I need ideas to address my husband about our son (his biological). He is incredibly spoiled because he was an only child and only grandchild for ten years. It is no fault of his own, but he completely knows how to work with his parents and grandparents. A few months ago we spent 5 hours in the E.R. because he got heartburn from hot chips his grandma gave him and refused to eat a tums at home but instead thrashed around, screamed, cried, and threw a 40-minute fit until his dad finally took him in and got a tums at the end of the visit. He also refuses to do homework because “I’ll do it at my mom’s” or “I’ll do it at my dad’s” and then never does it. He won’t don’t anything with us as a family (I have two biological children) because he’d rather go with grandma because she buys him everything he wants. He has been in a different school every year since kindergarten because he doesn’t like his teachers. This kid is super sweet, loving, and smart, but if it were up to me, he’d have been disciplined a long time ago, and now I feel like I am overstepping when I try to say anything. I love this kid as my own, which is why I think this behavior needs to end now, but I don’t know how to approach my husband about it for fear of him thinking I don’t love our son.
I would just talk to him. Express your concerns there’s nothing wrong with that.
Sounds like a future narc…
Obviously if it’s happening in her home and affecting her kids and her finances (frivolous emergency room visits can be costly and refused by insurance), it’s her business as well.
My suggestion would be to point blank initiate conversation with your husband from a place of concern. Explain to him that you’re worried about your son’s future when he is having this many struggles functioning socially within the home and at school already. Further point out that you are concerned because you love your son and want him to be a successful adult. Your husband very well may share your concern but be hiding it because he doesn’t know how to handle it either.
Worst case scenario he does get angry. So what? If you can’t communicate about your children and your marriage there are other problems underlying that may be contributing to the behavioral problems. Family counseling for him and you guys would be a great place to start, especially if dad isn’t big on discipline. This gives you an outlet to get impartial feedback and suggestions on how to manage things more effectively as a team.
Bring it up lightly. We were in the same boat and the stress was tearing apart my husband and I. Eventually I had to speak up. You and your husband are a team…remember that.
Don’t folks talk before marriage??? Your place as step mom gives you all the rights. Do you have contact with his Mom?? Y’all need to get on the same page Quick…
Speak up, because they are raising a crappy person, he needs be taught rules and boundaries before he winds up in prison.
i have that kind of problem too even with my own son because my husband and my own parents spoils him too much but i know i have to stand in my ground. whatever happens to that child in the future will also affect me so eventhough you are just a stepmom you are still an integral part of that family so you dont have to be afraid to tell your husband what you think. What they do and the consequences of their decision and action towards that child will affect you too so dont be afraid to speak up.
Hes playing up … speak to his dad … hes only gonna end up worse … hes being a drama queen x
Someone needs to say something, the child is a manipulator. It needs to STOP now before he gets any older. He needs discipline before he ends up in jail.
MIND YOUR BUSINESS not your kid
Butt out…not your child
It fully is her business. If she is expected to stand in a parent role, as a legal stepmom then it is absolutely 100% her business.
Let him read this. Clearly, you care about him. Best of luck.
No more grandma visits until he learns how to act. Follow through on punishments… no empty words.
He is obviously not a sweet loving child he is an obnoxious little shit that needs a reality check and a kick up the arse
Whether you talk to Dad or not if they don’t straighten him out now, the prison will down the road
Establish HOUSE RULES and HOUSE PUNISHMENTS together . He can behave how ever he is allowed to get away with at grandmas and his mothers, but in y’alls home it won’t work that way . Do not back down on punishments and they should apply not only to his son but ur children aswell .
How old is this boy?
If you can’t have open communication about the kids, then you might have a problem there. Even though he isn’t your blood, you should still express concern.
To all who are commenting none of ur business not your child. You probably need a spanking too, the other children will think it’s except able behavior.
Speak up. If he hears you then your on the right road for the family. If he doesn’t, then let it go, wash your hands and let your husband learn from experience. It’s a good teacher.
If you decide to say anything to your husband, tread lightly on this subject. Saying 1 wrong thing could start him thinking you dont like the little boy. Good luck
Oh Lord, What does he want to be his friend? Tell him to man up and teach his son how to behave because him acting like a spoiled brat is a direct reflection on HIM ! And there are enough want to be men walking around.
All I know is when I watch a child I have to have permission to discipline that child . I’m a nice person but that my rules. Normally I never have to say anything .I just lightly raise my voice. When I raise my voice then you know your in trouble .Thats it for me.
I say this Give it to God he can handle all things ! Prayer changes ppl ,not ppl! Also know that children plays on their parents weaknesses
I’m a little opposite my daughter is my bio not his and honestly he will kinda tell me at the end of the day in bed unwinding. Baby I need to talk to you about something I noticed. I say what. And he explains today when this happened you handled it this way and I’ve noticed on several occasions that’s how it goes and I think she may be doing it to get her way… or whatever the situation. And if I interrupt he says wait please let me finish I want to discuss it all. And I’ll let him finish and then we talk
Very important thing to figure out before you get married is if you can handle your partners parenting style. It’s not up to you to change your husband or his son. You knew how they were and you gotta deal or leave. If the biological parents want to change things they will. Just keep loving him.
He knows he’s spoiled. Go ahead and address it. Ive been there. Somebody has to take a stand for the child’s sake. Not your own necessarily.
I don’t think you will win on this one. Let it go. It could turn into a disaster if you say something.
My stepdad disciplined us when we needed it, turned out great. I also wasn’t an only child though so I’m not sure how the dynamic worked going between parents houses. I’d tell your husband he needs to start enforcing rules and not give in to the kid. He wants to scream? Let him scream. Doesn’t wanna do homework? He can sit at a table with it in front of him until its done or time for bed. You can not coddle children that feel entitled.
Better figure it out before marriage
Is he 7 or 17? Being the stepmother, whatever you try is not going to be well received!
Put that foot down and do it now. If he doesnt do hw he doesnt get to do anything he wants id have serious chat with the dad
You sit down, tell him how it is. Not accusing, just telling him your perspective. Be prepared with possible solutions if he’s open to it. If your husband has just given up in face of opposition, he may feel like he has an ally. If he’s the root of the problem, you’ll be fighting a losing battle. Just be prepared for every possible backlash/consequence. Including the situation getting worse before it gets better.
Sounds like you got to do something he sounds just like a spoiled brat but you may have waited to long to reach him
Sometimes just telling it like it is… is the only route to take.
Simple call a meeting between you all and bring it up
I myself was an only child. As an adult I remind my mom and grandmother that they were not hard enough on me. Grandmother always spoiled me and still does even when I tell her not to. To be honest if it ain’t nipped in the Ass now it will be a very stressful road.
Talk to him and be honest. Let him know where you’re coming from. You have every right to say something as you’re a team and he is now your son too.
You must talk to your husband right away. This kid is spoiled rotten! Some changes have to be made but I fear it’s too late. Thrashing & screaming because he had heartburn? Serious behavioural issues! Take action now or you all will be even more sorry as he gets older. This boy is going to run the household completely if this continues.
Its very sad . People spoil kids and actualy ruin there lives, becouse no one ever like them.
so why can’t you discipline him ? an anyone who doesn’t wanna fall in line rather than make him worse can be removed from his life until he an they straighten out
My husband has been in our lives for 7 yrs. He will say hey I noticed this or hey can I talk to you about this…enter the convo easy not bad…
Um… my child was an only child and grandchild for 10 years, but this mommy don’t play. Don’t blame that for why he is spoiled. The people in his life chose to allow him to get a way with shit. Just show them a video tape of that kid who invented the defense “affluenza” when he killed some people and cried spoiled brat in court, and whined about how jail would kill him because he’s used to being handed everything and having his behavior excused. Because that’s where he headed. He’s going be a lonely little shit with no friends in about a year, when the kids around him grow up enough to realize what a fucking loser he is. And it doesn’t matter where you move, because that shit is obvious within the first day of meeting someone. Tell them that if you and his family members do really love him, you will fix it, otherwise no one else will EVER love him again.
Family meeting to set up rules.And make sure Dad,and grandparents follow thru
How is your relationship with his bio mom?
I would talk to him solely because he is your spouse, and you are raising a child together. Communication is really important. Talk to him about what you’ve noticed and ask him if it’s okay to discipline and what you can do and can’t. Think about if it’s your own biological children - how much are you willing to let your husband discipline them? And if you do, then he should be willing to compromise and let you discipline his son too. But it’s convincing grandma that I’m really worried about. You could start a war if you’re not careful.
Too late. I’m sure the kid knows that a tantrum like that is ridiculous. There is no fixing that. Especially if you’ve already reached marriage for lord only knows how many years and you still don’t discipline the kid… He’s not yours. You made sure of that when you failed to discipline him all this time. He has no respect for you or anyone else. Good job raising that one
It needs to be addressed. However, instead of singling just his biological son out. Perhaps, approach his father on setting family rules and guidelines for all the kid’s. Make a list of consequences/discipline if not followed. You and your spouse need to have a United front. You both have to back each other up.
Also, bring up the issue of grandparents, not allow them to much authority in your household.
It sounds like this boy has complete control of the household. It’s time for him to be taught, that adults have authority.
It may sound corny. But I’ve watched Supernanny on YouTube. She offers great tips on parenting.
How is the communication with the biological mother? Do you co-parent well with her?
The way people talk to stepparents on here is awful. I’m not a step parent but it’s either “its not your kid” or “stay out of it, you aren’t the parent” to yall but when they need help, you get even worse. Good grief