How can I set boundaries with my kids?

My kids are 4 and almost 3 . They are always arguing How do I set boundaries while connecting. I get down to their level and say no we can’tbe mean. Or kick one another that’s not kind . And they say sorry but then 2 minutes later back at it…. I feel like I’m doing something wrong

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I used to make mine hug each other when they were little.

With my twins we talked alot and asked each other how it made them feel. Did you like it? What if they did that to you? What can we do instead?

I have no clue because my 14 and 16 year olds fight non stop the only break is school

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Let them fight it out :joy: I mean telling them not to fight never works​:woman_shrugging:

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I guess that’s just the joys of having two siblings that are that age😂 and I’m sure it’ll only get worse hahahah

Leave them to it, let them argue as much as they want😂

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Two tiny humans live in a small space with zero coping skills or emotional regulation. You are doing fine. Correct and move on. The values will stick even though it doesn’t seem like it. Just keep teaching

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Have real conversations with them they’re young but they understand. Give them examples of the unacceptable behavior. Ask them how they would feel if someone did/said the same thing to them (how would it make you feel if I came and snatched your toy away from you while you’re playing with it?) They probably would feel bad. Explain that behavior makes other people feel bad too and explain how to handle the situation differently (If you want to have a turn with the toy you can say “can I please play with that toy?”) you have to teach them what behaviors are “mean” and relate it to how those behaviors make them feel because they may not understand.

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My parents used to make us hold hands sitting on the couch till we decided to act right :person_tipping_hand:

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We got a respect, others stuff and space it’s are rule on the board since my kids were young
 Pick your battles wisely
 Hitting being disrespectful to people stuff, not listening to it. No means no
issues a time out.

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Teach them how to effectively communicate at thier level. "No hitting, say “my turn please”…
Ignore what negative behaviors you can as any attention feels like good attention and will reinforce the behavior.

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Same thing with my 6 and 7 year old! Actually worse now then when they was younger! I dont think your doing anything wrong and hopefully im not either. Lol lately ive been trying to explain the importance of family to them and how important it is to love each other. Maybe try to find a way if possible for them to spend a little time apart from each sometimes. Everybody gets frustrated after being around the same person alot for a long time. Sometimes a break works for mine. Like just a few hours. And Maybe take a day to spend with one as an individual by taking them somewhere with just you and him or her and then the other also allowing them to get individual time with you. Mine seem to love that. Makes em realize they miss the other.

Welcome to sibling toddlers. If they are arguing without physical fighting or name calling, let them hash it out… you can have a discussion after they have tried… but ultimately they are gonna argue.

I do that and make them hug then tell them no more playing with each other if mean after those two warnings I will pop them on their butt and tell them no and tell them why they got spanked

Buckle up buttercup.
Siblings that close in age will most likely butt heads their whole life. But the added bonus they will also be best friends. While also simultaneously hating each other. :heartbeat::joy:

Mine are 8 and 5 I tell them I’m going to tell their teachers that they are being mean to eachother and they won’t be allowed to play lol it works because they listen and be nice to eachother after I’ve said that.

Why are you getting down to their level? You are the parent not their sibling. A firm no goes a long way. If that doesnt work a swat on the bottom, just enough to get their attention to show that you mean what you say.

My nearly 8 year old and 3 year old (both girls) fight and argue etc like crazy everyday but do have their loving moments, it’s just sibling love😂 that’s what happens hahaha

When mine were little, I read a book called Siblings Without Rivalry. It had some really good ideas in it. They are still buds today.

My two 9 year olds and my 4 year old fight like cats and dogs, if you figure it out let me know :joy::joy:

Anyone knows a secret let me know. 10 and almost 7 year old here. They can’t be separated but put them together and boom….WW3. :rofl:

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It’s normal with siblings… make them wear their dad’s t shirt together till they can work out their issue! Lol it’s hilarious to watch!

Distraction. Keep an idea at hand for when they get in the mood to argue.

My dad tied me and my sister together with a dressing gown belt once, that was pretty fun! :laughing: we soon learnt to get on! Chloe Hulme

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I have that same issue with my almost 7 year old and 5 year old daughters lol

They still do it at 20+ yrs old . Nothing works

I have 7 children 4 girls and 3 boys age’s between 17 and 2 and they all fight all the time I’ve got no control over the fighting :see_no_evil: just siblings being siblings but there close very very close and have eachothers backs wen needed x

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I have the same issues with my 6 and 2 year olds

Apologies without changed behavior are just words. Forcing children to apologize without explaining the why to them will never work. And yes, they’re old enough to be talked to like the little humans that they are

Discipline/ consequences according to their actions and be consistent

Set boundaries when they are young. Adjust them as the age.

Kids need to learn consequences. Not boundaries. Boundaries are meant to be crossed. Consequences are made to learn from.

Stop repeating yourself. Tell them not to do something and tell them the consequences. If you argue and fight with your siblings you both have to sit quietly seperate from each other (or facing each other) for ten minutes. (or whatever) then when they start arguing… Be the parent and physically seperate them on the floor like you said and set a timer for ten minutes. DO NOT REPEAT YOURSELF. Consequences have actions.

You teach them and don’t leave them alone together until they get it

Kids don’t automatically know how to regulate themselves or their emotions -thr parents have to teach them

Im almost 38 and my brother almost 40 and we see each other every 2nd day and still bicker and argue about every and anything

Literally have the same issues with my 6 and almost 4 year old

Cage matches seem to work

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You can’t tell them “don’t be mean” they don’t really understand what that means.
You teach them about the words they are saying and the impact they have. You teach them about different words they can say to get across what they actually mean to say.
“I hate you” is really “I’m mad you took my toy” and what can they do about that? Etc.

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My 2 oldest are almost 7 and 4 when they fight and it turns into a constant argument I separate them into different rooms to play independently for 30 minutes, when they have reset and in a better headspace they have to apologize and hug eachother and then are allowed to play again.

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I had 2 younger siblings on my mums side until the 4th child was born.

But when it was just us 3. Mum used to grab the outer 2 heads and smack then into the middles head.

She resorted to it when we would all talk at once or screaming all at the same time or fighting. :sob: I wouldnt do it these days but holy cow.

They’re toddlers. You just have to keep at it, nothing else to it. :woman_shrugging:t3: my 3 year old apologizes as soon as she knows she was wrong, then is trying to bite my 7 year old again 3 minutes later. It’s a learning process and their brains aren’t capable of reasoning until they’re like 7-8.

Get down on their level, and instead of saying no we can’t be mean say”use kind words” teach and reteach over and over and over again

Maybe separating them for cool down time, and try again 5 mins later. Do it 20 times a day if you have to. A lot of time frustration is burned off with physical exercise. Have them do something physical for a few minutes separate or together. Like go take a run around the house, burn off the energy, come back, try again. Eventually they can run around the block together, or run up and down the stairs for a few minutes, let the steam out lol

Get am old tshirt that’s the get along shirt put them both in it until they get along workswith a sense of humor

Notice positive behavior more.

They’re figure it out eventually when they’re like 25 lol

Well good luck let us all know what you come up with . Mine are 27,24 and one passed and I know they still argue and bitch even the one from heaven .