How can I tell my husband I no longer love him?

How do I tell my husband of 20 years that I am no longer in love with him? i have felt this way for the last 3 years and have stayed silent to work on myself and make sure this is truly how i am feeling…i recently went to visit family without him for 2 months and i finally feel free and know that i must leave him…but i am broken just thinking about hurting him and know he will feel so badly if i do…but i finally feel happy so idk what to do or how to bring it up

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I tell my husband I no longer love him?

How sad you feel that way and want to just walk away

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Unfortunately this does happen. We can fall out of love, for so many reasons. It doesn’t make anyone a bad person. I think you should sit down and talk to your husband, say the things you’ve mentioned in this post. You may have evolved as a different person, and your husband may have also evolved as a different person and that’s ok :heart: Goodluck mumma

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Maybe healready knows how u feel and he may feel like u do…

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just be honest with him. it’ll be hard but it’s better you tell him. As someone who is married i’d rather have my husband tell him the truth then to stay with me pretending. It will hurt him but he will heal and eventually move on and you never know maybe some time apart from each other will allow you both to learn new things and grow as individuals and then y’all might come back together or y’all might find someone else or maybe not.
Just talk to him and don’t string him along anymore that will hurt him more in the long run.

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Just leave your phone unlocked somewhere he can see it , and leave this post so he can see it “ by accident “

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So much for the vows , richer or poorer, thru the good and the bad. Just give up when you want to… why did our parents and grandparents stay together? They fought for their love, they fought to stay together, the grass isn’t always greener

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Just say it ! He deserves to know

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The question should be … “How do I work on things, within my marriage, to make it better?” … Marriage is for better or for worse and in sickness & in health NOT til you get bored. If you feel no connection then you go out and spend time together and reconnect. Love does get dull and it is very hard to maintain a marriage through living life, having kids, etc but it’s possible.

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Treat him as you would want to be treated, honesty is always the best way.

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You should tell him immediately.

He deserves to find someone who will love and cherish him.

He deserves happiness.

Just tell him…

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Try and get it back. Go on dates. Try harder

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We were taught if it breaks you gotta fix it not throw it away

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If you’ve felt this way for a couple years now, I’d say it’s not going to just up and change. You both deserve to have this conversation, because while it will hurt at first better to address it and move on so both of you can try to be truly happy rather than force yourselves to just go with the motions etc

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You just do. There’s no easy way about going about this. You need to be honest and have this hard conversation.

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This happens so often. People getting divorced after 20+ years. This is why it’s important to date your spouse. Y

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His name
We need to talk. It will be a very sensitive subject to please prepare your self.
I’m sorry but I am I’m not in love with you anymore while I still love you but I’m not in love with you. I’ve felt like this for a few months and didn’t know how to tell you but I finally got enough courage to tell you how I feel.

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Have you two tried the Love Language route?

Therapy AND counseling, both on your own & together :heart:

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Therapy. Therapy first.

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Nobody is in love the whole entire marriage especially a marriage as long term as 20 years. You fall in & out of love, there’s so many life changes. Focus on falling back in love, dating again & growing together. In my opinion leaving a marriage just because you aren’t in love is extremely silly & you’ll probably regret it.

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You both should sit down and discuss it. You both deserve happiness. You can try and fix it or you both can walk away.

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My cousin had issues similar to this. They decided to step back from the marriage part and go back to dating (even tho they were legally still married). They lived seperatly and went back to the dating stage. They learned why they fell in love in the first place and when they were ready, the moved back in together and continued on with their marriage. They are still married to this day :slightly_smiling_face: I would let him know how you are feeling, but given that it hurts you to hurt him shows you still care deeply about him. So I would attempt everything possible to rekindle that spark you once had for him before calling it quits. Especially if he is a good guy. That way, if you still feel the same, you know in your heart you tried everything but it just didnt work. He will understand eventually but make sure to be honest

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You wasted an extra 3 years of that poor mans life. Just tell him

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No advice from me, but if you feel this way maybe he does too!

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20 yrs. Love changes. It’s not the exciting honeymoon stage, people change through life. Marriage is a commitment and a challenge to stay committed. Start by having a serious conversation that should have been discussed 3 yrs ago. Maybe he might entertain the idea of marriage counseling or a temporary separation or throw in the towel and Divorce. Whatever the outcome I wish you well on your future endeavors.

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Tell him the truth you don’t love him any more

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“Love is not an emotion or a feeling, but a decision that you make every day”. Decided what you want.

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Rip the band aid off with as much sensitivity as you can. No way around it

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Just do it. You’re not doing either of you any favors by waiting any longer.

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You need to sit down with your husband and have an open and honest conversation with him. If you don’t love him and don’t want to stay married to him, you need to let him know so you can go your separate ways.

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Your happiness after 20yrs is most important.your feeling great.Right.So nothing’s wrong with following your happiness.tell him asap.you be leaving in good terms.:slightly_smiling_face: good luck.

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Just be gentle and honest.

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Write him a letter… then after he reads it … then have the conversation about divorce… let him know in the letter that you have been trying to figure out a way to tell him… so this will spark the conversation

WHY did you feel free during the visit?
Was it because he controls or smothers you?
It was it because you had no responsibilities like bills and household stuff?

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If you feel this way, I’d there a chance that he does too? That maybe the two of you are together out of habit? If you have been withdrawing for 3 years, he has to have noticed something… and you’ve stayed gone for 2 months… It’s time to sit down and have a quiet talk and explain how you feel. Just say that you’ve been feeling this way for awhile and have waited to be sure… then let him go.

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Sad that no comment whatsoever is telling her that that feeling of love can return . Do not walk away especially if he has been faithful to you and not abusive. Go for counseling. Do romantic things together. Think of the good in him and tell him what you like about him. But don’t give up on the basis of emotion.

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Put on your Big girl panties and tell him!!!

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Please go to counseling first before you decide anything.

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Start loving him again, maybe you can be happy again if you do, it can change the dynamic just by loving him again.

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Talk to him truthfully. You owe him that much. If you know you know and maybe he’s been feeling the disconnect too. Just be honest. Best wishes.

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Try dating your husband again… perusing him bring the spark back and remember what made you fall for him in the first place love isn’t just a feeling it’s a commitment.

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Wouldn’t surprise me if he already knows…

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In sickness and in health, better or worse… why in the heck doesn’t that mean anything to anyone anymore?

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Love is an verb not a noun.
Love is not a “feeling” it is an action; to do!
Chosing to wake up and love your partner everyday in spite of the hard times. Chosing to chose them even when you may no lt like them at the moment (seriously).
You made a vow, keep the vow and be blessed. If you have anything left in your to fight for it, do it.
It makes the bond stronger and deeper. Seek counseling, honesty about what has been going on with you is needed. It’s okay to have your needs communicated and I’m
Sure he will have his own. This insight and communication will be huge!
Before walking away see if you can find your way back to one another!

I will say that if there’s any abuse, then don’t stay. But if this is based on growing apart then you can most definitely rectify this and TRY to salvage your marriage commitment.

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Amen, well said! My husband and I were married over 70 years before he died and of course, throughout all of those years feelings change, fade then grow as you work thru the years. But just remember. “thru sickness and health” and you will learn that there are excellent reasons for morals and loyalty with a feeling of pride and satisfaction of a life well lived with many variations of love! Hang in there!! “The ride” is well worth your commitment!!

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Don’t waste anymore yrs of your life unhappy

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I think you should tell your husband, because he could make you feel loved again. You fell in love with him once you can sure as hell do it again. But it depends if that’s what you want. Me and my husband have been together maybe not as long as 20. But I would say I fell out of love definitely but we both do things to work on that. And now I look back and think it was maybe just a time I needed to find myself which is fine we need to do that. But I think you definitely need to talk to your husband he may be willing to do anything for you before you decide to leave. It’s hard but if you truly love each other and want this then it will work out x

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Try counselling at least this poor man probably has no clue and you will break his whole world 3years you have known and did nothing to fix it the man’s better off without you to be honest

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He probably feels similar

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I would at least give couples counseling a try before you throw in the towel. That feeling can come back, you guys just need to reconnect.

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I would say that marriage is hard and 20 years is a long time. It’s easy to disconnect especially when you aren’t putting forth effort to strengthen those bonds. People make the mistake in believing that love is a feeling But it’s not it’s a choice a decision.
You need to explore what part of your relationship makes you feel so trapped that being away with family feels freeing. I would encourage a therapist for yourself regardless. And either an honest discussion with him and looking into couples counseling but definitely try to date your husband again and reinvigorate things but also set aside some you time each week for a hobby do something you love or something you’re interested in maybe something new.
Your feeling of sadness I think means you care and I think that’s worth trying some things out prior to splitting.
I would encourage you reading the 5 love languages also.

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Wow so a lot of preaching basically saying suck it up and waste the rest of your life and live in a loveless marriage. It’s ok to want love and passion. You can love someone like a friend but not be in love with the person. The question was how to tell her husband not should I stick it out. Sometimes you grow in different directions. You can fall out of love. Be honest and say how much you care for him but just don’t feel the deepness of love as you once did. Suggest a trial separation. Even though you were apart for a couple of months that may not be enough to truly miss someone in your day to day routine. In this time you can still work on issues with couples therapy if you choose. Not fair to either of you to just exist.

He deserves better than you, dont try work on it you already said u don’t love him so there’s no point trying or pretending… Nice how you come to Facebook first that’ll make him feel 10x better.

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Tell him now then never. He deserves someone to love him, he deserves happiness too.

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You should’ve said something to him before it was too late, like when you started feeling this way. He can’t fix something he has no clue about… I’d feel bad about that. However, don’t spend your life unhappy girl

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Leaving will only make you both unhappy, talk to him, tell him what is wrong and maybe you can work on the problem together. Try to reignite the spark you had. Try counseling

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The 2 months away was great time to think…I was hoping it would make me realize how much we are meant to be together. However, this is what I felt instead and why. I want you to know my expectations and currently, I cannot meet them myself, so I need to learn how do to that on my own.

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Leaving someone in the dark for so long and then just throwing it at them that you haven’t been happy for x amount of time leaves more questions and heartache. You should have said something from the beginning. But if this is how you feel you need to open up to him and let him know sooner than later.

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Love is a choice. Date your partner and do the things that made you have the “in love” spark feeling in the first place

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Just tell him outright.

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I’m willing to bet if you’ve been feeling this way for several years, your husband at least has an inkling that something isn’t right. If the marriage isn’t abusive, I wouldn’t just up and leave right now. It’s been 20 years, that’s a very long time to just throw in the towel. You need to go home and tell your husband that you’re feeling this way. I know it’s scary to be honest sometimes, but he’s your partner in life and he deserves to know the truth. Are you willing to try to save the relationship? You gave yourself 3 years to work on you and your feelings, but remember your husband wasn’t given that opportunity. If he’d known how you were feeling, who knows maybe he would have done things different, tried to rekindle that love between you; Won your heart back.

Of course- if he’s a shitty husband and the marriage sucks, by all means get the heck out. But since you’re worried about hurting him, I’m thinking that’s not the case.

Either way, sending you luck and a hug. Life’s not easy :purple_heart:

20 years is a long time and not something you should just throw away. Do the work it takes, communicate with him and give him a chance to help fix the issues before walking away from a lifetime you won’t ever get back. Being away with family is one thing but being alone is a whole different ball game. We don’t know the details or circumstances around why you feel like this way or his side of the relationship so it’s hard to really give you good advice. 

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Make it work! Good men are hard to find. The dating pool is shallow and murky. It’s scary out here! 

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If you know that you don’t love him anymore why did you just not tell him and be honest? Instead you took two months to yourself leaving this man to think everything is fine. I agree if you are not happy and not in love with someone anymore to let them go and move on. But, you coming on here and asking people when you should be telling your husband instead is not ok and honorable on your part. If you ever loved the man then be honest with him now. Let him know now so one day he can find some who truly loves him and wants to be with him. You owe him that!!! He deserves to move on just like you.

So the way I view this is you went on a 2 month vacation. It was nice and freeing just like all vacations. Now you want to move there… we actually did that moved to our vacation area. The thing is once you move life becomes the same as the place you left… yes vacations and time away are freeing but when they become permanent it’s no longer freeing. What’s freeing is working on yourself, understanding why you felt the way you do. Is there just not enough time for eachother. Is one always working and the other board. Is it your perspective. Idk but sometimes the grass is not always greener on the other side. Just saying.

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Marriage is a life commitment. You did not mention abuse or cheating. I think this is what’s wrong with the world today when it’s not shiny and new we throw it away. Divorce will never be an option for me unless the respect is lost. Go out more, get friends, take vacations, get a new job, move, change things don’t throw your husband away.

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If you don’t feel the love, and feel free when away from him, then you need to move one

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You should have been having talks with him a long time ago. Do you have kids? I’m sure they’re grown if you do. I know there is a difference between in love and love. But did you ever think he felt the same way.

Love changes. Get therapy to maneuver through this.

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You just say…… hubby I don’t love you anymore.

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Ask him what can “we” do to get our love back? I agree good men are hard to find. I can write a book about the morons I dated in the last 20 years.

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Love is a choice. Your vows were for better or for worse.
Pray about it :pray:
His feelings matter too♡
Try to do some dating and work on things together and start over

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It happens. You took a two month vacation. You didn’t just vacation from him, you vacationed from talking about the light bill, struggling with the check engine light, the drudgery of planning and cooking meals, being a responsible adult. It’s what I call mistress advantage. With the spouse you have to deal with responsibility, and the mistress can just rub your back, and stroke your hair. It’s always easier on your own, until it’s not.

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Hey feelings happy people do fall out of love. He don’t have to be a bad guy for you to fall out of love. It happens.

If your not happy if you do not love love him you both deserve different. He deserves someone that loves him and you deserve someone you love and that loves you.

If happiness is what you get away from him then yah.

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I mean, he may not be as in the dark as people are suggesting. When someone no longer shows you any love, it doesn’t just go unnoticed for 3 years. I would think he at least has an idea. In that span of 3 years, his feelings may have changed for you as well. Best to just come out and tell him.

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How about good old honesty. Sit him down and tell him. But, most importantly, don’t play him or with his feelings. Let him know your plan and set him free to start his own life just like you are. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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You don’t, no need to hurt him with those words. Just tell him you are breaking things off.

Just tell him. You waiting until YOU are ready to tell him or figure out how to is just stringing him along more. I hope you at least communicated that you haven’t been happy (at any point in the last three years I hope you spoke up). If you aren’t happy tell him. It’s a waste of his and your time. He deserves someone that does love him and you deserve to feel happy. But if you are springing this on him and he has had no clue about it… that’s terrible

I think someone needs to think long and hard before they take that final step in leaving. Marriage is not always easy. There will be times where you feel totally in love, then times where you feel alone. It’s not always about love and romance. When you get bills, children and years added things are different, but you have to adapt and learn how to love each other all over again. The thing is, no matter who are you with it’s the same outcome… there’s always that new love that is full of zest and romance, but once the newness wears off things change. Life is never an easy road to travel. I believe life is what you make of it. If you let your marriage slip by without trying then you can’t really blame anyone but yourself. If your husband is a good man, maybe you should try… but only you know if that’s something you want to do. Good luck no matter what you decide to do.

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Just be honest and tell him. He deserves that much.

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You might have depression

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You need to tell him it’s the best thing to do sit and talk about it .

If you take those vows it is “till death do us part” you don’t just run away from things like that. Happy is a feeling I can make myself happy just like I can make myself love. You don’t just fall in love you choose to love so you need to work things out with your husband especially if there aren’t any grounds for divorce. It used to be so much harder to get a divorce in the good day( so I hear) because when you walk into that holy communion with your spouse you choose them over all the billions of people on this earth

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Just tell him, but be kind.

You just need to b honest and tell him you can’t keep being unhappy.

Honesty is the best policy. Get finances in order before you confront. Get a lawyer too. Have a plan.

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I would work with him first and make sure that’s what you really want. You can’t work on a marriage alone. You can put in all the work you want on yourself but until you work as a team and see if you can fix it together, you’ll never really know.

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You just need to be honest

Be straight forward and tell him it’s not your job to continue a lie.

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Be kind, thoughtful and compassionate and just tell him.

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Try harder. Don’t give up. 20 years is a lot of love…

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Just tell him the truth, that you’re cheating. You’re welcome

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