How Do I Break the News to My Fiancé's Step Mom that We Do Not Want Her Sitting With Us at Our Wedding?

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QUESTION:

"I will be getting married in September and would prefer a certain table set up at the reception. I would like the bride and groom table and have our parents on our sides at the same table. The only issue is, my fiance's parents are divorced and he has a stepmom. I only want his dad and real mom at the table, and my dad as well. For 2 reasons, one, its just my Dad as he is single since my mom passed. So I don’t want 3 people on my fiance's side and 1 on mine. And 2, his stepmother is pompous and uptight. Everything we’re doing has to be dropped to do whatever she needs. For example, we had plans, and we told her that, but she refused to drive to our house for something she wanted and threw a fit saying she was busy too but in reality, when we showed up, she was not busy at all. She does not care about what we have going on, it's all about her wants and needs. I get that it's his dad's wife. I do. But it's my wedding and I don’t know how to go about telling her she won’t be at the same table for part of the reception. Also, his real mother lives in Texas and my fiance hardly sees her at all. I want her to be specially recognized and important at our wedding because she misses out on everything else. He is her only son and I want it to be special for them both. His stepmother and he were never really close for obvious reasons. I don’t know how to go about telling her this news."

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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"I wouldn’t do that, if he has a stepmom then he has a stepmom. Put your husband's mom on the same side as your dad to even out the table."

"You're about to cause huge problems from the get-go by trying to exclude a parental figure​"

"You need to grow up. Sit husband's mom with your dad and then his dad and step mom by him. Or sit all parents at their own table. Don’t be petty"

"Why not just have a parent’s table? Nothing good will come from you excluding family from the get go."

"To have a peaceful and stress-free wedding, just leave it be. Something as small as him having more on his side will not matter years from now."

"I wouldn’t be surprised if the dad ends up not sitting with you either tbh. I doubt he wants to exclude his wife."

"You need to grow up. They either all sit with you as a family, or you get a separate table for all of them."

"Do not exclude her, just set his birth Mom next to your Dad, they may make new friends."

"Have his mother sit by your dad…I doubt she wants to sit next to her ex husband anyways. Step parents are parents too…but it’s your wedding."

"Ya, that’s gonna start A Fight add them both and don’t be immature you're going to hurt feelings doing that."

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Not a good way to start your marriage. Whether you like her or not , that’s his dad’s wife. Real reason for not wanting at the table=you don’t like her. Best of luck on you soon upcoming divorce.

I wouldn’t do it and I despise my stepmom.

My step brother did that. It wasn’t just to my mother, however. All step-parents had special seating right behind biological parents. My mother was the only one who took issue with it, but it not only caused a rift between her and my step brother, it also caused a rift between my step-father and his son. Just something to consider.