How can my new husband go about adopting my son?

I just wanted to throw this question out there as I’m patiently waiting to hear back from a family lawyer. ( I guess to see if any others mamas have been down this road before). My ex and I have a son together. Our or should I say, MY amazing little man is just shy of 3. When I was three months pregnant, his dad moved out of state, we remained. My little love was a planned pregnancy; his dad’s move wasn’t. He didn’t move to the south for a job, kids, ill family members, or anything of that nature. He moved because he decided he no longer cared for the cold. I, however, couldn’t due to a child from a previous relationship; her father is super involved in her life. It was a “we’re gonna make it” situation… lasted about a year. He met my son when he was five months old, spent a week with us, and left. Fast forward, he’s since met a woman and had another son (which I’m very happy for), but he’s never been a father to our son. He’s not on his birth certificate (you have to physically be in my state at the time of birth to sign or give a DNA sample which he refuses) but does have his last name. He doesn’t know my son, nor does he pay child support; honestly, no kind of contact at all. So this is what I called a lawyer about. I’m due to be married next May to an amazing man; he loves and cares for the children like they are his. He would like to adopt my son, and we would like to change my son’s last name to my new husband’s. He was just wondering if anyone has done such a thing before and if it’s even a possibility?

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I am pretty sure your ex needs to sign his rights away

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can my new husband go about adopting my son?

I think, because he’s not on the birth certificate, that your new husband can put his name on it and you can change the name without his fathers permission simply because he is not on the birth certificate. I have a family member who did this for a child that was not his.

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Have your lawyer draw up paperwork for the sperm donor to sign away his rights, once that’s completed start paperwork for adoption. My daughter is going through this right now, we are waiting for SD to send papers back. I know he will jump on it has no attachment to my Brin and job hops to avoid getting child support. Good luck!!! You will have such a amazing family once all this over!!

He is not on a birth certificate, so legally he is nobody to your son.

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Full disclosure. I was a family law paralegal. This is not legal advice. It really depends on the laws of the state where the child resides. It sounds like the bio dad would not have a problem with your new husband adopting. Definitely go through a family law attorney and be sure all the paperwork is filed and the fees paid.

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Similar situation here. I didn’t put the biological father’s name on the birth certificate. Didn’t get child support or anything. The state I’m in ruled it as abandonment and my husband was able to adopt my oldest. We got a copy of the official adoption paperwork to show to the birth certificate office and social security office so we could change the last name and get it all updated. Just check with your state’s requirements for step-parent adoption to make sure you get all the boxes checked off. Like in my state they had to share a residence for a minimum of year before we could put the paperwork in. That’s the one we had to wait for.

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My daughters dad didn’t sign her bc and has never met her.my now husband put his name on her bc and we changed her last name. U just contact the health department of the county your child was born in and they will send u paperwork to fill out and add your husband as if he’s been the father all along

Folks are right, however in my state… even if dad didn’t sign the birth certificate, the last name counts. Dad would have to permit the adoption and the last name removal. But a judge can make the decision for him. It all depends on the state you live in.

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Definitely talk to your lawyer. He’s not on his BC & doesn’t pay child support so the state might just let your bf sign AOP vollunterily. I knew someone who’s bf (not bio father) did. But baby was a baby (I think 9 mos) & the state wanted someone to pin financial responsibility on. Her last name means nothing far as rights. In the US you can give your child any last name you want. You can even choose a celebrity & make your child a “Jr”. Since the bio father isn’t on the BC you can change it easily without him. Just tell them you don’t know who the father is. He won’t be contacted. They’ll put it in the newspaper. Chances are hell never see it.

So for starters you have to be married for at least a year some states it’s 2! Second even with him not on the birth certificate he still has to sign something saying he is giving up his rights! If you go in saying you don’t know who the father is which you are unable to do seeing as he has his last name the process then takes a very long time. Also once the child hits a certain age all states ages are different the child gets to give his/ her option on the matter as well!

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Obviously you’re already taking the proper steps by speaking to a lawyer, but honestly since your sons biological dad isnt on his BC it should make it a LOT easier for your current SO to adopt him.

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I wouldn’t let anyone adopt my child unless the father relinquished custody. I know in your situation he does not have anything to do with his son but he should be given that option. If you just change the bc and the bio dad later found out in sure he could hire an attorney and contest the whole thing. I would first contact him and explain to him what you want. If he’s not involved he should have no problem signing his rights away. But he may decide he wants to know his child. Idk I think you should tell him first.

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Check with an attorney for sure. Your child has his last name. That means something in most states.

I think because hes not on the birth certificate it’s not going to be too difficult. I would go through a lawyer though just to make sure all the it’s are crossed so no issues in the future!

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I’m going through this right now. I have an almost 13 year old son who’s father has had nothing to do with him in the last 8 years. He pays child support but nothing else. And my son has my maiden last name. He met with myself and my husband and signed papers in front of a notary. We then filed papers with the courts. That adoption is in progress. We are also trying to do the same with my daughter, who will be 8 this month and hasn’t seen her biological father in about 5 years. That one is more difficult though because even though he has nothing to do with her, he won’t willingly sign the papers. So I’ve had to go through extra steps. I would suggest your first step be to contact the biological father and see if he would be willing to meet with you to sign papers terminating any rights he has. Good luck!

My husband is adopting my almost 4yr old this month. We claimed abandonment bcuz her legal father hasnt had contact since she was 4mo and paid no support. We didnt even have to notify him.

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My daughter had my last name at birth without her biological father’s name on the birth certificate. We had to establish paternity first and then I had to be married for 6 months. After 6 months being married we hired a lawyer and had his rights terminated. He could have fought it, but he would have lost due to never being in her life. It was really simple but it did cost around $1500.

My husband spotted my son. Went thru as he was turning 5.

Just remember if you do this he will have all rights to him even if your marriage doesn’t work out. You may think happy ever after however things change.

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When my son met the love of his life she had three previous children they met when the kids were one of them was in school the other one was fixing to go to school and then she had just had the new one and to say the funny thing about this last one was he wasn’t with the mother then but she had the baby on his birthday exactly same day that little girl never knowed her daddy and neither did the two bigger ones well my son and her got together and then they had a son he’s hispanic but he looks White so what my son and I said planned on doing because he was the only daddy the three knew a boy and two girls then nobody was on any of their birth certificates so we were going to add my son to the birth certificates as the dad I know my daughter didn’t have her dad on her birth certificate and when we proved it he was the dad all they did was give us a paper for him to fill out to be added on so since there was no one already on there we were going to add him but never did get around to doing it don’t know if it’s legal or not but at least you have somebody on there as a father that cares and loves and takes care of them

Indy Pannuty-Easterday

It depends on the state you live in and what the laws are for that state regarding adoption and whatnot. Texas allows a new husband to adopt a child as long as the child’s sperm donor signs off on the papers to terminate his rights as the parent. If he hasn’t had an contact with your son, and refuses to sign the paperwork, the judge may do a involuntary sign off of his rights to allow the adoption. If you’ve already contacted the lawyer, I would say wait and see what he says while doing some research about it during the wait.

Just have your husband sign the birth certificate at that time u can change your sons last name and its all free and its like he has been dad the whole time

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Ask if he would surrender his rights. Since he’s absent, I don’t think he’ll contest. If he does, threaten with child support.

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It’s definitely possible. Qualifications that need to be met (or a lack thereof) will entirely depend on your local laws. In my state a spouse can adopt the child if you’ve been married for a year and a) the other parent agrees or b) you revoke the other parents rights by proving abandonment, which in my state means not only no contact but also no child support payments. A simple Google search should bring up your local laws on this.

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It’s called a second parent adoption. And (atleast where I live) you will have to either serve dad and have him agree to the adoption or say you don’t know who dad is and post an ad in your local paper giving notice of the adoption proceedings before the courts will approve it. You will also likely have to do home visits/inspections and a GAL will have to agree that it is a good decision for your soon to be husband to adopt your son. Most states have rules on making changes to the birth certificate after the child turns 2, which makes a DNA test needed to add a “father” to the birth certificate after two years of age. So I don’t think that would work for your case, but you can always ask, maybe your state is different on the rules.

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After we were married 6 months, me and my husband started the process of him adopting my son. The agency we went through required us to be married at least 6 months first. That being said, my ex was on the birth certificate and gladly signed away custody so my situation was very smooth. I would check with a family lawyer for sure to see what the process is and when you could get started. Each state and county do things a bit differently. We had to go through an adoption agency and do a home study and it was a pain but it went quick and in the end everything was under 1500 which I felt was decent. Sounds like you may need to get more info for your exact situation but for sure a lawyer is a great start. Mine took care of the paperwork and walked us through the process. I had always thought lawyers were only needed for fighting things-but they are helpful in many ways!

If he isn’t on the birth certificate it should be easy to do. I was told by an attorney that even if the biological dad is on the birth certificate you can get married to someone else and they can legally adopt the child if you have proof that the other parent hasn’t paid child support on 6 months and doesn’t do anything for the child, but that’s for Missouri.

I think he lost his rights when he walked away from his child because the weather was cold and as good as replaced him with another!
Go for it and good luck :heart:
If he’s not on the birth certificate ( he is not their dad legally) so you don’t need any permission, just tell them the dad is unknown
Xx

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can my new husband go about adopting my son?

I don’t know of anywhere willing to do that without the father signing off all rights to him willingly first, unless he was deceased. Even the majority of places you have assumed 50/50 custody until you take it to court. And without police enforcement established in the custody papers you can’t even get an amber alert if he takes his child.

everyone saying he has to sign rights over… he doesn’t technically have any rights yet as he’s not on the birth certificate. he would have to fight for a dna test & be put on the birth certificate before he has any rights.

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The father would have to sign over his rights. I personally don’t think it’s a good idea to let him adopt your child though. If you and your husband ever get divorced, he could get custody of your son. I would never let someone adopt my child. There’s really no point.

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In Alabama, I’m filing for termination of the fathers rights. We only have to go 3 months with no contact and no support to file and it’s been well over a year since he’s seen her. I have full custody of her and he didn’t show up to court so he didn’t get visitation either. Her dad ironically was adopted by his step dad too. Best of luck.

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If there is no dad in the birth certificate you should be able to run an ad in the newspaper for so many days saying if you think you’re the dad now is your chance to be a dad, after so many days your hubby (when you get married) should be able to do a step parent adoption on him.

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My husband hasn’t adopted my son yet because we can’t afford it honestly but we changed his name to my husbands all by ourselves no lawyer and my sons bio dad is on the birth certificate but has no contact

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It may be easier to just change his last name, maybe :thinking: how would the birth dad have to sign over rights if he’s not on the birth certificate I wonder. Hope all goes well mama sounds like a great guy

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You can get the father on abandonment of a child and get his rights terminated but that usually only happens once you are married and your husband wants to adopt him…a judge won’t terminate a parents rights without another person stepping up which you do have that…so once you are actually married it can happen for you guys

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I did this (mom vs dad though but should be the same). We had to get a lawyer and start the process. We had to terminate the mothers rights first (prove no contact for 6+ months, run in paper etc) then after that was done we got to start the adoption process. Then do the requirements for that (waiting period of time, etc) then final court date to change birth certificate and everything

He would have to sign his rights over or you will have to take him to court. Iv been through this, kinda a bit of a different situation tho. We ended up in court, it took over a year of fighting in court to get done what needed to be done.

You should be able to, especially since he isn’t on the birth certificate. Depends on your state laws though.

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Personally I against it. Imagine you die one day and your child need s life saving operation.

Your child’s been badly. Treated yes.

Can your new husband be daddy yes.

I just never let go on paper your son when he older may need genes tests or something bin the future. And your changing that by allowing someone pretend be his father. Now let’s say you and new husband have big fight and the only way he can get to you is to take your he’s now son away. You going fight he only adopted him so he shidnt have any rights.

Your end permission of the dad.

My son dad been nonexistent since birth not on certificate left me when pregnant and abuse. But to change my son’s name I have to get father’s permission.

Even tho father not on birth cert his DNA is the only right he needs.

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Print out a birth certificate correction form, most are online at your local health department vital statistics. Add your husbands name on his certificate and change your sons last name. I did it with my daughter and it was free

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can my new husband go about adopting my son?

All you have to do is a “step parent” adoption. The process is different in every statw but in general he needs to sign over his parental rights. He has 2 choices; sign over or fight in court. But being that he abandoned he has no chance of winning. When he gets served if he doesn’t respond then the judge will remove his parental rights.

I’ll wait until you’re married if I’m honest

Most judges will want the marriage/parenting in the home to have been in place for at least a year before filing for adoption on the basis of abandonment, but you have to prove you tried to contact the bio-parent. It sounds like maybe he would just sign his parental rights over which would be a much quicker process once you are married.

We went through this and it was super easy. I tried getting papers together myself but ended up getting a lawyer. My ex had one paper to sign with a notary. Start to finish it took 3 weeks.

Just change the boys last name and get it in a will that your son will go to this man when or if something were to happen to you granted the marriage is good . I wouldn’t allow a legal adoption for a few years at least

I know your ex, or your son’s biological father has to give up his rights. If you put no one on the birth certificate as his father & no one is aware that your son is also his son. Then there will be no problem. Then he can legally adopt him & he can have his last name. Also if your sony biological father is dead, there will be no problem. This of is all done in court

You can definitely do it. Just different things might be required for where you live. I’m in Indiana my husband adopted my oldest. Bio dad was on birth certificate but did not pay child support and had not seen my son since he was 6 months old. He was 4 at the time of adoption. In my state the parent you’re trying to terminate rights from must not have had contact in 6+ months, that means no phone calls letters or anything. Or they must agree. Our lawyer told us we had to ask him if he would sign his rights away he refused so she sent him paper work to appeal it. Most times once they get that packet they give up because it is huge and they have to account for all of their earnings and everything they spend money on. He got that paper did not return it (it also has the court date on it that he needs to show up to to fight it ) he did not show up and we won by default.
Now there’s other things that go into this, my husband and I were together for 4 years before getting married and we only married at the court house (had a wedding planned for later) so he could adopt him faster and easier cuz in my state if you aren’t married or have only been together less than I think 2 years you have to do and pay for a home study. And they range from a couple hundred to thousands of dollars. Plus there’s other extra things we would have to do. Also my husband had to go get finger prints and background check done for every county he has lived in for the past 5 years.
Ours was a short process 3 months total.

Yup. I have my stepfathers last name. My biological father had zero interest in being a father. He willingly traded never paying child support for an adoption. Best thing he ever did for me. Have a friend whose stepdaughter took his last name when she turned 18 and could do so freely. She wanted it sooner but her biological father refused.

My husband is currently adopting my 3 children. Basically, we hired his lawyer, then had to hire a warning order attorney and a GAL for the kids. Social services will speak to the children and do a walk through of the house. The kids will be interviewed. They’ll do background checks. We were just informed on Friday that both the kids lawyer and the social worker are recommending that the adoption be granted. So now we just wait to hear from a judge. If you have more in depth questions, please reach out to me!

Check with your court house about doing your own adoption paper work…if I had hired a lawyer to do mine ,could have costed me 10,000.00 up to 20,000. Costed me only 260.00 to go thru court ,no hiring of lawyer. I got paper work from courthouse an did it myself…

My husband adopted my son from a previous relationship when he was about 6. The father was not on the birth certificate. The father had to go to the lawyer office and sign his rights away and then the adoption went through

Ask him yo give up his rights to the child r tell him u will azk for ski high n back child support

It’s possible my oldest daughter dad just went threw this an now went to.court an all an his baby mother won an they changed my daughters sister last name to what ever her mom’s husband last name is

Anything is possible get a good attorney go to court for all the legalities.