My friend’s son is a little over two years old, and my daughter is 3. We’re really good friends, have been for over 20 years, so obviously we want our kids to grow up together and play together. I’m starting to see though that her son is very rough, and I understand he is a boy and boys are much rougher usually than girls, but she had played with other boys his age before and never came up to me crying or whining the way she does around my friend’s son. And when I say rough, I mean he pushes her down, pulls her hair, scratches her and hits her. I tell her she has to defend herself and even show her and tell her she has to tell him, “STOP IT!” but I think she is afraid to. Here’s where I need some advice. I love my friend and her son dearly, but I’m getting to the point where I don’t want to bring my daughter around her son to play anymore because she is constantly getting hurt and crying. How do I bring this up to my friend without her getting offended? Like I said before, my daughter has played with other little boys before and didn’t have this problem. What can I do?
Be straight up with her. Say “I don’t like the way my daughter comes up crying every time the kids play together” no need to beat around the bush. Would you rather have a happy child or lose a friend?
If she does not stop it now its only going to get worse .
If shes that good of a friend she will understand and not get upset. Just be honest and tell her that if her son keeps it up either you are going to do something about it or you’re going to leave.
What the hell are you even asking for? Your child comes first. Tell her straight up about what her kid is doing. If she can’t see it and do something about it you need a new friend.
She is your friend so I’m sure she will understand your feelings. If it were a reversed situation I’m sure she would bring up the issue to you. If it still continues I would make less play dates. Your child doesn’t need to be around ppl who hurt them.
Simply tell her what you said here. These are the facts, this is how I feel, this is what I’m going to do
Does this mother not know already that this is happening when your little girl comes to you crying saying what has happened if your there visiting?
This child needs to corrected period… if she won’t or can’t then tell her when he’s at your house you won’t allow it! Peroid
I would onky hang out with her when kids are not around. Dont let your baby take his abuse, some kids just have issues.
Who cares if you offended her and yes you told your little girl to stick up for herself for one she is still reallt little to really understand that also it’s still your job to protect her why haven’t you told of the little boy yourself if you know it’s happening
That’s not “rough”. That’s a child with behavioral and emotional control issues. You tell that friend under no circumstances is her son to behave this way. Teach your child to throw a punch his way if asking him to stop doesn’t work. Straight up. This needs correction or he will think its ok and probably already does. She knows what he’s doing and clearly the behavior isn’t being addressed.
I would correct him myself if she doesn’t 
Keep the children in your sight always. Make get togethers out a park or luncheons so she can see his behavior. If she doesn’t see his behavior maybe it’s better they don’t become friends until your daughter is older.
As a mother you should stop the aggression at the moment. Set some rules before the play time start and tell them both that hit and pulling hair is not acceptable. If He does it, just call him and telling him No. If she your friend allow it, You won’t. Don’t be afraid to loose a friend.
She better get him, my sister will beat the mother and him, south east style…
Straightforward. Tell her exactly what you told us in this post.
Just tell her. If she gets offended, tough shit. I doubt this will end your friendship. I’m sure she sees it too.
Your daughter’s safety should be your number 1 priority, not your friends’ feelings.
The sooner you address this to your friend, the sooner it’ll get resolved.
Stop making your child play with him and inform your friend why there will be no more play dates. Always put your child first
I would most definitely tell the lil boy off, in front of his mother if this behaviour continues, hes a bully who is getting away with being abusive, right where the parent’s are!! Yet it still happens !!
You must act now, this is not a boy playing rough, this is a boy who thinks its ok!! Act now!!
when parents bring their kids over and they dont say anything to their misbehaving kids, i step in and say “no, be nice. no hitting.” (mostly to family) but some parents still dont gaf
I will not tolerate anyone at any age hurting my child. If she doesn’t correct him, do it yourself. Don’t be afraid of losing a true friend. If she’s that good of a friend she’ll understand. If she gets offended that you are protecting your child bye Felicia
Offer to babysit…then you can set that kid straight when he plays rough without upsetting your friend…because obviously she doesn’t care to stop it. Not suggesting you abuse the kid but just put your foot down and correct him so he knows how to act when he is with you.
Just because you and her are friends doesnt necessarily mean your children will be, nor should you expect them to be. Talk to your friend and explain how you feel and if she refuses to correct her child behavior then don’t have your daughter around her son.
If you’re seeing, is she not seeing it? She doesn’t see or hear when your daughter cries about it?
One hes a little over 2 years old trying to tell it to your old not to do it hopefully he listens but they have to grow out of it believe me I raced 2 boys and 1 girl. For some children these are just phases they go through you can sit down with them both and tell him to be gentle and not to do that he also might have something wrong with him and nobody knows. Until something is said and there is nothing wrong with any now with your friend and the kids and talk about it. But just remember they are still babies even though they are toddlers they are little they are just learning what they can and cannot do so if he understands enough being that he is 3 not to do it you have to say something
Just tell her…who cares if she gets offended…f××k the feelings…if she gets mad oh well
Your daughter being physically harmed vs your friend’s feelings being hurt. Hmm…seems like a no-brainer, to me.
Teach your daughter what is acceptable behaviour, by EXAMPLE. Teach her that standing up for herself is more important than someone being offended.
“Boys will be boys” is a bullshit excuse.
Fuck offending your friend. You should be worried about your baby. If yall as good friends as you say, she’ll take it. You can’t sugarcoat that. If it’s not praise, you run the chance of offending her anyway. Start off like you did here… " i love y’all, and I don’t wanna offend you, but I’m worried your son is … " if she does take it wrong, you still gotta do it, for your kid, and she’ll get over it or not. Kids come first
I don’t understand why do bestfriends need their children to be bestfriends as well.
U don’t say if ur friend addresses her son’s behavior in front of u and ur daughter when it happens, or does she just continuously let it go? If ur friend doesn’t address her son’s behavior, then u can nicely ask her son to stop. If it progresses, take ur daughter and leave, letting her know that perhaps u and she can get together at a future date, but now is not a good time to hang out. There will always be parents out there like ur friend who are either oblivious to their child’s behavior or refuse to address it. We can’t control their behavior, but we can control how we choose to deal with them and situations.
You are worried of offending your friend instead of your daughter getting hurt you are not all there!!!
Dnt over think it so much. If y’all r best friends she knows it’s wrong. Telling him to stop without any consequences is obviously not enough. It’s her responsibility to teach her son this behavior is NOT acceptable. Therefore, if she isn’t doing anything about it u must address it. Her feelings may b hurt alil initially but she will soon understand. I’m sure if ur daughter was the one doing this u wld address it, not hope for it to resolve itself. So, tell her exactly how u feel. (Truthfully this behavior is not that of just a boy) no excuses. U shld not have to tell ur daughter to constantly defend herself around him, it shld b a pleasant time together. Yes kids will fight alil yanking/pulling, etc. BUT pulling hair, scratching, hitting, no way, that’s more than whatever normal may be. Maybe they allow him to do this at home with them. If he’s an only child. Maybe he’s mimicking something he’s watching. Who knows. What I do know is u have to address it, otherwise ur relationship will eventually suffer as well. Not to mention ur daughter. It’ll all work out, communicating is ur best chance.
If she’s your best friend, you should be able to tell her anything.
You need to chat to the parents, or that little boy will grow up thinking it’s ok,and mom please teach your daughter that it’s not ok for anyone to push her about,karate lessons is a huge help too!! Trust me🙏🏽
Whats more important? your friendship or your daughter? Weight the two and act accordingly you tell her how you feel and if she does nothing then keep your baby away from him …dont wait until she loses an eye .
If you abf your friend are that close as you mentioned. Then you are like an aunt to that boy. Correct him when he does some wrong and congratulates him when he does something good. When that fails protect your child not your friendship
Be the friend you know you two are. This happened to me and I simply just stopped inviting them over… 
but than again I remind my daughter no one has the right to be mean to her
Video tape the kids playing maybe you can get proof to show her tell her if her boy is at your house and does THIS again he can’t come to your home or you will give him an old fashioned time out and tap him on his little butt
Keep it real…girllll I can’t make this play date. My daughter is terrified of your son. Catch me on girls nights…until you believe his demeanor changes.
If she isnt saying anything to him, you say something to him. With kindness and respect that he is someone elses child, tell him that we dont hurt others and take your child out of that situation for a few minutes. Maybe your friend will take your lead.
Be honest…if your kids don’t get on don’t try to make them …you’ve been friends for a long time…if it was me I’d appreciate the honesty rather than my friend just stop coming to visit ?
Boys gender isn’t an excuse
If she is truly your friend she will not get mad at you for protecting your child.
Don’t have any more play dates. He’s a bully in training. If you and your BFF want to hang out, get separate babysitters and go out.
You both sound like irresponsible parents. Her for allowing her son to beat on and physically harm your daughter without correcting the behavior and you for also allowing it to continue simply because you are too afraid to offend your friend. Think about that… Your a grown ass adult afraid to tell your friend of 20 years that her son plays too rough with your daughter, but you expect your 3 year old child to tell this boy to stop without being afriad to do so? 
🤦
I would expect my friend of 20 years to discipline my kids if they weren’t acting right. Just tell her
Your friends should want to tell her son to stop, I don’t know why she doesn’t , she should want to teach her son to be soft and gentle not rough especially with a female, children learn by example…? Maybe your friend has something going on she can’t talk about
I don’t understand why a mom is more concerned about hurting a “friends” feelings than protecting her child!
Nope until he can stop being aggressive remove her from contact from him.your child’s safety is your priority.Let the mother parent him if he does this in kindy or school he will be pulled up and mother contacted your daughter can’t defend herself from him and should not not be asked to I would confront the Brat and sort him out honesty if you lie your friend over her Bad parenting skills To bad 
Good luck
Fuck a friend take care of your daughter first. I have 5 boys and 1 girl. At that age he should know it’s not ok to be mean to anyone! My boys learned very early how to treat others and Don’t dare put your hands on a girl.
If she is really your friend she won’t get offended. Just tell her what you wrote on here point blank.
Talk to her alone, sounds like the boy is LEARNING this behavior and your friend may be having trouble with an abusive partner. Kids learn this bbehavior, if you can’t supervise, friend is not being abused, then you need to STRAIGHT UP tell her. Your daughter does not need to learn that it’s ok to have boys/men abuse her…PERIOD. The fact that you subject her to this is a fine line to child endangerment. Shut it down before she gets really hurt and you lose custody of your child. I’ve seen kids taken for a lot less.
Your daughter is more important than the friendship. If y’all are that close, you shouldn’t be so worried about speaking to her. Put your daughter first!
Try supervising while they are playing. Clearly no one is watching them.
Your friend is important yes, however, there is nothing more important than your child. You tell her, it’s up to her how she takes and that’s her problem to deal with but you have to speak up or nothing will change.
Tell your friend. Surely she’d be more upset if you kept it to yourself and you lost your friendship. Also what about your daughter? Protect her and put him in his place
Really good friends for over 20 years should be able to sit down and be real with one another
It’s so funny everybody as advice on what u doing wrong untill it’s them in THE same situation 
Sounds like your friend is more important than your child. I had a problem like this years back with an ex-friend of the family. Their daughter would bite, hit, and everything else to my son. I told them about it and they did nothing so I told him to start doing it back. We quit going out there but that didn’t stop them from showing up here. They quit showing up after the last incident about 3 years ago. Haven’t talked to them since.
Girl open your mouth and tell your friend that her son is bullying your daughter, if she gets an attitude about it then drop her as a friend, problem solved, for your daughter anyway
When you see her son doing it…you correct him in front of her and then ask her to start doing it…and if you are such good friends…if she has a problem withbyou saying something then maybe your not as good of friends as you previously thought
I think he needs to be taught respect from day one!! And why is he trying to hurt her? it speaks volumes. They learn and sometimes have to be taught what is expected and not tolerate poor behavior.
Sometimes you just got to be straightforward with people and if your friendships as strong as you say it is then she will look at it from my point of view that you’re trying to help instead of offend so you can say anything and get any point across with tact to where people don’t get defensive and their get their feelings hurt but you still get a point across so good luck with
That’s not being rough. That’s being mean and being a bully. One of you needs to stop the behavior. If she won’t correct her son, then you need to. That is not okay at all.
Ummm your friend should be taking care of it already. Id tell her to do something or you will if you’re that close my friends and I help each other out
Tell your friend straight up how you feel and your concerns. Your friend will understand if she truly cares about you, your daughter and how her son behaves.
Unacceptable behavior. Tell your friend he’s a little rough and tell your daughter to tell him to stop and hit him back. Once. This discussion & encounter happens once and then that’s it. If the mother isn’t open to this information and if the kid doesn’t listen to your daughter they can’t play together. I had to tell my office bff that her daughter is a manipulative asshole and she’s mean to my kid. I gave examples and asked why she approaches her daughter in a debatable manner instead of parent to child. I also insisted my kid be more stern and clear that she wasn’t with the bullshit. It helped.
I would hope that if one of my children were behaving like that someone would come and talk to me about it. I would definitely want to fix it. Just politely explain to her that your daughter is getting hurt and she doesn’t like to play with him because of it. It might hurt her feelings but hopefully it would motivate her to step in. If she values your friendship as much as you do hers, she will listen to you and try to stop it from happening.
Just be straightforward with her. That you understand he’s a boy and sometimes boys get rough, but you think he’s a little too rough. And if she blows it off then just correct him yourself. You have that right since he’s being mean to your kid! Friend or not, I wouldn’t let anyone be mean to any of my babies!
Tell your daughter to defend herself… we can keep saying boy behavior but that give’s them an excuse. If she shows him he can’t push her around he will stop. (Mom of 4 boys & 1 girl!) And yeah be straight forward with your friend… even during play dates a child still needs parenting…
If she loves you and your daughter the same as you love her and her son then she will understand and do something to change the way he behaves with your daughter. Time outs and apologies when it happens is step one.
Umm… you’re telling your 3 year old to use her words, but you as an adult can’t? You’re able to tell both the little boy and your friend he’s being too rough and if he’s intentionally being mean, you can say that too. He’s 2. Someone has to teach him how to play with others. I assume someone (either you or your friend) has seen the behavior? (Being they’re so young someone is watching them, right?) When you see him hit her, or whatever, walk over and grab his arm (obviously not aggressively) or whatever and tell him she’s his friend and you play nicely with friends. Whatever you would do with your daughter, if she were behaving the same, do with him. If you’re not being mean to him, your friend should thank you for trying to help him with manners. It takes a village.
It’s your child and you need to look out for her, not your friends feelings. It’s not normal behavior for this boy to be this way. What exactly is his mom doing while hes hurting another child ???
Before approaching her I would pull the little boy up the next time you see him display this behaviour - “xxx, now that’s not very nice is it? You don’t want to make xxx cry and be sad do you?” Something to that effect and hopefully it will prompt your friend to take action without you having to specifically address the issue with her. If that doesn’t work tell her straight - it’s not normal to be a bully, and to be honest I can’t believe she hasn’t recognised his behaviour is unacceptable already!
Just be straightforward with her. Iv had to do it, and iv had close friends and family do it (to me) as well. If your friendship is strong then it will be fine.
That’s not being rough that’s just being mean tbh and if she was any kind of friend she wouldn’t be allowing her son to behave like this especially when yous are best friends , unfortunately it sounds like u need to be straightforward with her , maybe arrange a play date and wait and see if anything happens and then if it does bring it up then and just say to her he has just scratched or pulled your wee ones hair or whatever he gets up to and see if she deals with it and how she reacts then u will know yourself if she is willing to deal with it if it keeps happening but I’m sorry he is defo not just being rough
Just tell her that. If shes your friend you should be able to talk to her. If she takes offense, that’s really on her. She sees how her son behaves.
Tell your friend that it is assault. It isn’t cute. You don’t feel your child is safe and you refuse to expose your child to abuse of her son. That if she can get it under wraps then yall will attempt a playdate then.
What is boils down to is this question: what is more important to you? Not offending your friend or protecting your daughter? Your daughter needs to feel safe and know that you will always protect her and keep her safe. That should be your first priority.
If that’s ur best friend, then I assume y’all are like me and give my best friend full permission to treat my kids like her own and I treat hers the same… therefore pop his little ass the next time he does something to ur child. If she gets mad tell her ur mad too. Ur not doing anything u wouldn’t do to ur own, and if she were to see something ur kid do, u would expect her to handle it.
It’s not up to you whether or not your friend gets offended. You should be able to speak honestly with her and she should be able to understand after 20 years of friendship. It’s not OK for him to be hurting your daughter.
Are they playing unsupervised?? If not, then why are you not stepping in and correcting his behavior? And if your friend sees it, and does nothing, then that’s a great time to say, to her or the little boy, if you can’t behave you cant play with us anymore. And the next time he hurts her after that, you leave or tell her to leave. Until he can control himself better. Some kids are just rowdy. Maybe you need to be together but keep the kids separated by a barrier, like one inside a big round baby pen and one outside. It’s not rocket science. Otherwise, punish him yourself when he hurts her, if his mother won’t (in your home). In this house we are excused when we hit, now you can be by yourself in x room until you can be safe. And set a timer for 2 minutes. If she doesn’t like it, she can leave.
Wait until she ask you to come over again or hang out and just let her know that you promise it’s out of love but he’s obviously stronger and too rough with your daughter so you would like to bring it up so it’s more enjoyable for everybody to be around each other 
Do the kids play in front of y’all or in another room when you hang out? If he’s displaying these actions right in front of y’all and she doesn’t do any form of discipline, even a simple “no, do not do that again” then you should. Just address him nicely but firmly about playing nice. Sometimes it just takes the one time for both kid and Momma to realize. I always tell my friends if they see my kid being mean or doing something you don’t think is right or you know I wouldn’t like and I don’t see them doing it then address it.
You have to protect your child, use your words to the Mom not the child, that she needs to get her child under control, or there won’t be any more playdates.
My friends’ kids are treated like my own when they’re at my house…and vice versa when mine are at my friend’s house…if a kid acts up, they get corrected. End of story. Tell him he isn’t being nice and needs to take a break so he can be nice to his friend. Ask if he would like it if his friend did that to him. Let your friend know what he did. If my kiddo is being mean, I fully expect my friend to tell her and put her in time out for a few minutes. It takes a village yall
If she’s seeing it too, it shouldn’t be a surprise for her. She needs to notice it and correct her child as it is happening.
If you’ve been friends that long, this conversation shouldn’t be an issue.
He’s not just rough, he’s mean and kind of abusive from what you’re describing.
If the boy was yours you would make him stop. Being as close as you are to her. Step in and tell him to knock it off. And if she has a problem. Oh well
I work in childcare and our rule is hands to yourself, it does take a lot of refereeing but with patience works for most. We also use the phrase be kind instead of nice. Also for kids I know my daughter is going to be more hands on with we practice being soft and also being kind with our hands. I have also found that knowing the sign for gentle has been a great tool when she can see me but not hear me. Also we have taught her the phrase space please when she is feeling overwhelmed and she either gets space or I intervene
You could tell your friend hey we are practicing being gentle and playing while respecting space.
If you see them playing nicely or someone does something nice exaggerated responses to good behavior definitely keeps it going, “that was so kind! Great job! What nice friends you are!” Etc.
No need to attack your friend about it though, she may very well be struggling with his behavior if he is quite rough. Always approach with an open mind and empathy. Some kids struggle a bit more with behavior too, you never know. We have also taught my daughter if she needs to defend herself to do so 100%
This sucks.
Because it should NOT be your issue.
The boys mom should BE ON TOP OF THIS.
She knows he does this.
She should be RIGHT THERE.
CORRECTING his behavior.
Over and over and over until he STOPS.
I call bullshit.
This is how I look at it , if a child is over at my house I treat that child as if they are mine . If something is going on that isn’t allowed in my house I correct the behavior. Even if the parent is around ,correct your child so I don’t have to 
If y’all have been friends for 20 years this shouldn’t even be a problem.
Friends are supposed to be able to tell each other the blunt truth.
I know if my child was being that way I would want to know straight up and not anything be held back. If she is a true friend and as a mother to a mother she will understand ! It should not offend her because it needs to be dealt with and gotten under control before he starts school anyway or she will have true problems on her hands versus a friend telling her what’s going on. Other parents might not break it to her like a friend to a friend would.
Start disciplining your friends kid and maybe she will get the hint when you stop coming around. I dont let any kids act bad around me and if they do its plain as day on my face why I’m out.
First, he’s two and two year olds can be like this, it’s up to us to intervene. They should never be left alone and you two should be watching and intervening if he tries anything. There is nothing she can do other than intervene and stop him in the moment…which you two should be doing…
If you’ve been friends for over 20 years you should be able to talk to her about your concerns. Just mention your daughter has been upset after playing with her son because of how rough he is and if she can monitor their play times and step in when needed. If she doesn’t want to correct or try to correct this behaviour then like my husband says, parent that child who isn’t being parented. Don’t have to be mean or anything but separate the kids and explain he’s hurting your daughter. Also Time outs work wonders for our two year old boy so maybe it’s time to start with those when he hits etc.
When my friend’s son plays like that with my daughter I tell him No. I don’t care if she gets upset which she doesn’t btw. If you can’t control your kids around my kid I will do it for you period.
Every child is going to be different. Some are going to play harder. In my experience the more comfortable a two year old is the more they’re going to test their boundaries. Some children have special/different needs and it effects the way they play.
My son (also 2) gets rough When he’s really tired and/or sensory seeking. He hits, kicks, and bites. In his defense he’s not trying to hurt anyone. He needs a certain sensory input he’s not getting. Since i understand that’s what’s happening, i only get onto him for it when he gets too rough. Once we go through the evaluations and get the appropriate therapies set up then we’ll have a better idea on how to redirect him.
Because he doesn’t understand what he’s doing wrong. Yeah. He knows what “no” means, that doesn’t mean he understands exactly why we’re saying no.
Do not encourage your child to “hit” back at a 2 year old who probably doesn’t realize they’re doing anything wrong. Instead…encourage her to disengage. I’ve found this very helpful. When my son gets too rough…i (or his dad or his brother) immediately stop playing and walk away from him. His instances of getting too rough have dwindled a lot since putting this into practice. Have your daughter come tell you.
As far as bringing it up to your friend. Be honest but also empathetic. Let her know its coming from a place of concern not judgement. Ask her to watch and help referee for a little while.
I would tell her son to stop. Don’t be rude, but tell him she doesn’t like it when you play like that so you need to stop. That’s what I do with my nieces and nephews and my close friends kids. They never get upset with me.