If he’s made a decision it’s best for you to move on and find someone who wants more kids. I want 3 more kids, depending on how my pregnancy and labor goes with my next lol I just have to see if my man will want the same. I want 3 more kids and then imma get fixed so I don’t have to have periods anymore because I HATE periods
Be patient, he may change his mind in a year. If one parent does not want more children, you don’t have more children. My husband did not want children so I insisted he get a vasectomy. No chance of an accidental pregnancy.
Threes a charm those girls are gonna give u a run for ya money you have to fill the void with a hobby or a pet dog a small Yorkie or fish maybe turtle or adopt don’t dwell on it let nature take its course
I really wouldn’t want another baby if my husband says no - if he is happy with 3 I would not force the issues! That’s why some men disconnect - I wouldn’t risk disconnecting from my spouse you have been blessed with 3 children - enjoy them!
I’ve got a 12 year old and 10 year old twins.
I’m all set, but that’s me.
Their dad isn’t in their life, his choice, not mine so if you have a husband that’s loyal and a great dad, don’t lose him over wanting another child. It’s not worth it.
I have 2 daughters and if it was up to my husband, we would 100% try more. I got my tubes taken out. Its not what I want. He knows that and is okay with it. You need to figure out if you will be okay with it or not.
just enjoy your babies you have currently and see what a few years brings you
Love the one’s you have
Just truck him. Be silent and make that baby. He’ll be so happy.
Your babies are only 4 months old. Wait until they are older to bring this up again.
My husband said he was done after our 3rd and there was no talking him out of it. He talked about getting a vasectomy but kept putting it off. He eventually decided we would have a 4th. I didn’t pressure him but we talked in depth about it fairly often because he would bring it up.
Plus there maybe chance of more twins so 5 children would be a massive strain
Don’t worry about it till a couple years later and stop bringing it up to him. It’ll only make me him hate the idea of more kids more.
Raise the 3 you have already! You’re sad and moping about something that’s not even happening yet. You’re acting like he said no kids at all, yet you have 3. You’re looking for reasons to be unhappy when there’s none there.
I got an 11 year old daughter and still don’t want anymore… You’re gonna have your hands full with 3… Lol
I feel like FOUR months into being twin parents isn’t the time to ask him for another baby yet. There is no way you guys are getting any sleep or time as a couple and that can cause different feelings for men than it does for women. Maybe he is done and that has to be respected, but also you have 2 pretty much newborns that are probably really preoccupying and taking up a lot of his thought process so he doesn’t Even want to think about adding another yet. I know I couldn’t even start thinking about another baby until mine were 2-3 both times.
Don’t do anything permanent but in a bit see how you both feel. I have 4 girls and while I’d have loved to have more we couldn’t handle another.
I have multiple children and trust me when I say it’s never a dull moment. Im always on the go. Taking them too school, picking up, sports practice drop off, picking back up, going to sports events that they’re playing in… its hard too say the least and I’m lucky too have 10 minutes each day too myself.
perhaps you should have waited longer than 4 months dealing with twins before making this an issue.
You have 4 mos old twins! Now is not a good time to convince him into changing his mind about more kids! You aren’t even sure you want more. You say he is “making the decision for you” but the flip side of that is you are forcing him to have something he doesn’t want. I have ONE 4 month old right now, I can’t imagine having 2. I’m pretty sure if I started in on “let’s have more babies” right now my husband would think I’m crazy. Lol
Maybe instead of worrying about more kids, check in on your husband see how he is doing. 4 month old twins is a big adjustment for both of you.
I feel like asking him for another baby while having 4 month old twin girls is a bit too early. Let him have a few years to calm down and miss the newborn phases of parenting.
Children are absolutely wonderful which you already know but keep in mind that you and your husband are individual people with hopes and dreams which go beyond your children. He may have things he wants to do later in his life which you probably do as well. There are probably places he wants to visit with you by his side. Look at in in the way of the wonderful children you share and look at it in the wonderful things the two of you will do as a couple when the children leave the nest. One thing you should never do in a marriage, is wrap yourself up so much in your children, that you forget who you ARE…and who your husband is.
Now is not the time to talk about wanting more. It’s Expensive for one child from birth to adolescence. Twin babies is a lot of work and you’re not able to see that or think long-term at the moment. The immense cost of daycare, school programs, summer daycamps, extra curriculars, high school fees, team sports, post secondary education etc. It’s Freaking Expensive!! Both Parents need to be working Full time to have any sort of financial security. Even then with all the expenses and increased cost of living it is Impossible to Save or open up RESP for each child. Another factor is the failure rate of most Marriages. Within 10 years they end in divorce or separation. Court Battles and Lawyers Fees! Do you think you can manage more than 3 children on your own and that the Father will be able to hold up his end? Respect visitations, assume his Parental responsibility and provide the determined amount of financial support per child? Life gets Harder. Life is Difficult especially once you have the Long Term commitment to provide for your Dependant Children until Adulthood. Start where you are, take it slow and enjoy your babies while they are young because they honestly do grow up in the blink of an eye. No matter how fair parents try to be, it’s impossible to treat every child fairly when love and wealth is divide amongst each.
I would just wait it out see if things change later you have 4 month Olds maybe things will change, I grew up with a big family and always wanted a big family my husband had 4 kids before me then we had a son and he got fixed 5 years later he got unfixed cause he didn’t think that was fair for me now we have 3 sons and a 4th on the way he doesn’t want any more I’m assuming by his joking around but I’m on the fence as to what I want so I’ll just wait it out and enjoy my little one when he gets here and my other boys
If another pandemic hits… or continues. Do you work ? Can you afford 4 daycare bills ? Do you have space in your home ? Do you have quality time w partner…have sex often ? With the rise in groceries… can u afford a year off on half wages ? Maybe hed feel a financial burden on him ?
I am earning every single day more than 500 Dollars from home by work online. got my 4th payment of previous month of 16873 Dollars. i was surprised when one of my close friend told me she was making $ 16768 per month but now i see how it works.
He will late the babies are 4 months that’s why he saying no more lol in time that will change. I would be saying no more right now too lol but in 2 yrs I world maybe want another. Good luck
May or may not want one means you don’t know so why be upset over something that may change for the both of you in a couple years
This person is a fucking psychopath., the mom, not the dad.
Come back when the twins are toddlers
Counseling can help. It really should’ve been discussed and decided before you agreed to marry.
Your twins are 4 months old. I can see why he says that. Especially if you are taking about few years from now. Why put yourself through all that stress. Why not just enjoy the two babies you have now and worry about the future later.
Enjoy what you have now
You don’t even know for sure if you want another. So why make it an issue? He’s allowed to feel how he wants also, idk why yall push your husband’s feelings aside all the time
Children are something that can’t be compromised about. You either accept he wants no more children and love the family you already have…or you leave. Please don’t have an ’ accident ’ with birth control to fall pregnant against his wishes…that would be taking his choices away from him.
Id say its a bit early to discuss more children tbh and what happens if you end up with another set of twins ?
You seem to have a comfortable life with a good husband. Wait a while and talk again…then decide if you can accept life with what you already have or wish to move on.
You just practically have twins and he might still overwhelm, of course he is going to say no , give him a damn break
Give it time. Your youngest are only 4 months old! Of course he doesn’t want anymore. The man just watch 2 come out of ya we also have 3 kids but all boys (9, 8 and 18 months). My SO tells me no more (because money wise we just cant) but its also a little soon I think. Im not bugging hubs for at least a year lol
I totally feel this, I would love more too but my wife said no she doesn’t. We are in our late 30’s and she can’t wait to do more things with the family and not have to bring along a stroller or change a diaper. Trying to figure out what baby wants. & I understand that because when you are going through it… like you and your honey are currently going through that’s the prime focus. Maybe later he will change his mind but right now he has two babies to tend to( just as you). My wife also thinks about all the daycare money we could be saving lol.
You are on the fence yourself. Just give it time. Express how you feel listen to how he feels and put it aside. He may change his mind but so may you.
If you talk him into another kid, he’ll resent you and that child.
It’s actually not your decision, it’s BOTH of your decisions. And you JUST had TWINS?!?! Give the man a break holy hell. I was a wreck at 4 months Post partum I cannot even imagine with twins (and I am a twin lol).
This is a deal breaker type situation. Either you decide 3 is enough or you’ll leave. 🤷 He is not changing his mind and it is SUPER wrong to trick a into another kid.
If you didnt want one but he did would you want to be pushed into that decision. Be happy with what you have. You cant do more for less kids and have more time for them individually. I’m glad we both agreed 1 was enough
Enjoy what you have now, your babies are still babies he might change his mind later down the line when they’re a little grown up xx
Girl wait til those twins are mobile and see if you still want one… One toddler is hard enough, you will have your hands FULL for the next few years.
For God’s sake you just had twins 4 months ago. Lol how are you even thinking about this right now? Maybe give it another 2 years at least
You never know. You guys have twin infants right now… it’s a handful, he’s probably overwhelmed. He may change his mind once the babies get older and he misses the young age. Don’t sweat it right now.
Sweetie, something this big, if one is not comfortable with more, then so be it.
That being said, outside of hysterectomy and full on castration- actually removing the parts that are responsible for baby making- ALL forms of birth control have a failure rate including vasectomies and tubal libations.
They may be an extremely, extremely small failure rate, but they do still have them.
I have known guys who thought they were in the clear after getting clipped still having them without a reversal and I have known women who have gotten pregnant despite getting a tubal done.
It’s rare, but it happens.
If God, the Universe, whatever, wants you to have another kid, then barring removing the organs responsible altogether from one or both of you, it will happen.
Plus, what’s he gonna do of for any reason you all found yourself in labor like that TLC show I didn’t know I was pregnant, huh?
Hate the baby?
Wait until the twins are able to go to preschool at least, then try again.
Some people are perfectly serious in the moment, then change their minds.
Some people mean it until it happens anyways and even if they are upset initially, they get over it.
Or you might change your mind when you see what trouble and mess twins can get ya.
It may be double the love, but it is also double the trouble.
I would revisit the conversation when the youngest are in school.
My husband and I said absolutely no more kids after 2…a few years later we were surprised 2 years in a row and now we have 4
With a new baby and all the extra responsibility and costs maybe wait a while a lot of men don’t like to look too far ahead and maybe he feels blessed with his daughters
Be glad for what God’s blessed you with. Let the future play out as it may.
Maybe with the little one’s being so small right now, he’s just overwhelmed. Give hime time. He may change his mind. I mean the babies are only 4 months old. Back off and just let him enjoy his family for a year or two. Then maybe bring it up again. By then he may be getting the itch to have another one. But just give him some space. Good luck and enjoy those babies.
Think about putting three kids through school/training after high school, cars, insurance, sports and activity fees, uniforms, costumes, technology expenses. Plus add juggling different activities and schedules for three kids with different interests. You’re both taking on a lot already.
What if one of you loses your job? What if one of you gets disabled? Life throws a lot of curveballs. Be prepared. Babies are cute and fun but they grow up. How many babies will be enough for you? Give it time. Your hormones are still going crazy. Talk about this once a year to check in with each other and then drop it for the other 364 days.
This is one of those things…there really isn’t a mutual compromise. Either you do…or you do not.
You’ve been vocal about your reasoning for wanting more. You’ve told us. I’m sure you’ve told him.
Have you taken the time to listen to why he does not?
Have you taken the time to consider that he may have valid points on why he feels the way he does?
Girl you just had twins. Give him time:joy: I’d say no too that early. I have 5 month twins!
This is when Some couples counseling will really help in reality if you would like another child then you have another child:sparkling_heart: this is what would be something a counselor or especially one at Church can help with the communication of both listening and opening up to the other. He is prob overwhelmed at the moment but tha does not last ease into this and also do a few special things like picnics and special daddy appreciation crafts and or daddy appreciation fun adventures with the kids and yourselves aswell as increasing the amount of romantic one on one moments like meals just the 2 of you romantic and add and increase extra doting by you to him maybe you already do those things but increase them and really amplify the appreciation and love to a much Louder factor really put a smile on his face in all those extra little ways if you can ease a little of one of his burdens like a chore that he mentions or complains about . This will ease his stress factor,increase his joy and then its time to speak to a church I’d suggest counselor that will really help With combining a compromise like once the other child comes along find a way to maybe add some mini vacations. He is focusing on the money situation above everything and that is a big factor but can always be workedout,compromised,worked out, figured out.
You have 4 month old twins and you asked him abt more kids?
Maybe he doesn’t want to pay for 4 children? Maybe he’s wondering, If she leaves me, that’s 4 kids for child support.
I suggest therapy but you living through the kids bc you didn’t have siblings is narcissistic. They have siblings. Why do you feel the need for more?
I honestly can’t believe how many women are on here telling you to just divorce him. Why is it that literally every time a person posts about any conflict with their SO half the women commenting are saying “Leave him. Move on” ?? We are only getting a small view of 1 part of this womans marriage.
Now as for you, OP, I do agree with what some women are saying. I think this may be your hormones raging, and that is why you feel so passionately about it. Women who have just given birth often feel passionately about 1 thing and focus in on it. Try to calm yourself and give both of you time. Don’t push the issue with him anymore because you may just make him and yourself more upset. Enjoy the family you have now, make more memories with the ones you have, allow yourselves to be happy. Then, later on you can bring up the topic again.
If this really does become a huge issue, please don’t just be “Okay bye!”, please seek marriage counseling.
His body his choice
My husband was the same way. He had 1 and we had 1 together. He got one of each and I didn’t just want 1 child. We now have another baby together. He says he’s done (I had a very scary birth), I’d probably have another. I definitely wasn’t willing to get my tubes tied or anything because I’m not 100% but he also won’t get fixed… so truly… deep down he obviously isn’t 100% against it either. Give it time momma!
It simply cannot be mutual.Are you going to change your mind?,is he? Sadly this is your situation now so if you want more kids and he doesn’t then maybe you need to split
He’s told you his feelings on the matter. You know yours. What’s important now is to decide whether this is enough of a dealbreaker that you leave and find someone else to have more babies with, or take life as it comes.
I would revisit that when the time comes. You already have 3 kids you were blesses with. 2 of them being fairly new to your family. Enjoy your family right now and maybe revisit it in the years to come if you feel the same then. Let your husband enjoy the kids
There’s always the milk man.
Speaking from experience. We have a 7 year old boy, and a girl who will be 4 in August. When she was only a few months old I was the one longing for another child some day and my husband was the one saying absolutely no more. But now that she is older, he is the one saying he wants another kid while I am the one on the fence about it. I say give it some time and revisit the idea in a couple years…
Why worry about it until you know for sure you would like another one
My husband wants one more. I said no. We have 2 girls. I feel overwhelmed most days because our 12 year old plays travel ball, jh/jv softball and volleyball. We also have a 5 year old who plays teeball. We are busy 10 months out of the year so I understand if maybe hes overwhelmed. Just sit down and talk. Communication is the key
A few days ago there was a similar question only posted by a wife who’s husband wanted more kids and she didn’t… I told her it was Her Body, Her Choice… because NO ONE should be forced to have children they don’t want. Now not to be a hypocrite I will say His Body, His Choice… because NO ONE should be forced to have children they don’t want.
WOW!!! You really don’t have anything to complain about so you find something as trivial as this to make a big issue of??? Here what, give up this great life, this great man, this happy life, throw it all away, go find a man who wants mare children, he may turn out to be a dead beat dad, abusive husband, a cheater, etc, etc etc. Give thanks for your countless blessings and stop thinking so far ahead in the future. Enjoy your man, your life, your children, with whom you are richly bless with. Your twins are only 4 months old and you are already griping about another child and making a huge issue about him. Enjoy the present that you’ve been blessed with
He’s not making a decision for you. If you want more kids then divorce him and find someone who wants more kids.
Maybe he’s overwhelmed with the TWO children you just had… and just can’t handle anymore right now. Give him some time to adjust. Also I hope this is something people discuss before getting serious in a relationship. Sometimes no means no and no amount of time will change their mind!! Honesty straight up is key!
What would happen if it was the other way around. Damn
Be grateful for the 3 healthy ones you have.
Typically men look at children a lot like projects to be completed before starting more, your “nesting” instinct is natural but by numbers is a few decades outdated, I’m sure he feels your family is now large enough for the times we live in
You just had twins, give it time, enjoy the new twins and the older one you have and revisit the conversation in a couple years if you still feel the same. If he still says no. Then it is no. Unless you want to leave him and find someone else who wants a big family. Before marriage kids is something that should have been discussed!
Your twins are 4 months old give it time oh and I agree with him as well he says no no means no suck it up and deal with it
Marriage is between you both agreeing 3 is plenty to feed clothes and send to higher education. Yo
You can become foster parents they need love to
it depends on what you want to do. if it’s a deal breaker than you may need to figure out a life elsewhere and having to go thru a mess of getting divorced etc, or hear his reasoning and then discuss further. My husband and I discussed prior to kids the amount and reasons why, although I love babies, 2 was what we realistically could do
The question is why is this so important to you. There are other questions that should be answered
I would wait to discuss it in 2-3 years. I would say no too if we just had twins…
Fosters are desperately needed. Thats my compromise. If i get baby fever someday, Ill foster for sure. You can make such a big difference for SO MANY children. You can make a bigger impact on the world than just having another of your own, and your husband and you dont have to bear the financial responsibility. You get allotments from the agency to care for the children.
If u can afford them all comfortably. Giving them the same amount of time. Remember that’s 4 soccer practices 4 cheer or ballet. He may be the sensible .
Having had twins myself…4 months in is not the best time to discuss that. Wait a couple years (once the sleep deprivation wears off) and discuss it again. I knew when I found out I was pregnant again, I was done, and I still didn’t know we were expecting twins. Having that conversation while caring for infants would be hard.
Yes you should be able too - it’s your body your life - just explain to him you can have a sperm donor - if he doesn’t like it tell him he can give you some of his to you - if not move on - make it clear to him
My OB told me he never considers a patient “done having kids” until their youngest finishes first grade. Give it time and see how you feel. I would have been happy to have more kids but ended up enjoying my three and all their friends.
You both have to agree. You’re right. Couples counseling so you each can communicate and grieve
He’s not making a decision for you, he’s making a decision for himself, which he has every right to do. He’s decided he doesn’t want a 4th child to take care of, support ect. You have other options, just keep in mind the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence.
I don’t think you’re respecting his decision, you’re not going to be happy until you coerced him into your way of thinking.
Honey, please relax some. He is trying to tell you that he is done. He knows how much he can expend. It might be he’s worried about having enough time to spend some of it with you🙂
Honestly I just wouldn’t make any rash decisions on him getting a vasectomy or you having your tubes tied/hysterectomy. If neither one of you can come to an agreement, no decision like that should be made. I honestly would just wait and reevaluate in a few years to see where you and your husband stand on having another one.
My boyfriend has a 13 year old, I have a 9,3&2 year old and we just had our first together and shes 2 months. I want one more eventually but he sometimes says we should be done. I would give it time. He used to be dead set against having more but now he talks about maybe having one more. Maybe hes feeling left out? I know its important with our relationship and 5 kids to have regular date nights and alone time.
Just wait a few years and ask again. I wouldn’t be thinking of anymore children either with 4 month old twins
Do what so many other women do get pregnant on purpose j/k just wait 5yrs
Just live your life enjoy what’s given to you right now and if you get another child in the future then u get another one if not just be happy with what you have. Your making a big deal out of nothing don’t stress yourself or depressed over it.
You have infant twins hun. My husband after our daughter was so against it because of how much sleep deprivation and stuff was going on but now that she’s 8 months old he’s more then happy to have another he just wants to wait a good couple years first
Once your 3 reach teenage years, you’ll be thanking him
Wonder how many women that were in your shoes accidentally got pregnant again whenever they wanted to?? ￼
I feel like you can both say whatever now, but could honestly swap places in the way you feel a year or so down the road. I was somewhat in the same place as you after my 2nd, but like I said, we swapped opinions for a good 2 years before. Then, we took turns having baby fever until we both settled on a almost never-ending position of teetering on the yes/no line. We actually had a surprise 3rd last year so we now have a 14 yo, 9 yo, and 1 yo lol). It is 100% OK to be bummed, but I would just ease back on that conversation, enjoy the two 4 months old babies you have now and the 8 year old and see what life has in store for y’all as you go. It didn’t hurt to revisit the conversation yearly.
It’s the opposite situation with us.
My husband wants a lot of kids and I’m 90% don’t after 2. Please don’t “oops” a pregnancy because you want more.
Please just live in the moment and appreciate the family that you already have. Those twins are only 4 months and you still have a long way to go raising them. I have boy girl twins that are 6 about to finish kindergarten and they are a lot of work. Just enjoy right now.