How do you help some who is bipolar? What can you, as a spouse, do for them? If after a huge fight that happens out of nowhere blew up into so much more. Where you called it quits so now there willing to get help … lost and don’t know what to think or do anymore. I know I could finally just walk away, but I don’t want to throw our 10-year marriage out the door so easy either I need advice.
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Therapy is a great option
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You dont fight with them first of all.
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If they are not willing to do anything to help themselves and the problem then don’t waste your energy trying to fix it. You can’t help them until/unless they want to help themselves
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As a person with bipolar, just some time and space helps us get back in our right mind.
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Speaking as someone who has bi-polar, you have to want to get the help. If they don’t want help or can’t see what’s going on not much you can do.
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I am bipolar and recently spent a week in the psych unit at our local hospital (low risk for depression and recovery mostly). I was so scared to check myself in but it has changed my life. Maybe see if the help works!
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Maybe look into medicine? I’m bipolar & it doesn’t go away. Medicine has greatly helped.
Therapy, couples therapy, try to do 1 on 1 time.
1st off don’t fight back. Even if they try to bring you in, leave the situation. It has nothing to do with you, its them. Come back after a few once its out of their system.
Also don’t buy alcohol, quitting smoking helps & hide money/cards when in a manic state. Also limit junk food.
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I am unmediated bipolar. I learned to deal with it on my own. When it gets bad I go to my room alone so i don’t say horrible things to hurt my family. Your spouse needs coping tools . Until that happens, not a damn thing you can do to help. Best of luck
Hi bi polar person here. Depends on what type they are. Therapy usually doesn’t help. You need to make an apt to get on a mood stabilizer. I’ve had years of therapy and when it comes to my bi polar episodes.it does nothing for me. I have coping skills a good support system and everything but the only thing that helped is my meds. And I have the less sever bi polar type 2. It’s not that we want to be like this it’s just sometimes you can’t control it. If he/she won’t get help. Leave. Because it won’t change.
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They have to go talk to their doctor and get help. They have to be willing to help themselves. As a spouse, theres not that much u can do but be patient. But fights are going to happen…things will never be perfect…but your spouse needs to be the one to get up, and go seek help. You cant force them to do it. Bi polar is so hard, and if that person doesnt take the steps necessary to help themselves, then it wont ever happen.
Just be patient and let them have their breathing room when needed. But also, dont be a door mat and allow them to treat u bad and then blame their illness cause that’s not fair.
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I have bipolar disorder in my immediate family. Its hard to give advice to be honest. I would try therapy to start, most definitely but it may not be something they stick to consistently so keep that in mind. Also try to avoid fighting with them. In the heat of a bad moment, walking away and not saying the shitty thing I wanna say helps more than anything. There will be a time when you can have the conversations that need to be had. Patience helps, realizing the extreme emotions often take over logic but whats said in anger isn’t often whats meant in reality. Its a rough road but its 100% doable
Meeting with a psychiatrist is a big step. Because then your spouse can be appropriately medicated and his life and your life can get easier by plateauing his changes a decent amount.
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My sister is bipolar. After years of dragging her out of situations she put herself into, i gave up. She didnt take meds, didn’t do therapy.
At some point you have to walk away, for your own sanity.
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Some times even if yu are willing they aren’t
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I’m bipolar and I’m medicated . When I’m not medicated I’m a horrible person to tolerate. Hopefully your s/o is medicated. Dont give up just yet 
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Are they on meds and in therapy? If not they need to be. I suggest therapy for you as well as couples counseling
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I wanted to start counseling for both of us together but he kept pushing us away. He destroyed himself and our relationship so I had no choice but to give up. Despite how much I didn’t want to. But you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. Now I am just hoping we both can find happiness and he doesn’t lose his relationship with our kids.
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She needs therapy and medicine that will keep her grounded. Most bipolar patients feel better and don’t feel they need their meds
I’m BP and bpd, I also used to say I’d get help when shit hit the fan but the help I needed was never the help I got so it never lasted. Try not to fight with them but also don’t let them win all the time or they’ll accept it as how it is and need it to stay that way. The key is to find the balance between avoiding arguments and understanding that in their head they can get very stressed very quickly and often can see very little mentally in that moment just a static TV screen buzzing while they feel so anxious or angry. Anxiety is a huge part of bpd though most have very outgoing personalities that are a front to hide the insecurities they need tendered to. We need routine but also need to break it often of our own accord 
Medication was the worst for me, I could never find something that made it better that didn’t have huge side effects. Someone to talk to and help work through things they’ve allowed to become the norm will help though, They need to vent. Cognitive behavioural therapy has been a lifesaver for so many with BP, I just can’t stick to it right now with my schedule.
Some days, something as little as my undies not fitting exactly right right before we leave the house can set off my anxiety mixed with annoyance which turns into irritation that causes very easy arguments.
My best friend was bipolar and would get paranoid delusions at times. My ex tried to “reason” with him and tell him none of it was real, so my friend stopped talking to him. I called a mental health hotline to get advice. They agreed that arguing was counterproductive, and that I should call his counselor and tell them what I was observing. Of course they couldn’t really say anything back to me, but they then knew if he wasn’t taking his meds, or the meds weren’t working. He did get better after that, but I don’t know if I helped.
They have to wanna help themselves unfortunately I was in a 13 year relationship and I tried and tried after my twin babies it became way worse so I packed my shit and my kids and left it was so hard I was so scared but I wasted my good years trying to fix him which sucked immensely but I was in love long story short he never got help not even for our family I think u know in ur heart the answer prayers to u both
Also bipolar here. So many more questions. Therapy can help both of you immensely but does not do anything for the actual illness, medications are an absolute must. A psychiatrist will evaluate which type and the best meds. If she/he’s on meds and their mood is not stable then they are on the wrong ones. Drinking can affect medication so can recreational drugs. Also bipolar gets thrown out there pretty loosely, make sure this is an actual diagnosis. Good luck it takes patience a good doctor and therapy to get through it. Even with all of that you still have hard days or maybe even weeks sometimes. It’s a lot but worth putting in the work if you love someone.
Bipolar person here. I wouldnt push counciling yet but they definitely need meds.
Being bipolar our tempers get the best of us sometimes. I just walk away and wait to cool down. Cause once I start arguing I get real mean and mouthy. And then when settled down I go and talk about it. I don’t have the best advice but I understand. Best wishes. 
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You can’t they have to want to help themselves. I have learned that the hard way.
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Your best option is to speak with your spouse’s doctor for advice. The doctor that treats your spouse understands the illness, understands your spouse’s particular responses to medications, etc. Part of the disorder is that the person suffering with the illness wants to be in control, and manipulate their surroundings to suit them. There are times when they don’t like the results of the medication, and they won’t want to take it, which can lead to them becoming very manic, or very depressed, and always causes distortion and frustration, which manifests sometimes as anger. All of that said, each person suffering with this illness/condition has their own personality, so the illness affects each person differently. If you truly want to help your spouse, and love your spouse, you will learn more about the illness and the medications used to treat the illness, and you will be proactively involved with your spouse’s doctors. It’s not ever going to be an easy road, but no marriage worth fighting for is ever an easy ride.
Medication helps but has to be taken every day. Some will start to feel better and stop taking it. My cousin finally divorced his wife, to unsettled from day to day. My neighbor’s husband was Bipolar too and they didn’t make it either. Another gal is bi-polar and she just didn’t marry. I hope you can get your spouse in to get medical help because it won’t go away. Maybe just leave for a few hours when the outbursts happen?
Encourage them to seek a qualified therapist who has experience with bipolar DO and get an evaluation for med management by a psychiatric ARNP or equivalent, a psychiatrist maybe but they can be hard to find. I am a therapist and My BF has bipolar 1, with depression, mania and on occasion-psychosis. Lithium is the only thing that has helped the mania. Not everyone needs that but in many cases bipolar DO cannot be controlled with therapy alone. We’ve been together for almost 6 years. PM me if u need more detailed info
My partner is bipolar and it is very hard from day to day walking on egg shells all the time the mental health team just want to seem to help but he doesn’t really help himself he says he’s wants help but just pushes everyone away I have been with him for 10yrs now and I love him so much but there are times when I could just walk and find myself asking is it me have I done something to make him like this but that is bipolar for you it’s ups and down try and get them to get help and have a good support system for you aswell as them good luck with the outcome it’s a long road xx
If the bipolar person is not interested in self care or helping themselves there really is nothing you can do. Period.
Everyone saying they have to be medicated… that’s your opinion. I’m bipolar and unmedicated mostly because no insurance but also because I’ve learned coping skills. Read up on my illness so I could try to understand why I was doing certain things, I still struggle but I don’t want to have my emotions limited by meds. To each their own, help if you can, if nothing you do works, probably just aren’t compatible mentally.
Are there meds involved? I’m bipolar and my husband can tell when I’m off a med.
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They need to be on meds and getting therapy problem Is if They get to the point they think the meds aren’t doing anything then they stop and then they have episodes Its a vicious circle also it’s genetic and your children may end up with it so your best bet is go to counseling yourself and educate yourself as much as possible.It’s literally so hard watching people you love deal with it.
No bipolar he has been cheating on her
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I’m bi-polar, and to get me situated I needed psychiatric help and counseling. Daily meds have helped me tremendously 
It’s a long process finding the right dosage and medicine that will work for said person, it doesn’t happen over night, but a psychiatrist can order a gene-site test. That test will determine which meds works best for you. It literally takes out the guessing!
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Only the person with bi-polar can help themselves. You can be a support, but don’t confuse support for enabling. The non diagnosed person must do their best to be the best person for themselves.
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My ex boyfriend is bipolar they r not that bad to deal with you never lived with a bipolar person I have in the past and it’s not that bad you just gonna be able to handle their bipolar fits
Who r you guys talking about Cause I don’t have bipolar so you guys are fuckin crazy I show you what a bipolar person acts like
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Maybe she is moody because she doesn’t want to deal with crazy people lol 
I have bipolar II disorder along with severe anxiety and depression. My husband has been through it all with me. We’ve had our arguments. However his love for me keeps him here. He educated himself about the disorder. Went to appointments and therapy with me. He wanted to know how to help me as well. If you truly want to stay educate yourself… this is not to try to come off as rude either. Being with a person with this disorder is rough, I won’t lie, but your love has to truly be there. Some people truly cannot stay and that is truly heartbreaking because being married is for better or for worse. First you must truly decide if you are going to stay or leave. If you’re going to stay, educate yourself. Whatever his style of communication is, work with that. Meaning if he wants to just talk, let him talk, do not offer advice, listen to listen, and understand. But also know that if you’re so stressed, you might also benefit from therapy. Asking a world full of mothers is nice but you’re going to have a lot of negativity with that… a therapist works with you, and is there for you. It’s healthy to get your feelings out and to be heard. 
Whatever you choose, good luck!
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Maybe you guys all need help n need sum counseling maybe you guys got it go get checked out before saying sum one else has sumthing when you don’t know them
so how do you know they have bi-polar? Were they DX before & stopped taken their meds? And now agree to go back, or is this the first time to see a Dr? If they were Dx before & stopped their meds, I would say that person will do it again. So then you will have to say, is all this worth it, because if they go off their meds again, & stop see their Dr, things might not be pretty !!!
Quit while u can. It doesn’t get better ever
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20 yrs means nothing
Still leave.
It’s not believing until u see action.
U say 10 yrs. .but that was a lot of time u already gave.
Wait to see improvements with the meds and treatment and then see if u can work it out
The focus should be that the person truly improving self…u dont need a relationship to fix bipolar.
Think of u too…u need therapy too after 10 yrs of that
Hold them accountable and make sure they’re taking their meds.
I’m bi polar no meds even though some days I wish I did lol… comes down to learning how to deal with your moods… my husband helps me tremendously by just listening to me and being there… doesnt give advice or try to understand bc sometimes there just isnt any reasoning to it… like waves for me when your up it’s great when your down its horrible… I hated meds bc I felt like a zombie… therapy can help you learn ways to cope with your moods… my uncle was violent and needed heavy meds and sedation so the type really matters… but most importantly dont challenge them, dont let them run you over either… you need clear set boundaries…
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My step daughter has been diagnosed with bi polar disorder & it got to the point that CAS took the baby girl from her & we are raising her since she was 4 months & is now 28 months & a VERY happy and healthy baby girl. If she had stayed with her mom god knows what wpuld have happened. Her moods were soooooo bad & her drug & alcohol use was horrible!! She went to rehab & couldn’t last the 30 days & threatened someone there with a knife cause they were making her follow rules, & now she is back at her shit. Some people just choose not to be helped. U just can’t make them.
I am bi polar educate yourself so you know when she is high or low and first off she needs to come to terms with it and get herself stabilized on meds l myself educated myself and l am not on meds l haven’t been in 8 years going on 9 so patients and keep an eye on her
Getting on the right meds will be huge for him/her. I would also suggest that you take the time to learn more about her diagnosis so that you can better understand what’s happening. You cannot change it or stop it, but by working together you can manage it. You’ll have to pick your battles, do a lot of pride swallowing, and commit to loving all of her. But that is if he’s/she’s willing to seek help.
My self and my husband are both bipolar and we have a two year old son! when we have blow ups the person less in control takes time for them selves re center our self so to speak once we are able to talk to each other we solve the problem together and listen to each side some times that includes therapy a family member not to judge but give advice but sometimes mania can be more challenging and we have family and friends we can call to say hey we need a safety net catch us and put us in check even I they have to call in professional assistance
I’m bipolar and my meds have changed my marriage from being on the brink to us both being unbelievably happy. If he’s to go on meds i’d say give him another chance if not… nothing will change and he won’t even think it’s his fault
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A little different situation but my Mom is bipolar and I have been dealing with it my entire life. Multiple marriages and several jobs lost due to this horrible illness, I have been one of the few constants always there. I don’t have the option of leaving, she is Mom. What I finally came to the realization of is that bipolar is not going anywhere so I need to find better ways to fight it. Both her and the loved ones who suffer just as much, if not more than her. She has finally become receptive to seeking a new psychiatrist. He has not only brought a fresh new approach to counseling which includes me and her husband but he was also the fresh new perspective we needed to try a new medication. In conjunction with that I have separately sought the help of a support group for family members via NAMI. It has given me the tools needed to better cope and handle difficult times that I previously felt alone in. If nothing else that group has given me perspective and understanding. The results have been fantastic and we have never been at a better place. I don’t know you but pray for you and yours that you are able to find similar relief. You are already showing that you care enough to ask for help, that is half the battle my friend!
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My husband is textbook bipolar 2 and it’s definitely not easy so I feel you there. He finally started seeking help and trying to control it with meds for the sake of our marriage. It’s hard, but I can tell when a storm is brewing. I know he’s trying so I just try to do things to keep the calm bc that’s all I can do until it passes.
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They need to see a physician and have their medication adjusted if they over react like that. If he’s unmedicated - he needs medication. It’s almost impossible to self maintain
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Coming as a bipolar. Just support them and don’t get mad or throw in their face they have mood swings. Just love them and support them no matter their mood.
“…for sickness and in health”. Marriage isnt easy. But getting through the bad times makes the good times even better.
You cant help enjoy the highs take personal time outs for thr lows ibe been married for 15 years my husband is bipolar the lows are very bad but far apart apart he takes no meds when i see a incline i just stay clear i love my husband very much i married for better or worse sometimes its very hard but its life and its ok ive adjusted out marriage is very good neither one of us beleive in medication we deal with it and life is good over all
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They need meds and therapy for sure . You can not change them or fix them so don’t even think about that. Also you should learn all you can about the disease that will benefit you both. Good luck
I have someone in my family to u try to talk don’t want to hear it. I just pray or stay away 
love that 
person very much. I hope you can understand my situation and the family. U has a person pray about it get some help u r very smart an not la,zy. We all love u want the best for. The person.
I have 3 with bipolar all u can do is stick ur grounds and love and support them
I am bipolar was diagnosed years ago. I take meds for it and depression. My husband is very supportive and I am doing very well. Taking meds is mandatory for this issue
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I’m bipolar1, manic and rage episodes and my husband talks with me about anything I want, he runs a bath for me and tries to avoid fights.
My husband dont even want to hear that he is a patient and im living woth him from last 37 years
I agree marriage is a daily thing you work on and it is never perfect but when your spouse has a mental illness that is a total different ball game! This isn’t something that’s a walk in the park and you can just get through in a week. I would say try meds might work might not but also therapy for your spouse either one on one or together could be a great option or even a comb of meds and therapy. This will take weeks or months or maybe even years but stay strong learn as much as you can about the mental illness and just always support your spouse knowing you will always support them through the different meds and therapy sessions will have a great impact not only on their journey to getting well but also on y’all’s marriage.
Im bi polar n we’ve had some arguments. My best suggestion is to research it read about bi polar and how to help each other out. It also depends on what bi polar stage there at. Counseling n medication is the other
Family counseling and a support group that is specific for bipolar families. Get to calling hospitals, doctors, mental health facilities, counselors, scour the library for books, do internet search to find resources. Is there an official bipolar organization? If so, there may be resources there. I recommend Christian family counseling.
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Its hard - after 16 years my husband left - its been hell for me.
Marriage is the need to be worked on daily
Pretend you have Alzheimers…
Get them into treatment…
I have lived with bi polar for a good 35 years. Have been married for 39 years. My bi polar is pretty much under control with medications. Don’t get me wrong I have gone to many therapists and tried many many different meds. Half the battle is getting him on meds that work for him. Don’t give up. He also needs a good psychiatrist or psychologist.
Has he been diagnosed? I am a diagnosed bipolar who when off meds is def not easy to get along w…on meds, my mood is more controlled and life is a little easier for my family…but meds dont help 100% of the time…it takes a strong person to love and live w someone who suffers from this diease. It never goes away, he will fight w himself for the rest of his life…u can either help him w that fight or quit on him…thats a huge decision and i wish u the best.
They def have to want to help themselves. I tried over and over again and it got to the point where I was just hurting myself by always “hoping it would be different this time”. He would take his meds until he felt better but then go off of them because he “didn’t need them anymore”. I understand not wanting to throw away your marriage, we were together 9 years when I finally couldn’t take anymore.
This disease is so overwhelming, not only for the person who is suffering for it but for their loved ones. I have BP and I worry every day what I put my husband through. He is so understanding and supportive. My suggestion for you, since you are the spouse of someone who has it, suggest couples counseling along with their own private counseling. Even having periodic sessions with their counselor so that you can talk to their counselor about what is going on at home because, in all honesty, some things might be missed in private sessions. We don’t see everything we do in the same way that you do. Something that might not be OK maybe overlooked when talking to our counselor. They might not even be letting the counselor know they aren’t taking their meds. I actually see two DRs, one for counseling sessions and a psychiatrist to monitor my meds. perhaps this is something that your spouse should look into. Also, in all this therapy talk, don’t think I forgot about you. You need someone to talk to as well. You need self-care because you are a caretaker for someone who is suffering a disease and it can be rough. You do need to do things for you but that doesn’t necessarily mean leaving your spouse.
Honestly if someone is not willing to help them self there is nothing you can do. There is so many options regarding medication and counseling but the person has to want to get help. I have a 23yr old nephew who has refused help and unfortunately is now living on the streets due to this disease taking a hold on him
Advise them to seek counseling and medication.
If not, theres no use. Bipolar is hard to manage without meds since the mood swings arent conscious.
Love yourself get yourself some help first.
You’re not a psychologist. You can’t fix him. He has to get help for himself. If he won’t get help, you need to put your mental health first.