How can I talk to my best friend about her sons behavior without offending her?

If she’s really your friend you should be able to tell her that her child is being an asshole and either she corrects him or you will. Period.

I always said , “ hands are for helping not for hurting “ . I had boys and a girl and the parent needs to make sure the boy is corrected ! I never let my boys do stuff like that !

3 Likes

Are they not in the same Room with you in this happen? Is she doesn’t correct him when he hits or attacks your daughter than I would I would take out for anyone’s child whether I know them or not I’m not anyone’s child hurt mine is called protecting your child

2 Likes

My son was rough, still is but he’s learning. If she was a good friend she’d be stopping his behavior before it got out of hand. I had to watch my son like a hawk for while around my best friends kids (girls) because of how rough he was

1 Like

You must talk to your friend before your daughter gets really hurt

1 Like

He’s 2 and she is 3. There is a lot of growing they do in that year that’s between them.

2 Likes

Is she that blind? Start reprimanding her son for her!

1 Like

A similar situation happened with my daughter and my nephew over Thanksgiving. There is a 3 year age difference with my daughter being the older of the two. At first I just told my daughter that she had to tell him that she didn’t like what he was doing and that he had to stop. Well, she told him that and it still continued. I just sat my sister down and told her that I didn’t think it was her son was doing was acceptable. I think you need to do the same thing with your friend. If she gets offended then so what. Family comes first. Nothing, I mean NOTHING, should come between you and your kids.

As a boy mom If I seen one of my sons playing rough with a friends daughter I’m gonna get on my sons ass…that is unacceptable…my oldest knows not to hit girls…now If a girl hits him that’s another story entirely then I would expect mom to handle her daughter… but if I ever see one of mine deliberately put hands on a girl I would be whooping some ass…2 years old or not he needs to know he can play nice or not play at all…

I think the next time your friend suggests a playdate you should say you don’t think it’s a good idea. When she asks why say as much as it pains me to say this _____ is scared of . Tell her I have been scared to tell you this because you are my best friend, but _____ pushes_ down, pulls her hair, scratches her etc, and until he realizes it’s not ok I think we should just get together alone. I love you but I can’t be putting ______ in a position that she is scared. I think this would be an easier way to break it to her. :heart: Good Luck! It’s a hard thing to do, because most Mother’s get defensive no matter how close you are to them. The safety of your child is your number 1 priority though, and if she gets mad I would simply tell her that you have to put _____safety first, and not put her in a position where she is scared.

2 Likes

Tell the boys parents

I lost a friend over a similar situation with my daughter. We weren’t friends as long as you two but looking back, good riddance! You absolutely have to protect your daughter by speaking with your friend. If that doesn’t work, take a break from them. Your daughter doesn’t deserve this.

1 Like

The only way to stop a bully is to fight back…

Tell her to do back to him what he does to her…
Children dont realise hitting or biting hurts unless you hit or bite them…

My SIL AND BIL had 4 girls.I had 4 boys.The girls were always mean to my boys kicking.pushing hitting just mean.My boys would never hit back.So I finally told them if the girl hits first then she is big enough to be hit back.After several times.of tell8ng them they finally started defending themselves.Oh my it wad.always.ok for the.girls to be.mean but when my boys.retaliated the BIL AND SIL didnt like.it at all.Long story short.The girls finally learned a.hard.lesson.

I have a very aggressive 3.5yo boy he just lives rough but I expect him to be put his place by the other kids both younger and older. If he is being excessive about it then I’ll step in but the other kids in our lives know not to put up with it cause if they allow it then he will just continue and me telling him no only does so much they need to so he gets it. Has my son been thump by the other kids?! Damn right?! But he has learned he’s not the boss and just cause he thinks he’s the biggest dog in the fight doesn’t mean he is. There is always someone else out there bigger and badder!! Bahaha All the kids are encouraged to handle their business and that means standing their ground against my 3.5yo I have 11yos who back down to him. Bahaha the kids are all told to tell him no and to stop. And he gets it way better when they say it vs when I do.

Your number one priority is to your daughter. If your friend gets mad who cares

2 Likes

I was in the same picture. I had to play parent in front of her when she wouldn’t do anything, she eventually got the hint but u can’t fix it. Not sure other than that. Maybe talk? I know parents can get easily offended

Dont bring it up. When you see these things. Hold his hand bed down to his level. Say safe hands next time we will be put in time out by sitting with mama and no play.

Then when hes mean make him sit with his mom. She will see it and get it. If she doesnt make him sit. Make him sit with you.

1 Like

I’d would tell the boy off. My friend I’m close with if her son is naughty in front of me I’ll tell him to stop or tell him he’s going on the naughty chair if your relationship is that good you should be able to tell one another’s kids off when necessary

1 Like

Stand up for your kid! I dropped a good friend because her son kept touching my daughters butt even after she told him to cut it out and I told him to cut it out. The mom laughed it off. Boundaries are important and if they couldn’t respect them I couldn’t remain friends.

3 Likes

I don’t care who the child is, if I see a child playing rough with my child I straight up tell them that we have to be gentle. Whatever the behavior is, I correct it on the spot. If they pull my child’s hair, I get on their level and say “no thank you, that hurts” and then I remind them to play gentle. I do the same thing if it’s my child doing the offending. If she was a true friend, she wouldn’t be allowing her child to knock your child down or pull her hair.

It’s a fine line. I find people don’t necessarily see the wrong their child is doing. When you see another child bugging your child, you should stop it. I have no problem telling someone else’s kid to stop misbehaving. If the other parent has a problem🤷🏼‍♀️ so be it. Your kid comes first.

2 Likes

I would have the difficult conversation with her and tell her how hard this is for you to even talk to her about it. If it were my son I would want to know for sure but let her know you also want to be patient with the learning process.

2 Likes

Who gives a shit if she gets offended? I certainly wouldn’t stand by a let my baby be bullied by anyone. Be it family or friend. She obviously doesn’t care or she would have already put a stop to it.

Is she not disciplining him? If they are together a lot it might also actually be a more of siblings thing!!! Are you all not in the same room as the kids? This should not be an issue! Call her attention to the boy. Tell her “where did he learn it was okay to …?” When it happens!

Me and my best friend has great communication with our kids. And she knows she can discipline my kids if I’m not there or dont see it first and I can do the same with hers as well. If I’m there and don’t see it she will point it out to me. She will straight up say my kid(s) are being brats. And I love her honesty because I KNOW my kids can be a$$holes.

3 Likes

Sometimes we just have to teach our girls to stand up and defend themselves. My granddaughter went thru this and her mom signed her up for karate. She isn’t the least bit aggressive but she has learned to stand firm and tell her bully to keep his hands to himself. She is four and this is a big step for her

1 Like

How about just being honest with her. Dont hide it. And just tell her the truth. Her son is mean and needs to be taught to be nice.

2 Likes

My son started biting, I told him it hurt and to stop many times, eventually I bit him back a little. All of a sudden he realized it hurt, he told me sorry, and he doesn’t bite anymore. He probably doesn’t know he’s being rough. You need to talk to your friend, be straight forward, and try not to make her feel guilty, he’s just a baby too, it’s something you can work forward with together

3 Likes

She should understand.

If she is truly your friend she will correct her child’s behavior. I had a similar situation but with my brother’s girlfriend way back In the days so my daughter and her son where cousins but same thing. He was very rough with her and I would correct him in front of her and tell her can you tell him not to hit her please ,he shouldn’t be so rough with girls etc. If she didn’t like it I’d say "you need to correct him if you dont want me to,because he can’t be hitting on a girl like that or anyone " . I would tell him I’m not gonna let you play with her if your not nice so be nice and if she won’t share you come to me you dont hit ok. Let your girl know you dont want her to get upset but your boy is being to rough ,please tell him something when you see him hurting my kid because I dont want to have to tell at him or separate them. They will eventually grow out of it. My daughter is now 20 and her cousin is 23 and are the best of friends . They do everything together and it was just a short lived part of their toddler lives I had to deal with. But if your ladies are true friends she should be fine with you bringing it up and correcting the issue. She should tell her son she won’t bring him.on play dates if he doesn’t behave. If you see his behavior before she does just say hey that wasnt very nice,can you play nice please and if he dont stop just tell your girl ok we have to separate them girl he is being to rough.

I don’t like anyone hurting my kids even if it’s another kid. I have gone to the parent with my child and the offending child and put it all out in the open. I told the kid in front of the parent that I would not stand for that behavior from either of them. And it stopped

1 Like

Your daughter is 3! How are you gonna expect her to defend herself? That’s ridiculous. Talk to his mama or tell him to stop yourself. Friend or not your child is more important. He’s just 2 so he doesn’t need to disciplined harshly but your friend and yourself need to intervene.

1 Like

Tell your friend that you’re not going to bring your daughter around with her son there bc you won’t allow her to be bullied anymore. Her response will prove if she’s a real friend or not…act accordingly

Tell the kid to "stop "and “dont do that”. When she says something about it. Say well I don’t want him hurting my child. 20 year friends should understand

Just tell him no and redirect him. Talk to the mom. It takes a village to raise a child.

Are they playing where you can both see them? Because then she should be able to witness it herself and if she’s not pulling him up when he’s clearly being nasty then you do it… But do it gently… Maybe just say hey buddy not so rough lets be nice hey… If she doesn’t step in, do it every time he does it and if it continues just tell your daughter to come sit by you for abit… The other mum should take notice… And if she’s been your friend for 20 years you should be able to talk to her… I taught my best friends son to call her a butt hole and we’ve been friends 20 years… It’s all about the relationship you have with her

2 Likes

If you guys were such good friend she’d know this by now…

He’s a boy, and also in his terrible 2 s

2 Likes

Is it bff blind?
Why isnt she telling her don to stop.it?
Why havent u gone up to lil boy to say stop?
It’s like ur waiting for permission from fb yo do something

If she was truly ur bff she wouldve noticed

Also kids shouldn’t play alone in room
Becuz no one is watching them
Ur only getting ur daughter side of story
And ur not there to stop it in action

Seems like it’s the mamas only enjoying the playdate anyway
So just hangout with ur friend by urself

I’d tell her straight up that her kids being a brat :joy:.

Same happened (not with a friend)i just grew apart and see those people only when necessary. I rather be at home in peace with my babies than argue with other people because of how their children are.