I am a mother of three children. My daughter has two children that I haven’t seen since 2018. I don’t have a way to contact her. She keeps in touch with my sister I don’t talk to. How do I approach this? keep my anon, please
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She doesnt want to be bothered with you. If she wanted to connect, she knows how to. Leave things be.
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Your sister and daughter don’t talk to you? Maybe you need to evaluate what YOU are doing to cause this. You’re not the victim here. There’s a good reason they won’t speak to you.
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There is something you are doing if your family isnt having anything to do with you… maybe make personal changes to make them want to reach out to you
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Phone, email, text message, note on doorstep; take the risk and reach out to your daughter and sister if you really want to start the process of repairing relationships. It’s never too late. Apologize, forgive, start over.
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She’s asking how to make amends not be told she’s a bad person to leave it be
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There is a reason you are not involved in your daughters life, and if you only want to be involved to see her children but don’t want a HEALTHY relationship with your daughter, than leave her alone!!
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If it’s that important reach out to your sister if you can or get in touch with other family apologize or ask if y’all can just move on it’s not worth the missed timeb
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Reach out, she is your daughter. We don’t have all of the information, to place judgment to know what has happened. Don’t be pushy. Reach out to say, hi letting you know I’m thinking of you, Merry Christmas, I love you all. Something like that. Nothing more. If it opens a door, then it does. If it doesn’t then let it be. Good luck. My daughter and myself has had misunderstandings in the past, but it takes one reaching out.
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She doesn’t want anything to do with you and neither does your sister? You need to evaluate what YOU’VE done. And you’re NOT entitled access to your daughter’s children. She doesn’t want you around them, clearly there’s a reason. Leave them the hell alone.
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Apologize for whatever it is that you’ve done. That’s all you can do. Give a heartfelt apology, and if she wants to have a relationship with you, she will.
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Damn lady, you better get the tissues because these bitches are savage!
If something went down between y’all, you might need to think hard on how you can be a part of her life again. Did you step over the line and act like a parent to the kids instead of a grandparent? You know, things like that. Just make sure you are aware of your boundaries and try not to cause trouble. If she is the one who causes trouble, then maybe you don’t need her in your life. Nobody needs toxic. If you were in the wrong, RECOGNIZE IT and apologize
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Honestly, I wouldn’t reach out. She, and your sister have their reasons for not communicating with you. If and when they’re ready to get in contact with you, they will. I’d say that right now they simply need space and time. I’m not saying its right or wrong, as I don’t know what has occurred to cause them to stop talking to you, and there’s always 2 sides to ever story. Just to give them the space they are still needing. Your going to need to respect their wishes and boundaries. They’ve made it clean that they don’t want contact with you at this time.
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You don’t.
Obviously she’s been hurt enough by you that she cut you out of her life for a reason.
Do not contact her. If she is good and ready and healed from whatever trauma you caused, she will reach out.
And in case anyone else has a terrible relationship with their mother
Daughters Of Abusive Mothers is a wonderful group for healing.
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We don’t know all the details so I don’t want to judge but it sounds like she wants to stay away from you. If it’s really important, reach out to your sister and start a dialogue. Find out why they don’t want to keep in touch with you and address those issues. You may have to go to counseling to start working on any deeply routed toxic traits that might be scaring them off.
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How do y’all know she did something wrong? We are here to help each other not tear down. I have a very big family & when my siblings had a disagreement some would side with one & others would side with other. It doesn’t mean either is wrong or right just disagreeing. Honey you reach out to your daughter & y’all try to mend y’all’s relationship for yourselves & your grandkids. Good luck.
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From a daughter who cut off her mom for a year and is currently distant, take ownership of what you did wrong and accept their anger. Ask her to tell you what shes feeling from the heart and how you hurt her. Listen without making a show of emotion, whatever she has to say you need to hear no matter how hard it was. When I told my mom she had abandoned me she said she couldn’t stand to be in the house with her husband. But she left her three little girls to the man she was hiding from and she doesnt even want to admit it. She knows what he did, but she wants to just paint over it. Bring the hurts to light and let her spew whatever anger she needs to. And then, and only if you truly mean it, tell her how sorry you are. No blaming others, no stories for pity. Tell her how deeply sorry you are for everything you did and everything she didnt say this time because you know you probably hurt her even more then that. Ask her what she wants you to do, what she needs from you. Please do, because I will never get this from my mom. I love her, but I will never rely on her or trust her love again. That ended when I was 6 years old. Dont make my mothers mistake, put her first.
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If your daughter isn’t talking to you, then there is probably a reason. Respect her privacy. Give your number to your sister, if you have contact with her and let your daughter reach out to you *if she wants to. Otherwise, let it be.
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You must be real witch.
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Life too short reach out to them
There’s definitely something you’re not telling us, which could be the very reason why she doesn’t want any contact with you.
Respect her decision, even though it’s tough to accept.
I myself haven’t had any contact with my mother for 13 years now, and I don’t ever expect to have any contact with her in the future, she’s 100% out of my life, which is entirely her own fault.
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Clearly doesn’t want to talk to you. Leave her alone
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I’m not saying this is the OP specifically but I see these comments all the time from parents who used physical punishment on their kids and valued mindless obedience over personal expression. The “do as I say not as I do” type of parents who demanded respect from their children but didn’t give it in return. The parents who left their child to CIO in their crib, and then cry in the corner during countless time outs instead of sitting with them to help find a solution together. The parents who used verbal threats, and manipulation to bend their child’s will. Who valued asserting dominance over building a connection. These are the same ones who mock gentle parenting techniques and call it “coddling” entitled children, not realizing that an apathetic approach causes way more damage in the end, than an empathetic one.
To the OP, if this does ring true, then one reason she’s probably staying away so your parenting practices don’t rub off on her own children… It may be too late to repair the damage done from years of built up resentment, so all you can really do is seek professional help to fix your own issues that stem from your childhood. Maybe then if you can show remorse for your past mistakes and that you’ve changed, she would be willing to give you another chance.
If you have her address or even have a family member give to her. Write her a letter. Telling her how sorry you are and that you understand that she may still be hurting and that you hope one day she can forgive you and you both can start working on your mother daughter relationship. I hope that helps. I know that is what I did with a family member once and after I sent the letter I just gave them time. After a little time they started talking to me. You just got to wait until they are ready.
How are we all blaming the mum? Not to diss the daughter but perhaps she is a high maintenance, spoilt daughter. Remember every story has TWO sides and we know not much of either one. So stop tearing her down…she wants to make amends for whatever has gone on which I think is is nice
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I say try to fix things with your sister first, then try to see if sis will help you fix things with daughter too.
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Yall are so rude!! Not one of you know this woman’s story!! Maybe they did her wrong and she stopped talking to them! How about when someone is asking for help you don’t kick them down more! Try to be kind! I feel bad for you ladies on here quick to judge and throw someone down more! Maybe she did do wrong but ahe is making an effort to try to set things right so help her and dont knock her down… Noone is perfect and everyone makes mistakes! To the writer of this post, do what you need to to fix things whatever you need to do to make things right if it’s from a good place if you hurt her understand he feelings and she may let you have it but take it and keep trying to make things right… life is to short to keep hurt and hate.
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You can’t ask for advice and don’t give a back story. Two years almost 3 without talking to you daughter, there’s a reason.
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I feel like A lot of you are all projecting your own feelings towards your parents onto someone you don’t even know…you have no idea the story behind this person’s post. Yall need therapy.
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Damn, you might wanna try to make amends with your sister if you have no other way to contact her. You also might want to be open to taking responsibility in whatever your part may be in the disassociation of you all. If they both don’t talk to you, you might the common denominator. Not meaning that as rude but sometimes we have to look deeper at ourselves to be able to deal with family issues that run deep.
write to her be sincere if you have made mistakes of any scale acknowledge them own them and apologize be sincere if you haven’t made mistakes don’t shame her or call her out on it obviously if you haven’t spoken in 2 years damage and hurt would be deep and prob enough said already. let her know that you are sorry that it came to this and that you love her and really miss her but if this is all in order of seeing your grand then think carefully about what you put in your letter i would not be including anything in the first letter other than you and her and end it with you hope they are all well and that you send your love to them all. its a start that way she can read it if she wants to or maybe she will need a little time to consider reading I would then follow through with a letter a week just saying hi hope they are well etc even if she doesn’t respond good luck and hope you guys can eventually rebuild a beautiful relationship. 
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Unfortunately we can’t give proper advise if we don’t know the reason for her not speaking to you
For me I stopped speaking and seeing my mum for many reasons most of them I will never forgive her for
My only advice is time is a great healer and let her come to you when she is ready you can’t force a relationship with someone who doesn’t want it x
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Just leave it at least shez ok and who knows some ppl are just closer with there Aunty’s… Trust me Aunty’s no way more than mum’s
Reach out to the sister and open that line of communication and let your sister know you want to fix things with the daughter. Have her pass on your number and let your daughter decide if she wants to or not. Whatever happened to break the relationship needs to be repaired before you can make a relationship with the children involved.
Swallow your pride call your sister make amends civilly for your daughters sake and your sake is the only way… good luck
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You probably toxic person in her life. Better fix yourself 1st momma before contacting her coz so long you still the same momma she clearly doesn’t want you
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Why would she talk to your sister you’re not talking to but doesn’t talk to you? We can’t give an effective advise if we don’t know what’s going on especially if there’s something in the past that you both are not willing to fix…
c’mon mum what happened ?
A daughter doesn’t stop contacting her mother for no reason especially when theres grandchildren in the picture, every girl wants their mother to be a part of their grandchildrens life’s…
You must of done something …
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If your prepared to talk threw what went wrong. Apologise for your wrong doings in that and move forward in a positive way. Truly making changes then go for it. Maybe post a card threw her door. Find her on social media etc etc.
Just be prepared that depending on situations, what happened etc she might not want you involved. Some things are unforgivable and with so little information its hard to give proper advice.
Be prepared for rejection, be prepared to say sorry ALOT. Be prepared to make changes so it doesn’t happen again and be prepared to take it slow.
After 2 years them kids don’t know you and it would be down to your daughter every choice regarding them
Why is she avoiding you? She obviously doesn’t want you in her life. Sadly it happens. You can’t force her.
If you know an address for either one by any chance try sending a letter. It’s direct and you can contemplate what you say before you write it down and if you feel like you worded something wrong you can fix it or add something you feel needs to be said. In other words you can get what you are needing to say out of your system. If you miss them, tell them and if you want to see them, ask them. It has been almost 3 years, I’m sure they still love and want to see you despite differences. You’re her mother and her children’s grandmother. Just tell her you love her and your grandbabies and you would like to start fresh. I know how it is. My dad and I have problems you couldn’t even imagine and every time I’m upset I still want to see him and get a hug
Since you can give such little information. It seems as though your daughter probably has a good reason as to why you can’t get ahold of her. And you should probably just leave her alone. If you hadn’t done something so bad, she wouldn’t have a reason to make it impossible for you to contact her for almost 4 years 
just take a hint. Leave her and her babies to live their best life.
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I haven’t spoken to my mother in well over a year and don’t plan to ever again, she burned her last bridge with me, met my son one time when he was 1mo, he’s 16mo now. Depending on what the reasoning is, its best if you leave her alone. If she wants you around, she will contact you.
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There is not much information with this at all. If you cannot contact her via phone number, Facebook, mail… then chances are she doenst want to talk to you. She talks to your sister you no longer talk too… sounds like a family trend. You need to understand why it is you guys can’t communicate properly rather than asking Facebook strangers how to get back into someone’s life.
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writing a letter is defintely a good idea, maybe keep a notebook with you for a bit and bullet point things you want to tell her. I don’t know what you’re situation is but if you’ve done something wrong, she may not respond to you until she’s seen change or an a real apology. I cut off contact with my father this year after having my baby. I couldn’t put up with his offensive behavior and how he berated me every chance he got. He reached out once and we talked but he’s the same person he’s always been and I had to block him on all social media eventually.
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That breaks my heart. I have 3 daughters and I am crazy close to them. The oldest is 22 has her own apt and we still talk every day. Maybe have a honest conversation with yourself and accept why she isn’t talking to you. Acknowledge her feelings. Be honest with her, and if an apology is needed give it. I am so sorry you are going through this. Good luck!!
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Let’s keep in mind that sometimes adult children go no contact with narcissistic parents for their sanity and their safety. Let’s not give this person ideas on how to access their child in case this situation is similar.
~ sincerely, an adult child who went no contact with her narcissistic parents
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I haven’t spoken to my mother in almost a decade. She was viciously abusive and it didn’t end when I was a child. She slapped me across the face while I was in labor so hard I fell out of the hospital bed. If you’re anything like my mother, you need to leave her alone.
You gave no details. Why does she talk to her aunt and not you? Why does your sister not feel the need to help you get in touch? What causer such a deep rift?
Your daughter is an adult. She owes you nothing.
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You could extend a letter if you feel you need to. But if your daughter cut you out of her life she likely had her reasons. If she doesn’t want contact you need to respect her wishes. As much as you may hate it you’re not entitled to your grandchildren.
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Why your daughter doesn’t speak to you would be helpful. The fact that, as her mother, you have no way to contact her, have let this much time pass, that she talks to your sister not you, and that you have to ask strangers advice with no background info…tells me that she has major issues with YOU.
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There are Grandparents right in some States. I would continue to try to reach out because one day your Grandkids will have a mind of their own and can make their own decisions and at least you can say you tried and you did not give up. Write her a letter . Reach out but don’t be pushy. Even if it’s cards for Bdays or For the Don’t give up.
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You could write her a letter. Unfortunately if she has cut ties, it’s most likely for a good reason, at least in her mind. I wish you well.
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My mother died in March of this year. We had not spoken since 1999. (I am 39 and she was 69 at her time of passing). I wish she had reached out even with all the negative things that she did when I was younger. To find out she passed, broke my heart. I had tried reaching out years ago but it just didn’t work out. Don’t allow things to keep you apart. If things need to be fixed, swallow your pride and try and fix them. It might not work out but it could. It is worth a shot. I still feel anguish over her death and even though I was put through so much by her, she was my mother and now she is gone and I’m left with no closure. My heart aches for my two boys who will never meet her. I often think about the good times growing up, although the negative times were more often. It has really broke me down lately. Don’t allow egos and stubbornness to hinder you from family. Because then it could be too late. Good luck. 
(people can judge you on here but no one knows what’s going on. Things happen. Life happens. Do what you can to try and find them. At least you are trying. That’s what matters.)
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Wow so many salty comments and judgment hasnt 2020 been enough of a shit show! I always say fk what ppl think do u💯
I would wonder about your relationship with the other two kids and do they communicate with this daughter or aunt/your sister?
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If youve been an abusive or narcissistic person to her, please get the message and LEAVE HER ALONE. One does not just fall out with her mother. You need to take the hint
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Write her a letter? I’m not sure why this has came to this point but sometimes a letter can be good. Not only for her but you. If she keeps her distance. I’ll always let her know where to reach me and hope she will reach out to you soon than later
It really depends on the personal reasons you both are not in contact. I have not spoken to my birth father in over 15 years. He is toxic and a compulsive liar. Once I had my children I made a choice to not allow his to do the same to my children.
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Don’t listen to people here … because you will get information on their own lives not yours.
Depends on the situation honestly, but just try and see how it goes. Good luck
Speaking from someone you cut their parents off one or two times for years on end with two kids myself there’s a reason she isn’t speaking to you and in her thought process she’s doing what’s best for her kids
reach out either once every month or every two weeks just a little message thinking of you or love you hope things are well or write her a letter saying that you want to be a healthy part of her and her children’s lives what can you do to recover from whatever has happened and mend fences say how much you care about her and the positive things you are proud of
yes your blood but that doesn’t make you entitled to be apart of her or her children’s lives I have strict rules for my parents when it comes to letting my children around them and one screw up they are done for good so she may have the same thing for you in her mind but if you truly want to be in their lives you will deal and not complain what she thinks is best for her children is what goes simple hope that helps
Get in contact with your sister and give her your number and ask if she could give your number to her and ask her to call you so you can talk. Then if she is willing your daughter will call you. But if you only want contact with the children then it will be a waste of time. No mom is gunna allow someone to be in contact with their children if they don’t have contact with them or their dad in some way. But if you want to attempt to mend your relationship with your daughter and her kids then I recommend asking your sister to give her your number and ask her to call you.
Good luck god bless u both
I would be very VERY suspicious of this post. I think admin need to remove
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Maybe start by rebuilding your relationship with your sister
It’s hard to say without more info. I would say write her a letter telling her you want a relationship with her. Give her all your contact information. Then you have to let her make the decision if she wants to see you. You can’t force a relationship.