Consult your pediatrician and get some behavior therapy help. They will have the best plan of action for you.
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You need to speak to your childās pediatrician. Good luck. 
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The smell of vanilla is supposed to calm kids.
Have you tried chamomile tablets? One in the morning and one in the evening might help.
Use the old fashion method.
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He is needing her attention apparently very badly
First get him canceling and they will tell you if his ADHD.
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He needs to see a doctor. Underlying issues on top of a disorderā¦ he needs more help than fb can give.
QUICK CALM DOWN
Color
Play Doh
Blow out candles
Dance. Music. Calm down space.
Roll golf ball under feet
Tennis ball massage on back
Bubble wrap
Push on wall 10 seconds 3 times
Rock in rocking chair
Hug
Name the emotion/feeling
Count to 5
Roll shoulders
Flex fingers:toes
Drink water or tea/hot chocolate
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Try zarbee melatonin chewable
Tablets
My grandson was the same way
Watch supernanny naughty chair works great
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Time out or discipline.
spanking always work ,
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I give my granddaughter YouTube. Calms her right down
Sounds like O.D.D. My son has/had signs of it. Therapy did wonders for him.Maybe have him see a therapist or talk with him about why he gets so upset. Could be a trigger ur not noticing. Maybe ease him into being with mom a bit slower. Have her go to where heās comfortable.
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A good old fashioned pop on that ass will make him think about doing it again
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Xanax and vodka, works for me!
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Medical checkup for sure
Pray over your grandson
Definitely play therapy 
itāll give a dr a chance to evaluate him. My youngest 3 has anxiety and ASD so he reacts the same way when heās stressed
Have him do a workout.
You have too much energy, run in place, do some push ups and squats.
Make it fun for him!
Be mindful of food dyes. Making sure he gets enough rough and tumble play.
My 4 and a half year old is very hyper. We keep him busy. If we donāt, things get crazy. I recently had our third baby and my mother had my boys, she had so many problems out of him, and I think itās because she was keeping him in the house. My little guy loves walks, going to the creek, catching crawfish and frogs. Running around in the yard catching bugs, exploring his world. It really helps keep them busy, with things they love.
Remove sugar from diet
Ignore him and never give in. Tell him you will talk to him when heās done and leave the room. Once heās stopped throwing a fit talk to him. Tell him why whatever he was mad about was happening. Reason with him. If he made a mess throwing a fit make him clean it after youāve talked to him
How is his sugar intake?Does he eat a lot of āsweetsā-candy/cookies? Do you allow him to drink soda/juices??
Take him to a homeopathy they will be able to help u! To calm him down!
If he isnāt hurt just ignore and walk away heās doing it for attention
I have a similar story. I have had my 3 Yr old Grandaughter for half of her life. She needs constant attention, an she really is the most beautiful little girl. But she will need counselling because these first 3 yrs have been quit traumatic for her, I worry so much for her when sheās a teenager as she can be right sassy handful. Good luck raising your grandson, but remember you had your children so you have earned time to yourself if you can fit it in. Take care hunny, stay safe, plymouth England xx
Put him in his room explain that is were he can throw kick or yell and when heās ready to calm down he can come out tell him u love him and if or when he wants to talk u r always ready
Unfortunately everyone gets overly emotional we donāt want to stop there emotions bedrooms r the safest place for kids to let anger or any other emotion out when they canāt form the words yet. Teach em to do that when there young and when there cranky teens they will take to there room to calm them selfās before acting a fool and saying things they donāt mean
Too late, only being held by his mother during first six months, if that did not happen, she canāt go backā¦I was not held and Iām still mad after 53 yearsā¦do not label himā¦hold him, sing!!!..look into his eyes with love and comfort. Rock. Massage. Say, I love you alot!!! Do not laugh at him, do not bully him, you will lose him forever, Iām so alone, but I donāt feel broken and you canāt fix meā¦I just need undivided attention and alot of time. Hope this helpsā¦poor babyā¦I still break down when I want my mommy. She is still trying to break thru the wall she built for herselfā¦I trust noone!!!
Prayers for you all, Iāve always had God and thatās what keeps me going, itās His planā¦please teach him about Godās unconditional love!!!
He needs to put in words what is wrong Iām sure he has been thru alot and is angry and Iām are his anger is for a good reason if someone will take the time to work with him and not against him
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Distraction is key. Give him a hobby. Reading books. Coloring Lots of outside play. Censors play with playdough slimeā¦ etc. He could be on the spectrumā¦
The disruption of having his mom back in his life in my opinion could be there cause of the meltdowns. Heās not used to her. Many time at that age, or almost any age, a shift in the family dynamic and routine can cause emotional struggles. He may not be able to put into words how this is making him feel, so acting out is his coping.
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It is anxiety based and he canāt help it. Find a good child therapist to help with anxiety and attachment issues
Sounds like he may need some counseling. I donāt know the situation but his life doesnāt seem very stable if heās seeing mom sometimes. Iām not saying you arenāt doing awesome and you are awesome for taking him in and giving him stability but with whatever is going on with his mom, it might be effecting him. This may be the way he shows his emotion.
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Iām dealing with a grandson like this also, heās been here three years and is now 6ā¦still acts like a 2 yr old. Heās super loud, talkative 24/7 and aggressive. Visits mom one day and night every two weeks and comes back worse. My health has declined horribly due to the stress of the actions of this child. We are at a loss, canāt get his mom to take action with counselingā¦she has the medical insurance. Seriously want to move away and never hear the āGrandmaā name again. Itās so sadšŖHe was kicked out of Kindergarten, the school tried everything they could
Maybe seeing his mother now his causing thisā¦ Try to take it slow with her visits as 30 min a visit and maybe one day out the weekā¦ Have her to do calming activities with him and then when itās time for her to leave maybe you can ease him away from her. ā¦, I wouldnāt get him tested for ADHD unless his Pediatrician or teacher feels it is necessaryā¦ I see this type of behavior being a teacher when the child goes to visit the other parent and come back from being off their schedule/routineā¦ Hopefully this little bit of information helps out
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Get him therapy! Now! My grandson got worse as he got older ! He was diagnosed with ODD and DMDD after ADHD and he is medicated and he is able to control his temper and is the most loving gentle young man at 15!
Let someone do test and se we took a little girl everyone said she is hyper sy was but then the tests show this child is intelligent but cannot see properly. You would not believe how she change when she could see and maybe he need to go to a playschool just to be kept busy maybe he is bored and need friends
He is dealing with a lot, and not sure how to express it, maybe counciling to learn coping skills.
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Check his diet.perhaps too much sugar or something. Take away the sugar.
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Heās in a stressful situation. He is to young to state his feelings, so he is letting you know, that he is confused and having a hard time dealing. Heās little and probably scared going back and forth, between homes. When he gets amped up, try a walk or a brisk game of soccer. It could help burn off energy. Talk to him and reassure him you will always be there for him, no matter what.
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Always, always start with a physical! My son had a hormone imbalance! The first doctor said it was my fault (he was a quack) the second doctor helped him!
Child therapist, this kiddo has had a lot of life changes that he really canāt express.
throw cold water in his face when he has a temper
I say something is going on when heās with his momā¦ask him why heās so mad!
Sugar is not the culprit in ADHD. Contrary to popular opinions sugar is not the reason kids with ADHD are wild. Things like Hawaiian Punch,Boxed Mac N Cheese,bologna,hot dogs,bacon, anything with nitrates, artificial flavors,dyes especially red n yellow,ascorbic acid, tomatoes and preservatives. Growing up my mother did the elimination diet (Feingold) long before it was popular. It was hard because we were not able to eat a lot of things but it made a huge difference for my brother. It is a lot of extra work but it does work if you follow it. To this day if my brother has something with red dye it will make him crazy. My son has ADHD and was on medication for a number of years. Today he uses caffeine which is essentially what the meds are huge doses of uppers with nasty side effects.
Are you physically dedicating playing time to him every day? Try to designate a time where just you play with him daily, then where just your spouse plays and then where all of you play togethere that way he gets that much needed 1 on 1 time and family time every single day. And use that as a reason for him listen, break those play times up gor example 1 20-30 mins will be in the morning. 1 20-30 mins for after lunch and the last one after dinner or what ever schedule works for you The last one will be the family play one and it can be 30 mins of family play or watching a movie together. Give him those moments to look foward to. Explain to him say "grandson " you have had your play time with me after lunch will be with āgrandpaā but only if you calm down and listen play quietly or entertain yourself. And remeber after dinner is family time and we all need to be on our best behavior throughout the day for it to happen.
If you cant each spend time with him during the day for deaignated 1 on 1 then one of you needs to do it at last and every day after dinner still have that family time.
This doesnāt mean you take it away every time he acts up thought make sure you only take it away in real cases to where he just isnātbehaving as he should.
Occupational therapy. Possibly adhd and/or sensory processing issue.
Donāt tell him to calm down. Fuels the fire. Tell him you understand he is frustrated and upset. Then listen to him, only if he is not yelling or crying. Or wait until he settles down. Then try to distract to another situation, activity, let them help with dinner, play music they like.
Yes it could be adhd but how much sugar is he getting I also have my grandkids and I really have to watch their sugar intake
Cut out sugar, carbs and soda with caffeine. These can add to the problem
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Take him to a child psychologist the child needs professional help in this transition
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Try a naughty corner let him cry it out, donāt give him attention whist doing if he runs out of the corner put him quietly say nothing as good attention and bad attention is attention to young children, he will learn to understand itās wrong, soon enough and he wonāt want to be on that naughty corner, and also try talking to him maybe the change of thing may of cursed some mind upset thatās he needs support with, I no itās hard to talk to a 4 year old but even when they repeat themselves itās always better to listen and make sure they understand what is unacceptable and what is
Try cutting out sugar.
Sounds like ADHD. Make sure you do the same routine everyday. Change can be hard for him to handle. And when you tell him to do something only give him one thing at a time because if you tell him to do 2 or 3 things it can be overwhelming.
My 4 1/2 grandson is the same. I just found out his mother may have been used drugs sparingly when she was pregnant with him. But, he is just like this child. So out of control at times. What has made things worse, my daughter has since died. 
Maybe try some pure cbd oil