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"How can I make myself fall in love with my husband. Is it even possible? Let me give some backtory…and please do not bash me I am sharing me true feelings here. My husband and I have been married for 7 years. I have 2 kiddos and we had 1 together. He found me when I was very broken, just left a abusive relationship with someone who abused me in all ways so lets just say i was in a very vulnerable state. My husband helped pick me up, he took my two daughters under his wing without batting an eye…he has always been good to me, he helped me regain my self esteem, confidence in being with someone and reminds me daily of how good he is to me. The issue is, I’m not in love with im and never was. When we got married, I did love him…I just dont think it was the right kind of love…i do not want to leave him as he is so amazing to me and my kids are no longer abused so that is not an option…even if im never in love with him i am NOT putting my kids through not having him in their daily lives…and yes I know I deserve happiness too…but the thing is. i am not unhappy he is a greay guy and we are safe…and my kids happiness is more important than mine…theres just no passion there, its just a really great friendship…which i guess i can be okay with in the end as long as my babies are safe…sorry i am just ranting now…i just dont know how to be in love with him"
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Either leave bc he doesn’t deserve to not be whole heartedly loved. Or maybe y’all just need time to reconnect without the distraction of kids and life"
"Love is love - you don’t have to be falling head over heels obsessed with anyone, including your life partner. I think you may be confused between love, and obsession."
"Love isnt always a feeling but a Choice. Marriage isnt always happy butterflies and romance… true love is having someone in your corner in every situation in life. Social media has set this fake standard on what life should be… you should never stop dating your spouse either keep the spark alive. The more you connect without other distractions the more connected you become"
"Love evolves. It is ever changing. I am inclined to believe that being in love does not last but waxes and wanes throughout the course of every long term relationship."
"Sometimes it’s a better relationship when you love someone but not in love with that person. If he’s a good person and treats you good than your a lucky woman. Maybe in time you learn to be in love with him."
"Maybe make a list of what love means to you because what you describe sounds like love to me."
"Go on dates again, a second honeymoon, prolonged time together can create too settled of a feeling where it’s just a mundane routine to be together. Being parents is one thing, but if you aren’t acting like a couple in the down time without the kids in the moment, that’s why there feels like there’s no passion. A man that stepped up for a family that wasn’t his and baggage that wasn’t his to carry but he still helped you with the weight, is definitely something to hang onto. Possibly marriage counselling if you’re looking to repair things on a professional level, but there are definitely things that can be done to help the spark re-ignite. If it’s not meant to be he doesn’t have to disappear from the childrens lives as he’s actively involved. That’s what working out a co parenting routine is about and establishing what days who has them. If you have some love for him but it’s not enough to feel satisfied either put in the work it takes to try to get there or let him go to be whole heartedly loved and for you to find the same if it’s not with each other"
"Even though you’re not “in love” but you love him is important and you say you have a great friendship, just work with that for now and if so, arrange for couple’s therapy to get to the heart of the matter."
"Love takes on many seasons. Passion is fun, exhilarating, and sometimes, short lived. Marriage is a journey of ups and downs. You love how he is a great daddy, don’t shortchange that. He helped repair you, that’s love as well. Sometimes, we need to mature and realize what love truly means. I understand exactly what you’re feeling; my advice is to put the work in. I think if you’re open to it, you’ll find you really are in love with him."
"I think you’re looking for infatuation and that isn’t forever hun. People search for a life long best friend / partner their whole lives. For some people just watching the way another man accepts their kids is enough to fall in love… This is a discussion with a counselor you need to have not a Facebook group."
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