How can I help my husband have a gentler approach toward parenting?

What do you do when your husband is parenting all wrong? He’s a great guy, don’t get me wrong, but he’s exhausted and short-tempered, and he won’t hear me. Our son is just under two, and my husband has been home for 20 minutes and is already yelling at him for being a toddler. (He ripped a page on the book they were reading). How can I change his behavior? And explain to him that he is reacting in the same way to the same reactions he is telling at our toddler for? Our son doesn’t want anything to do with him, and this is why…it breaks my heart, but he is causing their relationship to be negative.

14 Likes

Go to a marriage counselor, but be prepared to remove yourself and the child from your husband if he doesn’t change. His behavior will have long term, permanent implications on your child if he doesn’t stop. The counseling will give you a neutral platform to express your concerns and explain your wants for change to your husband. It will also help him work through any issues causing his behavior. Also, consistent “instead of that, try this” when your husband does something that you don’t like such as yelling at the toddler.

4 Likes

Praise him when he does it better.

4 Likes

Role model patience, positive discipline and read books together on parenting techniques. Also review what you can expect from your child at various ages. Your journey of parenting has really just begun so this is something you want to address as soon as possible. Good luck…

1 Like

have you talked to him extensively about your parenting ideals? if you have and he’s still doing this stuff, he either doesn’t care or he is genuinely struggling to control his temper. you’ll have to figure out which one it is and proceed accordingly.

Your husband is an abuser. Get him help. If he won’t take it, leave for the sake of your child.

3 Likes

He can’t expect adult behaviour from a two year old. He can’t expect your son to regulate his emotions when he can’t even control his own. T R A S H

5 Likes

There are many useful books and online courses to sign up to which reinforces the principles around positive parenting. I would suggest your husband to sign up to one of those.
I am sure he feels bad every time he yells and acts the way he does but he needs help to snap out of this habit sooner than later. Unfortunately, when we yell at our kids we are actually teaching them that yelling is okay, soon that child might yell at you and express his/her frustration in all the wrong ways and it’s much harder to reverse that than to put a stop to it now.

This!! Nearly every other man on earth!!! Lord!! Somebody needs to tame most of them down!!! Lol!!!

7 Likes

Can you record his outburst on your phone and show it to him when he is not in an angry mood? Maybe if he could see himself then he would want to get some help with his parenting.

9 Likes

Maybe try recording him yelling at his kid. He obviously isn’t listening to what your trying to tell him but maybe if he sees it for himself he’ll understand. If it was me I would probs leave my partner to get it through his thick skull that his parenting is hurting his kid emotionally. Even if just temporarily.

3 Likes

I would look at his relationship with his own father. That can tell you a lot about parenting style . My ex husband always treated my girls better than my son and the rules were always different for him and was the ultimate reason for our divorce. It definitely does long term damage . Therapy, recording all helps but only if he admits his behavior is wrong .
Good luck

1 Like

My husband is the same way he yells at the kids for every little thing and he doesn’t realize that hes driving a wedge between him and the kids they despise him

I would watch this situation closely. I’m not saying it will, but can become physically abusive. Stress , exhaustion, etc. can go bad fast.

2 Likes

He sounds like an idiot!

My ex was horrid to our son. Emotionally and mentally, that’s why hes an ex

3 Likes

My husband was like that he didnt know hw to deal with small children literally. I just used to tell him listen up thats too much theyr small and still learning were teaching them hw to react to things. He just neva cud deal with them. Now that theyr older hes doing much better actually spends time with tgem and has conversations thers no more irritation etc. I chalk it up to hw his pa was with him wen he was small too. Xplain to him and keep doing so if u must. The kids must learn right. And maybe just maybe itl get better as they get older. Goodluk.

It wud b great if men wud listen but theyr so stubborn all the time.

3 Likes

Have you tried explaining another way to him of handling the situation, sit down and have a good talk about how he could handle it differently x

2 Likes

Following. I’m in the same situation but I’m dealing with teenagers :frowning:

1 Like

You can talk to him about this til you’re blue in the face. He has to realize it himself. My SO is like this and its put a huge wedge in his and our sons relationship, my son is 2, and partly mine and his relationship

1 Like

Parenting course to help him understand what his child needs in order to grow into a healthy stable adult.

You can’t. He has to want to stop being such a hard ass. We had a neighbor growing up, who yelled harshly at his small kids ALL the time. It was so hard to hear that yelling NEXT door. He also hit the kids as he lost his temper. I know times where different then but in the end the wife just couldn’t deal with it and left Him. He is still alone. NONE of his kids have a relationship with Him. His ex doesn’t speak to Him. Im sorry for, but get out now. If he cant be gentle with a toddler it will only get worse. Don’t stay in a home when your baby isn’t happy or comfortable. These situation only gets worse. God bless You and your Son.

Believe it or not there’s actually a lot of great parenting resources on tiktok! A lot of people can’t sit down a read a book. If he’s anything like my husband it’ll be 100 excuses why. A 60 second video might make it easier for him to get it. My favorite accounts are @highimpactclub and @once.upon.a.mama :grinning:

How about asking him to take a parenting class together or therapy to help the communication between the two of you.

1 Like

As already mentioned, therapy. He needs to learn how to develop the coping mechanisms for emotions that he clearly was never taught as a child. Some books or podcasts on child brain development would help him to understand his child better too.

From what you said it sounds like he need to learn to process his emotions. It doesn’t mean he’s an abusive parent. He was probably never taught as a child himself

2 Likes

Ask him how he would feel if his boss screamed at him for every mistake he made.

1 Like

Mine used to get upset when my girls got super clingy to me and cried if left the room. I would tell him that he was just jealous they liked me better but after having a talk with his mom, it came out that he used to be just like that and so when I confronted him about it he finally came clean and told me how embarrassing it was when he was older (8-10yrs old) and got teased for being a mommas boy and was just scared the girls would be like that.

1 Like

Tell him to treat the baby like he works at a daycare. Or an employee. Play parenting tips out loud and make sure he’s listening :woman_shrugging:t2:. Tell him straight on. Tbh I have anger issues too and I’m learning everyday to better myself for my babies. Sometimes you gotta pretend the kid ain’t yours on bad days :woman_shrugging:t2:. Can’t be hollering at other people’s kids lmao

Record him. Then show it back to him when he’s level headed.

Find some articles showing the effects of a parents yelling at his/her children has on the children and just send them off to him. Show him the science behind it.

1 Like

Parenting classes won’t hurt i know a couple people that it done wonders

I have some issues like this. My husband flies off the handle a lot faster than he should. I give him a little leeway because he has chronic pain, but at the same time I speak up if it’s too much. Having a calm and private discussion can help. Find out if there’s an underlying reason like stress or pain that maybe you can help with or at least be more understanding about.

I have a different perspective on this. I was actually the one who was short tempered and mad at the kids being kids. It hit like a ton of bricks one night when my son started crying in another room when I was yelling at my daughter. I went to therapy and found out that a short temper can be a sign of depression!!! I would imagine that he doesn’t even realize it. I didn’t at all. Stress and exhaustion add to it. If he is a good guy and these actions don’t match up then look for the cause. Get him help! With help I have been able to change!!!

5 Likes

Following, same with my hubby :sob:

Growing up has never come the easier way. It comes with lots of challenges like lost marriages, lost love, financial and job problems and so many more, but still there has always been a solution to every challenges that we face in life. Life has been so difficult for me these past few months and I had given up on myself knowing that I will not find love or true happiness again. Two months ago I found out I was pregnant and I was so happy and excited to have my own baby and I didn’t even call my boyfriend. I just wanted to take the results to him and show him face to face and share the good news together. But when I reached his flat I saw his car parked outside and knew he was home so I went straight to his room. When I knocked, he allowed me to enter because he wasn’t expecting me at the time, but when i opened the door I nearly fainted because I caught him ready handed with another woman in his house. I looked at them and closed the door and ran away, he followed me saying his sorry and the woman is just a friend and nothing else but I knew he was lying and I walked away. I reached home and cried a lot until i told my best friend everything and she told me to fight for my man and not loose him to another woman. She gave me Sir Marere contact +2348109805184 email is: [email protected] com and told me Sir Marere will bring back my boyfriend to me and love only me. So i contacted Sir Marere and told her everything, he made a love and binding prayers for me and in 1 day of the prayers my boyfriend came to me with that woman I saw him with and knelt down and begged for my forgiveness and told the woman that am the love of his life and he doesn’t ever want to see her again. The woman walked away and that evening my man came back with a baked cake and gifts and flowers and asked for my forgiveness again and promised never to hurt me again and I told him that we are having a baby, he cried and smiled with joy and happiness. We are back together and so much in love and waiting for our baby to arrive. Thanks so much Sir Marere your prayers indeed work. You can call or whats-app Sir marere on +2348109805184 Email: [email protected] com incase you are passing through the same situation. Don’t be discouraged by what people may tell you that even don’t know the situation you are going through, all that matters are the results so feel free to contact him.

My husband was like this back when our oldest was a toddler/very young, and our second was born/a toddler. I flat out told him he will not act like that, that it will emotionally scar the children and if he cant handle being a parent then he needed to walk away right then.
I was a single mom before I met him (oldest son isnt biologically his) I would rather be single than have my kiddos growing up with that, thinking thats ok and doing the same.
After that he started to walk away for a few if he was going to explode and come back to them much more calm. He does so much better to this day! Only ever raises his voice to get their attention, rarely yell, yells at them. It’s fantastic!
For alot of guys who are like that you have to get very “extreme” for them to get it that their behavior is wrong.

Try video him when he acts that way, show him say this is what your son sees and how he reacts to you. That alone can make a huge impact!

2 Likes

Honestly, record him. I had this problem with my oldest and his father. My son is autistic and can be a real handful at times, but I started to see that the good parenting that I was doing was being overshadowed by his rage and lack of empathy. I simply started recording his worst parenting moments, so that I could show him what he looks like through his sons eyes. Made a HUGE, lasting impression and now he stops, counts to ten, addresses the issue appropriately, teaches and then punishes if necessary.

3 Likes

Take a video every time he starts getting short tempered with him. Then compile it all together after a week or so and let him see how often he’s yelling and why the child doesn’t like him. I think just one time videoing wouldn’t be enough because they could “justify” why they lost their temper but if they see its every time they are interacting then he might see the issue.

2 Likes

Try letting him relax after work for an hour going strait from work to parenting makes men short tempered he needs time to decompress keep reminding him that’s why they call it the terrible twos.

1 Like

After all a 2 year old has only been on this world a very short time, compared to an adult. It is well known they may have some understanding, but their physical ability, also needs to catch up,

It wasn’t until my husband noticed that my oldest wasn’t really connecting with him that he started to understand the impact. But to be fair I appreciate some of that tough love coming from dad I feel like it has kept my kids balanced.

Try putting the tot on time out and after he’s done, explain to him that he shouldn’t do that

Yell at him the same way he yells at that poor baby.

Sounds like he needs a kick in the rear.

My husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promised never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. Thank you Dr osagiede for saving my broken Marriage. Dr osagiede is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine, you can as well contact him for the following services, Lottery Spell, Promotion Spell, Goodluck Spell, Pregnancy Spell. etc Email him now today. Email him: [email protected] or whatsapp him via +2349055874177…