I wanted to see if someone could help me out with advice, my sister probably won’t post about it bc it involves her daughter but… My 14 yr old niece doesn’t like eating bc she thinks she’s fat… she isn’t fat at all she is in fact the perfect body type. Her mom diets a lot bc she’s not skinny and she has always felt bad about her own weight so yes my niece grew up seeing her mom complain about her own weight. But my niece also has this friend that she’s been friends with for many years and well since they’ve both grown up their body’s have changed. Her best friend is a lot bigger then my niece yet her best friend says that they are both the same size and she also tells my niece that she is bigger then her. With this cause an impact on my nieces eating habits ? Bc my niece hasn’t been food friendly this year and that’s mainly when all this started with the friend. I keep telling my sister that the best friend is toxic for my niece but she just says her friend has issue and she doesn’t want to hurt her feeling bc these issues were mental related.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I help my niece with her body image issues?
Your niece needs to be in therapy with someone who is qualified to deal with eating disorders. Your sister may need assistance as well.
Therapy. I had annorexia my first year of high school. And if you do not fix the problem then it can lead to long term mental problems. I still struggle with my body at 28. But I talk to my daughters about it so they understand that it’s not normal to think that way. Maybe talk to her achool as well. Counselors and teachers at school are such a good second support for your children.
My daughter is 13 and she’s super tiny but feels overweight… she won’t wear shorts or T-shirts. She’s 5 foot and 120 pounds… it’s terrible young girls are so insecure 
definitely therapy… my daughter just does hers via Skype because she has bad anxiety as well. Wish I could hug all these kids that are struggling and take all their pain away.
Show her a photo of the two of them together
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Need to tackle it early, as someone who battled with an eating disorder, it only gets worse. When you deprive your body of nutrition-your brain doesn’t function properly and you start to distort reality and that’s when it’s really hard to get through to someone. Definitely needs therapy before it spirals out of control. A lot of time eating disorders are about gaining control in chaos. Need to identify the root cause of the anxiety and depression rather than focusing on the “eating disorder” itself. When you correct the underlying issue, the disorder will be much easier to attack.
I would also recommend seeing a physiologist but a GP first body image is starting very early as my 11 year old grand daughter has spoken to me about her body changing , pubescent.
She is lucky to have a good metabolism and can eat lots without weight gain .
I wish your sister would take the blinkers off before it’s a real problem. I wish you all
The luck in the world.
If its at the point of her skipping meals and not eating then take her to see the gp. I wouldnt leave it any longer id get support in place now.
Remind her that beauty comes I’m all shapes and sizes. When my niece was younger she jumped from kids to juniors medium bc she was wide, even though she’s super skinny. I told her to dress to look and feel good, the s don’t matter.
I went through this as well & ended up anorexic. I had to go to therapy for it & I suggest it for your niece as well.
First tell her she can eat healthy and maintain… forget the friend.you have to focus more on building up her self esteem. And let her know her friend is jealous of her … So sorry to hear this.
I tell my daughters that when I was their age I hated my body. But then I had kids, and got stretch marks and gained weight and really hated my body. And I looked back on when I was young and realized my body was beautiful compared to now. But now I know that 20 years from now when I am a wrinkled old lady, I will look back at my chubby stretch mark body and see that it too was beautiful. Regret is a hard thing to live with. Back when I was young the style was stick thin, which I was not. But I regret not loving my body anyways. I regret not wearing bathing suits. Hating my body held me back from a lot of good things in life. So I tell my daughters to love themselves now, because 10, 15 years from now they will look back and realize they were beautiful the way God made them…
My daughter is 15 almost 16. She struggles with this same thing. Definitely therapy. But also find recipes that are healthy explain the benefits and let her know portion sizes for the sweets but that raw veggies and fruits and healthy protein will not cause her to gain weight. Does she like sodas? Or drink alot of them? Have her try sugar free ones or for every heavily sugared drink have 2 bottles of water after to help the body digest and break down the soda/coffee/tea or whatever it was. Get into a routine with her if a gym is not a option maybe a walk in the afternoons or a treadmill. I’ve struggled my whole life with my weight and my daughter has seen me diet it breaks my heart that it has played a part in the way my daughter sees and thinks about herself. But we are doing this journey of self confidence together. It sounds as if her friend has issues to that needs addressed I would talk to the neices friend and mom and maybe have them join something together maybe a Zumba class, the y or a gym 
If her friend and mom are having issues with their self image she im sure is picking up on that and feeling the same way. I think all girls go through it though at some point. I would work on maybe finding fashions she likes and girls modeling them in several different sizes so she can see that beauty lies in the confidence you have within not neccesarily your weight or pants size.
I would suggest counseling for your niece and talk to her pediatrician about meeting with a nutritionist! She very well could see someone completely different when she looks in the mirror!
I think it’s important that you shift her mindset in how she sees food and her relationship with it and I think therapy would work wonders too.
Food isn’t her enemy and food isn’t harming her. Food is necessary for nourishment, growth, and sustaining. She’s at an age where society is a heavy influence and she’s also not finished growing. Combine those two and you have a kid who sees herself in a negative light and believes that. She can’t help what others will say to her, and she can’t rely on her peers to be kind to her, but she can definitely rely on those who love her. She can rely on herself because truthfully, how she feels about herself is most important.
Good luck. Your niece sounds like a sweet kid and she deserves all of the good in this world. And hey, you sound like a loving aunt. She definitely hit the lottery with you and vice versa.
She needs to meet/be friends with a bigger girl who’s perfectly happy and embracing her body… or find someone to date who gives her compliments about her body… 
Friend is toxic yes and mom isn’t helping the situation whatsoever by always complaining her own weight and doing these diets. Your niece has grown up to have a eating disorder due to her moms behavior towards food and body image problems. I’m 34 and been dealing with bulimia since age 12 but that started AFTER I was sexually assaulted at age 12 and cause my dad would say very hurtful things towards me like how I live like a pig or how I’m as big as a cow etc even tho I was skinny but because of the assault and the words from my father I saw a bigger version of myself. Your nieces underlying problem lays within the home environment and somewhat the friendship too. Sit your niece down and ask herself to draw a picture of how she views herself then you take a picture of her and show her the difference in the pictures and you help her thru this. If your sister is willing to maybe have your niece get into therapy.
At that age there’s still learning more and more about themselves. We all get self-conscious there’s no way to get around that. If she wants to continue to diet such as her mom teach her a healthy diet that is good for her that way she can feel better about eating what she is eating and still getting nutrients required
I was called fat as a teen cause my size I dressed for me not them I ate for me not them.
Let her know eating for her is not eating for them it’s the not eating they’re happy about
Tell her real friends would want you to eat
She’ll get it over time but def get her help now before it gets worse.
Maybe approach your niece with some information on how not eating regularly effects her body and brain. And maybe have a real talk with your sister about how her negative body talk is affecting her child. The friend is the least of that kids worries there are more just like her it school. Mom needs to change stuff at home so her daughter can learn to be self confident and feel good about herself. There is so much out there today showing curvy ladies are beautiful and even sexy. Your niece just needs to know that in reality there are more ppl who will love her for who she is than what she looks like. Having a nice body does not make you a beautiful person. Having morals manners and respect are what make you a beautiful person. And that her feelings do matter she’s not alone. All you can do is be there and love her. That does more than ppl think. Just having someone that gets you at that age can be so huge. Be the cool aunt that she can tell anything to and be her biggest fan. She’ll get through it.
Body dysmorphia is real …talk to her, but she may need to see a counselor!!!
Maybe the niece and maybe her mom need to see a psychologist. This needs to be dealt with before the niece develops a eating disorder…which can be very serious…
the “perfect body type” doesn’t exist. there is no such thing.
I think society and social media are a plague on the body image of girls and young women. They are bombarded with images of emaciated women with boob jobs. And most of the close up facial shots are photoshopped to the max. They have little idea of what real women actually look like in real life. We have to watch our own body insecurities round them as that definitely impacts on how they view body image and healthy eating. Her friend sounds like she has her own insecurities about her size and is probably telling your niece that she is bigger than her to make herself feel better and maybe a bit of jealousy. All this is a perfect storm of negativity around your niece and I’d be watching her very carefully for signs of eating disorders. And eating disorders can and usually are hidden well at the beginning. Try getting her to think of food as a way of fuelling her body to promote health,energy ,nice skin etc rather than just associating it with size and weight. It’s very hard for them these days.
Therapy this is how anexoria starts
The mother and daughter need to see a psychologist. Soon. Tell the mother that her best friend is going to cause her daughter to be anorexic and that can be a life-long struggle that can lead to death. Tell her that you are sorry for the mother’s friend, but this friend is an adult and needs to get herself some help. But the daughter is the mother’s responsibility and she needs to take this seriously.
Guide her down the path of health.
Food is fuel for the body.
You can’t take her to the mall in the car on an empty tank of gas.
She can’t learn and grow on an empty belly.
You just have to work out what you put in.
Teach portion control and try to have 5 small meals a day to feel more in control.
That’s so hard at this age, best of luck 
“the perfect body type” … That right there is the problem.
Def gently talk to both her & the mom about this being possible path to anorexia. Get a few books out of the library to bring with some info and have a list of counselors covered by their insurance. Also always tell your niece she is beautiful just as she is. Get others in family to say it too. Maybe she needs to hear it more.
She might be struggling with body dysmorphia and actively building the eating disorder of preference. Professional help is needed, her Pediatrician or family doctor should know who best to refer her to.
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I’d suggest counseling and possibly meeting with a dietician to discuss healthy foods and daily nutrient requirements. Maybe if she learns that there’s food that won’t make her gain weight, she’ll at least eat that while she works through the root in therapy.
Looks like an eating disorder already on board…
I get paid over $ 125 per hour w0rking from home. I never thought l’d be able to do it but my colleague makes over $ 20284 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is limitless.
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Let her know that not eating isn’t the key to being skinny … exercise is the only way to be healthy with nutritious foods and show her pictures of people that starve themselves and the poor state there teeth hair and nails get in to. It may change her mind
I’m 26 with an eating disorder so please get her some help. And it sounds like her friend may be pulling her into a weight loss pact
Fat girl is not a true friend to say such things.
That friend isn’t good for your niece. Momma has got to talk to her about what makes a good friend and what makes a bad friend and also self-asses and change her own relationship to food and her body image, to flip the narrative her daughter believes about bodies/food.
Therapy for both of them and talk to this so-called friends parents both with and without her being present
I don’t have girls and never experienced this. Sooo… I’m FULL of advice! 
A few things come to mind. Girls do model their mothers. If your niece feels fat and your sister makes comments about her own weight… that in turn might make your niece self conscious. “Extra pounds aren’t acceptable, I’m ugly!”
Anxiety: It’s huge. Folks with eating disorders struggle with anxiety and feelings of losing control. Not eating is a choice and in turn gives them a sense of control. Controlling what they eat calms the anxiety. Deal with the core issues. Food and weight concerns are a sign of something deeper.
If really bad she may need to see a professional.
The friend is a tough one. Your niece obviously struggles with self image and low self esteem. 14 is a rough age for teens. Assuming she’s in junior high- those are the hardest years. Kids are so awkward at that age. They’re trying to navigate their identity, independence, and social circle. “Where do I fit in?” Body image is a mirage. So many messages coming at young girls about what’s perfect and desirable. Nowadays with social media and the internet
… good grief Batman! Back in my day it was Vogue magazine. Teens don’t know that these celebrities don’t even look like the woman in the magazine either. EVERYONE is filtered and photoshopped from hair to makeup, head to toe, hip to hip! It’s not real. I’m rambling… I don’t know whether the friend is the issue or not but I kept my 3 boys talking. Listen, listen, listen… family needs to feel safe to her- grounded, steady and stable. Parents and family still are the greatest influence whether positive or negative.
That’s my 2 cents on the dollar. I may be WAY OFF! Best regards!
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