her confidence, you might consider karate classes. It’s possible that she can make friends with fellow students. The exercises will increase her physical strength and the self-defense will come in handy making bullies think twice after she puts one on his rear gear. I know she may not be too stoked at first. I was kind of a girly girl when I started classes at age 18. I had thought I was a tomboy to a certain extent, but I wasn’t. I went 5 months without getting promoted till I finally “got it”. I stopped noticing every little bump and bruise and gained some muscle and strength. I got bolder. Before I knew it, I was a 3 stage brown belt. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant I could have gotten my black belt before my ex and I came back to the states from Okinawa. (He was in the Air Force) But anyway, just like me, she’ll hit her stride and pick it up and get really good. There are lots of things to do. Maybe you can join with her. Mom and daughter karateka! I’m a second Dan (degree) black belt. I’ve taught classes with my ex and on my own. I’m a little old and crippled up for that now… but I still remember…
Do mom/daughter activities that she likes where other moms & daughters will be. That way she isn’t scared of going alone but she’s still running in the same circles as people with her interests.
I was the weird kid no one wanted to hang out with. I spent most days walking around the track alone because no one wanted to play with me. I was nerdy, quiet, and friendly, but I didn’t fit in. I don’t know what happened in college, that I suddenly became well known and possibly even popular. I stayed in the same town so it wasn’t the people or culture.
Get her into groups with like-minded kids and she will flourish. I hope you live in an area where that can be relatively easy to find.
Introverts tend to be adopted by extroverts… it’s not really like seeking friendship, it’s kind of like… someone thinks the introvert is an adorable pet and boom now you’re besties lol. Coming from experience. It took me a while to find the right mask so I could make my own friends without the adoption bit. Honestly? That’s all I can think of. Let her be herself, let her know that’s enough and wait for her to be adopted… or teach her to find another mask for when she’s out in public. I wear my mask at work and with school friends. No one can tell I’m deathly shy and would rather stay home and read… but I’ve perfected my mask. Up to you on the message you want to send.
You can’t help her make friends. But you can have honest conversations with her about how the world works. As u mentioned it’s natural for friends at this age to grow apart as they are learning themselves and their likes and dislikes. You can help her be more confident by emulating those behaviors yourself. Provide consistent positive feedback to her and enroll her in small clubs of her interest so she can meet like minded kids and create friendships. Ask her if she feels comfortable introducing herself to other kids and maybe she can ask u how she should introduce herself. But it’s important she does this alone and by herself as she’s old enough to do so.
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Get her into sports she’ll meet new friends in her area and her age . She’ll also be more confident at the same time
I would say just try to find activities that suut her outside of school. Book clubs, art clubs things like that to get her out there but still in her confort zone 
Enroll her in Martial arts. Not only for self defense, but for self esteem.
Try taekwondo for self confidence
I am actually dealing with the SAME EXACT situation with 11 year old daughter. 
My heart breaks for your daughter and you momma!!!
If you figure out something to help please let me know!
Maybe we could meet up and see if they wanna start a friendship!
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Join a gym or take self defense classes, go together, visit museums go to art classes. Find something she loves and have her volunteer at a library
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The same thing happened with my daughter at around the same age as yours. My daughter has never been athletic so putting her is sports was not even an option. But she was artsy and a beautiful singer so I signed her up for vocal lessons and she started taking theatre classes. My daughter was able to make friends with like minded kids and her confidence improved.
Middle school is awful for young girls, so much is changing in their lives and they don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with it.
It gets better!! My daughter is 19 now, has a great core group of friends and is going off to university in the fall. Love and support your girl and she will get through.
Get her involved in clubs… Martial Arts is great for confidence
Tell her what I told mine if she was a true friend she would be there as a friend
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My middle daughter is the same way. She’s so sweet but often left out. I don’t understand.
Get her involved in groups and activities that she likes with other kids that share her interests.
Art classes, summer camps for the arts, music, theater, etc.
Get her involved in extra curricular activities, youth groups, or maybe some kind of community/volunteer work w preteens her age
Put her in an activity she enjoys so she can meet other kids who are into the same things as her and that can kickstart a bond w other kids and help her feel like she belongs as well as boost her confidence bc it’s something she enjoys maybe she won’t be too shy to share and open up 
Losing a friend has a grieving process attached to it. If she is really struggling counseling can help with both the loss of the friendship and coping skills for the bullying/learning how to advocate, etc. I do agree with getting her out into activities where she can make other friends and encourage groups within school like art club or whatever her interests are after school so she can connect with others.