Hi ladies, my 3 yr old recently started daycare. The first week was fine, well, the first few days, then it became world war 3 in my house, and she decided no, she did not want to go! What did you guys do to help ease the process? I feel like I am a helicopter mom. I call about an hour after drop off to see if she is okay; I don’t wanna be extra cause she hey she is okay and playing with other kids! any tips?!?
8 Likes
My daughter is now 21. She went to the same sitter for 3 years. For 6-8 months she would cry every day we dropped her off. Pretty soon she was all good. I am still friends with this sitter.
1 Like
Ask her about the friends she makes. Get her excited to go there to be around them. Ask what she learned. Make it a big deal so she wants to go learn more stuff and come home and tell you about it
Just relax. It takes time to adjust to it all and some kids take longer than others to get use to it. Just continue to take her and reassure her that you will be picking her up later that day.
I used to have my own day home; parents would give hugs and try talking to child. Sometimes 10 to 20 minutes.
About 5 minutes after the parent would leave child is smiling and playing.
Had to put on a good show for Mom.
I would take pictures throughout the day showing what we were doing.
We had a pretty regular schedule and I always talked with the children about what we were going to do each day.
I had a wonderful group of children ages 6 months to 5 years.
I love it and the children.
5 Likes
Mom… take a breather. She’s fine. You sound like myself when my daughter was in kindergarten. I volunteered for everything to be near her and guess what? She didn’t need me. Sometimes our anxiety is what they feel too. The anxiety is real and I feel ja, but breath.
Worked in daycare. This is actually really common with 2s and 3s. The faster the drop off the quicker the recovery for your baby. Within mintues they are playing. It’s called putting on a show by most care givers. Lol
1 Like
I don’t know, it makes me wonder why she would be fine the first couple days and then all of a sudden not like the idea at all. I’ve heard horrible stories from daycares in the news and have witnessed things from also working at one. I don’t know, it’s suspicious to me.
My boy is 2.5, I had to keep myself crazy busy and force myself not to call 
I had my phone on loud, and knew they’d call if anything happened. He started one daycare, but didn’t settle well, as he got sick alot, so I pulled him out for Christmas, and ended up visiting a few others, and chose to put him in another daycare, where his best mate went, and he’s loved every minute, as soon as we get there, it’s bye mum, and when I pick him up, he never wants to leave. 
Make it sound fun on the way there. They will play with other people, give a task of make something today like a sand caste or drawing. At the door of the room do kiss, cuddle, goodbye and leave. Don’t drag it out make it as fast as possible. As once you are gone she will go play after a couple mins and be fine. Dragging it out makes it alot harder
It’s called the “honey moon stage” it’s super new and exciting then reality kicks in it’s gonna be a every day thing and that’s when the anxiety/fear/tears come in. Be very consistent when dropping off, learn the schools routine explain you will do XYZ then I will be there to pick you up. Watch Daniel tigers “grown ups come back” also don’t linger when dropping off it makes it harder when they struggle with drop offs. What do they say when you call after a hour?
1 Like
Both my kids went through this phase it’s pretty normal , 9/10 timea there fine 5 minutes after u have left.
I worked days my husband worked nights. 3 kids. No daycare…ever.
3 Likes
I wouldn’t even make a big deal of going to daycare for her. Just get up and get ready with her. Don’t react to her and just get her ready to go. Don’t work her up or anything. Just let her get upset and mad and after a week or so she will do better. My toddler isn’t even 2 yet and hasn’t fought me at the house, but did fight me leaving when I was dropping her off. I just had to not prolong it and give her a quick kiss and let her go
2 Likes
If it was a nice place to be she would want to go there…
10 Likes
I bribed mine with a sweet. Small daycare, luckily, as all the kids wanted one. The other moms contributed. Was so worth seeing little faces light up. It didn’t take long for my boy to stop so the sweets didn’t continue.
Have you asked why she doesn’t like it?
It could also be a sign your child is trying to tell you something
11 Likes
If she did fine at first and now she’s having really bad fits, maybe something isn’t right about the daycare, pay attention,
8 Likes
Do random pop ups, try and volunteer when you can to see what’s going on (if they allow) also might just want to give her time to adjust. If you aren’t sure about that specific day care try looking to enroll her in another one to see if the place is the issue or if she just doesn’t want to go to daycare. It’s good for their social skills and they learn a lot instead of being stuck in the house all day
1 Like
My little one started daycare at 2. I was a wreck for the first couple of days but she was so excited to play and be with other kids. She had a stuffed animal that she always took with her(and I mean everywhere lol). After the first day they wanted her to put it in her cubby until nap time and then she could sleep with it. She got extreamly upset when it was time to put up her “baby”, but after a bit she got used to how things went there and was fine afterwards.
About a year went by and we were involved in a major motor vehicle accident and I was off work for over 6 months. Well, a few weeks after the accident covid hit and she stayed with me for awhile. After returning to daycare she had big fits before we would leave and scream and cry and not want to go. It again took a few weeks and she was fine. Now I stay in the classroom for a few minutes to help her get situated and she is ready to play and learn.
Maybe try sending a favorite toy or blanket that they like, something that smells like home. Maybe ask if it is ok to stick around for a few minutes and then duck out when the child is occupied. If you have time maybe you can volunteer for an hour a week and help the kids in their class make a snack or craft. Lol sorry for the long post, but itll get better 
maybe they just need time to make friends and get use to the teachers/adults there. I would just mention it to daycare and let them know that you’re having a hard time getting them to want to go and maybe they have some advice. Good luck!!
1 Like
It will pass my daughter started daycare at age 5 and she kinda hated it the first weeks would cry when I tried to leave but the teacher would take her hand and show her the toys or give a cuddle till she calmed down then she was fine with going no fits no crying or anything she goes everyday and loves it
1 Like
Sounds like something in the first few days made her feel some type of way. Talk with her.
My little one is almost three and we have this battle almost daily. He’s been in daycare since 18 weeks. We’ve interacted enough with this daycare that I am not worried about what is going on there, but know it’s part of his personality development as he’s getting good at telling me what he wants. Hopefully, it’s the same if you give it some time.
1 Like
If she’s fine after drop off then I wouldn’t worry too much. Some kiddos just don’t like saying goodbye. Make getting ready to go fun and when you drop her off, remind her that you’ll see her later and that you love her. Keep up with the routine and that should help. Best of luck mama
9 Likes
YOU have to be less stressed in order for your child to be less stressed
4 Likes
hi i don’t have a child that age but when i was younger i had a fear and anxiety of abandonment and separation issues from my mom.
my mother always sprayed my stuffed animal, or blanket for nap time, or my wrist with her signature perfume and told me whenever i missed her, to just smell my belongings or my wrist and she’d be there! she sprayed my things until i was probably 7, it helped me personally a lot 
16 Likes
My daughter is the same age and way most times too. She likes when I say she only has _ number of days at daycare then she can stay home with mommy or daddy or go to Nana and papa’s. Also, bribery for the car ride over. She loves the chewy granola bars covered in chocolate. Promises too, I say I promise mommy or daddy will pick you up in a few hours, you go have fun with friends
Have you asked her why she doesn’t want to go? I worked with kids and if they cried for any amount of time after their mom left it was more than likely anxiety but if a kid comes home and flat out refuses to go back that’s an issue. Always trust your gut! My girls are 20,18,17 I didn’t ask enough questions and be a helicopter mom and if it bothers someone else the that’s their problem. 
prayers for the both of you
2 Likes
The book the kissing hand really helped us and it comes with stickers you put on your LOs hand. I also made it fun and played around like I was jealous of all the fun he was going to have. I would tease him that we could switch places and go to my job!! We literally got to the point that getting him out of there to go home was more difficult than drop off 
good luck mama
My child has been going to daycare since 6 weeks old. Same time same place monday thru friday. Shes 3. Some days she wakes up and just tells me no, i dont wanna go. Gotta ask her why, wont she miss her friends, dowsnt she wanna have fun, distract her while getting ready and bam shes ready by the time we leave.
This is brand new to her, need to take your time.
If you have a bracelet or necklace that you wouldnt mind if it got lost or broken or even go buy a cheap one that can tighten to her wrist or a necklace ask her to hold on to it for you while shes at day care and keep it safe. That’s what I did with my middle daughter with her it was just being away from me and she had harder time adjusting to new people.
Also ask why she doesn’t want to go. Tell her all the fun things shes going to do at daycare.
1 Like
i worked at a daycare in the 2-3s room and there’s always that kid that cries up to an hour after the parent leaves. they’re usually fine after they calm down and forget about it completely
Make sure you never just sneak out and you tell her that you will be back for her. But never just sneak away! You just need to find what works for her. My middle daughter went to therapy for separation anxiety (she got to the point of throwing up with the even thought of me leaving her). We figured out that onsie pajamas and the bus worked best. Not just the bus. Maybe you can find someone who you feel comfortable with to take her to daycare in the morning? I know that made the transition much easier for my daughter. But like I said, it is all about finding what works best for the 2 of you.
I used to give something of mine to the my child when she was that age. Like a glove (usually a second pair) or scarf and ask her to keep it safe for me untill I come to pick her up. She loved it. Bonus it helped with nap time too. Or sometimes it helped when I printed a small photo of her and I. I would give it to her when leaving her at daycare. Small enough for her to carry around. Good luck
1 Like
Just because she doesn’t want to go doesn’t mean something bad is happening. She could just not like the new routine… talk to her. Make it seem like “school.” Ask her questions on her day etc. there’s NO such thing as being “extra” when it comes to your kids. Pop in, call, ask to stay a little and watch her. My baby boy is 1 and I had no other choice but daycare and it’s been 2 months and drop offs are still hard. But not even 5 mins later he’s good. My daycare offers an app where I can talk to his teacher, see pictures and every update as in meals, snacks, diaper changes, incidents etc. it’s an adjustment to everyone!
2 Likes
I also had a hair scrunchy stuffed in my boys pocket. I told them when they miss me to reach into their pocket and feel the hair scrunchy. They would know mom is with them. Sometimes a reminder is all they need. Daycare is long hours to children especially when they haven’t been. Hang in their.
My daughter was in daycare from 8 weeks old till school. She cried 75% of that time during drop off. She even cried at school dropoff till about 1st grade. I feel ya.
I see this a lot working at mom’s day out. It usually takes a week or two for the little one to adjust, and i even have some that cry when they get dropped off but within 5 minutes of being in class they are perfectly fine. Just stay consistent as some said above, and make a point to talk about the day when you pick her up.
Ask your provider how she does once you leave?
My 2.5 yr old has a college kid watch him, he CRIES when we leave him with her BUT once we get out of eye shot he is fine.
Give a quick hug, say good bye I love you and I will see you later. Then leave.
The longer you take to leave the harder it is on them, then they think if they continue whining/crying they will get their way.
Former preschool teacher here . Most children do amazing if parents would drop off and go. I know not all kids are the same but from my experience most children do well if the parents would make the transition as quick as possible.
4 Likes
Try to get the names of a few of her friends there and also the teachers names and just talk to her about them allllllll the time. Talk about some of the fun things they do like painting, playing outside, snack time, reading etc.
Just be REALLY over the top excited about anything she brings home.
It took about 3-4 weeks for us to get over the hurdle when we started daycare proir to daycare my daughter was only with grandparents on my work days. I also random have her grandma or gigi pick her up from “school” so we will talk about that in the morning.
It’s a good chance baby girl is putting on a show and she only doing that because she loves you and wants to make sure you feel needed, I’m deff no expert and it took me til my 3rd kids and a few nieces and nephews to realize what was going on. If not as soon as you shut the door up to maybe 10 minutes and they are fine playing either with themselves or other kids. If your really worried about it wait a couple days and just pop in without calling and that should put your mind at ease
I always called daycare “school” and would tell them “big kids go to school, are you so excited to make friends at your school?” Also I’d go in and help get them settled before I left and reassure them I’d be back soon to pick them up. If you’re already doing these things. Maybe offer a special treat at the end of each week- like a mommy and me date to do whatever she wants to do if she does good at school everyday.
Drop her off do not stay just an I love you and will see you later. My son did same then he got OK with going again
I hope I am wrong,
But mom check closely something might have changed in daycare. Find the reason why she liked it first and not now? It’s always good to talk with toddlers by going down to their level. Ask her while playing with her. So that she’ll be distracted and may spill out something to you.
IMO it will come in waves of wanting to go vs not wanting to go, assuming it’s a safe space to attend. My son is almost two and every morning I tell him he’s going to daycare today. I don’t ask him if he wants to go because that implies a choice and I try to say it enthusiastically. Most days he says “No!” because he would rather stay home with me. I then talk about all the fun things at daycare to try and remind him how much fun he will have (friends, circle time, the family fish). Most days when I pick my son up he is happy to see me but you can tell he has had a great day. When I ask him if he had a good day on the way home he always says “Yes!” Also about the concerns regarding dropping your child off and wondering how they are, it is really hard and we all struggle as working parents with this to an extend. I know my home daycare sometimes sends photos and daycare centres sometimes have apps to see how your child’s day is going. Just know if your child is having a terrible day or if there are any concerns the daycare should be making contact with you immediately. I would ask the daycare what their policy with communication is to clarify. I try and think if it as “no news is good news”. I have also found that consistency is key and it’s important to have a regular routine, especially in the mornings so your child knows what to expect. Good luck!
Try talking to the owner of the daycare, to see if they have suggestions to help your child adjust. They have probably seen this before and might know how to help.
Hungry hippos is a good game for little kids, cause you don’t really have to take turns…
Talk to your daughter about why she doesn’t want to go. Sometimes children need an opportunity to talk things out. There may have been something that happened that scared her or she didn’t like and now in her mind it’s a lot bigger deal because that’s how their brain works.
2 Likes
I found as a dayhome lady for 10 yrs that kids draw off of parents energy. Kids know when your off. She’s likely reacting to your paranoia and not the daycare itself. Your fear scares her- relax.
If her behaviour becomes extreme in reference to daycare- there is likely an issue.
She’ll adjust. Just give it time. It takes longer the older they start. One of the benefits to starting as babies I guess.
My baby started daycare and she would cry for me every time I left. I felt so bad and when I checked on her she was fine and playing 
she would just make a scene for me and then go on and play. Fast forward a year and she goes 2 weeks out of the month when her dad isn’t home and she loves it. She loves “playing with all the kids” lol
Maybe it’ll just take a little more time to get use to. Make it sound exciting to go play.
Trust your gut. If you feel like something isn’t right, then maybe something isn’t right. I worked in a few daycare centers when I was younger and some people didn’t treat the children right. This might be your child’s way of telling you something is wrong 
If she was fine the first couple days I’d be worried as to why. When I was a little I started acting up about a daycare. My mom found out the gal was spanking kids when they got in trouble and I didn’t like it. Maybe (if it’s ok with daycare rules) she can get a special stuffie who needs “to go to daycare” but is scared and needs your little one to take them? Hope you find some solace momma!
Remind her you always come back! Dont be to hard on yourself I cried alot when we first started daycare but now my kids love it. Maybe even go for the good old bribe if you domt cry at drop off I’ll bring a special treat at pick up
idk about day care bc mine at age 2 and three was in actually preschool but mine loves it they never cried but maybe bc i had them prepared already we went and visited the class meet some of the parents and other students in class even had some play dates. it gets better
It wil stop. Usually right after you walk out the door! Went through this for weeks with my grandson
As someone who runs a daycare in my experience it’s best to keep drop offs quick, but maintain the same routine each day. Give her a big hug and remind her how much fun she’s going to have and that you can’t wait to hear all about her day when you pick her up. If she starts crying, leave anyway. I promise, once you are gone she will be fine. I often send a pic via text for parents that might be struggling and new to daycare to help ease their mind. New routines take time to adjust to.
3 Likes
The second week is always the hardest. Dont make a big deal about going or issues. See if you can have her bring a prepackaged snack for her friends in class. Allowing her to feel important as she walks in. Dont feel weird about calling. Ive done daycare for over 12 years. If you get a good vibe from owner and trust them, did your research etc feel confident. Daycare will usually tell you like hey this is working or this is not working. Sometimes its NOT the right spot…bur usually it’s just an adjustment.
My oldest had alot of issues going to daycare. So I gave him a little photo book of my and daddy that he could keep in his cubby.
1 Like
My youngest had the same issues. She screamed when I walked out the door at day care. I started by leaving as quickly as possible, then a couple times I waited outside the door. In less than a minute, she was distracted and playing with her friends. It’s separation anxiety, and she finally figured out I would come back. Google it and try some of the recommendations from pre-school teachers.And, by the way, you are doing what is necessary, and you child will be fine. You’re a good mom.
Special small stuffed animal that your child is going to daycare to be a friend to. My nephew was like that and I did that and he was excited to go.
If she has a special blanket or toy let her take with her for awhile and just talk to the day care lady about how this is what she needs right now to feel comfortable about me leaving for the day. It gives her a comfort from home and mom
I created, printed and laminated a photo book.
It goes My Family
And each page is “This is my Mommy. This is my Daddy” etc.
It’s like sending a photo but with turntable pages. The staff said it was very helpful in calming him down when he missed us.
Be very explicit about when you will be picking her up. “Mommy will come back to pick you up after nap.”
I ran a licensed home daycare when my kids were little and the few kiddos whom fussed when their parents dropped them off, were perfectly fine a minute later, playing right alongside the other kiddos. Could you ask your daycare to put up cameras that you could stream to your phone?
It’s just part of life. It’s an age where she can communicate and test boundaries. Just got to get through it and she will be fine. I too was a helicopter mom. When she was in “day school” child care we spent darn near a mortgage a month for her to be there bc it had cameras I could access at any point she was there so I could see what was going on. Once she gets in the groove and makes friends she will be fine. She’s little but still talk to her on your drive home. What did you do today? What are your friends names?
I always felt so guilty if they cried when I left. It broke my heart but they were always fine shortly after I left.