Anyone else have a barely existent sex life with the person they love and it’s making you second guess marrying them…… I know that sounds bad but the feeling of not being desired or not being sexually compatible feels like a big deal and I’m over it. I’m tired of talking about it and getting nowhere; I’m tired of wondering what’s wrong with me. I’m tired of having to hold back sexually because the feelings aren’t mutual. For the last two years when we have had sex it’s like he’s not into it, and just finishes so quick or can’t stay hard. This is so embarrassing. I’ve had better sex with strangers than the person I love the most. I love when we do have sex but it being a minute and never having my needs met is just extremely frustrating.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can we fix our sex life?
Maybe trying sex toys maybe dress up maybe you start extreme and maybe he will get more excited
Do he have any erection problem ? Maybe his testosterone levels are low , it’s neither one of those things are a problem , try to wear sexy lingerie, include toys or even watch porn , have a glass of vine , try to start in different places ( nothing kills sex faster than monotony) it’s nothing work you might have to start considering a divorce or a sex partner
He should go see a doctor. Maybe it’s something out of his control.
Try speaking with a sex therapist, sometimes these issues do occur in a marriage, exhaust all avenues of help before doing anything final.
Have you talked to him about this? What does he say, if so?
Same here, I married him, nothing has changed in 15 years
My non existent sex life doesn’t make me second guess marrying him because I didn’t marry him for sex
He should see a dr. But have you asked him why this may be? If there’s something he’d prefer when it comes to sex. Maybe he has very specific turn ons? Ask him one last time and if he still won’t work with you, suggest he go to a dr. And if he won’t, leave. If he refuses to even try to make things better for your sake and the relationships sake he’s not worth all this.
Has he seen a doctor? Antidepressants, depression, blood pressure, blood pressure meds, diabetes, low testosterone, and other medical issues can all cause lack of desire or ED. It comes with age and with medical issues, it’s nothing for him to be embarrassed by. But a lot of men seem to take it as a personal shortfall and don’t seek help. If it happens and doesn’t last long enough, a second time might last longer or break out the toys. Incorporating toys can be a solo activity or he can use them on you.
He may have low testosterone… maybe see a dr. … or there may be psych issues… like OCD and feeling dirty or something.
Sex has a lot to do with a relationship in my opinion. If it’s not good now, it’s not going to get better later and you’ll end up even more miserable.
Currently going through this with my s/o
I am 18 wks pregnant and horny asf. I want him like all the damn time. But most days he is tired. (He works 12+ hr days, for a week. Then takes the next week off, he works at the hospital in maintenance.) Some days all he does is gets hard, feels me just a tad bit, than sex and done. No foreplay or anything exciting. It’s taking a toll on me mentally. Might be the whole hormonal thing making me more emotional or what ever.
But i miss when he would be all hands on with foreplay an all before getting to the sex part and finishing. But he does get soo excited when I play with myself to finish
He’s probably suffering from low testosterone
Many medical reasons could effect his drive and stamina. My hubby is diabetic and his meds definitely change how he preforms
He’s having performance issues
Communicate with him and it may be his testosterone levels.
I love how this whole thread is so different from when a man experiences the same situation with his wife, lol. Because women don’t have to “put out” for their husband if they don’t want too, even though they have needs too…
Anyways! I feel for you girl. You should have him go to a doctor and do some kind of testosterone or whatever replacement.
This October will be 3 years . If he doesn’t go through his doctors like he’s promised. I’m not even trying any longer . I will be leaving and moving onto greener pastures. I’m 38 not 79 . My inner beast is becoming uncontrollable ( yes it sounds bad ) so I’ll leave before I go outside of my relationship. Least I can say I never fooled around on him .
He can’t say the same .
It’s probably not you. Could he be depressed? Could he be gay? Sex is a pretty big part of marriage, and it sounds like a great big red flag.
Toys helped us in the bedroom because I was having some problems getting my needs met
It helped make it fun in the bedroom.
Plus we have 2 of the most handsome little boys who make it hard to even have a sex life nowadays which we are both aware of and wouldn’t change it for the world so we make love when can.
If he’s on meds for depression and anxiety I’d be willing to bet that’s the cause IF this is a fairly new thing. If it’s been going on since the beginning I’d say it’s not gonna change and accept that or move on.
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I feel you, except in the one that can’t O. It’s terrible. I wish I had an answer because even I don’t know for myself. Good luck. Hopefully someone’s response here will help me too
Don’t marry him. Itll keep happened and those resentments will grow stronger. You can love someone and not be sexually compatable… but if you don’t “accept” that with your whole heart, it won’t work.
Maybe he has a health issue
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Definitely reach out to a doctor or therapist. Intimacy is very important in a relationship. Don’t give up!
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If he is around 40’s it could be a problem he is embarrassed about. He really needs to see a Dr
Try fantasy or role playing.
You’re taking it personally when it may not be, and that’s creating half your pain right there. As for the other, more reasonable, half I think you need to decide if this is what you want. If he’s not going to the doctor or doesn’t have a problem with it then really it’s a matter of compatibility at that point. If y’all aren’t sexually compatible you need to have a discussion about whether that is a deal breaker or not.
Maybe it’s time to see a therapist. Maybe you guys got in a rut or just day to day living has gotten you down. Could be you could use a change of scenery. Maybe some sexy sleepwear and some toys? Maybe you’ve stopped being spontaneous because work and home have gotten too predictable. Maybe you could start doing little romantic things for each other. Little love notes on the bathroom mirror? Special dinners on the weekends? Planning to watch a movie together? Planning something fun to do without sex being forced, but just letting it happen. It’s worth a try.
Most people are going to take it personally because physical touch and sex are extremely important in most relationships. Everyone wants to feel wanted. I would definitely be sitting down and having a serious conversation about how it’s important to you and trying to figure out what’s going on and ways to fix it.
If he’s not willing to work on it or you speak honestly and heartfelt about it and he isn’t at all responsive then it’s time to go.
Fat. If he is fat…chances are it won’t work. Also, meds. Some side effects will create this situation. Hard to live like that. Too much damage to your self esteem.
If you’ve talked with him countless times I would walk away. It’s a killer to your self esteem, and why spend the rest of your life with someone who never satisfies your needs?
Try using a vibrator in bed next time and see what he does…if he just rolls over and ignors then he dont care if he watches then maybe he will get into it
Does he watch a lot of porn? Unfortunately it’s a huge factor in a lot of men’s/couple’s sexual problems😔
Maybe couples therapy might help
Did you guys even have sex before you got married…
Diabetes, meds, age, depression, stress, alcohol, porn addict.
Run. Been down that road and it doesn’t change. If you have continually discussed it and he doesn’t even try. Move on. It doesn’t change.
Don’t get married to him. I tried this with someone for 4 years and it never got better. No matter what we did or how we changed things up. It was like a chore to him. He just wasn’t into it as much as I was for one and two there just wasn’t any chemistry. I left feeling so self conscious about myself and just feeling the way you did. Thankfully I met someone else a little later that literally rocked my world and made me feel so loved and adored.
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My husband and I are struggling with this very much. please don’t marry someone who is not on the same page as you. Sexually or emotionally. It won’t work out in the long run
This sounds like a pornography addiction on his end. I’m so sorry you’re being hurt like this and I hope you find safety and peace.
Maybe health issue are takes meds
Who you think we are Dr Ruth
Communication is key
Then… take care of yourself first. Buy your very own adult toy. Let him know that he’s unnecessary in bed now. Now you can both be happy. Also contact Patty Marmann … nurse (& Pure Romance ) specialist.