I’m 31 with three kids (12, 9, and 6). I want another baby badly, but my husband is on the fence. He keeps asking why and since when. After our miscarriage 3yrs ago, I got the IUD and dead set against another baby. Now I really want another baby before it’s too late. He thinks it’s women’s hormones but I don’t think so. I’m so depressed and don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling to him. Any advice on how to start this convo without feeling silly and emotional
Just be to the point with it.
“It’s not hormones. I want another child.”
If you get upset when talking about it and can’t continue speaking maybe try writing him a letter about it! And then having a discussion after he reads it
Sit down with him and discuss how both of you feel. If you are dead set on another child, but he doesn’t feel the same turn you may have a serious dilemma ahead of you.
I will say , I will take my husband No more kids , 3 is enough maybe he wants you and him to enjoy life yourselves too instead of starting all over again ,
Planning a family is husband and wife’s decision , 3 kids is enough to prove you love him and he is good with that so obey him , this not about he loves me he loves me not be a good mom to the 3 kids and a good wife to your hobby , everyone will be so happy and you Missy wife start getting sexy sexy again
I’d say just keep trying to talk to him about it! Tell him that baby fever is setting in hard!
Maybe he has fears as well and is worried. Have you spoke to him about why he is on the fence?
Just be open and honest with him. But ultimately you can’t force him into it. His feelings about this are just as important as yours. It’s a big decision and if he’s pushed into it he may resent you.
First of all don’t listen to anyone who tells you to “ obey “ him. I would also tell your husband it’s not hormones but if he’s at a hard no after discussing it one more time, I think you should respect his opinion & figure it out from there. Good luck hun.
Maybe you need to sit down with him and tell him what you are feeling and why, why do you feel the need for another child, ask him for how he feels and thinks, and suggest writing a list of why you should and why you should not. Be logical, things like can you afford another child, can you handle the up all night with a baby stuff, and with the COVID stuff is it really a good time to bring a child into the world. Really be honest with yourself many women decide they want another child because they think they can save a not so great marriage that way, thinking if there is a baby it will fix things, if that is the case the answer is no a baby will make things worse. If you have your IUD removed and get pregnant in secret he may resent you. If you want to see what a baby in the house would be like offer to babysit for a single mother with a baby that might cure you of what I call “babyitis”
You are a woman. It’s literally NATURAL for you to feel those things. It’s tough because you need two to tango. I would sit down and give each other both the opportunity to equally voice your opinions in this matter. No arguing! No finger pointing! This needs to be mutual
Three is enough, sometimes if you push him into another one it can cause resentment. You have three right now maybe focus on the ones you have and not on having another child who is only going to stay a baby for a year.
If he walks off and leaves you-can you support three kids-something to think about
i agree. Both feelings matter not just one. He should also have a voice about why he’s on the fence and respect his feelings too. Then maybe agree to discuss it again in 3 months or 6 months or whatever. But give each other some things to think about during that period. You both should be open-minded.
However, if he decides he doesn’t want anymore, can you honestly be ok with that and not be resentful? Can you be happy with the little family you already have?
Really think about the “why” and go from there.
Another baby and you are only 31?? Girl… you already got 3.
You’re being selfish maybe he’s worried about the burden financially and it seems to me like you think of baby’s going to make you happy you have some deep soul searching to take care of
Just explain that after you lost the baby you were scared to try again. miscarriages come with alot of emotions and they take time to heal, and your feelings on it and your husband’s are not the same. He may have been sad but it’s so much more for women. Yall should discuss what it would change - do you need to buy a bigger vehicle, does your house accommodate another, financially do you already struggle. These things should be thought about in depth before you have another baby. Also if you’re feeling depressed, chances are a baby can’t/won’t fix that. If he’s open to it, maybe some couples counseling to help you through your feelings together.
Don’t worry about sounding “silly and emotional” please. He better be able to provide you with enough safety and space to express yourself emotionally with him, like raw emotion, and if he can’t do THAT then you should try and address that issue with him first.
I just had my third baby 3 weeks ago. My hubby has had to literally do everything for me except poop in the toilet yes he even had to empty my catheter I had for 2 weeks because they cut my bladder during my c-section. I’m exhausted and he just keeps taking my demands like a champ. It’s very scary having a baby especially if your bank account is not sufficient.
I totally understand you both your clock is ticking and he’s really going to have to step up. Good luck.
12, 9 and 6 and your 31 by time your 40 your guna have a 20, 18 and 15yr old… if you got pregnant in 3yrs time do you really wanna be doing the school buzz in your 40s fck I got a 6 and 8yr old and im 49, im 50 this year and believe me doing the school buzz at this age SUCKS LMAO
That sucks that y’all can’t agree on it. Maybe ask him if he would be willing to reconsider at 35?
He’s smart why bring another baby into this kind of world
Don’t feel silly or emotional. If you are with someone who you love and they love you back they should listen to you. They may not agree but it sounds like a discussion should be had
Your feelings are just as valid as his are. A lot of these women are invalidating the way you feel is wrong.
Just tell him, how you feel that the miscarriage and how the loss feeling is just not making you feel whole, complete.
He might not want the mental and financial stress a baby can create. Maybe he’s comfortable with the family you guys already created!
A baby is not a cure for depression , you need to get on meds and see a good therapist for yourself and your kids who really need you now . You are blessed with motherhood and still are suffering it’s not abt having kids , your Dr. Should be able to get you on the right path .
3 kids is more than enough. Calm down
You have to respect your husbands feelings on it. that’s what marriage is. I get wanting another baby. I debated on having a 3rd. But not in this fucked up world. I feel bad for the kids I do have.
3 kids is a blessing calm down please
How long have you been wanting another baby? This is so tough! For me I always think about how I’ll always have c sections and maybe or may not want them to tie my tubes whenever I have my last baby. Of course you know you can’t change anyone’s mind if it’s made up already. Hugs and prayers
Just be open and honest with him really that’s all you can do, reiterate that it’s not hormones, you actually want another baby, however, his feelings about it are just as important as yours, if he’s pushed into it he may end up resenting you and if it was me personally I wouldn’t want to risk that happening. If you aren’t content with him not wanting another child than perhaps move on and find someone else if it is such a big thing for you. Whatever decision you come to won’t be easier, for one or the other…
Sounds like hubby doesn’t want another one and I don’t blame him. So please don’t try to push a kid on him
Had it been the other way around,how would you feel? Raising kids ain’t easy there is a lot to think about and prepare for mentally that child you want so badly can come but god forbid be sickly,special needs etc look at the financial part of it maybe he’s content with the 3 you all have feel blessed because there are women out there who cant have and take this time to develop yourself ,if you have another you might be the one complaining about not having “alone time” take as much now and relax
Sit and talk, and seek a professional opinion especially if depression is in the mix, for both of you.
I would love to have another one… I have a 1 year old already… I totally understand where you are coming from… females love babies, it’s there maternal instinct that kicks in… I see my boy and I’m like he would so adore a sibling… I love e him so much, and I have it in me to raise another child… I love babies… I love being a mother… you can have as many children as you want it’s your life and your body…
I have 4 the difference between 3 and 4 isn’t much more financial good luck x
Do not bring a child to this world to fill a void. You’ve been blessed with 3 children already and they really NEED you right now. Your husband might be afraid to try again and go through another loss alongside you. I think you should seek counseling (if you haven’t already) to deal with the loss of this child, because you feeling depressed is a huge impact on all of your family’s well-being. Yearning for another child could just be the yearning of the one you lost. I think you BOTH have to agree if it’s the right time, emotionally, for another child. Make sure you’re stable & strong enough as a couple to risk your marriage (in case of a blame game) or chance of losing another baby. Hope it ends in a happy, healthy life for all of you.
Maybe he doesn’t want to have a baby
He just wants the peace
You both need to sit down and have a really good conversation about what works for your family.
I truly hope u are in some type of counseling for this. If you aren’t, then maybe that should be the first step. This is a joint decision, not something you need to “talk him into”. Being depressed leads to all kinds of feelings and making all kinds of bad decisions… U need to get to the root of that problem before u risk your marriage and family for something that you think will fix you, when it most definitely will not do. Sorry. I hope you get the help and care that you need and I wish you many blessings. Stop, listen, and love yourself first!
That should be something you’re both sure of. I’d think if you talk him into it he could become resentful
The husband feels like the depressed wife is asking him to fuk himself away from the kitchen table. There are more kids than parents at this point.
To have a child both parents must agree
Need to have an honest conversation on both parts not just saying what the other person wants to hear
If he doesn’t want another,that’s not fair to push it on him.
I’m inclined to think maybe the husband has other issues with having another baby like she’s depressed and needs counseling before she has another baby who knows
If you can’t communicate, doesn’t sound like a great idea.
I would first start by switching to a monthly birth control so that it’s an actual option without too much work. Then I would have the conversation with him, in a good mental space, & not pressure him for an answer immediately. Ask him to take a few weeks & think about it then revisit it. Let him know that you will respect his decision either way, and follow through on that
I had a miscarriage after the birth of our daughter. My husband and I were devastated but everyone kept saying to get over it. It’s God’s way of taking care of a nonviable baby. That only made it worse. We decided to try again and that baby became our miracle child. He is even responsible for my
OB/GYN diagnosing cancer at an early stage. I would suggest you and your husband have a conversation away from your littles and then meet with your Dr. He/She may offer insights to help you both make the right decision for your family. The Dr. may even have suggestions to aid in your depressed state. Good luck to you! I’m so very sorry for your loss.
I haven’t been in this position so i don’t know how well it’ll help but sometimes if I can’t find the words to express something I’ll text it to my husband instead, maybe even try writing it out with pen and paper and giving that to him? I’m awful with confrontation on certain things and I find texting him what I want to say/ask is always easier for me.
You’re 31 and it’s so not too late lol I just had my third at 44!
Keep talking to him you both have to be on the same page. I am 38 and pregnant…you have time to make the right decision for your family.
Use your words like a big girl.
I had an iud for 5 years. I think it contributed to a lot of my depression.
I want and one but I feel like I’m to old at 34 lol
31 is not too late xx
Try seeing a therapist and have this conversation and maybe work through the depression
Had my 2nd at 38 and I am 39 now. It’s no where near to late for you.
I feel like you should discuss it with him but if he dont want another baby don’t put pressure oh him cause that might be what you want be he might not feel the same
Just tell him you want your last baby and you want to enjoy it more than ever. Its been six years and you may never have another.
I felt the same way. We have 3 kids age 16, 9, and 5 and then suddenly had two unexpected pregnancy’s that ended poorly. I was devastated. I love our other three but needed a baby to heal. Luckily my husband understood. Our little Timothy Isaac Danger Sanders just turned 3 months. He is everything I needed. He helped me heal and brings so much joy!
I honestly wouldnt advise to have another baby while you’re depressed. If you think the depression is caused by your IUD then being pregnant wont be any different due to the hormones that come with it. I would try and talk to a professional about your depression first before discussing another baby. Maybe by then your husband may want to as well. I hope things work out for you
Sorry but a baby won’t help with your depression, even if you think a baby is the answer.
Lol I do think it is a little hormonal, only because I am going through baby fever too. There is no logic just a biological want
Just to put all you little ladies in your place. HER BODY, HER RULES! At the end of the day, y’all can be dickheads and tell her she’s being selfish, blah blah blah, ummm. Let me ask you something, maybe most of you sound rude and inattentive to the fact this woman LOST a child. First of all, let me ask you something. Would you ever want the last child you ever have to be one you lost? No, that’s literally a horrible way to end your motherhood, she feels like a failure and her heart aches for the lost of her child. Just because a lot of YOU don’t want that many kids, doesn’t mean there’s people like us out here who have the financial means for the large amount of kids we have. If we are affording our children on our own, raising them on our own, ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Try to explain to him how much you want another baby. I don’t think you’re overreacting nor do I feel like there should be a limit in the amount of children you would like to have! If it’s important to you it should be addressed. If he is against it and you really want another one maybe you need to find someone who can give you what you want. Regardless of what you decide I wish you the best!
A friend once asked me if I wanted another baby or another child.
Babies don’t cure depression… You have an issue with depression you should get the help you need before you add another baby to the family because the ones you have now need you more than your desire for another child. Maybe hubs is happy with the family y’all have now, 3 kiddos are a blessing already. Theres nothing wrong with wanting to add on to the family but it takes 2 to happen. Have a discussion on why you want another baby and see how he feels. Both opinions are just as important as the other. 3 kids are pretty costly, think about adding nother child to the bill.
It doesnt sound like the husband is on board with baby #4. I would say get a puppy.
You can’t have an odd number of kids because someone is always left out. I come from a family of 3 kids and I definitely wanted either 2 or 4 kids. We had 4 girls!
I understand the whole her body her choice stance, as I do agree, however, even though it is her body, it is his family as well. Have a calm rational discussion about your reasons, and his, and go from there. I, personally, wouldn’t want to bring another child into the world if my spouse was against it. To me that sounds like a recipe for resentment. Just mho
You can make him understand you want another baby but if he isn’t on the same page I wouldn’t push the situation as it will be almost forcing something he really doesn’t want, in the end if it is something he wants to great!
Just wondering if your feeling depressed because of the IUD? I know there’s some with hormones in them that can make your body out of wack. I’d probably start there and check that out to just rule it out
Just be open and honest and also remember he also has a say in these kind of things.
Just be straight forward and to the point without feeling bad about it. If you want it say you want a new baby before you get any older and it has ntg to do with hormones. Ask to please think about it.
You don’t push it. You tell him your feelings and then that’s that honestly. You keep pushing and he does it and then holds a grudge and it could destroy your marriage. This isn’t a puppy. This is a big choice.
Don’t do it. Get a hobby!
Took me almost 5 years to have my finally baby. Baby number 4 due aug 2nd 2021. Hang in there all in goods hands
You should be so pleased and feel so blessed with the three you already have! Be Great full for what you’ve already been given. My wife an I have spent a fortune and several years to try to have just one. We even were robbed when we tried to adopt. It really makes me mad when I hear people like you complain, when you already are so rich with love that some of us will never experience. Quit being a spoiled inconsiderate, ungrateful, ignorant, arrogant Ass. Grow up and give the kids you already have the attention that I’m guessing by the way you described them as 12,9 and 6, instead of Tommy, Sally and Barbara !!!
Go to a therapist and talk it out. That way you can reassure your husband that it’s a real desire, and not just hormones
I had 3 babies over a number of years and fell pregnant again which resulted in a miscarriage at 24 weeks which was just awful. I fell pregnant again and miscarried at 18 weeks. No reason but changed my life forever and sent my then husband into a downward spire, our relationship never recovered and resulted in a very bitter divorce. Just be careful and appreciate what u already have x