I need to find a way to help my 11-year-old daughter feel better about herself. She has been dealing with anxiety and depression with Covid going on, and now she has very low confidence. She has been seeing a therapist, so this is something we’ve been working on. She has naturally curly hair, but it’s been more of a frizz lately, and she doesn’t want to put any effort into it, so I was thinking of doing a light perm for her (I’m licensed) so that all she has to do is a product, scrunch, and go. She does a lot of drawing and artwork, and we’ve gotten those into the school talent show, so they were on the Youtube channel, and she got so many compliments! She has all A’s in school, does so well, has a lot of friends, but she still feels small. Does anyone have any other ideas on how I can help boost her confidence?? I’m running out of ideas, and she’s still depressed…
Maybe some hair dye … the kind that washes out after how ever many washes … let her pick some colors do some chunky colorful highlights if she’s into it … might make her want to take care of her hair
You sounds soo supportive! 
You describe my daughter contact mobile crisis center they can talk to her and you give advice give her a therapist
What about starting some kind of exercise program together?
I think outdoor activities are super important too, especially now that’s it’s getting nicer. Being outside is good therapy for me and my kids
A mom and me day! Take her shopping, get her hair and nails done or if your budget allows for it maybe a weekend trip somewhere of her choice also just keep telling her she should be proud of herself and she’s beautiful
Horse back riding if she is into that kind of thing. Find a local lesson barn to get involved in.
Take her out for a day of all her.
Ask her if she wants to do something different with her hair (maybe she wants straight, thinner, shorter, bangs/no bangs, different color, e.t.c.), nails, go shopping, a spa day, or just ask her what she would like to do.
Anything specifically that makes her feel this way, or does she need her hormones checked?
It’s puberty it’s not kind she has so many hormones hitting her at once right now.
We’re all surrounded by media showcasing perfect people with perfect bodies. Combine that with the confidence problems that naturally occur in the pre teen and teenage years and it can turn into a disaster. The biggest influence comes from you though. Kids learn from their parents.
My oldest is almost 15 and spent most of their years watching me battle with my own confidence. They have their own problems now.
My youngest watched me unlearn it. I have a broken body that’s fat and I’m okay with it now. I rock and own it. My youngest is fearless. She’ll take on the world and probably win.
Lots of positive reinforcement…good communication.
Let her chose what she wants to do to her hair and just foster it. My daughter is mixed and hated her hair. She is obsessed with mine cause she thinks mine is so nice.
I always tell her I want her hair. Lots of positive reinforcement and I also take her to get hers done …I show her other people’s that are beautiful with hair like hers.
Also think about what you needed as a kid. And give her that.
Exercising also helps with hormones. It helps people feel better and look better
I sat down and created a “dream board” with my 11 year old. We had life goals for achieving like college and things but we also made fun goals like the type of house you want, where you want to live, what kind of car. It was a fun project and she keeps it up in her room now
I love how much effort and support you have for your child. You seem to be doing all kinds of amazing things. I don’t have any advice, just wanted to say you seem to be doing an amazing job and I hope your child gets to feeling more like themself again. Anxiety and depression are hard for us all, even at that age.
Positive affirmations. Have her look in the mirror and talk to her self. She can say I am strong, I am smart, I am beautiful and so on and do it everyday. You could also leave sticky notes around the house with positive affirmations tell her things you love about her.
You are doing a great job staying involved with her! Just a thought, maybe she could see a counselor? They could help her with coping skills.
If she’s stressed about her hair, ask her what kind of hair she likes and since you’re licensed, do it for her. Straighten her hair one day, braid it, add some colors. My daughter is 5 and has extremely curly hair and always says she likes straight hair. I blew out her hair and straightened it only to have her say she likes her curls better. I tell her women pay lots of money to have her hair. Sometimes they just have to see it on themselves. Butttttt… I don’t think her hair is the issue here. I think kids these days are much more sensitive on what’s going on in this world. My 10 yr old asks questions I wouldn’t have asked at 10. I think kids are so programmed to grow up so quickly now and they struggle with it. As they should… they’re still kids. They are young. They don’t need to worry about this stuff going on. Maybe literally ask her what are you specifically struggling with. Talk it through. No matter how little it is to you, it’s huge to her. You sound like an extremely supportive, amazing parent… your daughter is v lucky 
Horse riding lessons
Girl day. Salon. Spa. Food.
You are doing great! How’s her diet? Hormones are responsible for a lot of mood problems. Eating clean foods can help. Plenty of water ext. My daughter eats crap and feels the same. We’re working on it.
Go get your nails done have a girls day every once in awhile. Do your guys makeup together if you own your house you could buy her some paints and let her do mural (aka painting on her wall) go shopping. Good luck mama
I mean if she really has depression it will never really go away. You learn coping methods and you maybe take medication.
Prayer.prayer will see her thru
I’d look for some books on Amazon that are in her age group and are uplifting but are also talk about keys points as a girl her age. I found a very cool one for my cousin turning 13 and kind of wished I’d had it when I’d turned 13 lol
I wrote a list of things I love about my daughter and taped it in her mirror. She had to say the things to herself every morning after brushing her teeth. She felt silly at first but just hearing herself say positive things about herself out loud helped a lot
Aswell as telling her that she’s beautiful etc, Give her compliments on things that aren’t based on looks. Tell her how she’s so kind and she’s a great friend, She can do anything she sets her mind to etc. Fresh air, Getting up and dressed, Putting on a bit of perfume or body spray etc whichever she has, Set her up to do some activities she enjoys, Get her some new drawing stuff if your budget allows it, Little things that might just give her a pick me up. The better she feels the more she’ll want to do… If you think a perm will help her… Go for it.
Vitamin d could be low maybe have her vitamin levels checked along with her hormones
Horse riding lessons…this really boosts self confidence. Takes great patience and strength to learn to guide a large animal to where you want…I did this for my girls and it’s amazing the results…I highly recommend this!
Make sure she is getting enough exercise. Daily walks and yoga would help.
As someone else with curly hair who doesn’t want to spend a lot of time: Schwartzcoff leave in conditioner. Three quick spritzes. As to being depressed, we all are! Lots of that is just teenagehood. Hormones and moodiness. Sunlight and fresh air. Maybe something to draw herself out of herself. Volunteer work at an animal shelter, somewhere she can feel she makes a difference.
Depression doesn’t just disappear, talk therapy and/or medication will help
If she has friz in her hair. Use a dryer sheet and rub it down to help ease the frizz. It really works
Maybe she needs something that’s not “superficial” such as doing community work.
Get her involved with the local animal shelter, visit a senior center, dish out lunch to the homeless.
Making an impact on people’s lives is a very good esteem booster & kids can make huge differences when given the opportunity to shine 
Maybe a new wardrobe?!
Try an individual sport like karate gymnastics dance it did wonders for my kids we did karate for the longest ATA has a good program and we had some good female role models to look up to
My daughter suffers as well. She is 15. Such the sweetest self less little girl. But she has Low self esteem, anxiety depression. It’s pretty bad. She is on meds (I fought that at first because I don’t want her dependant on them) but eventually if she wants to stop she can. She is in therapy and also attends a weekly prp group session with other kids her age in the neighborhood who have similar issues. Sometimes it helps to be around people like you. Who deal with the same issues as you. It’s so hard. Especially when you are a teenager.
You gotta learn the balance of when to push and when not to. I understand because I’ve had it since.o was a teen
All of it. And knowing what I know… helps me help her.
Best of luck.
My 12-year old daughter went through this with Covid. I took her to ped. Her ViT D was super low. She was put on a Rx Vitamin D. Ped encouraged her to stay on routine - getting up/going to bed at same time, eating regular meals & exercise. My daughter told the ped things she didn’t tell me. I’m not sure if your daughter is learning virtual or in-person, but many of my daughter’s insecurities seemed to fade once she went back to in-person. It is wonderful that you are seeing her behavior and recognizing the need for change. As women we spend WAY too much of our lives feeling small. Your advocacy and support will help her build healthy habits!
Have her tackle difficult tasks just a bit past her comfort zone to give her a sense of accomplishment. You can start out helping her but it needs to be mostly her doing for her to feel it is her accomplishment. My daughter had an awesome Girl Scout troop leader and they did some amazing things, and she made lifelong friends. See if this is an option.
Enroll her in a fun class where she can excel, especially if there are no grades, ranking or competition to see who’s “best.” Maybe a computer class so she can be the expert in the family, a musical instrument, modern dance or improvisation class to give her an outlet for her emotions. Martial arts can often boost self esteem, self respect and give a sense of accomplishment and power to those who may feel powerless.
As stated above, exercise and outdoor time helps everyone. Also, ask her therapist for ideas. Make sure she knows where to find the number of a crisis hotline in case she needs to talk to someone when her therapist is not available.
Do you know this is such a common problem it’s why Take Our Daughters to Work Day was started? Make sure she has strong female role models in her life she can talk with, & read books and watch videos, shows and movies about women who overcame obstacles. Hidden Figures might be a good one, also Harriet. There are now buildings named for the women in the former, and hopefully soon we will have the latter on our money. Tell her every time she has one of those Tubman $10 bills in her hand to think of gaining courage and strength from her.
Have her recite a mantra every day about her being, smart, strong, brave, accomplished, kind, etc. I know there’s video of a dad doing this with his little girl online if you need ideas.
Depression seems to be about feeling isolated so maybe something that helps her see there is a bigger picture might help. Such as joining a club, community work, etc.
I’m dealing with something similar with my 10 year old daughter and someone recommended this book I haven’t started it yet but I feel good about it.
As someone who has struggled with intense anxiety mixed with depression my whole life this stinks for her. But what helped me is learning the beauty of self care (im also medicated and have spent plenty of time with a therapist because it is a real mental health issue) . See if there is a self care activity (does not have to be looks oriented) like reading, meditation, yoga that you guys can start together and eventually she can explore on her own. Personally, hiking and reading are my get a ways. I reset after time outside or time inside a book also me and my three year old have an affirmations we say often : I am strong I am smart I am brave I am beautiful. At times we yell it in the mirror, or lay in bed at the end of the day. It’s a healthy reminder that we rock, even after a hard day! Good luck momma. Your on the right track!!
What are her interests? Maybe try to get her back into one of them! Otherwise I’d help her with her hair if she lets you it might be a good way to spend quality time together too!
My 11 year old was the same. My doctor told me to give vitamin b complex every single day. At 11 years old, she has so much hormones and emotions running through her. I would not recommend a perm as it can cause more frizz! She just needs more moisture for her hair. As it naturally curly, it can be shampooed less. Sulphate free shampoo, moisture conditioner, leave in conditioner, use wide tooth comb and use Moroccan oil when dry.
It’s very normal we all go through things like this. She’s very lucky to have you as her support system. At that age my girls needed a lot of reassurance and now 16 and 18 they are both happy little bugs. Hugs mama this too shall pass
You could take her to do some volunteer work together? Doing something thoughtful for other people can definitely be a huge self-esteem boost. Also, you can get her to set some small goals for herself, attainable goals so when she accomplishes those, the reward center in her brain will naturally boost her seretonin levels 
Don’t relax her hair try different styles on her hair you can silk press her hair they even have produce that herl with frizz whose to say in the long run she might end up wanting her curly hair back I went through something like that with my daughter now I have a 15 year only with natural hair that she loves
With her being 11 I am assuming she has just started middle school. When my daughter was her age it was extremely hard on her starting that next chapter of her life. I had to sit her down and explain to her that some girls her age can be just down right mean and we don’t always know why. There could be something going on in their life and that is how they handle it. No it doesn’t make it right but it happens. I don’t know that your daughter is dealing with this but she very well could be and just not saying anything about it. At this age they battle within themselves on what is “snitching” and what they need to talk/tell us about. I told my daughter to remember always what a great person she is and when someone else is mean it’s not that there is something wrong with her, they are doing what they are to make themselves feel better, and for whatever reason they think it’s ok to do it that way. I also took every opportunity to make sure she understood she could talk to me about ANYTHING even if it was a topic I may not necessarily like. We as Mom’s know when something is bothering our children. If I asked and she said nothing I pushed in a way that didn’t make it seem like I was pushing (if that makes sense) to get her to talk to me so she wouldn’t keep it bottled up. Eventually I didn’t have to ask anymore. She would come to me on her own. Hope this helps. Sounds like you are doing a great job! Keep it up. It does get easier.
My daughter is 10 looks like Annie super tight curly hair that is ALWAYS a mess she is super smart loves to read and does so above her level. I like taking her to do things like getting our nails done together or just her if money is tight. I also like to take her to thrift stores and used book stores. She loves to draw so we got her a trace board its a light up thing with trace paper. Best wishes for you and your daughter
Continue to love and support her. Let her know how unique and special she is daily until it sinks in. It won’t be overnight and it will take as long as it takes. The therapy is good, continue with that. Keep supporting her drawings that’s good therapy for her. Just love her and listen to what she says and what she doesn’t say. If there are toxic people in her life, weed them out. God bless and keep you both.
Go get her nails done, take her out to eat and talk about what’s bothering her