How do I tell my SIL that I am really angry/untrusting/honestly livid that while I asked her to watch my 3 year old son for 45 minutes she and her multiple other children ended up taking him on a walk to a spot near a river that was only 1 foot wide, very very steep, man made, unofficial trail along the side of the river with no rail or any sort of way to keep from falling in? She knows he can’t even go up the stairs without falling and apparently he ended up doing it on his knees but she said they tried to get him to walk it. When she told me about it I was picturing a trail that I’d actually feel comfortable walking myself, but later intending to bring him again I got there and stopped, my partner pointing out where he thinks she went and my jaw dropped as this is in no way a safe trail. I absolutely adore this woman but we don’t have a super strong relationship mostly out of my awkwardness and I simply don’t know how I could trust her with my child again after this. I feel my son could’ve lost his life over this and I fear to her that thought is insane, even comical. I don’t know how to communicate this to her.
Just tell her without yelling about it first. Say on (day it was) you took (child) to the water I felt it was unsafe, and essentially what you wrote here. I’d say no to future outings with her without you or the father there if that’s a possibility because I understand you cant trust her. Im sorry if you have a rift in your relationship but if shes a stand up person she’ll accept it. So scary but so thankful your Child is okay.
Open your mouth and use your words
I would first find out for sure where she took him. Maybe you guys came across a different spot than where she actually took him.
It IS insane. 
(If you think other people are going to think you’re nuts, you probably are.)
Did you got your kid alive? Then why so mad? Next time just don’t ask for help then if you don’t like the way she parents, everyone is different. Maybe you like being helicopter mother but she pushes her kids to succeed and do it. Nothing with either of them, it just kids grown up differently which is beauty of community. But you can’t except other watch your kid and then do exactly how you want it and for free
I would ask her where they actually went, not just where you think they went. It sounds like your SIL has her own children and they are fine, yours likely would be fine too.
Simple… don’t leave your son with her! If you don’t trust a person don’t leave your kids with them! Done!
Communicate with her but you can’t expect everyone to be on the same page with same morals and beliefs… you can not teach common sense either!
Just tell her you’re not comfortable with him on trail. She can’t even be mad, he’s your child. Being the aunt doesn’t give her any entitlement.
I’d have been upset too, toddlers don’t belong next to the river. Plus she was distracted watching multiple kids and wasn’t holding on to him or anything so yeah your feelings of fear are very valid you’re not over reacting. Explain to her that when you ask her to watch him you expect her to be home or atleast communicate with you that she has plans of taking him somewhere. Just be honest.
You think your SIL took your 3 year old on a walk on a trail that’s is only 12 inches wide, next to a river, and has very steep drop. If my SIL did this a conversation would’ve already happened. I think your partner guessing the area she took your child is the problem. You all are assuming she did the listed things above without actually knowing if she did them or not.
This is a you issue…… your mommy anxiety is getting away with you!!! Your choices u can flip out on this person and sound like a total wack job and spend the next 15 years alienating ur kid from everyone and everything therefore denying your child the experiences that come along with childhood orrrrrr u can be thankful nothing happened ask your kid how they liked it and be supportive of whatever response ur kid gives u about the situation and appreciate the fact that your kid has people in there life who love and care for them!
So you don’t even know where she took him good grief lady you’re just going by what your husband pointed out where he THINKS she might’ve took the children. First and foremost you get the actual location from her not someone who wasn’t there and was just saying maybe that’s where. And you tell her with communication that you want to know the location she took the children and explain why and explain why you don’t want your child in that particular area.
.im probably gonna get alotta hate but oh well. He is alive, he had fun, nothing happened. Ur over bearing, over reacting about a made up situation in your head 
looking for a reason to hate her. He is 3? Hell my kids grew up in the dang river 
sooooo yea … I’d say ur about to make an a$$ of ur self on this one.
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy… Don’t ask for her help next time 
She has kids of her own to watch, you are aware of that. But yet you needed her 
be grateful she helped, you could’ve just taken your baby with you and this problem would’ve never happened 
orrrrrrrrrr do you intend on still using her to babysit even after this? Cause if so, then that’s easy too, tell her you’re hurt by her irresponsibility, for taking her toddler to the river. You are hurt that your baby could’ve gotten hurt and to not take him there again. Then ask her to babysit for the moment
You both, obviously, parent differently. And that’s okay. You have communicate or she won’t know she did something to upset you. You don’t have to trust her with your son, again. Trust being broken in a friendship is really rough BUT I don’t believe she thought she did anything wrong… she didn’t intentionally put him in danger. Again, that goes back to the whole “different parenting styles”… maybe just explain to her why you are so upset about it. And then LISTEN to her too. If tou can’t fix the friendship, as you said youre not close, that’s sucks but you should at least talk to her about it.
1st of all find out the exact place , before , assuming , you know where she took him. Second , just explain you are not comfortable with her taking him such places, . It doesn’t have to turn into an argument have and adult conversations
Thanks God that your child is safe and did not got really hurt .
The thing is that you are your partner are just guessing, you guys don’t know from sure where she took him so I will be very careful about the conversation.
You have two options
- Don’t let her babysit your son again
- If you decide to ask her to watch him again , talk to her and told her that you prefer if she could keep him inside and not taking him anywhere becasue you know that she will have her hands full with her own children as well .
Quess you’ll use another sitter I personally feel it’s his family I’m sure she protected him
Use your big girl words .
Just tell her not to take your kid there next time but like I assumed all adults made sure your child was safe. Something bad can happen walking down the road or in your car.
Why take the kid out when it’s just for less than an hour? Why wouldn’t she ask you if it’s ok? When I have my sils child, I ask if we can go across the street to our local park. She’s weird af. You don’t take anyone’s kids anywhere without talking it out with the parent.
Have a conversation. First off ask what actually happened and maybe go see the actual spot instead of assuming. It might be better than it sounds or worse than it sounds but at least you’ll have facts. Then express your concern if it’s still concerning once you get more clarification. Then ask her to please not take him there again and other places like that where he could possibly drown or have great harm come to him. If you have a great relationship and she truly cares about him as you’ve stated you have a good chance at having a calm & respectful conversation if you present it that way. Set the tone of wanting to agree that the goal of everyone is to keep him safe and you want to work with her to ensure that.
Insurance companies price services with risk percentages, it sounds like that was a high risk situation for child of that age, tell her that you consider that level of risk unacceptable for your child at this age and you dont have any “spares” like she does
Just tell her you’re not comfortable with him going there
This is not the hill to die on
Just tell her you were concerned where you took him because you felt it unsafe and never let her watch him again
Just don’t have her watch your kid again 
if you’re not comfortable with it. As far as how to tell her… tell her when you aren’t angry, but be honest. Be prepared for her to have an emotional response too because it’s also not easy to hear you upset a child’s parent(s) who had trusted you to be on the same page about things.
Wouldn’t take me 2 seconds to tell her what she will never do again.
Guessing and knowing are 2 different things. Have her show you the trail
If you can’t trust her to look out for your son’s safety … y is she watching him!
So what she walked him by water!
I mean was she watching him . If u have an issue don’t leave him with her again . , clearly he was fine . Tell her you don’t want him on the trail
People actually defending this is insane, what she did is not ok! Taking a child to a dangerous non toddler friendly activity is not ok period! And I love hiking but there are some trails that are absolutely not ok for young kids to walk on!
I think you’re over reacting and I don’t care if this makes people mad …. your child is fine right ? didn’t get hurt ? didn’t drown ? didn’t get lost or kidnapped ? that means your sil kept him safe … if you don’t want her to watch him anymore then you should stay home and watch him yourself
No point in saying anything just don’t leave your child with her again. It doesn’t need discussion because you are already uncomfortable. It will only cause future friction and you may not worry about him with her when he gets a little older. No point in doing this kind of damage.
Please face her with your fears. Thats what it is. A fear. And how you feel is absolutely important. Try not to leave your child with her again.
Well, your best bet would get another babysitter that will sit home with your kid😂
Meh, I think you’re being ridiculous 
you’ve stated this woman has children of her own, which I’m sure they are all alive and well without missing limbs?
Yes, clarification is nice but in my opinion if I’m being gracious enough to help someone out with an hour of free childcare, I’m not stopping my day for it? I will continue on and the child will join.
Will I let a toddler free repel off a cliff into a river? Probably not, and I’m sure your SIL wouldn’t either.
Having multiple children in your care, doesn’t mean you’re any less observant - if you think that’s the case with her, then it seems you were only using her for the childcare anyway?
If you approached me about this, I would simply apologize for not informing you where we went and then also inform you that you can use someone else next time, if you expect me to stop my entire day for your hour of errands
The outdoors is so good for kids, and I just feel like you’re really underestimating your SIL and her ability to parent/be a caregiver.
Outsource a local teen for hourly babysitting visits, I’m sure there are lots in your area who’ve taken the course.
How is he supposed to learn if he doesn’t try. 3 yr Olds go on hikes all the time.
Yes talk to her about it, but you can’t wrap your kid in bubble tape and expect him to live.
I need to see this trail and river, can you post a pic?
How to communicate. Set down, pour coffee, talk.
You talk to her and tell her, and if she still doesn’t understand your concerns then she doesn’t need to be watching your child. I personally wouldn’t trust her again.
Don’t bring up what happened at all. Your child is fine so there is no need. Simply tell her that in the future you would prefer that she not take your child to a place like that because you worry. Make sure you say it is a YOU problem. It makes You uncomfortable and insecure and it has nothing to do with Her.
I took all 4 of my kids to places like that. They loved it, got fresh air and exercise & were never injured or in any danger.
You are a lunatic an ungrateful one at that. You have bigger fish to fry if your three year old can’t do stairs
If you don’t trust her judgement then don’t let her watch him. It’s that simple
Just don’t leave your child with her again and if she asks for the child say no, because you feel she made bad choices.
Just be honest and talk to her about it
I think you just need to be honest and clear about this. Safety boundaries for your child are important and it’s not anyone else’s place to decide that they’ll do something anyway even after being told no.
I am going to say this: 1. It doesn’t matter if it’s a free babysitter. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mother, brother, or friend… when they go to leave it should be told where they are going. (GPS location for me) I don’t care if you have your own children, or not. What you do with your child is your child, my child is my child. 2. The fact that people in the comments are telling you to find another “free” babysitter how do any of you know she wasn’t paid to watch her child? Making assumptions is weird. 3. It’s YOUR child you have every right to express your concerns tell her how you feel and tell her you do not want your child back their, if she doesn’t respect that then theirs no need for a relationship with her✌️ lastly I’m gonna say the fact that the mothers in these comments have these answers I bet yall let just anybody watch your children and that’s shameful. I don’t intend on anybody watching my child. However, if they do my rules and my rules only.