I’m losing a battle with my three years old. She is starting to talk back to her dad and me when she is in trouble or disagrees with us. She doesn’t understand what “talking back” means, so I’m having trouble teaching her not to do it. I don’t want to use a timeout to fix this problem. How can you stop this before it gets out of hand?
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Consistency and also it won’t stop until well into the teen years.
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Does she witness others in the home doing this?
If you dont want to use timeout deal with it.
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Ignore the the talking back. Do NOT engage, zero eye contact until she responds appropriately. Then praise.
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Maybe tell her what she could say instead and explain that it’s not nice to say what she is saying and your redirection way of saying it is nice.
Sometimes kids need to be told what to do instead of what not to do
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She is too young to understand x
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As the mother of an almost 6 year old little redhead imma just say good luck!
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Only way I learned was my grandmothers back hands with her beautiful diamonds but I know that’s not ok now days good luck
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The problem is you don’t want to correct her need consistency and she does need to be banished for this and know that this is wrong if you start this now don’t expect her to get any better it’s only going to continue to get worse
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Mine has been sassy since the day she could talk…it’s a constant battle. At 8, I’m still not positive she truly understands what “talking back” is, but I teach her that after I’ve given her instructions or corrections the only response should be yes ma’am (or yes sir to dad). She’s far from perfect at following these directions but it is much better and gives us something to fall back on
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Literally just ignore it. My 2 year old is getting relentless with her mouth 🤦 I just walk away and let her get her attitude in check
Kids talk back, it’s better to have grown conversations with it. Dont talk down to her. Explain things. Use words.
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Ignore I had to do this with my oldest he talks back alot I was told to ignore I’ll tell him straight up I’m going to ignore you know until you listen or talk to me right now eye contact no holding turn your back it honestly works
Timeout is your best option. Whenever she talks back put her in the corner
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At this age there isn’t much you can do.Tell her be quiet,and listen.If not take away a favorite toy,tablet,etc
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Correct her " we dont say that, try “---------” instead please."
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When I did it I was smack in the mouth, and I did it to my boys and we learned fast. But I know ppl these days don’t do that!!! So put up with it and don’t complain.
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If punishing her is a problem for you. That would explain a lot
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Pow powsss. I believe.in. butt whooping but after like 10847382991 times of telling them not to. But time out does help. Or no snacks too. Thats a hard situation.
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Its a difference between beating, them, or whoppin them
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Dont be arguing with your husband in front of her and teach her how to respectfully disagree with your husband learning from example! Fake some conversations with your hubby to teach her
Welcome to the terrible 3’s. Terrible 2’s are nothing compared to a three year old.
Let me tell you something. Some may disagree. I dont give a shit. All kids are mouthy. Then they learn to not be mouthy by some form of punishment. Most learn with a smack to the mouth or soap depending on how mouthy. Teach them now in any way possible before they get to be teens and get mouthy wother the wrong person and get their ass handed to them. Ive seen it happen so many times. If u dont wanna do that well ya better teach her how to fight.
Just explain it to her and correct her. Explain what you want her to reply to you instead. If she doesn’t listen and still has an attitude about it, explain there are consequences for her actions and she will get something taken away or a time out until she talks to you correctly. Or maybe reward her for good behavior such as a sticker chart, and if she does as she is told she gets a sticker, if not than none at all and hopefully it will want her to do good.
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Soap in the mouth works with one dose.
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Don’t yell at her, IDK I use to tell my boys, “if you can’t talk to me right don’t talk to me at all.” A time out and they had to apologize for speaking badly to me then they could ask/say what they needed after asking permission to. To this day 18 & 10 if they’re mad at something but not me they’ll catch when they speak inappropriate to me and take a deep breath, apologize and continue conversation
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None of my three children ever talked back to me ever and they’re all adults and they still don’t
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Talking back is developmentally normal as she wants to have more independence. We as parents make all the decisions for them, and so children will try to push back to see where they fit in. The best thing you can do is model the behaviour you want to see… be mindful of your tone and how you ask her to do things. Educate her by offering an alternative way to communicate, and don’t give in until she talks appropriately, ie. “that’s not how we ask, please try again”. Let her make more decisions so she won’t feel the need to have a power struggle with you so often… “would you like to wear the red or green shoes?, do you want peas or corn with your dinner?”. As a last resort if you feel you need to discipline, time-ins are far more effective than time outs.
If you’re interested in joining a group, Gentle Parents Unite has great parenting advice.
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Smh… I’ve been a foster parent for 15+ years.
Ignoring is NOT the answer, NOT !
First you’re telling them that if they have something to say- Express that it’s not important enough for you to listen !!!
Talk to them clearly they have something to say - teach them the proper way to speak and answer you .
Tell them you want to hear what they have to say … but you are not being spoken to like that -simple !
Use I statements
I feel
I dont appreciate
I would rather you.
Ignoring-timeouts teach the child that what they have to say or feel doesn’t matter and they will carry this with them .
Talk-explain- let them come up with their own salutations - with ur guidance.
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She is 3, just redirect the conversation and make sure she isn’t picking it up from watching others communicate this way. Punishment for a concept she cannot even grasp is ignorant and cruel. Hang on to yoyr patience mama. You’ll make it. Model the conversation you’d like to see her have.
We used examples of other children’s actions when we have been out. good or Bad to show what we expected
Ok but what exactly is she saying? Sometimes parents consider our children trying to represent themselves as talking back. If she was just saying no she doesn’t want to go to bed right now. I’d say im not giving you a choice right now but thank you for your input. Continuing to have a problem? Try “you can take yourself to bed or I can help you which one would you like.” Worse? Take her to bed by hand tuck her in etc and leave closing the door behind you. Wish a goodnight and say tomorrow let’s make bedtime go smoother by listening better. If it’s mom everyone else has the 64pack Crayola crayons please why won’t you buy them for me. Instead of shutting her down and saying no let her earn it. Put away a dollar for extra chores she does or when she helps you without having to be asked. Soon enough she can buy her own 64pck of Crayola crayons and learn to work for her desires
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I understand the challenge. My youngest daughter is now 5. She has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. It is a struggle because she has no fear of authority and doesn’t mind most punishments. At 3 she was beyond stubborn, I think I only won out because I am more stubborn and don’t negotiate with terrorists. Jokes aside, sometimes a different approach is needed. I second whomever said to not argue with dad in front of her. You two must always appear as a unified front. Stay consistent with your corrections, you can’t get slack. You let her know that you won’t engage with her until she can respond appropriately. Stick with it. Ignore tantrums. Good luck.
She understands more than you think. She is testing you, 3 year olds do that
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Smack her…just kidding…but thats what my mom did…
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Honestly what worked with my kiddo was an end of discussion type of convo if he started to back talk I would say whatever my point was firmly and leave him be kinda like making no room for the behavior to occur and it stopped within a week
Stop arguing with us. Done
Don’t entertain it, don’t even acknowledge the behavior. She’s trying to get a response out of you.
Actions speak louder than words
I tell mine when you can talk to me sweetly than we can talk about it. And walk away. She is 7 and she can now stop herself when I give her a look. Or say excuse me. She fixes it. Reinforce you don’t like it. If she starts screaming over top of you talking sit her in time out. 3 minutes. Come back and ask if she is ready to talk about it. If she starts screaming again let her sit for 1 more minute. She will calm down eventually. I have a 7 and 10 year old daughters. I also have a 10 year old stepson still learning this ( only been involved for 2 years,) he makes his choice. But knows if he chooses to raise voice he chooses to run or push ups
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Instead of you getting pissed off
Listen to what she has to say.
She is trying say something and she’s angry
I get he whole "its disrespectful " and stuff but at the same time… every time I tried to talk to my parents growing up even at the teenage years my dad just didn’t give a shit about what I had to say even when I was asking questions or just trying to talk… all I heard"stop talking back"
if they are being rude and talking disrespectful then its back talking but if they’re just trying to talk and you won’t bother to give them time or day so they keep on and on
… then its who as the parent who is being disrespectful to them and then that’s when shit goes wrong in today’s world… take a second and listen to your child that’s all the want… you can tell if it’s talking back when its rude and such
Please take some parenting class. She is doing the norm. What isn’t normal is your way of thinking about this issue. Please, I cannot stress enough that you need to educate yourself on children development.
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I listen to the first round of back talk and respond to it. When they start repeating themselves I tell them I heard what they are saying, I get that they are frustrated but the discussion is closed.
I want them to know I am listening and hearing them, but I also want them to know that I am not going to be verbally bludgeoned to death. Works really well and now that they are older they feel safe telling me how they feel but they don’t tend to fight me over stuff. They know I am listening and they listen too when I address their concerns, so if they can’t have what they want they atleast understand why.
You parent. If she’s doing it she understands it. Stop talking to her like an equal and then being upset when she acts like you’re equal.
tell her it’s incorrect to talk to mom that way and give her you know the 123 to correct herself if not sit her in the corner for 3 minutes and don’t start the timer until she’s silent and not crying. my aunt does it with her toddlers and they’re becoming the most respectful kids
Going through this with my almost 3yo granddaughter we’re helping raise. I tell her she needs to say yes ma’am (when I tell I to do something that shouldn’t have a response) or it’s back talk. Ex: .if I tell her it’s time to put her toys up and she says she doesn’t want to, I tell her, Meme didn’t ask if yout want to put your toys up. We don’t back talk so you need to say yes ma’am and put your toys in the toy box. If she tries to back talk again I interrupt her and say you need to say yes ma’am and put them away. It’s a slow process but we’re getting there
Talk to the hand cause the face dont understand and not in the abusive way