I’m a first-time mom. Things didn’t work out with my baby’s father despite, as always, being promised unconditional support, love, etc. regarding our child. We don’t have contact anymore. He blocked me after I saw him leaving a bar with other women the same night I was told (and let him know) that our baby might be born prematurely due to stress and other pains. So, my question is, how do you stop thinking about what could have been? I’m trying to focus 100% on my baby now he’s born, and my well being. But it’s hard because I always wonder how things would be if he were still around with our child.
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How old is baby now? Are you nursing. I’m hoping you’re like I was, and you realize it’s just the hormones talking. 
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Don’t focus on ‘what could have been’ and focus on the reality and what it actually is. Move on, worry about your child and yourself. He’s showed you his feelings, loud and clear. I wouldn’t give someone like that a second thought.
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I know how you feel. I was there. But its not about you or that dumb asshole. Its about your baby. Focus on yourself and being the best mom you can be for ur baby. You’ll surprise yourself when you realize no one matters but yoir child. Good luck.
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Things mite be ruff for you now … but they’re is always light at the end of the tunnel … I promise things will be better for you . It just takes time and you’ll forget about him 
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Well… I can answer this for you. If that’s what he did the same day- his priorities were already shown to you. The baby wouldn’t have changed his priorities. If you guys had stayed together you’d be worse off. Why? Because he’d still be doing the same shit - your stress levels would keep rising. You’d be a single mother with a roommate who doesn’t contribute- taking care of Way more than you should have to. Worry about you and your baby. He’s a grown man. He made his choices long before the little one was born and he obviously had no intention of changing his priorities. You are Better Off.
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Get him for child support and call it a day. No sense in wasting energy on a loser like him. Be good to yourself and the babe
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It’s not easy. Even when I divorced my ex husband (we have 2 kids together) I was completely committed to that divorce bc of circumstances. After the judge granted the divorce I looked at him and could only think to myself “where did we go wrong?” “Why did It become the way It did?”
This was years ago of course but before I married my current husband I often wondered. But it’ll fade. Work on you as a person and as a mom. This too shall pass.
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Its hard to get stuck in the fantasy of what if…it causes a lot of depression and can be really tough. Im sorry for what you are going through. Xoxos
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Is it easy no can it be done yes
I left and knowing I was prego 14 years later it was the best thing for me and my son
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You deserve to be well loved. You deserve to be happy. It doesn’t sound like that man offered either of those things.
Fall in love with yourself again while taking good care of your baby.
And trust me, the right man will find you when you least expect it.
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There is nothing for you in the past. Don’t even focus on the future m focus on the here and now because that’s all you can do anything about.
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Ride the wave, let your thoughts out to a close family member or friend, write them out, and keep telling yourself you’re better off on your own than being with the wrong person 
its easier said than done but something great will come out of it and that something is your child. You got what matters the most now 
I am going thru the same as far as “what could’ve been”. All i can say is that it didn’t work out for a reason and i try to rememeber the negative when i start to get sad about it. I mean, do we REALLY want a man who has shown us we don’t matter? As good as the good times were the negatives, even just one, is enough to remind us we deserve better. Focus on that and focus on the good in ur life. I know its hard and can feel lonely but we can get past these losers.
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Think of him as a poisonous, deadly spider. Don’t you or your child go anywhere near him~mind, heart, body or soul.
I was 18 when I had my first child and his dad chose a different life for himself instead of being a dad. It was really hard at first because I was so young and wanted so badly for my son to have both parents raise him and stay together. It took me about a year to finally accept that it wasn’t going to happen and there was nothing I could do to make him be a dad. I just worked hard to give my son the best life I could by myself. I never looked back. I didn’t try to find him and didn’t even go for child support and it ended being the best decision I could have made for my son. If I would have tried to force him to be around he would have been in and out of my son’s life which is very hard on a child. My son is now 23 years old and finishing up a six year service in the army. He is a very handsome, smart young man and I am so proud of him. He has never met his biological father other than when he was an infant and it hasn’t stopped him from becoming a successful, good hearted human being. Evey situation is different but my advice would be to be patient with yourself and if you don’t get over it right away that’s ok. It will come in time but until then just love your child with everything you have and it will lead you both into a great life and the path you are meant to take. Years fly by and they grow up so fast and some day you will think back on this and it won’t mean shit. Good luck Mama.
Don’t let the hurt overshadow enjoying the last of your pregnancy and the baby. Even if you don’t feel like it, push yourself to do things you find some pleasure in. Shopping for little outfits etc, getting the clothes and baby things ready.
You will have other relationships in the future but you will never have this experience of your first child again, so use all your inner strength and mind to overcome the hurt and not let it overshadow this amazing experience.
You don’t want to look back and feel disappointed that it spoiled it for you. And set firm boundaries. You and the baby are all that matter now. He and his needs are not your concern or responsibility.
U can never go backwards it’s over there’s alit of could of be,s but move forward and never look back
You take one day at a time and remember that it’s ok to break down once in a while as ling as you keep picking yourself back up and keep moving forward… you can do anything as long as you have your kids…
Time heals . I’ve been through this . The longer it goes on the more grateful you’ll be he’s out of your life . He showed his true colors. And it’s no reflection on you . Be strong it’ll get better .
Sounds like a POS, you are lucky you got out before you wasted years on him
Time and self care. You’re in mourning
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Ugh just wow. I wouldnt even give a shit. He BLOCKED YOU. Screw him
Honestly, you just have to accept the fact that you’re going to be lonely for a while. And it’s going to suck. And you might be a little jealous of your friends. But, over time I promise it won’t bother you anymore. Just dealt with the same thing when I left my daughter’s dad. Super abusive dude.
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Consider it a blessing if hes that much of a piece of crap. Move on, you deserve way better and happiness. Focus on you and your precious baby 
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Be thankful that you caught him sooner rather than later!
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He would of done the same move on worry about urself and that baby u will find someone better u and ur baby deserve that
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Clearly he doesn’t care at all and that should repulse you. Your not just a single mother your a woman who needs to have big shoes to fill for your child which you will be just amazing at but find our who you are and what you enjoy again. A happy mom makes a happy child
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It will get easier with time. It may not ever fully go away, I think our minds will always go through spells where we wonder “what if” even about situations you know worked out for the best. It’s always difficult at first and I think it is very important to have someone, even if just 1 person, that you can vent to and just share these thoughts and feelings with. Stay strong mama, it sounds like the best choice was made. You will do great!
See if your insurance will cover therapy or at least part of it. Lean on family and friends. Time and self care. Block him.
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By putting your work into your baby not a “what if.”
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Get close to god. This is a very unfortunate situation
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Ptsd is real depression is real dont beat urself up take him for child support and full custody and move on with life enjoy urself and ur child needs u as a whole person
This might sound harsh…but coming from experience…move on! How a man treats you while your pregnant with his child shows you who he is! Enjoy your life and take care of and love your baby! My daughter is 19 months old and I begged and begged her dad. And finally took him to court just to get him.involved with her and it was a nightmare! My daughter would come home dirty, and throwing up every single time he had a visit. And he tried to fight me.for 50/50 custody then. I wouldn’t agree to a damn thing. 2 weeks after our meeting with lawyers he was arrested for sexually assaulting his underage family members! Sometimes it’s a blessing! Don’t question how or why God removed him! Just be thankful you and your son are healthy! A Child doesn’t miss what a child doesn’t know!
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Being engrossed in ur child n ur health couples with time will definitely help and when u look up one day u will realize you didn’t need him to begin with
The what could have been would have been him treating you like dirt. I know you’re picturing some possible perfect family scenario in your head and some amazing life you and your child are missing out on, but clearly that was never a could have been. Had you guys stuck it out, you both would have been miserable deep down inside, and that’s the environment your child would have been stuck living in. Try to stop letting some fantasy about the life that never would have happened anyway keep its grip on you.
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Your baby will look to you to set an example and for you to role model desirable behaviors and values.
Let that sink in.
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I stayed in my marriage 2 years after I already knew it was broken. I did it for my kids, so they can have their father. But the truth is my kids saw all the fighting, arguing, they knew I wasn’t happy. The day I made the decision to leave, was the day out life’s changed for the better. The truth is all my kids needed was a happy mom. It’s not going to be easy but with in time it gets better. I’ve raised my 3 girls as a single mother for the last 4 years, and if I knew this back then I would have left sooner. You and your baby deserve better, and you will get better.
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If he isn’t helping support his child file for child support. With time you will realize how better off you and your baby are.
Takes time. I was with my kids dad 10 years and it will be 2 years in May since we split. I still wonder what could of been had we both been less selfish. Better to keep focusing on baby, take time for you. A good book I recently read is by John Gray and it’s Mars vs Venus Starting Over. Highly recommend it.
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He showed you his true colors, words mean nothing so try not to dwell on what could’ve been. If he could do that to you while you were carrying his child he wasn’t in love. Your son is a blessing, a gift. Focus on what could be with another man who will actually love and care for the both of you when you’re ready to move on. Take it as a blessing bc it’s so much harder to leave when your child gets attached and he would’ve done the same thing down the road and it would’ve been so much harder.
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The reality check is that what “would have been” is not a fairy tail happy family but more & more of the same treatment he already gave you…for years…for as long as you stayed and put up with it
(ik because i stayed & now I’m free)
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He already showed you all the what ifs. All what ifs with him have the same outcome. Sorry, he doesn’t care about you or the baby. Moved on, you deserve better and so does your child.
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This is no longer my feelings I was once there but I’m glad soo glad that God showed me his true colors. Many times I have tried to ignore those signs. For the sake of salvation. Those same signs would boomerang back and multiplied. His actions got cold as did his presence once I became pregnant. He felt I was excusable and threw me away as a habit. Not caring if I cried to death or about losing me. He took my pregnancy as a secured stance in my life. It disgusted me to the point of insanity. I was humiliated and insulted in all ways possible. That is not what a real man does. That is not what anybody should accept during a weak stage or any stage in a relationship. I always had a gut feeling. Now I knew why. When there is no feeling of protection or love left just run.
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Go see a therapist. You need to have some TLC for yourself and talking it out with a therapist is a great start. You need to find yourself worth and find your way again, for you.
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Thing would probably be a million times worse just be great full their are million of women stuck with a man that cheats on them doesn’t help with the kids belittles them ect your free ! Your baby is free ! Find true love for you and that baby find what makes you happy find time for you I know that sounds hard but try and get breaks let people help you laundry baby sitting (grandma grandpa) ect enjoy it they grow up so fast 
and congratulations you did what many women couldn’t do stand up for themselves because their are stuck !!
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Be kind to yourself.
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A cop literally saved my life when he explained that my attachment to my loser ex was a dopamine reaction in my brain. When you remember the good times you have with a person, it releases that feel good, warm fuzzies dopamine crap. It clouds your better judgement with these kinds of situations making you hopeful or make you experience that “loss of what could’ve been” harder. I’m a very analytical person and when that cop explained it’s a chemical reaction that I can’t help, but actually be able to explain…I never looked back. It sucks and seems counterintuitive, but focus on the bad you had with him above anything else. Time above all else will help too.
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Honestly all the what if’s… are just delusions of your wishes. He would still be the same person who breaks your heart constantly. Take it from someone who went down that road… it’s better to let go and focus on your child and yourself. I dragged out a relationship that should of ended long before it actually did because I did not want to admit who he was, I was in love with my ideas of him, not him. It is a hard lesson to learn, but you cannot make people love you And you cannot make people who you want them to be. You can say you love them for who they are but do you really if all they ever do is hurt you?
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Your lucky he showed his true colors now than years down the road … if you need to talk you can always message me either way I know it hurts 
I’m sorry but there are so many woman out there that are single and strong and once the baby gets lil bigger you can take him to the park and do lil play dates lol
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It’s difficult to lose someone you thought was right for you. But at some point you will just look at your baby and realize you have the best part of that relationship and nothing else matters.
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All you can do is do what you think is right. You cannot rearrange the guy and make him a better person, especially now. He doesn’t deserve you, and you deserve better. And as hard as it may sound now, use the experience to learn from it and don’t let it keep down. The two takeaways:
1- You’re a better person than he is;
2- Next time take your time to credential the guy and avoid a repeat.
There are no guarantees in life, but you can do your part and hope for the best!
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I stopped thinking about what could have been when I started thinking about how I was .:insert emotion/scared/unprepared/worried/etc:. too but I knew it wasn’t me that gave up. It wasn’t me that turned away. It wasn’t me that didn’t keep my word. I focused on ME. I DID get real brave, real quick. I DID love with the best of me. I DID DESERVE BETTER. I look at my husband now and could never imagine another father/stepfather or a better, more loving, father/stepfather. I’m so glad I focused on ME and MINE. I wound up truly finding the best for me and mine. I promise you can get through this. You’re stronger than you realize momma!! You deserve the support and love you expected and should not have to carry the weight of what could have been.
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Clearly he didnt want to be together… theres no what wouldve couldve, it didnt pan out and if he wants no contact with you or your child… buh bye! Find a real man that will treat you and your baby amazing!
Forgive and forget, literally forget he exists at all, just keep a few photos of him tucked away safely for your kid to look at when they’re old enough. It just takes time, just keep yourself busy, pick up some projects/crafts.
He don’t care… …if …he did he would of showed it when u need it the most. Men have all kinds of excuses ohh im not ready im scared but ok that kind of man talks to his gf not go cheat while she’s pregnant. Been thru it. Run. Ive been much happier knowing i wont get cheated on and disrespected
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As soon as i found out i was pregnant my ex and i went our own ways. I packed up and moved out. He didn’t want anything to do with the baby. She is 6 years old now and we are so much better of without her father around. He has never seen her or bothered. When I occasionally cross paths with him I feel nothing anymore. I dont even think of my daughter as “ours” anymore. I’m married and my husband is the only dad my daughter has known
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He’d keep cheating on you… probably physically abuse you and your son… he’s already emotionally abusing you…be glad he’s gone before he tries or succeeds to kill you…been there…
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Its hard mama, but you need to put all that shit aside and start thinking about how AWESOME your baby will be and how much that baby loves you already. You are going to be so busy loving your baby, you dont need that piece of shit. Start thinking about the future.
It’s so easy to say to move on. I know is hard. Pray a lot. Meditate ask God for a light at the end of the tunnel. You will heal with time. I know you want to be alright right now. It does not work like that. It takes time. He was in your life for a reason. To give a beautiful treasure. Think of your baby. All that love in your heart give it to you and your baby. Now you have bigger and better reason to be happy and have a reason to live. That baby will give you the strength to move on. You just have to have faith and wish him well. He does not deserve you or the baby. It’s better to have him out of the picture now. You don’t want him poisoning that baby at such a young age. Let him go and love yourself so much and take your power back. 
What ifs only bring more heartaches. You don’t deserve to be treated badly and your child doesn’t need to grow up around someone ( father or not) who treats their mother poorly.
It hurts right now no one wants to be w single parent but sometimes it just happens.
Focus on you and your child. Your ex messed up and that’s not your fault, In time your heart will heal.
Don’t settle and don’t allow anyone to treat you less than.
Hes not worthy of your love and your baby deserves so much better.Enjoy your baby they are only babies for such a short time .look up local mum and baby groups and spend your time seeing friends and family .The more you have going on the less time you will spend thinking of what could have been.It didn’t work and of remember it’s better to be alone than in an unhappy relationship.One day you will meet someone worthy who will love you and your child.Good Luck.
Sounds like your still have feelings for this loser keep strong for you and your baby, that’s true Love your precious lil one, Time will Heal girl. Kia kaha
Time
With all things in life, give it time, time will heal, especially during this delicate time, love yourself more and focusing on you and your child is of almost importance
Don’t get stuck on the ‘what ifs’ be present and continue on with your life, because your child still depend on you to pull you both through, staying stuck in the past or the what ifs won’t do you both any good now would it
Focus only on things that bring you both happiness and progression in life
You got this mama! 
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He is a loser! You shouldn’t think about what could’ve been. If he can’t be mature enough to stick around when his son is born…umm ya fuck him!
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You need to rearrange your way of thinking, there is no thinking of “what could have been” bc obviously he wasnt that person to begin with. That guy u needed to be there for you didnt exsist in him. Are you really goin to miss all the negative behaviors that he had??? That’s what you need to tell yourself. You and your baby are better off. Stop thinking of the what could, would of, should of’s. Your baby isnt goin to miss out either. Bc the way he treated you is the way he would have treated your baby. Is that what you want for your baby? If the answer is no, then there is nothing you need to worry about. Move on with your life and take care of your baby and dont keep looking back. You wont be able to go forward if you are still looking in a rear view mirror!
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The only thing you can do is give it time!! Just take care of the baby! It’s not healthy to dwell on what might have been!!
It gets easier as you go. You are better off for it. Better than him walking out later after the child knows him. That’s currently what I deal with and it is so bard to explain to a heart broken tiny person why “daddy doesn’t love me anymore”. You won here. Chin up it gets better
It’s hard at first but gets easier as it goes on. Better him walking off now than later on messing not only your head more but your child’s. Besides your baba will only have you to thank for being their and doing everything for them. Plus double the loves hugs and memories. You’ve got this mama 
Face up to the fact that he’s a deadbeat s.o.b and that it’s not your fault. Importantly, you can do better…without him.
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Omg my question is why do females think they just can’t survive without a man honey aint nobody got you like you got you…now stop stressing over some boy have your baby get a sitter an go have some fun
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My oldest sons bio dad never gave a damn either and even looked me in the eyes in the middle of a fight and said if I ever leave him he wanted nothing to do with me or our son! His name isn’t even on the birth certificate. Our son will be 8 in July, doesn’t know who he is, hasn’t seen him since his 3rd birthday party! I met my now husband a couple of months after that birthday party and has treated him like his own ever since! But you don’t need a damn man! Once my son was born i didn’t give a damn about anything or anyone else! For the first two years, it was all about him and only him! I hated the thought of dating again but don’t try to force anything and trust your instincts! Remember your babies come first before any piece of @$$!
It gets easier. Just stay healthy for you and the baby and ask him to help w child support.
And a baby will change a man. Give it time… y’all are family now no matter what
Honey, I married my “best friend.” I honestly thought it was forever. Drugs decided it wasn’t meant to be. I later found out he only married me because he thought he “had to” because I was pregnant. I left him 2 wk after our child’s 1st bday because of his drug addiction and he was becoming more and more abusive but not physical.
I was a zombie for almost 2 yrs.
I was empty.
I only smiled for my daughter.
I did not let people hug or touch me.
I was dead inside.
The day in and day out of parenting alone finally took more time which meant less time to dwell on heart ache.
I gained strength from watching my child grow.
Yes, it’s going to be lonely. Insanely lonely. Crying in the floor, sobbing quietly so you don’t wake the baby. Gut wrenching sobs that feel like they’re tearing you apart trying to get out.
But you will get up the next day and you will want your child to feel your love. You’ll smile. Eventually you’ll laugh and one day it will be genuine. It is then that you will be free.
It happens in it’s own time but you can’t dwell on the “what ifs.” Those are bs pipe dreams your heart tries to use to make you all sentimental again. Listen to your head, hon. Look that baby in the eyes and know the love of your life is right there.
Hugs & best wishes.