I’m so lost on what to do about this. I want out of this relationship so bad. We have 3 kids together ages 7, 3 and 1. Whenever I try to leave the house after and argument with the kids, he threatens to call the police, and says that he wants the kids and that he’s not going a single night without them sleeping at his house. He’s also not willing to go through the courts when I say that whatever he wants will never happen, the least I will do is 50/50. I want to leave so badly, but have no where to go with the kids, and I don’t have any family around. Do I file for custody without him knowing? I’m trying to get into an apartment but the problem of being on my current lease for only 6 months may bring up problems for a new place unless I somehow am able to get my name off this lease. I want out of here, and I’m not going anywhere without my kids!
Alexander house they will help you
Start with talking to your apartment complex office. See what they say. If there is domestic they may let you out if documented.
Typically if you talk to a landlord about the fact you’re leaving the other person on the lease they’ll let you and only you off, especially if it’s domestic violence that you’re leaving for. But yes for sure if he threatens to call cops absolutely file custody with or without him knowing most places cops won’t do anything about a parent leaving their spouse and taking their children (especially female in most cases). Where I live cops will not do anything over one parent taking children and leaving other than tell them take it to court. Do what’s best for you and your kiddos!
Does he work? Leave when he’s not there, the police can’t take them from you and give them to him without courts being involved
Be careful about talking to the complex. Mine informed my ex of everything I was up to when I talked to them. My daughters school also told him I was having her transferred, they called and told him, knowing he wasn’t her BIO father. Just be careful. Very few can be trusted.
Document everything start having the police show up for domestic violence so when you do go to court the judge sees a pattern of his behavior the court will never take your kids from you unless you are deemed unfit leave and never look back you can do it
Unless you have a court order you can leave with your children so if you have family some where you can go and take your kids until everything is figured out. Talk to a lawyer and see what they say your best options are
I’m pretty sure mom and dad both have custody till the court says otherwise. File for custody and list domestic violence and check with government housing. I’m pretty sure because of domestic violence they will get you an apt and have an epo put on him. Till the court says different I dont think he can do anything except go to jail for violating an epo!
you are the one that will have to do the epo
Filing for divorce will give you custody of the kids and the apt automatically. If you are in fear of your safety contact the women’s shelter or police department can help. Leave while he is at work. The police dept. Attorney or shelter can work out the details with you to ensure your safety.
stay safe for yourself and your children. prayers for you and your family!!
if you all are not married, you have custody till court says different!
Are you married? If not, depending on where you live, you have legal custody unless a court says otherwise.
Call a shelter and get advice from a expert on this matter
When I got divorced our daughter stayed with me. Her dad and I had to go to mediation to figure out custody. Since your children are below the states age to let them say what they want. The court will appoint a mediator to sit with the both of you. In the end they will decide a temp living custody arrangement until lawyers and yourself can come up with an agreement and if you cant the temp custody will be permanent. Ask for physical placement as well. Meaning you could do 50/50 but their home would be considered with you. Thats what I had to go thru.
Order of protection FIRST. Then file for EMERGENCY custody ASAP
The fact that he said he won’t go a single night without them sleeping there is a very very dangerous situation and a red flag… Leave when he’s not home
Not sure what state you are in or if you’re married but in MN if you aren’t married you have fully custody of the kids until he fights for custody so let him call the cops there’s nothing they can do
Why do you all just assume he is abusive? No where in this girls story does it say that. If my SO threatened to take my kids after an argument I would tell them hell no too. Why is it ok for a mom to want full custody of the kids, but not ok for the dad? Unless this guy is abusive, these two people need to grow up and figure out how to communicate.
You can’t stay in a bad relationship because of what could happen and get sounds possessive, controlling, and manipulative and if you feel this way then the kids probably do too along with the tension none of which is good for them or you. And he really doesn’t have the “option” to not go through court. File and get it done. If not for you then for your kids. Keep your head up.
I lived this terror, I spent 10 years trying to leave. I ended up going to nursing school and supporting my four children and I on our own. It’s the best planning I ever did. Do you really want them to be 50/50? That’s 50% of his warped mind shaping them…
Where do you live? Look into your states custody stuff. I’m Minnesota the mother has full and sole custody and the father has no say in anything unless he goes to court. This is only if they are unmarried though.
You can get off the lease. It’s called a roommate release but he would have to sign it too
For starters he sounds emotionally abusive and controlling. Which is considered Domestic violence. I suggest you go to your local courthouse and file an emergency restraining order. This way he will have to leave the home. Next go to Domestic Relations and tell them you’re separating and they will start garnishing his wages immediately to pay you spousal and child support. I’ve been in your shoes. I’m trying to save you from learning the hard way like I did. If you have any questions feel free to PM me. Good luck. You CAN do this.
Take him to court anyways, don’t let him tell you what to do.
When I left my husband I just left. I put the kids some clothes and the dog in the car and just left. I called my mom from the road and told her I needed to come home. She sent me money and that same night I was 500 miles away. We communicate well enough that we are joint filing the same parenting plan that we can both live with but it wasn’t always that way. It took us almost a year to reach this point but with the help of court appointed lawyers we did it
Save as much money as you can till 2 weeks before the lease is up. Meantime go to a shelter with the kids. You want what is best for you and the kids.
Womens shelter. Do what you ha e to for your kids.
Idk what he’s smoking but he’s not gonna get shit.
He’s a abusers run
If you are not in an abusive relationship and just want out, see if you can rent a place from the same company/person. They’d probably allow it because they’d make double rent. A friend of mine did that and she was even able to move cities because the company that owned the aparyments was pretty large. If you are in an abusive relationship they HAVE to let you out of the lease.
My ex husband threatened to kill me if I left with our daughter. That is abuse. Threatening to call the police is what any parent would say if their spouse tried to take off with their kids. Get serious, people.
Go secretly talk to a lawyor before you leave, know the rights you have according to your state laws. Than when ready to leave make your landlord aware that you are leaving for safety reasons
Go to a shelter for woman and children and they will help you there, counseling and such.
Sounds to me like he is only doing this to scare you. Idk what else to tell you, other than to leave. That is a very unhealthy relationship for both you and your kids.
Ok first call the local domestic violence shelter and let them know you are scared and you and kids need safe place to go, legally they do not have to disclose DV shelter address to the man due to safety issues, secondly you will need to file a few things. file an exparte motion for emergency custody, if married you may want to start the filing for a divorce, as well as personal protection order. The DV shelters have many more resources that can help. Now when packing up to leave, don’t worry about taking a bunch of material items. Take the most important and consider the rest necessary sacrifices because they may end up destroyed. Take ALL of your kids and your important information (birth certificates, social security cards, I’d, marriage certificate, copy of lease,any other important things you may have), take with you one or two of your kids absolute favorite comfort items (like favorite toys) ( again keep in mind any items left maybe destroyed when he rages or he may try to use as leverage to get you back, DO NOT GO BACK) if you share a bank account move YOUR money (if you are working or have income) into a separate account in only your name and cancel it off of his joint one. That way when you leave he can’t take you for everything you have… If you value any pictures that you have there take them to a family member to hold or a storage unit or lock box somewhere safe away from him. Again they could be used as leverage. To begin this packing squirrel away the smallest most unnoticible items first leave the more noticible for last right before you leave out the door while he is gone. To leave with kids use an excuse if everything else is already out but you and the kids find something he may not question: for instance if you usually take them with you grocery shopping use that as an excuse. (Maybe plan escape around grocery day for that matter)… But go to the shelter. DO NOT answer his calls nor texts. DO NOT tell him where you and the kids are. No matter what legal thing he tries to threaten you with. (Far as I know legally you Can be at DV shelter and not have to give location of you or said children as long as you can provide courts with proof of you and kids having been in said shelter, which shelter can provide)
Does he work? Go when he is at work. Let him call the police. It is kidnapping if he doesn’t let you leave but I am afraid he might hurt you and not call the police. Women shelter is your best bet. They will protect you the kids and help you get a lawyer the police new place maybe back to your family job, counseling to get you the strength to stay away. Once you get away stay away. He is going to hurt you. He is in emotional abuse now it is going to grow to physically if it hasn’t already. Then he may turn on the kids most likely the 7 year old were they step into help you. Do you ever get out alone where you could call a friend. Police, call women shelter to help make a plan don’t use your phone so he could pick up a call a number in your phone and find out what you are doing. Be safe I think you might be in danger.
Those kids deserve equal time with their parents. Just as much as you don’t want to go anywhere “without your kids” neither does he! He is their father just as you are their mother.
Lady… You don’t explain why you want to leave. What it is that is he is or not doing…Is he abusing you or your children? Remember… Do not fight in front of your children.They will carry that bourdon for the rest of their life. Get help from the outside.
There are attorneys that will help probono. Stop arguing with him or telling him what u r going to do and get help. If the kids r in danger, put them with someone you trust til its settled
Go ask around about legal separation. Its going to boil down to whomever files first. He will be served and have to leave…mama and babies get the house. Mental abuse. Also, no expiration date on legal separation and you keep any medical insurance for yourself, mine got so bad and he wouldn’t leave so this was the cheapest and fastest way to begin the process for me and he knew that other people…lawyer, documentation, local law enforcement …mine included a restraining order as well. I never thought things would elevate as bad and fast as they did, especially after he did leave, so be vigilant