How can I keep my 8 year old from hanging out with the wrong kind of friends?

Talk about choosing friends wisely and use examples of what good friends are vs bad ones. Talk about goals (I know she’s 8, but small achievements is fine) and explain to her how the people you hang around sometimes can influence good decision making, or make it harder to reach goals you’ve set for yourself. In adult version I say, “if you hang out with 3 crappy people, you become the 4th… you hang out with 3 good people who have good goals, you become the 4th” and maybe talk to her about being guilty by association too. Just because she may not be the one stealing or lying, doesn’t mean she won’t be assumed as one of them that is just because of the friends she chooses to have.

I have 6 grandkids I’m raising from age 6 to 16 I don’t let them go to others houses with out me and if they want their friends can come to my house so I can supervise them,and then if my kids start to lie or get in any trouble,they don’t get to do anything fun,they have to hang with me,I go to the store they go,they can’t hang in their room,no games and they watch what I want on tv sometimes it can be for a week depends on how they behave,it is all up to them how long they want to stay on restrictions,my son stole from a store when he was 3 I took him to the police station and I had a friend who work there so they put him in a cell for about 15 min then I took him back to the store and had him tell the cashier what he did and gave her back the gum,and with out him seeing I gave the cashier the money for the gum he opened I threw the rest away,but he never stole again,well as a child that I know off,call juvenile Hall and see if you can set up a visit to show your daughter what happens when you lie and steal.

Use tough love! You will be glad you did! You have to be controlling in this situation!

This sucks. I have a high spirited child; he’s 4.
Idk if I’ll be in your shoes but keep the lines of communication open and get him busy in other things; sports, school activities; get him aligned with other kids doing the same thing. Good luck and God Bless…

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I also agree with other comments. If you get her involved with activities like others have suggested it’s a great distraction tool it’s also a great tool to use to have her meet new people and to socialize.

Try to make adult friends with her other school age friends parents and invite them over a few times so she can befriend a better crowd

I’m sorry but the best advice I can give you is toughen up and tell your daughter she isn’t allowed to hang out with her. When it comes to your kids, always do what you know is right. If this girl isn’t such a good influence on your daughter then you need to step in and tell her no more :100:

She is only 8 yrs old keep her in the house until she is respectful and understands consequences. Again she is only 8 for heaven sakes

She’s 8. Find friends that are not bad influences. Find hobbies for her to get involved in. You are her mother. She’s not 18, put your foot down and nip it in the but now

Dont forbid the friendship, that can cause more problems, anything else, that age, friendships, come and go. Do the best you can, thats all one can do.

Be a parent not her friend you better stop the behavior now or your going have big trouble when she older

Talk to her! Tell her the truth. I can not tell you the power of just being 100% transparent with your kids. My mom did this with me ( I never drank before legal age, never smoked, never put myself in dangerous situations, all because my mom kept it 100% real with me) my mom told me the things she did when she was young, why it was wrong, and what could’ve happened. I took that message for real and listened. I wasnt perfect but I always knew right from wrong because my mom didnt keep secrets from me.

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She needs structure, discipline and counseling. Age 8 and lying and manipulating? Get her some help and course correction ASAP.

When she comes home from school don’t let her out again tell her she is grounded. She is too young at 8 to be hanging around streets with older kids. You need to use TUFF LOVE. Or you will lose control of her. I have seen this happen before. And if you do know she steals take her to the police to scare her. She will thank you one day. Xx

Jist say your concerned with your own kids behaviors and are trying to teach her more anoutnproper behavior before she can hang out with others.Shes not setting examples that are proper and your nipping things into place.They can be pen pals for now though

Children need to be told they are children
…parents need to act like parents …harsh but true

I would and did do whatever I thought was best for my child, don’t care if he/she like it. I’m proud of how they grew up so…

She’s 8 where is she hanging out with the wrong friends … if its just at school u can’t really control that but if u dont want her around certain kids u are the parent outside of school dont let her go to that child’s house… if u dont want her to be around someone that’s up to u

You’re the parent.SAY it. Day, no you can’t see/hang talk to June Bug. Keep her busy. And if she asks, or June or her mom ask Tell them!

At 8 years old I’m going to tell you who you can be friends with … there’s no stealing or lying ever that’s never ok… forget having friends your not going to have a life period

They can talk at school but as far as out of school I wouldn’t let her hand out with her or others. I tell mines straight out, do not let me catch you around so and so. She knows

Make her so busy that she doesn’t have time to hang out with this friend.

Get your daughter involved in some sort of after school activities, girls scouts, church groups (those are free) pretty much set her up to make new friends, and eat up her free time so she can’t spend so much time hanging out.

You you say you don’t like that girl your daughter will only be stronger friends with her. Kids are difficult like that.

There is a saying in spanish my mom always told me (probably one in English as well) what takes you so many years to cultivate can be destroyed in seconds with the wrong friends, and one about how 1 bad apple rots the bunch. But you have a bad apple and you need to work to fix that. Find out why she is the way she is. Where did your child learn this behavior from and why does she think at all that its ok? I agree with keeping her busy, maybe extra studies after school, family game nights. Teach her to cook, have her take up a sport, an instrument, learn a new language. Have her read more. There is a lot an 8 year old can learn to do to keep super busy.

Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT BE WORRIED ABOUT OFFENDING ANYONE OVER THE NEEDS OF YOUR CHILD! She’s 8! Not 16. You have complete control over her life. Tell the other girls parents your true feelings! Tell the school! Get your daughter away from that girl because it’s very obvious that your daughter is exactly like the other girl. Now, on a serious note, do you know for 1000% that it’s because of this girl that your daughter is acting this way? And don’t take offense to this but with how you explained it(and I could be wrong) your daughter is in control, not you. She could be acting out looking for attention. Because she’s missing something in her life. Do you and her spend enough quality time together? Do you take her on special adventures? Mom daughter say at a spa/salon(doesn’t have to be fancy). Movie date night. Hiking, arcade, beach, lakes, shopping, family game night, camping in the backyard or living room, teach her how to cook, pick a hobby to do together that SHE picks out. I mean there is so much y’all can do together and stay busy. Because ultimately you’re allowing this behavior to continue. And without her getting what she needs, it’s going to get worse.

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I would tell her no and be honest with the parents about why.

Have you considered putting her in therapy?

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Distract your daughter with activities and clubs. Like brownies, girl scout’s or dance or gymnastics. Shell be able to meet and make new friends.

You are almighty powerful to a kid thats 8. How do you not have total control?
Grow a pair and open a Costco size can 'o whoop ass. Thats all the advice I got.

Just tell the the truth. Why sugar coat that their daughter is a criminal in training.

She is only 8, you still setting the rules, nip it in the bud.

Ground her every time she lies, steals, hangs out with the wrong people etc.

Start doing more thing with her as a family instead

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Find her a hobby keep her mind busy to where she don’t have time to think about her friend

The more you try to stop it she will fight you. Just keep reminding her of being a good person.

She’s 8, you set the rules. Just don’t let her be friends with the other girl

Move or change schools.

Shes 8, you definitely have the say over who she hangs out with .

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You do the play dates

I think 8 is the lying and manipulating stage of growing up. She’s testing you to see what she can get away with it.

Hold your ground. You’ll be good.

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Some ppl don’t know how to be a parents . That’s a lot to do w/ how these kids are turning out!

Simple be the PARENT

Ummm she’s 8 control that

She is 8 what you say goes

Stop her from hanging w/ her . The kids own mother told you she steals

Stand strong for your daughter, sometimes we have to make hard choices

I also was forbidden to hang out with a girl in my neighborhood as she was a little messed up, a bit disrespectful. I liked her and had fun with her, then I was in 7th grade, she 8th I had to choose the summer prior to that to either hang with her by my choice and get grounded for entire summer or not hang with her and have my summer… I had my summer I was too active to hang in the house… this girl’s mom had knocked on our door and told my dad that I was smoking pot with her daughter… ummm no, I did not even know what pot was… lol had not even smoked a cigarette…so, thankfully my dad believed me and that was the end of that…yet a while later he put an end to the friendship. I did not think it was fair etc…So the next school year was tough as she now hung out with toughies and they picked on me, I had permission to stand up for myself even though I was afraid to get in trouble at school, there were fist fights, etc they backed off fairly quickly shut it down when they knew I’d fight back every time and chase after them if they were disrespectful, spit gum in my face, gave me a crappy lunch at lunch room, almost shoving it in my face… did not end well… so years later this poor girl had 4 or 5 children , unmarried and at least 3 different dads… I don’t think I even had children yet… I was heartbroken, this girl used to have me walk her home and then I’d walk back to my house alone… I never knew why & was always glad she trusted me and so I did that when asked and it became automatic… until I could not hang anymore…I found out many years later from her siblings that the father drank, beat them ripped the phone out of the wall and scared the crap out of the entire family… omg I felt so terrible I know If my dad knew he’d have stopped it. He never let any kids be hurt… in fact this same girls youngest brother needed a place to live to finish school, my dad, with 8 kids took him in, he finished high school and stayed until he finished college. When my dad passed away he and his mom showed up he told us my dad laid down the laws… as far as respecting my mom and us in the house. He also told him as long as he did the right thing he could stay as long as he needed. He said your dad would slip me money for gas and food almost daily, always checked to make sure I got what I needed, etc he is now a biology professor at a college…I Know my dad is proud of him. I know my dad would have done the same for the girl he forbade me to hang with if he had only known.The man who lived at our house it was because at the time their house was being sold and the father was no longer in the picture. That was when my dad knew he could help… with 8 of his own children and working etc he did not have alot of extra time and he was always at our dance recitals, ballgames, hockey games, often coaching. There are no easy answers; however I am thankful I did not end up in the same crowds as this other girl even though I knew she had a good heart… she just had people really let her down… sad…My dad always said, I’m your parent first, then your friend… trust your instincts and seriously she can’t hang out with anyone if she’s grounded for lying, talking back etc then get her into other things after school. hope my experience is helpful.

She’s 8! Tell her NO

This is the time you need to talk to her and let her choose her own friends. It’s her choice to to bad things or good things and if she does something inappropriate you need to punish her. But letting her know you trust her and she is her own person now will set y’all’s relationship up for success later. She’s going to start doing things behind your back if you start to set her limits like that. She’s 8 years old and the other girl is 10, they are growing and learning! Give them a chance

Why is your kid hanging out with anybody… unsupervised unless it’s her age… my daughter is 7 and she works off my schedule and I know every single
Person she speaks too. Gain some control… she’s 8 not 13!!

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I had a few bad influence friends when I was a kid. The girls got pregnant as teenagers, I didn’t have my first kid till I was 22. They used drugs, I didn’t. They got arrested regularly, I’ve never been arrested. They worked maybe 2 years of their life so far, I’ve been working for at least 25 years. Some of them r still homeless & on the street or in a shelter somewhere, I’ve never been inside a homeless shelter & some of my homes have been better then others but I’ve always had a home. My point is dont treat your daughter like she’s one of her friends & she’ll figure it out by watching them.

You can’t really help who they’re around at school but you absolutely have all the power to restrict their playtime outside of school. Even if you’re not bothered by covid just go with “we’re not hanging out with outside families until the virus is under control.” It will buy you some time at least without being questioned much about it. May be just enough separation to move on from each other.

Do what u have to do! Be honest! Or dont, if u don’t feel comfortable. But always do what’s best for ur daughter! Regardless if It hurts peoples feeling or not! Mama knows best!

Shes 8. Jesu,keep her home,call an exorcist. Roflmao

ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS FUCK ALL YOU BITCHES SAYING HER DAUGHTER IS THE PROBLEM YOUR THE FUCKING PROBLEM! Were all mom or at least some of us and obviously none of you guys have girls or preteens. Things happen she’s asking for advice your for you bitches to be rude and talk bad about her or her parenting! You don’t know her or her life so before you start being judgy bitches just don’t. Dont comment and go away. Were supposed to support each other not bring each other down. So again GET LOST!

She’s 8, tough love and a switch :woman_shrugging:

Uhmmm… you are her mother and it’s your job and responsibility to get her away from bad influences and teach her that her behavior is unacceptable. My 8 year old had this friend since they were in pre-k, last year that same friend became a tiny bitch. No joke mean bitchy bully. I simply said “nope, ya done. You will not turn into a girl like that because it’s my job to make sure you grow right” I started letting her spend more time gaming with a boy from her school (also have known each other since pre-k) and now she forgot all about the mean girl and has an awesome friendship with this boy. They only talk about video games and goofy things. Growing up i had more guy friends because they tend to be 100% better. Less drama and they are more protective. My guy friends were always respectful and took care of me. But its YOUR job to make the right choices for her until she learns better. I mean she is 8 and you seem to already be losing control of her… what are you going to do when she is 13 or older and shit really hits the fan? You are the adult and the parent, your child and her behavior is your responsibility.

Positive and negative reinforcement

Hey Jo Lindsay-remember when my mom said we couldn’t be friends?

OP, we are 36 now. And still friends. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Having parented three kids through the teenage years recently (they’re young adults now), so it’s fresh in my mind), it really bothers me to read your strong aversion to having your child associate with “the bad kids.” Look, kids that young are going to make bad choices, including lying, cheating, and stealing, and if you think you’re child is completely immune to it all, you will find yourself disappointed. Where good parenting comes in is in the teaching right from wrong. If they are never permitted to see poor behavior and never have a chance to make poor choices (or fail), then they will never feel the sting of consequence. Parent your child well and love your child fiercely. That’s the best you can do. And, as a note of protection to those other kids, I will stand up for them. There are no bad kids. Don’t be a Karen, and don’t teach your kid to be one with your words either.

Lol your acting like she’s a 20 yr old grown woman Pintsize Khan

Omg I could have written this for my 8 year old son x I’m so scared he’s going to hang on the streets and smoke, I brought him up to do the total opposite but I’m scared

Parent her! Tell her your concerns and worries. At the end of the day she is a child and you are the adult. She’s 8 not 18🙄

Why are you allowing an 8 year old control everything. Sounds like you and she needs to learn boundaries. YOU are the parent. YOU set the rules. Exactly when and where are is she hanging out? Sounds like she throws a tantrum and you give in. Just know if you dont take control now you will regret this later.

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You can’t make them not be friends at school, you can’t control that. Sounds like you are discriminating against the other child for being just like your own. How would you feel if other parents talked about your child the way you talk about this one? You said yourself that your child don’t have very many friends, you blame this other child for your child stealing gum (other child was probably not there). Hate to say this but you my dear, are not perfect as a parent & thats okay cuz none of us are perfect including this other child. I would say that maybe allow this other child to hang out with yours when you are around and stay positive…you may be overreacting with prejudiced and its actually your child needing more guidance. None the less, being a parent is having faith your are doing good enough raising your child that they make healthy decisions on their own.

She’s 8. You have the power. If she were my kid I would not allow her to hang out with this kid. Stop caring about what the kids parents will think. Who cares. The only thing you should care about is the well-being of your daughter. You don’t have to explain nothing to anyone.

Trust me take control now. I have a 10 year old that tried the same crap.

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Is either you save your child or your friendship. You choose. You dont need to say a word just make sure they have little to do with each other.

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BEAT HER AZZ! DAMN…YOU CAN’T CONTROL AN 8yr Old???
YOU’RE A PO’ EXCUSE OF AN ADULT (Let ALONE A MOTHER)…

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Take everything she loves away for 2 weeks. You’re her parent not her friend. If she doesn’t fear u slightly then she also has no respect .

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she’s only 8 so you control who she is around

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Whoop that lil ass when u know she lying to u. Discipline is different from abuse. Know the difference and use it…knowledge is power

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I would have zero problems disallowing my 8 year old to play with an older child that steals. I would be kind about it but easily would cut her off. The girl who steals will latch on to your daughter and affect who she becomes.

Ummm, “hanging out”… she’s 8. Who is the parent?? You control who she spends time with unless she is at school. If you have to ask how to control the friends of an 8 year old you’re in big trouble with the teen years.

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Your daughter is 8…I am assuming you are older? My son didn’t do anything that I didn’t know about when he was 8. You determine at this age who is a good/bad influence and you are the person to say who she can/can’t hang out with. If your daughter is misbehaving you have to show her that there are consequences for her behavior. If she does something or breaks any rules you give her a punishment and stick to it. If you can’t control her now what are you going to do when she is older and bigger??? Nip it in the bud now before you can’t!

Umm… Who’s the parent? Sounds to me like there’s no parental guidance and she’s dictating your life…kids need to learn from their mistakes and if she happens to get into trouble because of this “bad influence” it’ll be on her

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Have any parents told you that about your daughter? She may also be a bad influence, and maybe that’s why she doesn’t have many friends.

Dont let them hang out together speak with tbe other girls parents work together to keep the girls apart i

Get the school on board too. They can help steer her in a better direction and added to other social groups.

Get her into some extracurricular activities she likes where she can find the right kind of friends and steer her that way. Hype it up.
My kid tired that lying and stealing shit with me too when she was 6. I had a day off work and was fed up with it. So, I went around the ENTIRE HOUSE, and stole every last cup, plate, toy, crayon, marker, snack foods, ect that was hers and hid it all where she couldn’t find it. Then lied to her for a few hours about how someone must have stolen her things and I had no idea where it went. All she had left was a dresser, her clothes, bed blanket and one pillow. She learned real quick how being lied to and stolen from feels. I also made her do chores to earn her things back one at a time. She’s 9 now and we haven’t had an issue since.

It’s awkward. I get that. But your daughter is your first priority. Take control now because it only gets harder as they grow

Where the hell are you while she’s “hanging out?”
She’s freaking 8!!!
What the hell is wrong with you seriously?
You gotta be shitting me even writing some dumb shit about a damn 8 year old.
Check your parenting skills because there way off base

I suggest rerouting her attention with new hobbies or interests… sports, Girl Scouts things like that where she can meet new friends who share the same interests , maybe even better quality friends

She’s 8!! If you can’t control her now then you need parenting classes.

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Have the girl come to your house only… that way you have control of the behavior… give her one chance.
Tell her the house rules and spend time with them.
If they are at your house you know where they are…always.
Talk to the girls parents and say … our girls can be friends, however I expect you will supervise them at all times. And no letting them go anywhere alone.
See how it goes. Remember you are your child’s parent , not her friend . So parent.

So your daughter lies and is manipulative, among other things but the other girl is the bad influence?? Tou are supposed to be the parent so how in the hell is an 8 yr old running the house?? Stop worrying about other “bad influences” and worry about your bad daughter!!

Kids are killing their parents l like the ideal supervisor at your house there :house: house check it out go from there new generation use :fire: fire against :fire: fire go hard they like it ruff…

Taking it easy won’t work for this new crew new generation…

I was a troubled kid when I was young run away my mom told me no all I heard was yes go on and do that … but the 1 thing I remember is I stole 1 time in my life and my mom called the cops on me and she made them take me to the cop station and do like they would do if it was someone that would have got caught and to this day I remember it like yesterday happend before I was a teen and now 29 and i still think of it most times all I ever wanted was my mom time ear shoulder for her to just once hang out with me and do something just me and her … maybe try talking to ur child ask her what she’s trying to accomplish with the way she’s actin ask her if there is something u can do to help her with anything she mite be going threw sometimes a ear or just going for a walk a drive with u or maybe someone shes been close to and no longer is as close to never know with kids … be patient talk dont scream and when she talks let her talk dont blame remind her u love her and u always will remind her that no matter how upset u mite be that if she needs wants anything ull always be there sometimes all u need to do is listen and not say anything at all bite ur tongue and no matter how mad u are keep it in … good luck to u its hard for both sides hope u find the solution to this problem … :slight_smile:

Home wise do what u can .but if your child gets in trouble at school with the child if same class have teacher separate from teacher if sit by each other this is what I had to do and we told my daughter if friends are getting u in trouble not true friends and had to stay away from them. But luckily the way we are doing schooling this child and mine do separate days right now on hybrid.

I work at my kids school so I see and I’m glad separate days right now

It happened to me. I educated my girls (happened to both of them on different occasions) on the matter and didn’t give a damn what the other parents thought about it. One time the parents were really good people, just totally clueless about their daughter’s manipulating ways and lying. My kids were eventually able to recognize good character from bad and to leave toxic people behind if they don’t respect you and/or make you feel bad and don’t change anything even when you mention it. The only way to get out of those situations is to parent your kids IMO.

I’d call the girl out to her face about it right in front of my daughter and let her know she is not welcome anywhere near my daughter and feel free to have her parents call me…then keep my daughter so busy she won’t have time for that…we’d be besties…and take her to a juvy and let her see there are little.girls there…

let her know u don’t like the behavior she is displaying’ and let her know that will cause her to Privileges like hanging out friends also I would change her class room too contact school and let them know u want to change her teacher

Have the school and teacher aware of your concern and have let them know you prefer to have your daughter not associated with this girl and if there any way of them helping include your daughter in another direction of kids maybe they can introduce or ask some other kids in class of they can include her in some of the activities at recess or something just say your concerns being honest and having school step in teacher may even notice other girls behavior and bring it up to parents school may even have a type of counciling or something to help other child if parents can’t seek help or willing to maybe school can or maybe even switching schools may be best for ur daughter no it not fair but if ur able to may be for best

You are the parent she is the child. You are in control. Its ok to say no. What other activities is she involved with? Keep her busy and engaged. She needs structure and reminders of what is right and what is wrong. Good luck.

You let her get away with stuff when she was younger ,your half to blame you don’t spoil a child in the beginning she wouldn’t be hanging or doing what she’s doing .my children had chores to do to get privileged to watch tv to stay up an extra hour. To get treats and they worked for them.it’s not spare the rod spoil the child you don’t need to beat them either She is 8 …Your the adult .draw the line .Be strict she will hate this aT first but you are the adult.make her wash dishes.make her bed.gold laundry and if she doesn’t do it take away stuff like an hour earlier to bed.Treats such as movies etc.But Be Firm not

Start with telling her that people that lie are never trust worth people. Tell her that she is distancing people with this attitude. Take her to therapy. Urgently. Because lie, cheat and steel she is alredy a delincuent. Is now that you can change the path. Talk to her. Spend time with her. Maybe she is looking for 100%attention

sounds like you and your daughter have reversed roles, she is the mom and you are the child

Communication and clarity on certain request. Right and wrong issue but most important is HONESTY.