My husband is really getting under my skin. I try to get his help with potty training our toddler, and the response is, “oh well, he was calm, so I figured I’d just let him sit there.” I was breastfeeding my two-month-old, which was why I asked him. I asked him to take him to lay down for his nap like he normally does. And he asked our boy if he wanted to nap. Of course, my toddler said no, and so my husband said, okay, we will just give him an early bedtime. And then he goes back out in the garage to do whatever he is doing. I’m unbelievably frustrated with this man. He doesn’t have a job and isn’t looking for one, but he is supposed to be the breadwinner. He doesn’t seem to have an interest in helping me with the kids. And I don’t know how to talk to him about it without blowing up on him, so I need an outside perspective to help me collect my thoughts so I can sit down with him and discuss these things.
Pump breast milk…get a job leave him home to take care of the kids. He sounds worthless.
Doesn’t sound like much of a man 
but what you allow is what will continue.
I’d show him the curb
I would be upfront, tell him to find a job/help with kids or leave since ur doing it alone anyway if he cant do his part to go
It’s okay to speak with emotion… idk what the issue is there. You told all of the internet just fine, go tell him the exact same. If you think you can’t do it respectfully, write a letter and have a plan. He might not even know what you expect from him if you aren’t communicating.
Girl, put your foot down. “No, put him down for a nap now!” Just as an example. Sometimes men just don’t know what to do in those situations and need some guidance and need to be told what to do. After a bit he will be more used to the routine
I told my husband that if he’s not going to help with our son then his ass better get a job. He got his ass in gear and started helping more, and also found a job. I did threaten to make him move into our office and treat him like a roommate and would not be doing anything for him anymore
Sounds like my lazy ass husband. Def time to get a new one
Sooo what is he contributing?
Useless. Get rid of that pig.
How is he supposed to be the breadwinner, if he doesn’t have a job?
Talk too him. Communication, is key. Men aren’t mind readers. And, those issues, are also not that big either. You can get a job too, and have him stay home with the kids. That’s an option too. But most importantly, you should communicate with your husband. Not a bunch of strangers on the internet. Who see 2 little things he doesn’t do right away, and scream to not only leave him, but tear your family apart too 🤷
No money, no help, no support? No nookie, no wife, no kids.
I say men are only complicating woman’s live.
Sounds like you need to be the man. Go get a job, let him figure out how to be a house husband.
I don’t expect my man for the breadwinner and he’s in the trades so it’s quite simple when you are laid off unemployment or not you do house work, cook and what not if I am working and your not you got the kid While I work. He will figure it out. It took my husband calling for help a few times and had people come over at first and help him with her now he’s a pro. When I first went back to work and he wasn’t working at the time.
When we both work we help each other out you do dishes I will cook , you give kiddo a bath I will do x.
It’s all about being vocal and direct I learned especially if your husband is a big kid.
If you know you will blow up write a letter. Outline what you expectations are of your marriage, parenting, and your deal breakers and boundries. Be clear but don’t threaten anything your not willing to follow through with. Empty threaths only make things worse.
Being the breadwinner is not a bad idea if hes willing and capable of doing it. It takes alot of compmrise and teamwork.
But if your just gonna come home from work and do it all Then whats he good for?
If u r doing it alone with him there kick him out my kids wouldn’t help either and I tried and tried and begged always had to depend on both of our families it doesn’t get better and if won’t help with u there he won’t do it if make him be house husband
Exit stage left, do not pass go or collect one more dime…
Most men are clueless! Spell it out. Maybe even make a list if it will help. If he’s not going to work and provide he would be out the door.
- How long has he not been working if he’s supposed to be the bread winner? 2. How are bills paid? 3. Do you ever back off and leave him alone with kids to figure it out on his own?
Get a job, make him take care of the kids… I’m currently doing this … And my hubs changed real quick
If a therapist is unavailable to you, get some books on marriage, psychology and emotional maturity to learn how to deal with the lot you were given, be it clearer, more precise and assertive communication, creating consequences for your husband for not following through, finding other ways to lessen your stress, or making plans to leave him.
Don’t threaten to leave him unless you have done your research, talked to at least one lawyer, figured out all logistics, finances, housing, and emotional support for your children and have taken concrete steps in your plan. Otherwise it’s just empty promises for him to ignore or it offers a chance for him to sabotage you. Expect the best, plan for the worst.
Did you not know he was this way before you got married or before you had children? Was he previously different, and if so, what precipitated the change? It might help if you can get him to read parenting books or go to parenting classes with you so he can understand his actions (or inactions) have long-term negative consequences.
Did he not want children? Does he feel like he can do no wrong or do nothing right? Does he feel inadequate as a dad or is he just supremely lazy? Do you have a job? How are you able to live if neither of you is working? What was his childhood like? What kind of relationship did/does he have with his parents? How was he raised? Could he be suffering from depression or is he paralyzed thinking he’ll never be able to live up to expectations so why try?
Write out what you want to say like you are making a work presentation, set a time when the kids are sleeping or being cared for by someone else to sit and talk. Practice your delivery in advance so you can be calm and not shrill or accusatory. Practice with a smart friend so you can get feedback. Ask questions so he can think about the answers and come to his own conclusions vs. you telling him what to think. Talk to his friends, especially ones with kids, to see how they navigate marriage and children. If they are successful, maybe ask them to talk to your man about helping out more, and more effectively. How old are you both? Good luck.
Either be a father and husband or get out.
Can you just start over?
Sounds like your expectations are a little to high
Communication is keys. Spell it out for him. Some men are clueless
Tell him youve decided to go back to work full time and that youll express milkfor daytime feeds if hes not willing to get off his lazy ass and do hes not alot of used to you its like having 3 kids
This is why I I more rely only on my self men or my husband r useless creature just a over size child that there moms dont want no more
If he’s not even looking for a job, he’s a lost cause and its pathetic to get you to do everything! Simply, he shouldn’t have had any kids if this is the example he’s setting. What a waste
I could maybe a tad see it if he had a job n was busy or tired but damn he’ll naw. Id ask myself how much I love him cuz most likely he’s not changing
The longer you wait, the worse it’s going to get. You said you have a two month old?! Maybe your emotions and hormones are all over ontop of these frustrations, it’s making it worse, for you and your families sake, talk to your husband and express to him what you have us. Maybe he’s going through things as well and you both need each other in ways neither can express. Be humble and be the bigger person, at least for your kids. Communication in any relationship is key.
He needs to shape up or ship out. Since he isn’t hearing you, I suggest couples counseling.
You don’t have a husband or a father for your kids or a bread winner.
You have a “guy on the couch”. Get rid of him before he makes your life harder than it needs to be.
Leave the kids with him and get a much needed break. When you return talk to him about how his day was with the kids, and how you need more help.
He will not change hunny
They dont change. Doesnt master what u say to him. They dont change
I think maybe a soft approach, at first. “Hey, I’m busy feeding the baby, can you do this”
“Hey, when I asked you to lay him down for a nap, I didn’t mean for you to ask him. He needs a nap.”
“Hey I’m feeling overwhelmed and could really use your help. Can you [insert what you want done.] It would be a big help and I would great appreciate it.”
If afterwards he doesn’t help you then you need to have a bigger talk about the future and probably counseling.
You have another toddler.
He needs to get a job, help out or get tf out 
A man will do what YOU allow him to do. He knows you are going to stick around and put up with him. You’re going to have to stand up and leave. He isn’t going to change and isn’t wanting to change
Catch him when he does something good and reinforce him. In the morning after coffee tell him the one thing you want him to be in charge of. I would address with him directly what you expect when you are not overwhelmed. Catch yourself at a good moment and address the issues before you get too angry
Alot of u women in the comments sound like bitter baby mommas or bitter period, who are you to say he wont change, yall do realize ppd happens to fathers also.
Sounds like you gotta be the bigger man. He wont change… every man is set in there ways to some point. I know its not fair and very frustrating… but stop asking for help even when u need it most. Let him do whatever hes gonna do… find a job even if its part time. You should have to ask him to watch the kids… but if you do, dont ask! Just tell. Treat others how they treat you. Also lock down “sexy time” 
In my personal experience… let the trash take it self out. Even if it hurts. No one deserves any of that, mines as well be alone…
Get him a chore chart and stars to put in it! Seems like you have a 3rd child🤷♀️
first wait until you are feeling calm & in a somewhat more positive mental space. whatever you say, start with “i know it’s not your intention” to disappoint me or something like that, maybe even more specific & less accusatory. keep it about yourself & how you feel like your drowning. you have to ask for exactly what it is you need. they are not mind readers or necessarily any bit intuitive. do not attack or namecall. humble yourself & explain why & how much you need this “help” spin it in a way to grant him the opportunity to step in & help your life or even moreso your families lives. take into account his ideas & feelings even though it may not be what you want to hear because even if they suck, he’s entitled to them. good luck!!
- Relationship counseling
- Leave the kids with him while you do your own thing! Literally just say bye and leave. Don’t need to tell him how to parent, he can figure it out himself while you get the same freedom men automatically get.
- Tell him to pull his finger out his ass or you’ll leave
Sorry don’t tolerate men who can’t step up and be good partners or parents 
Unless "he’s " wearing a diaper you’re not changing him. He’s not dense or stupid is he? You already know the answer.
Have a talk with him, tell him breastfeeding takes up a lot of time while the baby is this little and you need help with the toddler. Or if he doesn’t want to help u clean or take care of the kids to get a nanny or a cleaner. It takes a village it’s not a one woman show. I stick the kids in the shower with mine and I get them dressed. That could help when your baby is a few months older.
Sounds like he is depressed
you need to have a sit-down. chances are little remarks here and there won’t really sink in. you need to have something of an intervention.
explain to him that you feel his idea of “helping” is equivalent to about 20% of your effort. tell him that as he is not working currently, he is AS MUCH a stay-at-home parent as you are and he should be pulling EQUAL weight in child-rearing as well as housework. explain to him that you shouldn’t have to ask him to tend to the kids’ needs; he should identify them on his own. you are not his own personal secretary or event organizer. he is capable of identifying what needs done and doing it. and if you have involved family nearby, tell him that if he doesn’t start parenting, and looking for a job, you will have to go live with the people who will actually lend you a hand.
don’t be passive. don’t sugarcoat. be diplomatic but FIRM. let him explain his side. actually have a real talk. don’t give ultimatums or withhold sex or affection. that will only build resentment. don’t be passive aggressive. just lay it all out on the table and let him show you that he can do better. and if he won’t? it’s time to make a serious life change.
He’s probably a bit depressed. Talk to him about from compassion.
Did he act any differently with kid #1?
15 years I wasted with a man who was “getting a real job”. They either have the drive or they dont. Run sister!
If you yourself can’t talk to your husband, how are we as strangers supposed to help either one of you ? I’m not being mean, I’m just soooo confused
I have a couple questions before I go bashing your hubs. 1) why isn’t he working-- did he get laid off? quit?
2) has he tried to get a job? and have you supported his job choices?
3)is he a good dad? so he was lenient on nap- I feel like all dads are. but is he loving, caring playful with your children?
4)Does he suffer from depression or anxiety? or is there some underlying factor that could be cause for his behavior- ex a death of a friend or family member?
He might just he a deadbeat like everyone else seems to jump to, but if this is an unusual turn for him maybe look further into it? Men need emotional support just as much (maybe even more) that women… k I’m done now
Leave him home with the kids lol My bf’s was slow so I was breadwinner for awhile but I made sure he maintained the house and take care of the kid during winter break. Safe to say he doesnt like being the stay at home parent lol Now he helps me with everything after doing all the work I do. Im very OCD about having a clean house, he learned the hard way lol
Don’t run him off…that’s what he wants…he needs 2b held responsible. Does he have a father?..bring in all resources/support…
I see alot of comments saying leave him. Fucking ridiculous. Try and see if you can talk to your spouse about a schedule that works for both of you! Like hey on these days you do this. It helps if you have everything written down just to show how much goes into children and the house. Be persistent. Make it fun or rewarding. Make a bet. Yo I bet you a blow job to however gets their list of chores done first. And dont forget to let him win a little more than you! Good luck momma
I was married 13 years to my ex husband and had 1 child with him and asked for counseling 6x and he always said no and blamed everything on me. He was lazy, manipulating and controlling. He would not change and I finally had enough. I packed my stuff at 3 am one morning and left to go to my parents. I never went back and had to take a restraining order out on him bc he wouldn’t stop stalking and harassing me. Luckily he found someone after about 2 months and moved on. It’s been 3 and a half years now and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’m re-married and had 2 children with my husband now. All I can say is insist on having a talk if he doesn’t change ask for counseling and if that doesn’t work either he leave or you and the kids go. Life is to short to put up with petty bs. You deserve to be happy and with someone who is an adult and not someone who acts like an immature child.
Sherry Deschaine wow sounds familiar
This is why my husband and I are getting divorced and honestly since I asked he stepped up.
Surprised how many people sayin"leave him". With 2 kids? Like its so easy lol
Hubby and i tried counseling and it helped a lot. Something about hearing it from someone who wasnt me made the difference.
Go fig.
He’s not gonna change. I’ve been talking to my husband for years…
Give him two task options to choose from. He’s more likely to accomplish a task he’s selected.
You cant be mad too much if you havent clearly stated your feelings. Althouvh we hope men understand our cues and common sense, that doesn’t usually happen. He could have grown up in a house where his mom handled everything and that’s what he knows. Just saying he might have a different way of thinking. Make sure not to wait until you’re fed up to talk about it either. Its not an easy convo to have but it sounds necessary.
Since he is not working I would let him stay a few nights out in that garage since he’s not helping pay bills and then maybe he will start paying you attention or either get up off his ass and get a job.
Easier said than done
I turly believe that we as couples grow at different times. Im certainly not excusing not working but i dont know why hes not working. I also believe that a new born not only sets mommy off but also daddy. I also know for a fact being a mom with new borns some time ago. Maybe my tone with my needs wasnt what it should have been. Everything changes with kiddos why wouldn’t we expect ourselves to change and adapt
Guys aren’t mind readers, ask him to help / be descriptive what it is. So in this case when he didnt put the little one down to nap , say something! Dont give up on a marriage because they cant read your mind on exactly how you want something done.
Honestly you can probably just tell him like you are telling us , you can say I honestly getting frustrated and I am going to try and not blow up but I would appreciate you’re help you can tell him so n so is bothering me just vent you might be pleasantly surprised on the outcome
Explain to him what you need, he is not a mind reader and some guys need to be told what to do without sounding like thier mother. Calmly ask him what he needs to get motivated to look for work, be the better person and don’t go in with an attitude.
A MAN should be a man by CHOICE. If he is anything less, that was also a choice.
So it looks to me like YOU have to make some choices regarding his jobless ass.
You have a child, not a husband. Talking doesn’t help. Call an attorney.
You can be firm without being rude. Tell him what you need him to do, with kid gloves because anything you leave out, will be the excuse as to why it’s not being done. I’d light a fire under him about a job. Who’s paying the bills? IDK. You have to communicate with him. If he doesn’t step it, then it’s time to end things because he’s just another kid to raise.
My fiance Huffs whenever I ask him to help out with the house or my daughter. We got together when I was 4mo pregnant and now she’s 2. He plays with her and puts her to bed every night, but I get up early every single morning do all the house cleaning, cooking, and throughout the day if we’re not working all he does is play video games. Ill ask him 3 or 4 times to do something and his excuse is always “I’m sorry, I got too caught up in my game and forgot.” Hes 30yrs old. Video games are fun to do in spare time but I feel like when it’s cleaning day or if I ask (which I only do if I really need it) he should put the game down. I dont know, maybe thats just me. Sorry I had to vent. 
Talking does nothing in my case anyway.
Thats all I ever did… wasted my breath… got nothing in return other than him putting blame on me saying I’m a psycho and always cranky…
I wonder why 
Broke it off after 5 yrs and 1 child together.
Enough is enough.
This is why so many women are single, working, living alone/running a house solo and raising kids…
Because 90% of men r friggen useless nowdays
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Redirecting...
Maybe he has some depression? Does it seem out of his character that he is not working or trying to?
Right it all down and give it to him. You can make sure you cover everything and tell him you wrote it so you wouldnt get angry or upset.
If he’s not working and not helping with the kids he helped make I really don’t see a point in keeping him around. He’s a grown man. He knows what he should be doing.
Should have opened the door and said he wants to help you since you don’t want him to nap.
Seems like you’re just asking for him to be a father… why do you need to ask him to put your guys kid down for a nap? Or help out with potty time… I’m sorry but active parents don’t wait around being told what to do or how to parent… We just do it without being told because our kids need it. Love sounds like he’s depressed from not working. He doesnt have the motivation he may need to go get a job. Just be honest with him but remember that he’s different than you and he may feel something else and thats okay. Do not invalidate his feelings and please put up boundaries so he knows that his job as a father is never ending regardless how busy or tired he may feel. Goodluck
Mary Plado - Varghese
It sounds like now you’re just harboring resentment and everything he does will piss you off … the napping thing made sense to an extent and sounds like he just compromised. But to me it sounds like you want him to do what you say and handle things the exact way you’d do it… Which unfortunately it doesn’t work out like that. And if he is their father he has a right to approach things the way he wants if his son doesn’t wanna nap because you say so and he doesn’t force the child to sleep and says he’ll put him to bed early isn’t bad at all… Just different parenting. If y’all ain’t seeing eye to eye then talk it out if that’s possible and take it from there. But staying quiet and being resentful isn’t helping either. Try to find a happy medium.
Write him a letter, make sure to keep it about you so he doesn’t get defensive and give it to him.
I like the idea of writing a letter. Men do tend to be better at understanding written vs spoken ideas. It also gives you a chance to write out everything you would like to say to him without feeling like your attacking him. It gives you room to explain your needs and why. And then he has time to think it over before talking with you about it and avoiding a fight.
Either make peace with that being the the reality of your life or make the choice to end things and move forward alone. He is showing you who he truly is and you are only disappointing yourself hoping he will change.