How did/do you cope with slowly fading long time friendships after starting your families? It seems like since starting my family who I thought were my long term friends have taken a large turn.
It happens. It is hard. Just accept it and try to find some mom friends.
I’m having the same problem
Same…I feel your struggle, but I’ve come the realization that it’s not worth my time and effort to hold onto a relationship thats only one sided. If they don’t see the value in you then don’t waste to time and energy fighting for someone who no longer fights for you.
You dont ever loose real friends and anyways your children become your very best friends
Well then they weren’t good friends the good ones stick around
Let’s be real, pretty much everybody walks away. Fuck em all. Get you a new friend that actually wants to talk to and hang out with a mom.
I just got over it! Learned if they were really my friends they would come over and hangout and whatever
You don’t lose your real friends. You may not see them as much but they are just a text or call away. Social media makes it so easy to stay in touch. I’m still friends with my high school girls after 25 years.
Life goes in stages. Single attracts single, like married attracts couples. Parents & families do group stuff but within the same childs age range. Once your single friends have kids theyll try to come back but again, your kids will be older.
Didn’t really have any to start with. All kids in high school were stuck up grade A bitches, I didn’t go back to school when I fell pregnant…
This will be the first of many friends you lose. But you also make so many new mom friends.
It happens and it sucks but you just have to realize who your true friends are… give it time and you’ll find some good mom friends. If you lose them they weren’t true friends to begin with no matter how long the “friendship” was.
I was the last one of my friends to have kids. And I didnt have any until most of my friends kids were about 8yrs old. I never stopped going over to see them and hang out. I had my single friends, but my friends with kids were my closest, longest friends. That’s true friendship. I moved out of state and had my own kids and its been hard to make new friends. Mostly because I’m just too tired when I have down time. But I do have a few mom friends from kids being in school and it’s a start. Mom life can get lonely. Just put yourself out there. Look for mommy groups, MOPS, make playdates and build a new mom life with new people.
There are Moms out there that are yearning for your friendship, too! When my son was born I went to playgroups multiple times a week, music classes and swimming lessons. It’s a bit awkward when you don’t know people but you will be able to make friends in no time. Good luck!
Look at it this way … you aren’t losing friends, you’re gaining a family. Friends who are truly good friends (and the only ones worth having) will stay friends thru thick and thin. You might not get together as often as you use to … you might spend more time on short phone calls in place of activities together, but they will still stay in touch. You will make better, long lasting friendships along the way with people who have more in common with you. You’re not losing anything, you’re just changing priorities in your life.
It might be your perception. Think about it. Have you focused on them when you talk or what’s new with you? Have you found ways to make yourself available to spend time with them, if you can’t that is fine you will never look back at your life and wish you spent less time with your child. So maybe you are less available to be invested in their life either. And that’s ok if they are long term friend, they will still be there
I had many friends, I was married and had a large family. I now live with my mom and my son and have zero friends. Things change but I have never felt stronger
My best friend and I drifted apart because I had my kids young. We talked everyday, hung out everyday, etc. up until I had my kids. She didn’t even wish them a happy birthday today or ask how they’re doing. It makes me glad we don’t talk anymore, I couldn’t ask for more than my kids. They’re more than enough & make me happier than anyone who I thought was my friend. Her and I were also different people though, so I give it that. Doesn’t bother me as much as it did at first. I moved on when I realized you eventually drift apart from friends, but it is important to focus on family and raising my kids to be the best they can be.
I’ve lost friends because of being a mom & I’ve Gained friends because of being a mom. At the end of the day my kids are more important than ANYONE
Just another chapter in your book…some will come and go…only a few will stay forever. Be happy to meet new friends in your next chapter
People are sometimes in your life for a reason or a season. Friends come and go. Sometimes it’s because you’re two different people now if you have kids and they don’t but good friends will stay in your life no matter what
I have family not friends so for me it’s not a big issue but your true friends will be understanding and they will make time for you with your busy family, I had a few people I thought were friends and didn’t last after having my first child and now I have a second child no one talks to me so it’s their problem
I’ve been through it, still am going through it.bHonestly I don’t have time to tend to them with three kids and other mandatory things. Now what no one prepares you for is losing yourself after having kids. That’s a huge pill to swallow
When I became a mom, I lost every. Single. One of my friends slowly but surely.
I still hurt sometimes, but I try to think fondly of them other than be angry that they are gone. It’s hard. I’m sorry I guess this probably wasnt helpful lol. But you’re not alone!
Each turn of life brings new friends with it. Having a baby is a great way of making new friends at baby groups etc and then when they go to nursery, pre-school etc you make a whole heap more. You will lose some along the way but the ones that stay around are the real ones, the ones that don’t were never going to in my opinion x
I work and come home to my family everyday. I have coworkers that I am close to and occasionally we would get together. Other than that I don’t have any close friends that I can chat with on the phone or go out with for girls nights (even before the pandemic). Its lonely at times but It is what it is i guess.
sometimes that happens because YOUR life changed. they are still single partying and you are breastfeeding and sleeping every chance you can… but as your life levels out, the ones that count will come back… just make some time for them … a walk picnic in the park, time to talk… find the common ground that is your friendship.
I lost all of my friends when I left my ex because they didn’t understand he was abusive. It was hard. But I made up my mind I didn’t have time for that. My husband is my best friend. I can’t keep a secret from him. He loves my oldest and treats her just like she’s one of his own. I kept my circle small after going through that.
Truth:! I honestly didn’t notice… I became a mom at 17-18… My friends all were bad influences and once they seen I started to settle they just stop contacting me … I just moved on with life and didn’t pay it no attention… then I had my 1st born son and I just forgot all about them! Now I have 3 kids, and mom friends! Much better!
I have 0 friends. Literally no-one. I had my kids young and moved 400 miles away and all my friends from high school were no more. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me but there are times when it gets to me. I used to have my n laws but I no longer visit them because all they did was put me/my family down. Constantly criticizing me and telling me what I should/shouldn’t be doing and telling me how i need to raise my kids. So I just gave up on that and said no more. I have my little family and that’s all i need
It was the last thing I worried about. My upmost priority was the kid/ kids.
You’ll find that you will make new ones, that’s inline with your life style.
I feel this 10000%.
When I became a mom, all my friends left. Sad to say none of them have met my kids . Some I’ve known for decades and they went poof…
I’m just taking it day by day.
Tryna connect with people on the internet in mom groups and what not but its lonely. Not gunna lie.
It’s so hard, especially when those friends are in different stages and you and don’t understand your current stage. If you can maintain the friendship its hard cause they don’t understand why you’re suddenly never available or they always have to come to you. It’s just a new phase of life and as much as I love my friends I love my little family more and if they can’t be understanding of that then it is hard thing to just let the friendship go.
I honestly welcomed it. I’ve realized how many of my “friends” weren’t real friends. I’m down to one friend and she’s been my best friend for a while now. She knows how it is having kids (she doesn’t have her own but she works with littles) and she knows how hectic my life is. She’s the only one who hasn’t turned her back on me no matter what and that’s all I really need. I’ve found that having friends as a mom is so exhausting
It’s a part of growing up. Friends drift away for a variety of reasons. Yours drifted cuz you became a mom.
It can be hard & lonely but overall I am glad they left. It really shows who is actually your friend and who is not. I had a friend for 9 years and she said after I started my family I am just “too boring” for her.
For me it was easy. We were in highschool so our priorities were different. I couldn’t fault them for drifting away.
You do loose old friends sometimes but you also make loads of fun new ones that you have lots in common with at playgroups and stay and play clubs. I gained more friends than I lost even when just going to the local parks
Just realize everything is a phase. You are constantly shifting and changing. Embrace the new and unknown.
I haven’t lost any yet but then again it’s still lockdown and my twins are 3.5months old. That being said if a friend doesn’t make effort then I wont lose sleep… I’m very comfortable being on my own so if people join me and want to spend time with me then great but if not then who cares, we all have our lives to live
You lose and gain friends at every major event in your life. Think about it. How long did you keep in touch with elementary school friends? Middle school? High school? College friends? While changing jobs? It’s the same concept. The only difference now is the timing. You might become parents at a different time than other people. All you can really do is try YOUR best at keeping your friends and accept what you can’t change on their end. Real friends will understand that you can’t keep in contact all the time, but it feels like no time at all has passed once you do. And you’ll make friends who have more of your common interests as a parent.
Life is easier without friends honestly. People expect you to stay in touch with them constantly and I just can’t do that being a mother of 2. Finding real friends is too hard anyways. My husband is my bestfriend and that works perfectly for us
My friends live some distance away. So it was hard to keep in contact regularly especially not being a car driver. I have known two for 65-years old since we went to the same school. I didnt know i had postnatal depression with my first it wasnt really talked about then like nowadays. But l felt low. Especially as we had financial difficulties too.
It was really hard, but also showed me who truly were my friends. I am so physically, and mentally exhausted after becoming a mom. So in the end it was for the best because it showed me who was worth my energy at this stage of my life.
Go to work. It’s shitty and probably the worst part of becoming a mom but people leave once they think your “youth is gone”. Teach your baby something everyday, read a good book, learn a craft. It’s the worst advice Bc you’re not gonna want to do these things and it’s hard to actually get started but once you start, you’ll see the rewards almost immediately. Become the best you and they’ll hate that they let you go.
Find new ones it happens but it shows their true colors imo
It’s weird. I felt a little upset after realizing a lot had drifted away. I wasn’t really sad, I think I was more angry. But I realized that those people weren’t worth it. They weren’t true friends. I can say I have one friend who has been w/ me for quite some time. She didn’t take off after I had kids. We’ve remained friends through it all. That’s a true friend right there. Some who is w/ you through thick and thin and doesn’t leave just because her life or your life has changed. You adapt. Your friendship may change a bit but I’m reality anyway relationship evolves over time. I haven’t found too many mom friends yet. It does get lonely sometimes but it’s not a big deal.
Kept moving and focusing on the important things. Your little family doesn’t need those “friends” to survive.
Well if yr friends don’t have children yet it’s likely you will be in a Diff space than they are so expected really
Part of growing up really, roll with it.
You make new ones. Join a mommy group and when kids start school, you meet new mom friends also
Try making the extra effort!
In time you will meet friends through your children and they will be such blessings. Just hang in there!
I didnt have any real friends anyways so with me not having friends now doesnt really bother me much.
I’ve found it’s better not having friends
Meh… I lost many friends… But I have gained even better mom friends
They weren’t really your friends and that’s their loss for been fake
I didn’t lose any worth having.
It happens. Keep ur head up
I mean, i feel like it’s more my fault than there’s, I’m always busy
i saw this happen with my parents. families were so busy with different schedules. Once we were grown they reached out and startes hanging with pre kid friends too so this is something I look forwarx to when I become an empty nester. keep the faith you will reunite
I went thru this. I had this friend for years. We both have boys that are 3 months apart. Did a lot of stuff together while we were pregnant and then after our kids were born it’s like she didn’t want anything else to do with me. So i just dropped her. To be honest if they were really your friends they wouldn’t treat you that way. I got over it. She wasn’t worth it.
I made mum friends. My mother’s group has honestly been my saving grace. Still support each other and going strong our babies are all 4 now. I’m so grateful to have them.
Having a family really change our priorities in life.focus on your kid,he/she needs your time and affection more than anybody else.
I was a solo person before she was born. No real friends or family, used to being alone and doing for myself. So becoming a single solo mom didn’t change anything. If anything it’s less lonely and someone to talk to besides the dogs lol still a one sided conversation lol but a new aduidence who hasn’t heard my boring rambling lol
Suck it up. Happened to me. It’s only lonely if you let it be. Focus on that miracle. More friends will come eventually. Takes time, but true friends would still be here.
When the crazy child rearing days have passed those friendships will continue as if they had never been interrupted!!
Those aren’t your ppl. True friends who are there for you in need or not are who you should concentrate on. Small circle is not a bad thing
Build a great relationship with my child. Find friends with newborns and toddlers, they get it.
Love yourself. Don’t wonder why wonder what you can do without them. Then the right people come along when you put yourself out there the way you want too ! Being a parent I learned blood or non blood will always have an opinion. You get to choose who you want in your life and those who walk out were never meant to be there
Sometimes life gets in the way and we may be on two different levels. we work and have families of our own. I have been through this . I was the single friend with no kids for a long time while every one else was settling down. And now I am the one with little kids and there kids are practically grown. I am friends with most of them still but not as close as we use to be. I 've made new friends and I have my family cousins, and siblings that I have become closer to, it’s nice that we have kids to so we can all hang out together.
I wanna know the same !! I lost a friend who was my best friend since 5 years old life is kinda lonely besides my family
There’s a few different ways in life to tell who your true friends are. And having kids is one. I’m hoping you know everyone has different ways they want to raise their kids. Some will say naaaa not true.
Even if you do stay friends you don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors.
I got called out about telling my boys about life in general. From how to treat a female to sex. Don’t go around and make all these babies. ( for two reasons 1- I want to know my grandbabies 2- everything might be going fine and then the girl gets mad about something and take the baby away. And I don’t want my grandbabies growing up like that). Finish with yourself first. That’s just one thing that happened. But if your friend pulls away their weren’t your true friend.
( I hate this cliche but, I’m a single mom of three boys and no one else was gonna teach them).
My advice would be or is. Worry about you and your kids. A new true friend will come along.
It was hard, my friends all had kids before me, so their kids were way older I just focused on my kids more as I realized my friends started to come see me less and less, I only talk to a handful of people… To this day I still have no friends that I actually hang out with or do things with when my kids are with their dad I go toy parents that’s how lonely I am , now I’m a single mother of three and they are my friends sad but true wouldn’t have it any other way!
Realizing that my life and happiness was more important and that when people realized that my priorities are now what they are then they would either be there or not. If you lose friends due to having kids they weren’t really your friends to begin with.
This was so hard for me. My best friend just ghosted when my mom twins were born.
People change over the years…i lost so many…learn to make new ones.
Learning to enjoy time to myself again.
Give them time. They’ll come back
Went thru it also. It’s pretty simple… their fake friendship or your child? Screw em! Make new friends
Took it with stride an said fuck everyone bc I need no one!
Relationships go two ways and quite honestly I just didn’t bother with people that stopped responding/talking/trying to hang out with me and my family a certain amount of times. True friends and family WILL make time for you regardless of what you’re going through. I’d rather my friends and family tell me how they truly feel and have actual conversations with me from time to time via phone (if they can’t physically make engagements) than to ghost or be fake with me. It’d be hard for me to trust them afterwards if they decide to come back too. I haven’t had many friends come back after ghosting me and I feel I’m better off without them.
You look your beautiful baby in the eyes, and realize that the little person that you created is more important than anything or anyone else in this world. You also realize that the people that disappear after you have a child, we’re never really your friends to begin with, because if they were truly your friends, they would be right beside you, watching that baby grow. I had A LOT for “friends” before my oldest two (twins) were born. After them, I was down to about one friend. My best friend of 20+ years, who has been an unbiological aunt to my kids since the day they were born!
I lost some for a while bc they were young and not tied down and some I didn’t. At first it hurt but I realized they weren’t worth the effort…
It may sting a little, but just remember you’re running YOUR race, and they’re running theirs, and sometimes your course is different from theirs. It doesn’t mean they don’t still love you and want to be your friend, they’ve just taken a left when you took a right. It’s not wrong, or bad, but sometimes your path together divides. It doesn’t mean it’ll be separate forever, just for right now. And you may never cross paths again, but there will be other friends that you may come across. Life is a journey and no two paths are the same, and losing good friends and gaining others is sometimes the consequence. I hope you can reconnect, but if not, just run YOUR race the best you can, mama.
It happens. We all go separate ways and have diff interests and drift apart. Or have a difference of opinion on something and that’s the end. Also depends on what is important to u and if u make an effort to stay in touch and if they do the same. Most don’t do the friendship just fades away. I lost a good friend recently (though we were god friends?) after a disagreement on when and where to wear masks. Our friendship , mostly long distance as I moved a lot, spanned 30 yrs. Last month it died.
I didn’t lose any friends. But my circle was always tight
Didn’t care, figured they weren’t much of a friend anyway if my having kids made them step back…had plenty that didn’t