How do I cope with my husband not wanting another baby?

Kids aren’t just expensive; they’re emotionally taxing. Your twins are only 4 months old; just wait until they start running around. By age 5 they’ll be partners in crime. And at 4 months after birth, you might still be in a hormonal honeymoon phase that might disappear by the time they hit the terrible 2’s. Don’t sweat it for now.

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That’s his choice. Just like if you didn’t want more, he would just have to deal with it. Just remember that you have to buy for these children your whole life. It doesn’t stop at a certain age. Cars, proms, weddings and God forbid something happen to one of your jobs.

Coming from a mom who just had her 4th baby and he’s currently 3 months. We all know there are things about when they’re this little that can be stressful and you don’t have as much freedom. I’d just give it some time, let the babies get a little older and revisit again down the road. If you both love one another and want to be together forever you’ll find a way to make it work :heart:

If you have 4month old twins he’s probably feeling overwhelmed inside you need to respect that right now he’s not open to the idea, if its something u without a doubt want, might be time to move on, you can’t expect him to respect that you may want more if u don’t respect that he doesn’t especially right now, u yourself are saying you “think” you may want more. What if in 2yrs you decide no. Okay I definitely don’t want any more but you put all this pressure on him already not respecting how he feels 🤷🏻‍♀

Yeah I’m not surprised lol you’ve not long popped out twins :rofl: maybe ask again in a few yrs :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

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Try asking in a year or two. Your baby’s are only 4 months old.

Him committing to his decision and taking the opportunity of another child would be him having a vasectomy without your acknowledgement. He didn’t “take” anything from you. He has a right to make a decision just as much as you do. And honestly with an 8 year old and twin 4 month olds… he’s probably feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, I know I would be. Give it a few years, things might change/happen

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I think you should respect his decision. Don’t oops a baby because if he’s done done and that happens he may resent you. You already have a beautiful family. The more kids you have the less time you for them and the attention they deserve. He didn’t take anything from you he made a choice for his elf just like when women choose to get their tubes tied or whether or not to keep a pregnancy. You may not like it but you should respect it.

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If he doesn’t want anymore that’ it. You just gotta accept it. Sometimes we don’t always get the things we want. And honestly you can decide that you want more and leave him and find someone else to have another child with or accept it.

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I had 4 sons within just over 5 years. After 1 miscarriage we had a 4 yr old and a 1 yr old. We wanted one more and I had to consider my age also. Then as we pondered whether we could afford/have one more and decided to go for it, the conversation barely ended and I was already pregnant! We deliberately waited 8 yrs to begin have children and I was 38 when the twins were born and my other sons were just over 5 and 21 months old. Trust me, it was a lot and stayed a lot until the teen years when it was so much more than a lot. As someone else here said, it’s not always about money and being able to afford them. As they get older there will be larger expenses, more demand on your and your husband’s time.

I think you should take a step back and enjoy the children that you have. Raising twins can be a challenging experience. We weathered it quite well as my husband was all in and was always helping in everything that was going on. Your husband may be thinking ahead and anticipating how things will be down the road. My husband was a teacher and actually worked 2 and sometimes 3 jobs (he was a chauffeur part time) in addition to being a major help at home. You should try to put yourself in his shoes. I stayed at home because the expense for day care would have me working for nothing.

Those teenage years can be exhausting emotionally. We weathered some very trying times but got through things in one piece. Still when you are in the throes of major hurdles, your own sanity comes into play. I suggest, as many others, that you wait until your twins are older. Enjoy all that they will bring to your family. If your husband is dead set against having another child you may have to accept it. It’s not like you don’t have children. Cherish what you have. Also, keep in mind that your chances of having twins has increased because you already have had twins. Your chances increase with every pregnancy (whether viable or not) and increase as you get older. I always wanted twins, had two different card readers and a tea leaf reader at different times in my life tell me I would have twins. I never thought I would have them at 38!! I am a very young 73 now. I cherish those years despite all the ups and downs. Our family mottos were “Just Do It” and “We’re off…like a herd of turtles.” :grin:

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I got a vasectomy in Dr office. Took about half hour, walked out with no side affects… Cheap, quick, safe, PRIVATE …

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The youngest are only 4 months old give him a few years he might change his mind.

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Do not use birth control later when you feel ready .

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He has 4 month old TWINS and you’re surprised he doesn’t want more …:rofl:

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He’s not making decisions for you, he’s making decisions for himself. He’s telling you what he can handle, and as his life partner, you should be listening to him & respecting his feelings. If he thinks he can’t handle another child, your concern should be for him … not for a future possibility. It would be selfish of you to put that on him, knowing how he feels.

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Why would you want to bring another child into this sick twisted world.

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Why are you borrowing trouble? Take care of the kids you have and raise them up in the chirch.

Well…my husband was same way until i told him we could do selective insemination so have a high chance of a boy. Going to do that in a couple of years. Have 2 girls and neither of us can imagine having another girl. Our 2 are an emotional handful. Bring it up again when the twins are potty trained. Faster can do that,faster he may come around to one more. Right now my 3 year old is being stubborn and not wanting to potty train. Had my first trained by 2 and a half.

If he doesn’t want more children he doesn’t want more children. you don’t get to make decisions for him for the same reason he can’t force you to be a living baby incubator end of story. He’s happy with 3 and you can either accept that or leave and find someone who wants more kids.

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You have 4m old twins give him some time to come around to the idea right now is probably hectic and overwhelming for him as well as you…rn he is thinking about all the late nights and toddler fights. Don’t fight him yet on this topic he might come around before you even revisit it again. 2 brand new babies girl enjoy them while they are little and cuddly.

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He may change his mind. It’s prob very hectic right now. I don’t blame him being a mom of 3 and two of them aren’t even two years apart. My son a wild child just turned two and my youngest is 4 months. My oldest is 11. I know my ass don’t want anymore :joy:

Let those twins grow up a bit before you get all anxious about more kids lol! 3 boys? By the time these twins are 5, you’re gonna be ready for the fox farm lol :rofl:! But I will tell you, 3 kids is expensive in today’s world! Just one left at home for me & it gets expensive!

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I have an 8 year old and 4 year old girls and a 3 month old boy. I’m 40 this year and I’m honestly done, my fiance wants more but I’m TIRED. I always wanted 4 children before I turned 40 but I’m truly blessed with what I have. Enjoy your babies, you might feel differently in a couple years time.

Give it some time, you just had not only one baby but twins which is a lot of work. He may change his mind after some time. Unless he is looking at getting a vasectomy asap, I would give it some time for you both to think on it and see how the twins settle into the family once they’re running around lol. Also, I’d ask him why he feels that way. Three kids is already a lot. Having three young kids if you’re both planning on still working FT is usually going to eat up most of one of your incomes on childcare and convenience items because it’s a lot to handle.

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Revisit when the twins are older. If it’s still a no you must respect his decision to continue a healthy relationship.

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Um-hmm you’d just like to know that you can pull out the ol’ look hunny I know that we’ve reached the sour mild markers in year 14 but Ah we have a new baby you see so it’s all new a good so get back here and get real close! :grinning:

Can I ask why he doesn’t want anymore? There must be a reason why he is a resounding no. Maybe there is more to it then you think and maybe it is something that may change in the future. When a couple has such strong differing opinions on something huge like this it can be very straining for any relationship. You really need to talk it out with him and let him know how you feel too. Do it at a good time for both of you. Perhaps consider counseling too. Congratulations on your beautiful little blessings and best of luck

Gotta meet halfway somewhere you already have 3 kids be thankful and appreciate the kids you do have cause you cannot force him to have more kids no means no​:tipping_hand_woman: and besides you just had twins 4 months ago I be freaked about the talk of more kids that soon too​:rofl: give him time maybe he will change his mind, but if you sit and dwell on it your gonna push him further from the idea I’m sure, patience is key here :wink:

Definitely give him time, he’s probably so overwhelmed with the twins.
When I had my baby I swore up and down I’d never have another because I was traumatized with my delivery, now I can’t wait to have another

Why would you want more knowing he doesn’t? Also you have 4 month old twins give him some time I certainly wasn’t thinking about another baby when mine was 4 months old. His heart is not in it why force it maybe you will change your mind in a couple of years don’t get so stressed but be greatly appreciative of the children you do have

Who is supporting the family - with the price of everything can you afford another baby? Maybe that is part of his concern.

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Marriage is about teamwork and sacrifice honey. I want another child so bad :weary: (we have 2 together, but 11 altogether lol) I’m not supposed to bc of my heart, and my husband is very concerned about something happening to me. However, he’s also done having babies. I hate it, but he’s the one helping raise them, so he’s got a say also.

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Not sure but I have 4 girls cause I was like one more maybe it will be a boy well I’m done now…that’s to say you guys can sit down and talk about it but I think you should be grateful for what you have as a lot of people try for years and don’t get to have any children

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Instead of getting all upset over his not wanting any more kids while parenting 4 month old twins, ask yourself why you are so determined to have another child, knowing that he doesn’t want any more children? Give yourself some time and revisit the issue after the babies are older. At some point you may have to ask yourself is the relationship worth not having additional children?

All I can say is how unsupportive a lot of women on here are. Telling you to be thankful for what you have, and you shouldn’t have more… that’s awful. Your a mother just trying to vent and gain some understanding and people jump on you. I get how you feel, I have been there. We have two I want one more because I just do, I have a picture in my mind. My kids are 5 & 3. And I’ve wanted one more for the past two years. He says he’s done, we have talked about it but yet he doesn’t want to do anything permanent yet. It’s hard to deal with those feelings of resentment because you feel like you have no control over your own wants and needs. My husband’s still doesn’t want more, it upsets me yes, I feel hurt a bit and just not full if that makes sense. I have just been waiting to see if he decides to change his mind or do something permanent about it. It literally is up to him at this point he knows my feelings about it. I went down a rabbit hoke of resentment a d anger towards him and life in general from it. And it wasn’t good, I knew it wasn’t I didn’t feel close to my husband the way I used to, it was just having a really rough times dealing with it. Honestly it still isn’t all gone, but I’ve had lots of time to think and I realize it’s out of my control, unless I run away with someone else and have kids or he did decide to change him mind which I’m not betting on. I realized I can choose to be with him keep my family I have now and try my best to get past the feelings. I love him and our family, and I could leave him if I chose too yes, but I rather what I have than a divorce, hurt my kids by leaving and them trying coping with split parent’s. I am trying to move on. Honestly wait until your twins are 2 or 3 revisit the conversation with him with reasons why you want one more and see if he still is against it. He might change his mind, not a high chance of it but maybe. Once the kids get a bit older and easier to manage. So let it be for now abd work on yourself, how to be a good mother and try to work on your marriage because these feelings can take its toll. Go to counseling too it will help to just even vent, over time it gets easier to deal with. Doesn’t mean I change how I feel. I still want one more, but it does get easier to handle. Try to focus on what you do have over what you don’t. It really helps! Good luck, I hope you do what’s is best for you and your family.

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Four month old twins would make me want to stay abstinent for the rest of my life. :joy::joy::joy: Unless he’s scheduling a vasectomy, revisit this subject again when you’ve both been rested up awhile (maybe 5 years). :grin::grin:

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My kids are all singletons. I couldn’t even fathom wanting another when they were infants. I was devestated when I found I was pg with #3 when #2 was a year old (they’re 7mos apart & I was on the pill). It wasnt my choice but he’s my world. Give hubby some time. He may change his mind or you might have an oops baby later. Don’t plan on getting pregnant on purpose though. That will kill your relationship.

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You can’t compromise on bringing a child into the world. Either you do or you don’t. Either you want to or you don’t. Would “maybe” make you feel better even though you know it really means no? When it’s one choice or the other, someone will always not get what they want. Maybe, just maybe…he doesn’t WANT any more. It’s a valid reason to not want another.

It’s no different than if you didn’t want anymore kids and he possibly does. No means no, no matter who says it. It sucks yeah but if he doesn’t want anymore you can’t make him. Yeah maybe he will change his mind but he also may not

Maybe he doesn’t want more because of his age? We don’t know how old both of you are to say for sure if this is an age thing or him just really not wanting more babies and diapers down the line in a few years.

My husband said this after ever one our kids n always changed his mind down the line, u just never know x

Hes aloud not to want anymore kids. My wife wanted more kids and I was done I had the surgery to get fixed because I knew I didn’t want anymore and I don’t regret that decision at all. If you want another kid down the road there is always ivf but don’t try and force him to change his mind about having another baby

We all say after having a newborn that we never gnna have a child again every woman and most men say it but then do go on to have more. It’s just at the time when kids r young they can be head ache n hard to look after it puts ya off until they 4 or 5 so jusg wait it out

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He’s probably tired too. Aren’t you? Give the man a break.

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Maybe he’s the smart one thinking about expenses. Schooling , clothing ,medical and college. Maybe he wants the both of you to enjoy life after the 3 kids are grown and not be to old to travel and do things. Give it up and be happy what you have.

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Mine said no more after #4 we have 6 so yea he could change his mind. Just don’t bring it up and wait until the twins aren’t babies to revisit the possibility of another.

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Did you not discuss these things before marriage?

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Your babies are only 4 months old. Enjoy them while their still babies before getting upset about any potential future children. You may look back on this some day and wish that you hadn’t been too distracted by the thought of what if, to fully enjoy what is. In time he may change his mind.

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Yeah you can but single and with another man or a sperm bank. Because if you’re not tired he sure is and I’m sure he wants to spend his time relaxing with the kids he has already not changing diapers. You can’t force people to have children when they don’t want too. That’s just a disaster in the making.

I don’t blame him… You have 4 month old twins. I vividly remember that age with my twins and we both weren’t thinking about any more babies. Maybe cool your jets for now and revisit it in a couple years.

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Be thankful for what you have. My son and his partner have a nearly 5yr old and 3yr old twins and they are both 'done" for the moment. Babies become toddlers become pre teens become teenagers and you will have your hands filled with 3. More kids mean upsizing vehicles, more expenses re sports, education, music, food etc. I think hubby is trying to factor in the reality of how much kids cost.

Agreed, Michelle. Your husband is being sensible and enough is enough! Just be happy with your present family.

Have you tried asking him why? Sometimes theres an underlying issue(s) that needs honesty to admit… Men get scared and stressed too… Keep open minded and actually listen to him… Sometimes when we “want” something, we dont listen to others concerns or misgivings very well…

I would wait till the babies are older to have a discussion about it. He could have said absolutely not at the moment because his still trying to adjust to the new routine with the kids.

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This should have been discussed before marriage and the 1st kid. 3 kids are enough for most people. You should have told him you wanted a huge family.
I have a feeling you will change your mind after going through the threenager year with your twins.

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Babies are HARD!! And right now you still have 2!! Wait til they get a little older he may change his mind lol

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I don’t blame him, you have 3. Focus on raising them and giving them a good life rather having another one later. If he’s done then he’s done. He gave you 3, enjoy them. You’re going to miss out on a lot with the babies if you only care about having a big family. It’s not the size of the family, it’s about what you give to the one you have.

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If you always wanted a big family that should have been something talked about when you were dating. If he wanted 2 more kids and you sed you were done you wouldn’t be happy. Just because you both work doesn’t mean you will be financially stable 5 years down the line. He’s probably worried how you guys are going to afford the 3 you got now when they need cars, college tuition, unexpected medical procedures, braces, sports equipment etc. Your only thinking of creating the people not all the things those little people are going to need.

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This ones difficult because in the end someone is going to feel some type of way no matter what. I’d let it go for now and approach the subject at a later date.

Twins will do that. Don’t push it. He has a right to not want kids. So if he really doesn’t want anymore and you push it he may get fixed it othiht your knowing and your forcing him to
Lie

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Wait and see
Don’t rush
His getting over the dirt stages of new babies in the house
You might change your mind
Don’t put pressure on your relationship

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Just because it’s your body, doesn’t mean it’s only your choice. If he isn’t willing to father another child, that’s something you’ll have to deal with or you’ll have to move on. 3 kids is already a huge responsibility. I honestly think you are hormonal and that is what makes you want another baby right now. Wait a few years and discuss it again.

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Hey, you babies are only 4 months old and they’re twins, not the right time to ask. Maybe in a few years he might look at this time through rose coloured glasses and agree.

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Have you tried talking to him about how you feel and what you want

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I think a lot of men might not be ready to discuss another when just having 4 month twins.

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My husband had a vasectomy before we met 18 years ago. He was a definite no. He is 15 years older thsn me also and his kids were older. I have up and was on birth control for endometriosis and we have a 3 yeat old! He was just meant to be. My husband said that our son is the best thing that’s happened to him blah blah blah. So sometimes things happen when you least expect it

Mum of 7 here. I love having a big family. But these are the things you need to factor in. Do you have the time management skills to give each child individual time. To do all their different sports and activities. Can you manage if all are sick at the same time and you are awake for days. Fast forward to the teen years. Can you drive around at who knows what time picking.teens up from social events with friends. Supporting.all the children financially. Trips away, education, a generally nice lifestyle would be nice for them . Im still supporting my 20 yr old through university. And only 2 of the 7 have left the nest and are out in the world living their best lives. The rest are younger than my 20 yr old. . Can you afford a bigger car and possibly a bigger home without financial stress . My kids get gifted a car for their 18th birthday to help them move between their further studies and jobs. All of what we wanted for our kids was thought through before creating a big family. If we weren’t certain we could provide well for the kids we would have made a different choice. There is always a reason someone decides they want no more kids. May be time for a deep discussion about his feelings.

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I have five children. Leave this man be. He knows his limits. He’s telling you this. Believe him.

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Be grateful that you’ve got 3 beautiful children, some people can’t have any at all, and that all they ever long for and go through so much heartache and distress just to get 1 child! Enjoy your babies and and your husband!!!

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Stop arguing about the future and start living in the present. Count your blessings and thank God for what you have. He may change his mind later on, but probably not if it becomes a battle of wills.

Just deal with it… not everyone wants 4+ kids

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You all should have had this conversation when you were dating.