How can I talk to my spouse without starting a fight?

No judgment here but I am a mom of a 6 year old from a past relationship and my SO and I have a 1 year old. I work full time and so does he and doing all the mommy stuff also which he doesn’t help as much since his jobs are out of state and he’s gone for a week here , two weeks there and when he does get back from the jobs it’s always bed time for my girls I’m just so dead tired I just want to go to sleep but he wants to have some loving because he’s been away for work and misses me (Which I totally understand but momma is tired) and he seems to get mad when I just want to go to sleep and it causes a fight every single time. How do I go about talking to him about this without causing a fight ?


I would talk about it during the day, rather than just in the moment. Maybe you guys can find a way so you can get more rest and be up for private time together on occasion. Sit down and figure something out together.

Talk during the day. Remind him that while he’s gone working your not only working but then coming home & working a second full time gig while he’s away. So if he wants loving then he needs to offer help when he’s home.


Yikes. That’s a tough one. Be truthful and honest. “Honey, while you’re away, I’m running at full speed with working, housekeeping, laundry, the kids, dinner etc. I’m exhausted by 8 pm. I love you. But I can’t give anything else. I need your help.” Honey may not be able do anything about the job, but he can be understanding and help out where it’s needed. He’s not going to like it, but his needs need to be placed on the back burner. That’s what a husband and father does. That’s manning-up.

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Talk during the day after a nights rest. Maybe hire a nanny part time do you get get more you time or rest. I will say even being tired it is important to make each other mutually happy. You’re not unhappy with him but how tired you are. He will be and continue to be unhappy with you if you don’t at least try for him or at the minimum be honest and tell him you’re struggling so he can get on the same page or decide if he wants to or not. Maybe couples therapy can open a new avenue of honesty and confidence in yourself and your relationship to be honest and open a new lane for him to be understanding.

If you have anyone that can babysit maybe outside the home, arrange it so they come take the kiddos the day after he gets home. When he walks in the door tell him “I’m really tired tonight baby but I have something really special planned for us tomorrow” and give him those spicy kisses


You’re going to have to push the worry of it leading to an argument aside and speak up.

I’m a mom of 4, working full time while going to school full time. My husband works a physically demanding job. When he’s working local, he’s up and gone by 4am and not usually home until dinner time or later. But he’s also gone every few weeks for a week or so at a time. So I end up with most of the household stuff as well. I don’t complain, because he does whatever I ask of him when he is home. He knows though, that when he gets back from these trips, there’s probably not gonna be any “special time” the night he gets back. Both because he’s exhausted from his long drive coming home and I’m exhausted from being pulled in a dozen different directions while he’s been gone.

You have to talk to him. Communication is the key to a healthy marriage.

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I hear u my hubby & I run a farm we have a blended family of 6 kids they are older now but for the past 5 years i
Been rather sick with vomiting most days apparently nothing wrong tho, for past 2 days I been sick all day vomiting & migraines but apparently I dnt love him as I not giving him time in the bedroom. He gets it like 4x a week but lately I tired & not feeling the best. He keeps saying I must be cheating on him im like no I just not feeling well & im not young anymore

I completely understand you , having a full time job , doing the house and mommy stuff is absolutely exhausting but you are also a wife , he is away working not on vacations and you guys definitely should have time together when he is home or he will find someone who is willing to givi him what you can’t .
You need to talk to him but also have some suggestion like , what About finding a sitter to help you a 2-3 days a couple of hours can be during the day or even overnight so you can go early to bed , or even someone to help you to keep the house clean


Speak up, if it leads to an argument, it’s an argument that needs to be had…
Don’t label him the bad guy when he finds someone that’s not too tired to love him. We all work and take care of kids, you still gotta make time for your spouse. Especially a spouse who is away for a week or more at a time. He probably feels neglected, unappreciated, and not loved. Men have feelings too :woman_shrugging:t3: You definitely need to talk to HIM, not the Internet.


Speak up, so that when he’s in town he helps too When he’s away he has down time before sleeping. It’s not as if your husband is occupied 24/7 with a child as you are. Wake up abd start asking for help both if you brought thus child into this world.

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I think when he comes back, you should schedule someone to help baby sitting the kids so you can have energy when he comes back. I think it will pushed him out of your marriage if you shut him down like that. I can see both sides


Sounds like you’re a single parent. What does he provide for you besides money? You need more than sex when he’s home. I’d seriously rethink the dynamics of your relationship.

Just be happy you’re not on here saying otherwise you should always have time for him don’t make him look elsewhere bc you will be crying :cry:

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Take care of your man before he finds loving elsewhere


I’ll turn the table…if I was away for 2 weeks and when I came home my S.O said he was too tired to spend time with me I’d be very upset…


I’d say it’s time for you to take a “work trip for training!” Leave him with the kids for a week by himself. Let’s see how the shoe looks on the other foot. Nothing proves a point like personal experience!
Maybe you need to get mad. He’s away and takes care of no one but himself. He gets to sleep and eat warm meals and possibly socialize with other adults. Is that what your days look like? Men aren’t dumb, sometimes we just have to show them the details that we’re dealing with.

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I’d flat out tell him. I understand you work away from home but while you’re gone I’m working and taking care of the kids and the house and it takes it’s toll on you and wears you out. Our family life doesn’t stop when you’re gone. Tell him you need/want more help when he is home. #1 reason women don’t “put out” at the end of the day is pure exhaustion and fatigue. He wants the good lovin start takin some of that exhausting work and be the teammate he agreed to be when he became your spouse. Spouse doesn’t mean maid spouse means teammate


As someone who knows how hard it is taking care of 2. Make time for your husband. If I was gone for 2 weeks and was told they were too tired I’d be so upset. Mainly because I know what it takes to run a household and it shouldn’t be used as an excuse every single time your husband wants some loving.


You are not obligated to have sex with him. Ever. Yes he has needs, but you are a human being with your own needs and desires. You shouldn’t have to put yourself aside because he wants to have sex. Maybe try to figure out how he can help you to be more receptive. Or talk about what needs you need met as well to be less tired. Or maybe tell him you are too tired the night he comes home and plan to do it the next morning if that suits you better.

Wow… I would put out! Shit, if he isn’t home that long, I’m surprised when he gets back, YOUR not ready to jump his bones… Not being rude, but, how would you feel if he DIDN’T try to make a move on you, you would think he was messing around… Makes you feel like he doesn’t find you sexy… I would be either naked or in a sexy outfit as soon as he walked in door(obviously if kids are up I would wait until they’re napping/in bed)… Girl, make yourself feel sexy, and do the deed(it isn’t like it’s every night. You can’t be THAT tired. I had 4 under the age of 5(luckily now they’re all teens) But I made it a point to at the very least, give him some quick action… idk, maybe it’s just me… I get your tired(trust me, I KNOW. I worked full time, plus cleaned/did the kid shit/baseball practices/gymnastic runs/ play dates… It is whatever you make it to be…

He needs to understand that your needs as a person aren’t being met. He’s gone for work, but you’re also working. You’re also doing the majority of the parenting. You require basic things like sleep. If he’s getting mad about that, that’s a huge red flag. He needs to be close to his partner and you have to compromise. If it starts an argument, then so be it. He can’t expect that you do all the house shit, parenting and work full time and then get mad when you refuse to give more of yourself for someone else’s needs. What about yours ?

That’s not normal he shouldn’t get mad


Talk to him, but also have sex with him. Then you can go to sleep. He has needs and if it were the other way around I would be extremely upset.

When he gets home have laundry, dishes, getting kids situated, grocery shopping etc ready for him. You need adsy off!