I would love to know for any NICU moms how you managed to get through it. My fiance and I share a car and I have a three year old. Every time I go down, my heart just breaks, and I dont know how to hold it together for my girl or my family. I suffer from PPD, and this is making it even harder. She has an IV in her scalp that just breaks my heart, and I feel like all of this is my fault. When my mucus plug fell out, it was green, which is a sign she pooped in me. They sent me home, and I was home in labor for over 16 hours. When they did the c section, she swallowed a bunch of fluids that had poop in them. She is ten days old, and just yesterday, they realized she has pneumonia. When we are together and do skin on the skin, I feel we both are relaxed but they want me to stay home and rest a few days, and it’s killing me. She also has a hole in her heart and a v/y shape on her butt where there found abnormalities, which can relate to her spine, but I have to wait for two separate appointments for that. I appreciate any tips to help my family through this, especially me. This is also my fiancé’s first child, and he’s so concerned for me; I worry about him and his feelings and try and get him to talk about it. He says he knows she is in good hands, but he wants me to be okay. He works, takes care of my three-year-old and me, and I just have so much guilt for him, her, and my son. How did you guys get through it. I don’t have many friends to lean on and we really don’t want everyone in our business and to worry people. Please help this struggling momma. She came 16 days early as well.
I have no idea what you are going through, but am sending love and prayers
Have trust in the doctors and take a moment to breathe and process. It’s hard, and I couldn’t imagine the hurt and fear you are feeling but hang in there. The doctors know what they are doing.
My 4 year old was a nicu baby as well as had a hole in his heart. It’s not easy momma but I promise it gets better! Sending prayers your way and just keep faith!
I don’t know the feeling of that type of helplessness . But we just did the nicu stay as well. It was a lot to handle . But I got to stay there till I was out. I hope that things go smoothly and before you know it things will get better . Just got to be patient . I can’t handle sick baby’s either
Take it all one day at a time. Ask questions if you aren’t sure what’s next or what you need to be looking for. Celebrate the milestones your precious baby reaches because each one, big or small, is a step to a healthy track. Take a moment to rest as well. If I know anything I know that a rested mama has a clear mind and can focus better on everything. My heart is with you and your family and I will pray for your little.
I had two babies in the NICU and I agree, it’s tough.
Talk to your spouse or whoever you can trust. Talking helps. Cry, cry whenever you need too. Also remember that they are in the best place they can be at the moment!!!
I know in the hospital my babies stayed at, they had a number I could call whenever I want, and how many times I wanted to check up on them.
Our situation is different, I had twins, they are 27 weekers. 5months now (2 months adjusted) but spent alot of time in the nicu. So I definitely feel your pain… Breath, and have faith in the doctors/nurses, and God. Babies are stronger then we think. Sending love and prayers for her fast healing and quick discharge! Everyone has different emotions. I personally couldn’t go a day without seeing mine. Once one came home and the other one didnt, I would make dad was one twin while I went and seen the other. You got this momma, it wi get better soon.
My 19 month old spent 43 days in the NICU but was born at 32+1. Make sure to take care of yourself since your daughter is well taken care of with her team of nurses and doctors… things always look worse before they get better. My daughter needed to be breathing tube and had a lung collapse also so a chest tube to. She also had a hole in her heart which closed on it’s own. Keep your head up and take care of yourself… my daughter has no continuing conditions and is 100% healthy
So, My daughter is 6 years older than my son. My son,(hes my 2nd child, my other halfs first) was a NICU baby. He spent the first month of his life in the hospital, and had several IVs, including an umbillicle (belly button) one, which meant we really werent able to hold him for almost two weeks, until after his first heart surgery, when it was finally removed. We stayed at the hospital almost the entire time, with the exception of a few nights that we came home to spend time with my daughter(She was home with my grandmother during all of this)…And If we didnt come home, I video chatted with her multiple times a day. When we werent at the hospital with our son, they had what were called angel-cams, so we were able to watch a live-feed of him at any time. I also called the nicu several times a day if we were home to check in on him, which they were AMAZING about. Its SCARY. There is no doubt about that. Ask questions. Any & all that you think of. Milestones are huge in the nicu. Cry & feel the emotions that you need to. That is NORMAL. It is hard! very hard, but us NICU parents are warriors, and our NICU babies are so incredibily resillient & such fighters & warriors themselves!
Trust in the doctors & nurses!
PM me if youd like!
My 1 year old son was a nicu baby too. It’s a very hard thing to go through. Just keep asking questions. And keep telling yourself it’s NOT your fault. Complications happen. Go day by day and don’t rush. Have a good support system too. Sending prayers
Prayer and unshakable faith
Both mine went to the NICU, ive done it twice. Honestly you just do it. I can’t explain it or put into words but you just do it. You dont have any other choice but to do it. You find time for yourself , to take care of yourself. My oldest was in for a month and she was hooked up to everything. My youngest was in for 2 months and she had the iv in her head at one point.
My 18 month old was in the NICU for a month. She was also born with the v/y shape by her butt. She is missing her sacrum. She has sacral agenesis, found out at my 28 week check up. Just have trust in the doctors and try to relax. I know, its tough, it was hard leaving my baby every night. Id spend 8 to 12 hours in the nicu everyday with her. Hang in there!
Sending love and prayers
My 3 year old was a NICU baby. He was born 3 weeks early and was severe uterine growth restricted and was 4lb when born. He didn’t know how to suck or swallow, was in respiratory distress, and struggled to maintain his temperature. I can tell you that everything you are feeling is very common, it’s a scary thing when our babies are sick and it’s out of our control. Trust in these doctors, always put it in your mind that while you want your baby home, this is where your baby NEEDS to be right now and will be home with you soon❤️ the only time I ever felt okay was when I was with him. I struggled with leaving him, I only left for 1 night to try to get some rest, but I cried the entire time being away from him. Yes the rest for you is super important, but sometimes being there helps you and the baby heal, so if you can stay the night, I would encourage it. Also if staying the night in the NICU with your baby is an option, take advantage of the nurses feeding the baby every once in a while while you get the much needed sleep! NICU babies and fierce and strong willed, she will do great!! Praying for you momma, take it all 1 day at a time❤️
Ashley Miller I know you had NICU baby
My boy was born 4 weeks early and spent 10 days in nicu due to low sugar and o2 levels. He had an iv in his scalp as well as a feeding tube and hooked up to what seemed like a million machines. Luckily I was able to stay with him the whole time he was on there only leaving to eat. My SO, mom and older sons were a great help during that time. Just know that it won’t last forever.
My baby was born with 2 holes in his heart… we spent 5 days in the nicu at 1st and then when he was 6 months old he had open heart surgery to repair the holes and we spent 21 days in the picu… I never left the hospital either time… lucky the hospital I delivered him at had a nicu on the same floor so he was down the hall from me while recovering from my c section. I will say my nicu heart warrior is not 4 and a half and he’s a wild rambunctious little boy who doesn’t remember spending one night in the hospital you will get past this and although you may not forget about how hard the present is … know your little one will… be there when you can rest when you need … and soon this will all be a memory… hang in there and take it 1 day at a time
Nicu mom here, the whole in her heart will close most likely, both of mine did. It’s the hardest thing you will ever do. My youngest still has a scar on his head from the IV but…they do recover and so will you!!! Praying for you and her both!!
My first was born at 28 weeks weighing 1 lb, 6 oz and my second was born at 31 weeks weighing 3 lbs 12 oz.
My 4 year old daughter was a nicu baby. They are resilient and the whole process was extremely humbling. That’s a lot easier to say 4 years later. Trust the Nurse’s, they are certified and diligent in their tasks. Just take care of yourself and use this time to process. I still find myself using the blame game when she isn’t snuggly, is that because I couldn’t hold her for 5 days? Or is this attitude a behavior problem from brain trauma? It’s all so hard to say and I’ll never truly know the answers, but my outcome could have been far worse and I’m grateful that we’re both here. Be strong Mama, it’s only one part of your new journey. It won’t define it.
Back in 1956 my 45-year-old mom (first baby) didn’t know she had a 15-lb uterine tumor until they checked her into the hospital after her water broke and she went into labor 2 months early. My mom was in the OR having so much done they weren’t even sure what day I was born, but put down their best guess. They weren’t sure either of us would live. I can imagine my dad was a wreck. My mom did well but they wouldn’t let her see me for 2 weeks, though the doctors told her I was “perfect.” Spent two months in an incubator.
In spite of this I had no trouble bonding with my mom nor she with me, she lived to be 97, had adventures and saw her two grandchildren graduate high school. I’ll be 65 this year, and aside from some allergies, and the usual aging stuff, I’m healthy. Still better than one of my relatives: he was born decades before me and they kept him in a shoebox in the oven on low! He also lived to a ripe old age.
Now, think how exponentially medicine has come in the last 100, 50, 20, 10, 5 years. Technology, education, research and more result in so much better care, understanding, and possibilities. Heck, there are now specialists just in pediatric cardiology, and some babies get operated on in the womb! And think about stem cells and cord blood. Your baby already has amazing powers of healing and recovery right inside their body.
It’s so tough to see your wee one all hooked up, but despite how things look, your baby probably has an excellent chance of surviving all this unscathed. Be good to yourself and come up with a mantra to talk you down when you get worried. If you have a faith, rely on that. Some of the Psalms in the Bible are comforting, including the 23rd, even if you are not a believer. Get outside in nature (even a front porch or balcony) and sunshine as much as you can. Plan a relaxing family vacation for some time in the future. Even if you never go, visualizing a relaxing and renewing time can do wonders. I hope your doctor is helping you manage your PPD. No use in feeling guilty. Shit happens. Be glad you are in an area where hospitals exist to make it all better.
Sending positive chi and healing and comforting vibes to your whole family, including Grandma who is helping you hold it all together.
She is in good hands try not to worry my daughter had her baby at 29 weeks and it weighed 2 pounds 5 oz and the NICU Is soo amazing, my daughter stayed at the Ronald McDonald house across the street from children’s hospital for 2 1/2 months until her baby could come home. I hope your baby makes a speedy recovery🥰
Prayers Momma. Take it one day at a time and having a great support system who you can talk to and family or a sitter who can watch the oldest during the morning/early afternoon helped us out when our twins were in the nicu. The nicu nurses are always great at answering calls when not busy to give updates on your baby day or night when you cannot be there. Also talk to your doctor about ppd.
Also, your baby being in the nicu is not your fault. Do not blame yourself.
I’m of no help but I’m praying for you and your baby and your family!! Hugs momma
Dealing with PPD is so rough I know it seems hopeless and lonely sometimes but I swear it gets better. Focus on yourself…take vitamins, drink lots of water, take a shower, go outside and sit in the sun. Staying busy is the best. Don’t blame yourself, you got this!
I understand. I was there in 2018 for 5 months with my 2nd daughter. She was a premie. Just take it one day at a time. There will be good days and bad days. And it’s ok to take time for you or to do nothing or to cry but just remember to start again. Do research. Ask questions, celebrate the time you can be there and milestones they reach. Take pictures. Write in a journal. Make scrap books. And don’t forget to love on your three year old and your fiancé. I pray for you and your family to have strength and patience. You are enough and you are doing enough. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel even if you can’t see it.
Our youngest spent 55 days in the NICU. Take one day at a time and just know that it isn’t your fault. The mom guilt will tell you that it is, but that guilt is a liar.
I had a 30weeker that had to have operations I also had 4 other kids at home I also had a csection we were in the Nicu for 63days my husband and I had a house fire so we stayed with my sister in a tiny room we also only had one car it was so tough I understand your feeling so well my family really stepped up to help with my older kids and my sister would bring me to the hospital in the morning and I would stay all day and my husband would pick me up after work we were staying 45min from the hospital so it was a haul the best advice I can give you is pray pray pray and relie on the nurses they are there for you as well as your baby I don’t know how many hugs I got from nurses in my time in the Nicu I learned how special nicu nurses are I will pray for you and baby u pray for you to over come your fears and guilt and I pray baby grows strong quickly and healthy I pray for God to guide the surgeons hand while your baby goes in for her operation
My first born was born 5 days past due date. After he was born he was with me for 24 hours before the nurses realized something wasn’t quite right with my son. He had ended up with an infection from pooping inside of me and getting some in his system from the fluids. He also had a heart murmur. They rushed him up to the nicu. I broke down because I wasn’t sure what to do or where I went wrong. His father had to force me up to the nicu to visit him. But once I seen that he was getting better each day was great. He got to come home after the infection was gone. Things happen that we can not control. We just have to learn to push forward and get through it day by day. Good luck momma you got this.
These feeling will not be forever and they will go away you will feel normal again I promise … remind yourself of this every time you get those evil feelings that shit you down and make you feel like your in a cloud of darkness it will get better !! This is only temporary!!!
I would go up at night when I got my 1 year old to bed, then once he was asleep I would go up to the hospital til around 6-7am then come home spend the day with him. I ran on fumes for days but in the end it was all worth it:sparkling_heart: you got this j uh st take it one day at a time
Everything is in God’s hands, I am praying for all the best of an outcome. It can be very overwhelming to deal with. But please know & understand the stress you feel she can feel also. Pray leave it in the hands of the good lord above.
My heart goes to you and your family! You got this mama, one day at a time.
It is not your fault! Nothing you could have done would have changed anything. My 3rd child was born 11 weeks early, I had Pre-eclampsia, HELLP syndrome, and my placenta was,detaching and already started to die. My water was leaking for over a week. I watched her fight for months, it was the hardest thing I have ever went through, but she survived. The best advice I have for you is not to blame yourself, and utilize any and all help from friends and family during this hard time.
My son was born at 33 weeks and spent 28 days in the nicu. He’s a happy and healthy 12 year old now. Pumping and feeding him my breast milk made me feel closer to him. Your baby is in the best place right. I know it’s hard but trust that the doctors and nurse make the right decisions when it comes to your baby.
Keep a consistent schedule for the 3 year old as much as possible. Find some online premie groups. It’s not your fault the baby came early!
It’s the most difficult thing watching your baby stuffer and knowing there is nothing you can help with. Just take one day at the time is all you can do, soak in your skin to skin time with the baby, be there when you can. The medicine came along way and the babies are very resilient. We spent 77 days in a NICU (born almost 3 months early, 1lbs 14oz), it was a constant roller coaster with good days and bad news days and I felt like I reached my breaking point several times…it was a long road even post NICU but she is completely healthy happy 6 year old now (could not go through with having more kids after this experience). Hang in there moma, they are little fighters, hopefully you can take him home soon.
Praying for u…I honestly cannot imagine…I’ve thought the same thing
.how would I do it? I’ll be thinking of u
When my daughter was born she was 36 weeks and spent a 24 days in the nicu I spent every second with her that I could. There were days where doctors told me to go home and I didn’t. I was there through everything with her. Honestly it was the best bonding time I had with her. I had her all to myself and I really miss her😭
I had my daughter my daughter at 34 weeks 5 days due to having real bad pre-eclampsia and she spent 25 days in the nicu and it was hard for me to leave here there while I got to go home. She had a little trouble breathing but their main concern for her was she didn’t want to eat so she had a feeding tube most of the time. She also had a thickening of the heart/hole which they said it was normal for preemies. After she Gained some weight they let her come home. A week later they sent a nurse to my house to weigh her to make sure she wasn’t losing any weight and thankfully she wasn’t. At 3 months she saw a cardiologist and again thankfully what they saw before went back to normal. Today my daughter is a very healthy 8 year old and I’m just so very thankful for that. Prayers for you and ur little girl.
Don’t blame yourself. Nicu mom here too. My son was 5 weeks early and my ob didn’t believe my water had broken. I was a first time mom so I didn’t have a clue. It was 16 hrs before the office got me in to check if it was fluid. By the time I got to the hospital, I had an Strep b infection. The ob at the hospital said I needed a c section because the infection wouldn’t allow my uterus to contract properly. Baby was born with the infection as well and a collapsed lung. He was airlifted to the children’s hospital. We spent 10 days in the NICU. He had an IV in his head as well. The Mom guilt sucks…but I will tell you this. You did everything you could have. You went to be checked and were sent home. None of this is your fault, I promise. If you want me to pm you the reminder that this is not your fault daily I can and will. You’re doing everything you can. The NICU nurses are beyond amazing. If they think you need to rest, rest. You need to be rested and healthy to take care of baby when baby comes home. We didn’t notify anyone of what was going on except for immediate family. My 2 best friends knew because they were in the city where he was airlifted to and met my husband at the hospital to offer lodging and support. I posted to this board like there was no tomorrow because I refused to post on my Facebook profile. Post as much as you need to, everything said here is private, so you don’t need to filter. If you need or want to pm me please feel free. Above all else you’ve got this. I read a poem somewhere about how our NICU babies choose us because they know we have the strength to handle it. It’s said much better than what I paraphrased. Trust me I know how shitty it is to have to be strong when all you want to do is fall apart. Sending lots of love and hugs.
Thats the hospitals fault they should’ve kept you. I hope you and your baby stay healthy and safe
Try not to worry to much over the odd shape on his butt- my son had the same thing, and it turned out to mean nothing; he just turned 2 and zips around non-stop.
My son also had meconium aspirations and they only gave him a 20% chance of survival and he’s 15 now!!! I had a two year old and he was in NICU an hour away. I also dealt w the guilt and still do…It’s a struggle, but hang in there momma
I had my daughter at 31 weeks she spent 31 days in NICU I also have 2 step children if you need someone to talk to just send me a message
I had a baby back in December that had to stay in the NICU due to some birth defects that I found out about at my 20 week anatomy scan. Including a rare one in her brain called Dandy-Walker syndrome. She has been a fighter since birth though. Since she has been born she has spent more time in the hospital then at home. She has a floppy airway and had to have tracheostomy tube put in place. It’s been pretty stressful but praying, my faith in God, and letting people in to support us has made the biggest difference. I have a 7 year old to a different relationship so I understand trying to ration your time between hospital and home. It’s a hard road but don’t let it get you down. Take the resources the hospital gives you, ask questions, they even have counseling for families with babies that have any type of issues. It’s not going to be easy but you can get through this! I know you don’t want people knowing your business but you’re going to need the support because you will get mentally burned out. Hang in there! If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to message me
I know its uber Scary ,
She’s in REALLY Good hands tho momma.
my 2nd was a NICU baby born 6 weeks early . Major bowel infection . Transported by chopper to CHEO .
NICU nurses are absolutely Amazing .
They will give her THE BEST CARE possible…
None of this is your fault momma … we all feel guilty when something is wrong with our babies running through every single thing we could have done differently truth be told nothing you did was the cause… if anyone is guilty in this case it’s the hospital who sent you home with a green plug .
de-stress I won’t say relax cause I know that won’t happen… but its better for All of you if you’re not stressed to the max .
I know you want to be with her but while you’re home hug your son a little extra and your man HE NEEDS IT TOO .
Hugging both of them will also help your heart not hurt soo much …
Best of luck Momma you got this
At A Time
Sending love and well wishes from one momma to another.
First of all, none of that is your fault. You can’t make a dr listen no matter how hard you try and beating yourself up won’t change anything.
I know it’s so stressful- try not to think about the extra stuff until the appointments for those things. Babies frequently have holes that close in thr early months- the stuff with the spine is scary but may turn out to be nothing. Focus on the pneumonia and what you can do to help baby AND YOU Be healthy. If staying home a few days to rest and recoup is what you need- do it. If you think being with baby is what you need- do it. When my baby was in nicu my husband did not have to work so when I felt too bad from my csection to go visit (it was only one day but I had AWFUL Mom guilt) my husband did an extra visit with baby. It’s unfortunate your fiancé has to work but I understand financial things pile up fast.
In my opinion you sound sort of overwhelmed- I know you don’t want ppl in your business but I think maybe you should consider picking one person you trust most that has the time (if you have a person like this) to help with the child at home or visit baby when you can’t be there.
You just do it. You’re strong. This isn’t your fault.
My youngest son was born at 26 weeks, the Nicu is the best place for your little one. Read to your baby, it helps with bonding and also works as a distraction. Talk to the other parents in the nicu, even though everyones situations are different they can relate and can be great support systems. Just take it a day at a time and trust in the doctors and nurses.
I had my son at 28 weeks, 2.2lbs, was in the nicu for 3 months. You’d be shocked how strong and determined preemies are xoxo. Next time you go in ask for a scent cloth you can wear & leave in the incubator. Baby will smell you when you’re gone, take one of the babies used blankets they slept on so you can smell babe when you’re not there. You’ve got this, one day at a time. get yourself a small notebook for questions/terms, because you are human & you will forger. Preemie/NICU Moms this group may benefit you in many ways.
Babies are fighters…My daughter came at 37 weeks and 2 days. Severe heart defects…went through a 9 hour surgery 3 days after birth. Stayed in cardiac NICU for a month. I went home once to get some rest,packed a bag,and went back two days later to stay there with her the rest of the time wmshe was there. It was a nightmare. Waking up to parent’s screams that had just lost their baby…in pain…pumping breastmilk every two hours…doctors waking u up at 7 am to sign forms almost every day…not being able to hold your baby due to all the tubes and them pricking her foot every day making her cry. You get through it. Hardest thing ever, but tou get through it and best day ever when they come home. They thought my daughter had hip issues as well…For a year ahead had to see a physical therapist to check her hips once a month. Ended up nothing was wrong. At age 2…her aorta had narrowed again so had to have an arteriorgram…That was hard too…as well as 3 eyes surgeries before age 6 bc eyes crossed due to 9 hour surgery relaxing the muscles…Now she is a happy,healthy 7 year old. Male sure get the meds you need and try to take it easy and heal and just be there for her and your family.
I’m so sorry. It’s truly the hardest. My daughter needed to go 3 hours away because our local hospital doesn’t have a nicu. They didn’t tell me until hours after birth and I asked when I could have my baby with me. The next time I seen her after she was born was when transport brought her in all wired up and ready to go. We only got 2 minutes with her before they rushed off. I left the hospital in the morning against medical advice. I regret it now because it caused a lot of issues of my own. Would I do it again, in a heartbeat just to see my baby. It was so hard but my husband was the best and would go to work until 5 pick me up and drive me 3 hours to see our girl. Stay for 2 hours and drive 3 hours home then go to work in the morning and repeat. No complaints other than I needed to take care of me too. He was so strong for the both of us. Without him I would have never made it through. I had a 10 year old and needed to take time for her too so I skipped a few days. But made sure they had plenty of milk and called all the time on days I didn’t get there. On weekends we would stay a night. Your baby is in good hands, I know it’s hard right now to hear that cause let’s face it, we’re really the best for our babies. But you need to be ok for both your babies. If you’re not they can feel it. Try to breathe and remember the nurses are more than happy to answer your call and tell you how your baby is, any time of the day. Hang in there mama and take care of yourself for your babies. Also if you need to let out all those emotions do it however you need to, cry, scream, or whatever it is just do it! Don’t hold it in.
I had identicle twins at 28 weeks after a battle with preeclampsia from 20 wks. The hardest thing i ever did was go home while my babies were in the nicu. The time went by quickly and soon enough they were home. It was really hard but i visited 3 times a day, pumped and tried to feed them whenever i was there. They were only there 3 weeks and didnt have any major health issues but needed to grow big enough and strong enough before they could come home. Its all worth it looking back 22 years later but it was rough going through it and i was very sad.
Pray, do the best you can, be honest with your partner, visit as much as reasonably possible, sleep and repeat. There is no playbook when it comes to NICU and your new baby. You have absolutely no control over how the baby will heal and get well. But you have total control over being ready for anything that life throws at you and your family. My prayers to you.
This is not your fault in anyway mama! I had a nicu baby, my second was born 6 weeks early, and spent 11 days in the nicu. He was 5lbs on the dot, like people have mentioned, they are resilient and tough lil fighters!! Today, he is a happy healthy toddler and a whopping 42lbs at 2.5 years old!
My NICU nurse gave me some of the best advice/ words. She was in the nest place possible for her outside of me. All of her needs where being meet I needed to make sure I meet mine and my other kids. She was so little she wasn’t going to know who was meeting her needs or not but my older two step kids needed me to be there for them as well. And I needed to meet my needs so that i could be 100% for her when the time came.
It is draining mentally and physically! My daughter was transported 2 hrs away to a larger hospital. My husband and I took turns being there. We were allowed to spend the night right in the room with her so we would alternate. I would go home for the night to rest and shower while he stayed and slept and got up every 2 hrs for feedings and then I would drive back in the morning to switch out while he went to work. It was rough but know that your baby is in good hands and where she should be. It is so much worse bringing your.little one home and then having problems. You dont get any rest when they are home because you cant sleep out of fear of something happening and your not going to wake up or know it’s happening. You got this!
I reminded myself that my child was being medically taken care of in the NICU, something I could not do at home. I would visit 3x a day, did all that I could while I was there, and go home every night to get rest and take care of myself (which is very important also). This went on for 28 days until he came home. You can also call at ANY hour to check in on them, ask for updates, whatever to help ease your thoughts. I just accepted that he was better off there than home because he was getting the treatment he needed to survive. You got this, no need to blame yourself! You can only do what you are able, and your child will be home before you know it. Just take it one day at a time.
Both my kids were in nicu I went and them everyday when my husband got off work or I borrow a vechile I called a lot through out the day
We did NICU for 23 days. Our son was a 33 week preemie.
#1 go apply for WIC in NC they give you vouchers for gas or a ride to go see your baby!
We survived with me seeing our son 2x weekly and my hubby going with me on weekends. (He was 1.5 hrs away)
It did me really bad but I did what I had to do and took him home just under 4 pounds.
He is 7 now and only has to have glasses.
Awe, I’m so sorry you are going through this! Babies are such strong fighters! My twins came 9 weeks early! Spent 4 months in the NICU! Just be there for each other and for your babe. She’s in great hands at the hospital! It’s tough but when she comes home it’ll be wonderful! Good luck! Message me if you ever need anyone to talk to! (Ps- my twins are going to be 10 on Wednesday!! It goes so fast!!)
I have 7 kids 6 if which were nicu babies. It doesn’t get easier but preemies babies r strong n super good fighters! Focus on that day they get to go home it will come sooner than u think. Sending hugs momma
My son was born at 31 and 3 weighing 3lbs 2oz and spent 37 days in the NICU. I was basically a single mom, his dad came I think twice. We had the very best care at Met hospital, amazing nurses and paediatricians, neonatologists. They made me feel very secure. I came in to feed him at the three hour mark on the second day and he had an iv in his head. I burst into tears, I was so upset and it was so hard to see my baby like that. He was in the incubator for 20 days and had the billi lights for jaundice and has a heart murmur. It was one of the most difficult times in my life. I had virtually no support. Just dig deep and focus on your precious little one who needs you right now. Try to stay calm and not worry too much…I know that’s very hard. Pm me if you ever want to talk.
You do you Hun what helps you do it xx I was in hospital for a year with my daughter … It hard but you got this take little walks if family offers to help take it xx you do what feels right theirs no right or wrong way to cope xx
One day at a time
I went through that with my son who was born in july of 2019. The hospital he was born at discharged him too early and we ended up in the NICU at a different hospital because as the first said “we don’t take newborns in the ER” anyway, the people that cared for him were beyond wonderful but I still felt responsible. He swallowed amniotic fluid during c section and had a couple other issues. I had my 3 year old daughter at home and my dad was caring for her while my husband and I stayed with our son. I was so stressed that I couldn’t eat and keep it down, couldn’t rest though I was exhausted… The list goes on. You have to make yourself stop for a minute and breathe and get some rest. It will help you. I can’t tell you it will be easy but you are stronger than you think. Prayers and good vibes for you and your little one!
My heart goes out to you. Just remember she’s getting the very best care possible. If you don’t take care of yourself you won’t be ok to take care of them. I’m sending prayers to you and your beautiful child. I know it’s a very difficult time. But stay strong. Every day she gets is a blessing.
Healing hugs and prayers being sent God bless you
Ur husband is doing fine
Right now it’s u that needs to feel secure. Talk to ur doctor bout PPD and pray cry give it to God. Ur baby is in great hands and it’s very important to not feed into the worry. Ask ur dr if u can take St. John’s wort. Vitamin D as help reduce anxiety and depression.
There is a difference between people in your business and those that genuinely want to help. Sounds like you could use some. Reach out to those that love you. I’m sure they have said call if you need something. DO IT! They don’t want to keep bothering you so contact them.
My son was born at 26 weeks and had all of the tubes and all the of the ivs! I know how you feel and it’s not fun at all! All you can do is take it one day at a time. Do what the doctor say and be there for them! I know it’s hard! But you are not alone. Seeing your child like this is sooooo hard I know! Please feel free to message me if you have any questions or just need to talk. (My son was 2lbs 10oz)
hey there momma. keep that positive with you.
My son was born at 25 weeks @ 1 lb 9 oz… they said spontaneous birth… he had underdeveloped lungs and heart murmur… problems with kidney and liver after he was born…
I stayed (mostly alone since the ‘father’ left me after I had him) in the hospital with him for 4 months. He is now 7 and healthy besides some training for his eyes.
They’re little heroes so keep talking, loving and holding the baby. It takes some comfort from your spouse and strength to keep on but its beautiful to see them grow.
My twins were born at 32 weeks via emergency csec. Weighing 3 and 4.lbs… . it’s Soo hard leaving them… but I had to keep reminding myself… They both came so early… and they were in the best hands possible… I had my 2 oldests … so I spent everyday driving an hour to see the babies… spent a couple hours with them and came back home to take care of my other kiddos. I did that everyday until the babies were ready to come home… and on the rare occasion I found an overnight sitter for my older 2 I would spend that night at the hospital with the babies.
My twins are now 6 years old
I can only speak about the infection part beings my little one was born late. The place I gave birth didn’t believe me about feeling my water break but I had green mucus for at least a month and they said it was fine and put me on antibiotics. I was supposed to have two full bags of antibiotics before she was born. Well, she was born septic, neonatal pneumonia, and transient tachypnea. She was barely with us when she was born. I stayed with her the couple weeks we were there as I was breast feeding. I felt like a zombie walking from my unit to the NICU every night. I blacked out and didn’t know where I was. So please, like the nurse told me, get your rest. Your baby is in good hands. Your baby needs you at your best so take care of yourself. Don’t blame yourself. They thought she was gonna be in there a lot longer but like a switch was flipped and well now she’s 15. Congrats on your little one. Hang in there mama
I just went through a horrible pregnancy/birth at 34 weeks. My daughter spent the first two full weeks in the nicu hooked up to many different things and being told “she shouldn’t be this sick” she made the decision to be on the outside and fought for it. She is a happy healthy almost 3 month old now. Luckily I only live five minutes away from our hospital/nicu. And I made it a point no matter how bad I was hurting I would go see her everyday for at least two or more hours. I also had a c section. The thing that kept me going with the nicu was that I knew she was being taken care of in the best way at that moment, and ours i was able to call anytime 24/7 to check on her and go in as well.
My daughter had the v shape and a dent at the base of her spine and they told me she might have spinal bifida. She didn’t. Don’t borrow worries as they say. Focus on the positive. She will be home before you know it.
My friends daughter was in nice for the same reason and she’s the smartest sassiest child I know.
I have 2 preemies and one of them has complex congenital heart defects and lung disease. We spent most of his first 4 yrs on life in the hospital. In the nicu I would visit all the time I wasn’t allowed to hold him so I would read to him talk to him or just sit there. I would randomly show up in the middle of the night. It’s not your fault but that doesn’t really help with blaming ourselves. Take it day by day min by min if you need to. Remember to eat and take care of yourself and lean on family. I hate worrying people but by trying to not worry family I needed up worrying them more. Msg me if you ever need to talk. Hugs it’s hard seeing your child with all the tubes and helpless and there isn’t a dang thing you can do to help.
Hang in there Momma!! My now 16 year old was born at 31 weeks with gastroschisis (intestines outside the abdomen) and amniotic band syndrome and was in the NICU for 4.5 months. It was HARD!! She was my first born and a c-section. I almost immediately went back to work and would drive to see her afterwards. It was the hardest thing ever. But now she is 16 and healthy as ever!! She played soccer, band, and is now in national honors society. Kids are tough!!! The hardest part is us being tough for them!! Take care of yourself. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s so important.
My oldest…his birth was traumatic. He got stuck. His arm was broken. Shoulder dislocated. He had to be revived. He was in shock. They put an iv in…in his left arm but his left arm was and the nurses/staff didn’t even notice.
Once I noticed they had to remove it and couldn’t fet another IV in which meant he was hypoglycemic without the glucose drip.
He was never in the NICU because our hospital didnt have one…but he should have been.
It was tough. My first peice of advice is when you start feeling overwhelmed to take some deep breaths and focus only on that.
Second, find a time measurement you can handle and stay there. Take it one minute. Take it one hour. Take it one day at a time. Whatever works for you but stay there.
Third, guilt is hard to deal with. When you feel as though you didnt or you should have done xyz. After almost 8 years I still have a ton of guilt over not choosing an elective csection or insisting on an emergency csection when I knew something was wrong. It’s not as bad as it was but it hasn’t completely gone away yet. It doubled after my second child…because I made all the “right” decisions with him.
Realistically speaking. I know it’s not my fault. The nurses and the doctor made the wrong decisions. Talk to your doctor. If you know you have ppd, treat it until you’re in a better headspace. Trust me. Theres zero shame in needing help.
Best thing otherwise for all the feelings is to focus on what you can do in the here and now. Focus on taking care of your children and yourself in the here and now.
My first baby was in the nicu for 3 weeks. Honestly the best advice I can give you is just know it won’t be forever and your baby truly is in the best place right now. Soon your little bundle of joy will be home. I cried all the time at the NICU and constantly asked when my baby could come home. I’m happy to say hes home now (3 months old). Just Breath mama and take it one day at a time. I wish I had better advice, but know I’m sending you air hugs from afar. I know how heartbreaking it is no matter what people say.
Honestly having had 2 babies in the NICU and also suffering from PPD, I had to remind my self that they were in the safest place right now. When I couldn’t actually go on to the NICU I would call them and ask about my babies that helped. My son was born at 28 weeks ( 11 years ago) and my daughter was born at 37 (1 yr old now) both are happy and healthy. Take it one day at a time it’s all you can do. Good luck mama.
It’s hard I experienced it with my first baby… I was a mess no sleep and constant worry I just had to be strong for my baby and I called nicu like every hour or 30 mins to check on my baby… I prayed for him to get better and had to tell myself he’s being taken care of by some wonderful good people… I visited every chance I got… I relied on coffee but I also had family praying for him… It’s very hard but you and baby will get through this!!! Just know your baby is being monitored at all times and pray… I’m so sorry you’re going through this just know your baby will be home soon and do not beat yourself up anything can happen it’s not your fault… just keep telling yourself my baby will be home soon and he or she is in the best place possible and getting the best treatment… prayers for you girl and your baby
Your baby is in good hands rest!
My son stayed for 9 days. I personally never left the hospital till he came home. The hospital provided a room and 3 meals for nicu parents on the L&D floor. I didn’t have other kids at home either m
I don’t know if the babies hospital is near a Ronald McDon house but they helped me tremendously. They gave us comfort,food,a place to stay for the whole family,they even helped us with our gas to drive back and forth. It’s a wonderful organization. I know it’s difficult and you feel helpless. God is watching over you and your family. Keep praying that’s what I did. Btw. My son turns 30 in May. God gave us a miracle as both my children had complications after birth. Hang in there it does get better with time
First, it’s not your fault!! See a counselor or talk about depression meds cause it really helped me when my mom passed and these pregnancy hormones had be feeling so bad. I hope things go well for you and baby!
Praying for you and your family
I wish I had the words to relieve your guilt hunny, it’s not your fault. Right now, with the current issues that she is fighting, I promise you that the NICU is the very best place she could be!! I don’t know what it is, I don’t know if any other NICU momma’s feel this way or not…this may just be my opinion and that’s where it stops. However, I believe that the ones who work in the NICU just have that extra something super special about them! The NICU nurses are literally angels on earth.
When my son was in there, my husband and I prayed. A lot. There were a lot of people praying for him! I truly believe in the power of prayer! Leave your worries in Jesus’ hands hunny. I will be praying for you and your sweet little family!!
I’ve had 2 children that had to be in the NICU.
My older daughter was born 5 weeks early bc my placenta erupted. She was in the NICU for about a month…got out and a week later was right back in the NICU bc she had gotten RSV. At the time her dad and i also had a 2 yr old son.
It was a very stressful time for all of us tbh but we just did what we had to do for both of our children.
My youngest son Also had to be in the NICU bc I ended up having him at home and like your little one…he swallowed some poop right before coming out.
By that time i had 3 other kids so it was (Again) pretty stressful. But At the same time…i knew that my kids were where they needed to be to become healthy.
Im praying for you and your family.
This is my 2 kids that were in the NICU. My daughter is now 18 and my son is 8!
I’m not a NICU mom but I do care for you and your family. God is your source for all you can’t do. Have faith and pray for your baby. I will be praying. I’m so sorry for what you are going through.
It’s hard for sure, my son was in the NICU for a week on full life support and it was horrible. He was over an hours drive away which was torture too.
The hospital gave me this onsie that was tied into a doll knot; they told me to sleep with it so it would have my scent. Then we put in the little crib like bed with him; so even when I wasn’t with him he’s still have my scent near him.
Maybe try something like this that you and your fiancé can both have sleep between you. That she has both your scents for comfort. I’m sure it will help her and give you both comfort while your not able to be with her.
My twins were in NICU. Take nights to sleep knowing your baby is in the best place right now. If you live far from the hospital there may be a Ronald McDonald home near by where you can get reduced or free lodging. Once your baby comes home you won’t get much rest. Have faith Every thing is going to work out in your favor.
You didn’t do anything wrong or to deserve this! If you were “things” during your pregnancy to hurt the baby that may be different, but coming from a mom that’s been there, let yourself off the hook. I felt terrible and like it was my fault. My son came a month early bc I couldn’t physically carry him anymore and us both stay healthy… and I felt like a failure. Seeing him in that NICU with all the tubes and wires on him and my heart would just break into a million pieces. I also had a toddler at home who was 2 and a half. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t come see him and it was all so confusing for her. My husband had the whole first week off of work but then had to go back. We spent 24 hrs a day around the clock at the hospital being right there with him, but felt terrible for not being with my little girl. She enjoyed a vacation with my mom & my grandma as she went back and forth. They live like an hour away from us and the hospital we were in. Thank GOD for my family. They brought our daughter down every other day for us to spend time with her, have lunch and visit for a bit before taking her back with them. That was tough though, letting her go at the end of every visit. Husband went back to work and I started doing 50/50 at home and hospital well prob more like 70/30 trying to be at hospital as much as possible. I didn’t want my daughter to feel abandoned but I also knew my new baby needed me there with him, needed to bond and needed my support. To date that has been the toughest thing we have encountered as parents… aside from some of the other scary stuff he has gone thru as a result of being a premie and having some issues that came with his brain development being delayed. This too shall pass. I know it’s so hard to see it like that right now. As hard as it is, TRUST ME I didn’t want to hear it either in my time, but you also have to rest… like as much as possible. Your body and your mind need to recover and the more you run yourself down the worse your physically body is going to suffer and your mental health too. Also speaking from someone that suffered from PPD during that time, please don’t forget about yourself. Give yourself a break. You can only do so much… we all can only stretch so thin and right now, everything about you is out of sorts and so upside down & twisted… esp after just having major surgery too. I don’t have any great advice, I wish there was a manual or magic potion and words that would help this situation for you… relax your mind. Try try you to just remember he needs you to be strong for him… just talk to him like he is your normal newborn baby as if you guys are at home and try to not be so caught up in that hospital setting… a lot easier said than done I know try to keep as much normalcy for yourself as possible. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, your body. Take care of your incision, remember to shower… even dry your hair and put some lipgloss on nothing major but tiny things that make you feel pretty and normal. I don’t mean to sound shady about taking care of yourself and your hygiene and etc, I only say this bc the depression is REAL and it makes those little things seem like a mountain to climb just to get yourself in the shower or change your clothes. You CAN AND YOU WILL get thru this. One day at a time. Remember to eat and get plenty of fluids and take your pain meds. This will be a distant memory one day, but for right now, just talk through it. Explain everything to your other child about how the drs are helping get baby brother strong and healthy for when he comes home. Don’t make it scary for them. Take new like today pics of both kiddos in your phone and maybe a video or 2… when you are with the other one and feeling down or like you are failing one or the other, take it out and watch those cute little videos and smile. WRITE your feelings down if you don’t feel like you have anyone to really talk to about it or FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME ANYTIME, you need support and you will definitely get it here and from me too I will be praying for your little guy, for you aid your family. I’m sure your man is trying to be strong for you and your other child, but he’s prob struggling with this too. Maybe you can get him to open up and y’all can talk about and work through your feelings together. Whatever you do, don’t keep it all in and don’t get down on yourself… you got this momma… big hugs from KY!!
My nicu baby is 16 and happy and healthy, she was born 6 weeks early and barely weighed 4 pounds the best advice I can give you is to take it one day at a time, don’t blame yourself, try to RELAX, she’s in good hands