How can I keep my kids in bed at bed time?

My daughter is 4 and she’s like 99% potty trained. Up until last week, we’ve kept her door locked at night (please no judgement) so that she wouldn’t roam the house at night or try to let herself outside. I finally bought a baby gate that she can’t open. I have it set up in the hallway so she can come out and go to the bathroom but she can’t go out into the living room, kitchen, or exterior doors. The first night she did great. Right after being tucked in, she got up twice back to back to “use the potty” but then stayed in bed. It’s been maybe 5 days in a row of her getting up almost nonstop for at least 2 hours. She just plays in the hallway, comes into my room and wakes the baby up, or goes into her older sisters room and wakes her up. How long will this transition last? Will she get used to it? Is there anything I can do to try to keep her in bed? I’ve seen the bedtime lights that indicate when they should get up or not but I don’t think that would work.

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Good grief people. Answer the question kindly or move on.

It sounds to me that being a middle child, she might just need a bit more one on one time to me.

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You ask no one to pass judgment but it’s kind of hard - it’s not safe to lock your child in their room . They need to know if they need a parent they can get to one

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Every time she gets up, put her prmptly back into bed. No talking, no reasoning, just repeat the steps of putting her back to bed.

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It’s not illegal but it is actually a possible fire code violation. You are basically restricting your child from seeking safety and escaping should a fire break out. Not only that, it can have severe psychological outcomes also.
This time is called parenting. You don’t lock your child in. You sit and have a long conversation about what makes you feel safe and happy at bedtime? Do you want to shop for a nightlight together since you are becoming a big kid? Do you want mom or dad to lay with you for 2 or 3 nights till you get comfortable? Mom, make them feel safe. Let them watch happy shows before bed. Let them pick out an I’M A BIG KID NOW…toy or stuffed animal. It is a battle that can be safely and beautifully won.

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Pick her up, put her back in bed, walk away - repeat as many times as necessary.

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Try sitting with her until she falls asleep

Also, pit the gate at her door problem solved

You can put a potty in her room for night time and put the baby gate in her door she can’t get out but eventually will find creative ways of climbing over and that’s when you stack the baby gates over each other. We took her door off and had to do that as she was determined to get out of bed and climb into our bed.

I’m gonna Judge!
DCS would be called if I knew someone locked their child (2 years old) in their bedroom.
That’s is selfish on a Parent, just because she is having trouble staying asleep. You are The Parent, Do Better!!

Some.people should NOT have Children SMDH

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Hogtie her then lock the door! :roll_eyes:

Consistency is key! Keep taking her back to the room. You may have to sit in the hallway for a few hours each night until she understands.

Watch super nanny episodes

Let her roam a bit. It’s only interesting for a while. She’s just curious about her new boundaries. She will have a week or two where she will be tired from less sleep. Then when she is all done exploring her new “freedom” you can change her bedtime routine from what she is used to. Then she will forget about roaming around. So, if she is used to having a bed time story, you can give her a little back rub instead. Whatever you used to use as a routine, just change it a bit. Mine both did the same. But I’ve just let them roam.

Not being rude when I say this but Mabey because yall was locking her in her room at night and now yall arent…she is feeling the freedom of being able to get up and move about as she pleases…It will get better with time…never lock your kiddos up…its part of parenthood

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We just started a nighttime routine with our almost 4 year old and now when we say bath time, he knows bed time is next. The first few nights were rough but we’ve gotten less resistance and it’s getting a lot easier, we’re only a week into this new routine. He asked for snacks the first few nights, so I started bringing a snack to bath-time right before bed, which has also really worked, no more getting up for a snack! After we read a story, I sing a song and scratch his back and he’s usually asleep within 5-10 minutes. He’s the oldest of 3 and that special time with just us is awesome for him! You should totally take advantage of that time and snuggle your babe💜 she’ll get used to that comfort of you being there and go to sleep a lot quicker than you just leaving her to comfort herself to sleep.

We kept a baby gate at my son’s bedroom door for a while. I had to figure out how to childproof literally everything once he figured out how to open the gate. Just here to say I understand that. If she has to potty at night, she has to potty. Do you have a monitor that she could talk to you through when she has to go instead? Idk

Lay down with her til she falls asleep. That helps mine.

Personally I would out my son down every night and go through the routine of going to bed. Books, songs and cuddles then sleep. Last bathroom break was at teeth time and drink we’re already cut off an hour before bed. It sounds like a lot and at times it was but now he puts himself to bed so I guess it paid off in a sense

No judgment here. As a mom of two adults, as children we took their door off their room when they were toddlers and replaced it with a wooden screen door that had a hook latch on outside. Their rooms were across from ours. I could hear if they got up, and they could play in their room until we got up.

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I don’t have kids so take this with a grain of salt, never know it might help. She sounds like me, I can’t sleep at night basically no matter how hard I try, however, if I’m more active during the day and also mentally stimulated I sleep so much better at night. Take her to the park in the evening and give her some challenging educational toys to use… I can almost guarantee this would help tremendously.

We have a night light projector for my son, he was like this ar first to but then I had to tell him if you get out bed you don’t get your books, or night light or his cars tomorrow. After a few times of me having to take things away he now stays in bed. He will read a book and talk away. He has ADHD to so I hope that helos

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I feel like you would have been past this stage already if you hadn’t had her locked in the room to begin with…kids get out of bed…

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Make sure you have a bedtime routine. Dinner, family playtime together to wear her out or an evening family walk, something both mentally and physically stimulating that requires the whole family, then bathtime to relax her and settle down a bit and then jammies on and to the bed with a soft low wattage light bulb or night light thats dim enough to read her a book but not bright enough to keep her awake. You can read it twice but the second time she has to roll over and close her eyes and just listen but give her back rub or back scratches til your done the book then out ya go and make sure all the lights in the house dont shine into her room and keep noises like laughter or tv to a minimum so she doesnt want to come join in on the fun and think shes missing out on something if you don’t go to bed immediately after she does. And if she wakes up or comes out, lay down with her for a few minutes and scratch her back till she’s sleeping. She’s only young for a few years and sometimes they get scared easily or have a bad dream. But regardless enjoy the time while it lasts

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When I was growing up, they put a potty seat in my room and gated my room off. And every morning I was to assist to empty the potty seat (not alone cuz we’re kids and could spill it). I don’t have this issue (yet), so I haven’t had to do that. But I’d suggest maybe doing the same?

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It is a back and forth consistent routine. She gets up and you take her back to bed and tuck her in over and over. Remind her you are so proud of her for getting up to potty but it is time to sleep. Big sister is asleep and the baby is sleeping too. Not play time, bedtime. Seems like forever but one morning you’ll wake up and realize she didn’t get up after bed.

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She’s 4, her going back n forth to her room is going to happen… Her bedroom door shouldn’t have been locked in the first place, that’s weird… Maybe that’s why she’s going in and out of rooms now… Smh

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Why not try reading her stories till she falls asleep and then put soft music on in her room to help her stay to sleep that’s what I did to my granddaughter and my kids

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Just put her back each time when she has her toilet done and tell her firmly it’s sleep time and she has to stay in her room eventually it will sink in.

I remember when you first posted. Glad you at least got the baby gate. But once again, your kiddo probably just wants mommy snuggles. Get over yourself and comfort your child. The responses, even from your last post, have not changed

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Put stair gate on her door, reduce drinks after dinner and put a potty in the room so if she does need to go then she can. Then if she wakes up for hours she will not disturb her siblings

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Being locked in her room could be the reason she keeps trying to leave. Set a strict routine and follow it daily so she knows what to expect. Wake up the same time and go to bed at the same time. Have a night light in the room. Take her to go potty before she goes to bed. Always allow for bathroom trips. If she’s peeing a lot at night that should be discussed with the pediatricians. There’s a number of reasons for nighttime accidents.

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Put the gate at the door and a monitor in her room so she can communicate and say she needs to potty or whatever when y’all are away from her y’all can get up let her out and then she’s done she goes straight back to her room and into the bed and close the gate…itll take some time heck mine are 6 and 5 and still love to try and get up and stay up but they are getting way better now.

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Reduce drinks after a certain time so she doesn’t need to “potty”. As exhausting as it may be, put her back in every time she comes out. The first time, tell her that it’s bed time, she needs to stay in her room. The second time, tell her the same thing. After that, don’t say anything. She will eventually get the point that she has to stay in her bedroom for bed.

Good luck, mama!

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Cut off her drinks in the evening and put the gate at her door .

get cameras. use baby gates in all the concerning places. allow her to get really tired, find an activity it’s summer kids need to move and have lots of physical play. I’m sad you locked her, I can understand the need for the safety though. but that’s really extreme.

maybe try reading a book in her bed with her at those times she tries to get up? give cuddles, find a cool night light that sings, find a stuffy she can designate to be her bed buddy- talk it up, make sound so special, get her into a routine of having the stuffy for books and at each night time.

Is she still napping in the day

Cut down or leave her day naps altogether she will be too exhausted to wake up.

Make sure she has enough stimulating activities as well as outdoor play in the day to tire her out.

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Saying don’t judge me doesn’t always mean the person thinks they are doing something wrong. Just probably knows some won’t agree. I used the handle safety locks but had a monitor so I could see and hear what is going on. I would put the potty in her room.

I need some clarification. How long did you keep her door locked? A few nights, months, years… Your child could be doing this cause she is having a trauma response. Can you imagine how it would feel to want your mom or dad and you can’t get to them or at least get their attention. My opinion you should leave the baby gate and go to your child as much as needed until she feels safe. I know it’s a lot but you caused this. A child needs to know that their mother is their always. Cut back on fluids before bedtime, make sure she gets lot of exercise during the day. I would suggest karate, dance, swimming. Start a bedtime routine. Story, tuck her in and play some relaxing music. It’s bedtime not jail. Treat it as such and you will get better results.

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As someone who had a child wander outside when he was supposed to be in bed asleep and drowned in our far neighbors in ground pool, do what you must to keep wandering children in the house. Judgements will pass but keeping that baby alive and safe is your number one priority. Definitely keep a monitor on her so when she needs you, you’ll know. We had baby locks on our front door and he still managed to break it off and do what he wanted. If I could go back in time I would’ve baby proofed ever inch of every corner of our home. I’m never going to stop grieving and no other parent should have to go through that kind of loss. Do. What. You. Must.
God bless.

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Soft instrumental music works for my daughter and laying down with her .no one should judge you for locking her door we are all moms and we are not perfect .

Get a child proof door knob so she can’t open door or put baby gate at door but at that age she can prob climb over it. Idk it’s a stage most likely just have to get thru it

I would not make a big deal about it, she will stay. You could lock the other bedroom doors to keep her out. There may be times that you find her asleep in the hallway.

I seriously cannot imagine locking my child in their room. I know it can be frustrating having to get up a bunch through the night but, what in the world are you thinking locking your very young child in a room alone?! That’s a shitty thing to do.

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Is she just won’t go to bed or waking in the middle of the night . Try sound machine or radio or TV turned low

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Try Gates at all doors except the bathroom see howthat works

I would suggest you do a punch card 10 punches when she stays in bed every night for 10 nights in the card is full take her to the dollar store for Five Below whichever that’s what I did and it worked

Is she going “potty” before you tuck her in. If not, it is a routine worth following.

Picked this up from “Super-Nanny” :ok_hand:t4:
You will have to keep taking her by the hand, lead her back to bed.
When she first leaves her room
“It’s sleep time, Darling. You have to remain in your room"Tuck her in. Then leave her room.
Repeat if she leaves the room again.
2nd time same except all you say is” Sleep time" No other communication.
Repeat if she leaves the room again.
On the 3rd time just silently lead her to her bed. Tuck her in. Non-verbal. No Engagement of any kind.
You will have to repeat this process, even if it is 76 times in one night.:cold_sweat:
It will be exhausting for 2/3 nights. But by the 3rd night, she’ll get the message.
The key is to be loving but firm :cold_sweat:

She will soon realize that bed time IS bed time. Everybody is tired and everybody needs their rest.

Maybe you are putting her to bed too early?

With my first daughter. We cut her door in half above the door handle. With my now 2 year old who is potty trained we put the baby gate at her door and has her potty chair in there. Not going to lie all my children have had TVs in their rooms. That stays on on low volume. I do too.

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I had to lay down with all 3 of my kids when they did this. After they fell asleep then I would go to my room. Eventually they learned on their own as they got a little older.

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If she’s used to a closed door and it being locked now she has “freedom”. So she’s gonna explore the boundaries. Just keep laying her down. Also visuals help so like a clock and say you can’t come out until the number is 7 or whatever time you’d start your morning

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A warm bath a few bedtime stories a cup of water by bed and mean it when you say goodnight. She’s a big girl now!

Barring some diagnosis not mentioned, it sounds like you locked her in her room to avoid a struggle. You can’t avoid struggles in parenting, they’re baked into the cake. I have an extremely strong willed kid and an easy kid and I have to fight battles with both of them. She’s testing her boundaries because that’s what kids do. Structure, routine, love, praise, discipline, consistency and follow through are what work. And it’s exhausting, but necessary.

Learning to stay in bed at bedtime isn’t going to be the hardest thing you’ll ever face. I’d recommend seeking professional help with discipline and parenting if you feel you are lacking the tools :woman_shrugging:t2:.

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Give her a special toy she only gets to have in her bed. If she gets up… Take it away! Be CONSISTENT and take her back EVERY TIME. Also, shut her door. Seems that’s what she was used to. At 4yrs she should be able to open a door if needed. Put a little alarm (that buzzes in your room) & u can march her right back to bed without waking the house. Keep the gates up if u like, but don’t talk or turn on lights… Just redirect her back to bed.

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Don’t lock her in her room. Move the baby gate so she doesn’t have access to hallway anymore or bathroom. Put the gate at her bedroom door and a potty in her room.

You saying not to "judge you " shows that you know you were wrong to lock her in her room. What if something would have happened to her? Thank goodness you now have the baby gate.

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Get a few things for dollar tree and five below and for at least two weeks give her a pick of award in the morning after she follows the rules ams stay in her room until the light changes colors.

Put her back in bed. No eye contact no talking. Do this as many times as it takes.

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Good heavens give the child time

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Shes doing it out of jealousy because you had a baby. Most of the attention was on her and now she’s lucky to get any all. She’s simply acting out. Include her more with the baby, let her engage.

You locked your kid in a room? No. Just no. Not only is it illegal, but it’s immoral. Maybe you shouldn’t be a parent. Obviously, you know you shouldn’t have done that or you wouldn’t have said no judgement. I hope someone who knows you gets CPS involved. I feel for that baby.

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I would put door alarms on my children’s doors at night when I heard the alarm go off I would get up with them never locked them in their room u have to think what if a fire starts in ur home will u be able to get ur child out in time ?

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We use the baby gate at her door. So she can’t wander into other rooms or the house while we are sleeping. But we can also hear if something is up. (Tho now we included the bathroom where she can use the toilet now that she’s potty trained)

You can’t keep her in bed. We don’t even try. But we give her toys and stress that if she doesn’t go to sleep, she will be exhausted or have a hard time waking up to play, etc.
Our daughter plays until she is sleepy, then puts herself to bed. Sometimes she wakes up at night to play and then goes to sleep again. That’s fine. As long as she isn’t doing something dangerous unattended in other parts of the house.

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She may have been up and awake in her room prior to the baby gate but she just couldn’t get out so you didn’t know. This might be something brand new to the both of you. Her having the ability to roam a little more than before is something different to her and she’s probably curious. Maybe stop drinks after a certain time before bedtime? Lay with her for a bit until she falls asleep. Maybe read a book for her to get her to wind down.

Read a parenting book maybe?

Try night time lotions, reading before bed, cuddles, back rubs, maybe a bath before bed. Get on a routine so she knows it’s bed time. In schools, they use bells to condition kids to know what’s next. Kind of like Pavlovs dog - ring a bell or give her a reward when she does it the way you want her to.

“Don’t judge me “ as I post something that warrants judgement.
Dude don’t be locking ya kid in her room. Pop the baby gate on her room, so she can’t roam around and do as she pleases.

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Is this the same lady that said she locks her bedroom door because her daughter always got up and woke them during the night? So they went from locking their door and letting her roam to locking her in her room??:roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

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Um… Oh you will absolutely get judged! What kind of parent locks their child in their room??? What if something happened? All because you want sleep! It’s called being a parent that’s what children do smh. In some states that is illegal and considered endangering the welfare of the child.

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These is what I had for my boy. It may help her. I sent you two different ones. They helped my boy. He knew when it was time for bed, and wake up.

Please dont lock your child in the room !! What if something happened???

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Bed alarms help. You can get them on Amazon. We did this for our kids and it worked magic

Yikes to asking us not to judge when obviously you know it was a crap parenting move. You didn’t want to have to get up. Just say it.

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Oh, I’m gonna judge locking your kid in the room is a CPS case.
SO MANY different alternatives!!
Are you still giving his child a nap during the day?  if so, maybe stop. Maybe a nice walk outside an hour before bed or something to wear them out.

Locking the child in the room is never ever ever OK I can’t even believe you admitted to it  I don’t care how mean it sounds imagine the anxiety cause that child

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You lock your child in her room like a criminal then tell us not to judge you wow just wow mabey you should consider adoption for her you suck as a parent

You locked your 4 year old in a room?? :exploding_head:

Ive been there. I had a lock on my kids door for safety reasons. Not the best idea. But when your child knows how to sneak around its scary. Trust me when i say it was safety. At the time we were still in diapers. But i took the lock off. It lsted about a month. On the siblings door knob put a door knob. You can redirect the 4 yr old. Not always easy. Can be exhaisting. I never put a potty chair in the kids room. But also didnt really use one either had one just didnt use it. Yes we talked to cps because a friend had them called on her and she was at my house. We did nothing wrong at rhe time. Just redorct momma. The baby gate is a great idea. If she cant climb it. But she can learn to stay in certian areas. My 7 yr old still comes and wakes me up. Shes demanding. Mommy wake up and move. I scoot over and she climbs right in bed with me. She sleeps hard next to me. Some kids need the human touch i learned. No not saying my kids aren’t loved. But sleeping wise my daughter sleeps with human touch. Other wise shes up in 30 minutes of going to sleep. Also maybe talk to her dr if she dont sleep at night like she should. She may have a sleep issue. My son has one and my daughter fed off of it. And its still showing. We had monitors on her room. So we could hear her. So i knew she was up. We had chain locks that only we could reach as adults just in case. Also yes try a tv. My kids live curious george at the time. So it was 24 7 with it all over the house. Best of luck mom. These kids dont come with instructions. Its not a walk in the park. And no mom is perfect. Those who down you for doing something might need to reevaluate their perfections. Everyone of us are different and try things to help our child. Its what we do. I hate the wake ups at night. Especially when im sick. But we also got past our safety issues and my daughter has grown past what she was doing. Shes not traumatized or anything. Shes a happy healthy talkative sassy 7 yr old who loves life. Its 1 step at a time.

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Wth is wrong with you? You do not EVER lock your children in their rooms.

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I would lay with her. Sounds like if you did she’d fall asleep and be out for the night. Maybe she just wants the cuddles from mama. I understand you probably don’t wanna start that but at the same time she’s only 4. I may be the only one that thinks this but you’ve got plenty of time to get her in her own bed and going to sleep alone at night. They’re only little once.

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Lock the actual doors why would u lock ur child in a bedroom I couldn’t imagine the anxiety and fear that has caused ur child no wonder she is running about she’s now free

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I know they say tv is not good at night but we put a tv and vcr/dvd/Roku whatever and let him pick out his favorite movie and start it. He slept all night the first night had to wake him the next morning

Do you lift her to the toilet before you go to bed? I always did with mine and then they went through till morning

Move the stair Gate to the room and put a potty. Save the hassle.

I would talk to her Dr., as far as potty at night, 99% seems great at night. If she’s up most night at 5 no amount of reading or taking her back to bed will help at this point. She just might need a little meliton

Never EVER lock a child in a bedroom!! It’s a fire hazard what were you thinking not judging but if she had an emergency or a fire breaks out she’s locked in with no way out DO NOT LOCK CHILDREN in any room