I think you need to move on with your life and put your baby first. If someone else comes up on your path, then it will happen. However, for now that person doesn’t seem to be him.
ᴍʏ sᴜᴄᴄᴇss ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴘᴛɪᴏɴ ᴍᴀʀᴋᴇᴛ ᴡᴀsɴ’ᴛ ᴘʟᴀɴɴᴇᴅ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ ɪ’ᴍ ᴀ ᴛʀᴜᴇ ᴅᴇғɪɴɪᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏғ ɢʀᴀᴄᴇ,Mrs Nastassia Rodina ʜᴀs ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ғᴀɪʟᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ, ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ғᴇᴇʟ ғʀᴇᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀᴄᴛ her
If he doesn’t want the baby then you already know what needs to happen. Keeping on with this situation is going to hurt the baby and yourself even more.
Buck up and keep your woman strong. Mothera are built for this. It’s a hard place to walk away from but if he isn’t trying to help or even be in the same room another baby isn’t going to fix the problems you already have.
Best of luck.
I did my research properly and I must confess that nobody handles businesses like you do! You’re indeed one of the best trading account manager mam🙏
What would you do if you were in his shoes??
Men don’t handle cheating well, much less if this results into a child that isn’t his.
He considers it cheating, sis! (Regardless of the break).
His ego has been hurt.
You need to stand up for yourself and your daughter.
Don’t let him make you feel guilty because you fell pregnant when you guys were on a break and not together he shouldn’t hold that over you as that should stay in the past.
You could try therapy but that doesn’t always work.
If his acting this way I would have a serious think about if he is truely worth it and what would he act this way if to his own child?
You dont even try. It’s all just gotten worse. You said it yourself
“I love him but I love my daughter MORE, and I know she deserves someone as a father figure that TRULY wants to be her dad”
When you both made the decision to try make it work, that was you both deciding to leave the past behind because if you can’t do this then for your daughter’s sake finish this relationship. If he is feeling hurt he needs to deal with that in a healthy way get therapy. What he does not have the right to do is have you or your daughter feel bad for a decision he decided to support you with but is now deciding to change that in an unhealthy way.
He’s feeling very insecure in his manhood because he hadn’t been able to get you pregnant. You leave for a moment and get pregnant by someone else so he’s feeling like his manhood is not working. You’ve got to look at the bigger picture sis,this has got to be about your daughter not about this relationship, she has to come before anything!
You cant fix that. And dont feel bad about anything!!! You were NOT together… He made his choices when he signed the birth certificate etc. The fact that he is now changing his mind is ridiculous and selfish of him and you need to leave
He honestly thought he could do it, he really tried to do it too but the reality of the situation is he just can’t see the baby as his. That doesn’t make him a bad guy, he probably gets an ‘A for effort’ but it shouldnt be effort to love your child. Please leave before you have a child that IS his and that he WILL love, his resentment towards your daughter will only grow, especially if he gets his own child to compare the feelings too. Please do not bring another baby into this situation it won’t fix a thing, it will make it worse. Your daughter will not understand why ‘her daddy’ loves and treats her siblings better and u will be tied to him forever and always torn between doing what’s right for each of the 2 children. Leave for one or stay for one!? Right now its only one to leave for!!
I was in this exact situation. My son’s bio has nothing to do with him and has never even met him, my 3 daughters are my higschool sweethearts and I got pregnant with my son while him and I were broken up. He now claims my son as his. That boy is his son and u can’t tell either of them any different. My son only knows one daddy and he loves him so much. Ur boyfriend is being selfish and thinking about himself. not ur daughter or your relationship. Hugs mama
I really like the part where you’ve said ‘I love him but I love my daughter more’ as that is exactly how it should be. Your baby should come before any man because becoming a Mother completely changes your priorities in life.
Your daughter’s young now and won’t remember the stress/upheaval of you making a fresh start with her, she’ll grow up knowing she is loved and that her Mama always put her first. If you stay she’ll grow up knowing her ‘Dad’ resents her and is jealous of her. Also, if you do stay and have biological children with your partner then that resentment will only grow as he is bound to treat his children differently to how he treats your daughter.
You will find somebody out there that accepts you and your daughter for who you are and will treat you both with the love and respect you deserve, you just may need to take a bit of time being a single Mom before you get to that stage. I wish you all the luck
Sounds Like He’s Trying To Find A Reason To Leave! You Can’t Ruin Something Wheb Yall Wasnt Together And He Also Had A Choice Too And I Would Leave Because By Him Doing This Now Aint No Telling What Would Happen If U Left The Baby With Him
I understand he’s hurt but you guys got back together. He needs to grow up and move on or you need to leave.
Shame on him leave him
If I were you I would leave. Just straight up tell him. Since her not being his is such a problem, though he knew from jump she wasn’t then it is time you and baby girl move on to a life without him. You and your baby girl deserve love and to be treated fairly. There are other people out there who would love you both with their whole hearts and accept you both without hesitation or judgement. Period.
There isn’t any saving this relationship. Please show your daughter you live them more by leaving .
Honestly. It wasn’t your fault. He took a turn. Wanted a break. Ok that happened. You felt you needed attention. What’s fine. He was the one who made that decision. Now if he doesn’t want to. Be around the baby. Well he can leave. Your not forcing him to stay. You can do this alone. He knew from the beginning. That you didn’t lie to him. And accepted it. Now he regrets it. Well he can leave. Clearly he says it’s your fault. No. Neither yours it your baby. Your baby came to save you. If he wants to be the way he wants. That’s his choice. But you got this. You don’t need him. You can find some one who will accept you with your child. There are great men out there. Be a mother. Before being some ones priority. Your baby need you more right now.
My thought process on this is….you didn’t ruin y’all. Y’all weren’t together at time of conception, so he needs to stop making it seem like you cheated second, although stepped up dads can be ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! (From personal experience) if he’s not showing anything but love to your daughter, LEAVE! She nor you don’t deserve that and it’s only going to get worse when y’all have your own child. (Also speaking from personal experience) your daughter will be last for everything. There will be MAJOR favoritism from your boyfriend.
I’ve been on both sides of this coin.
My step father raised me since I was 6yrs old (I’m 27). He’s the only father I’ve ever known and he has two boys he raised with his first wife but has no biological children to this day.
Then, my half brother through my mother, has had his father in his life all his life. Visitation, I would go with my brother. When the man had his other two biological children with his first wife, I became nothing more than a babysitter and nothing more. Eventually he ended up laying his hands on me. I never went back and he never asked me to either. (The two boys however I consider brothers since I’ve been in their lives since birth. But I don’t see them often. (18 and 16)
First of all, you weren’t with him when you got pregnant.
You didn’t cheat on him so he has no reason to be angry.
Second, he knew you were pregnant with someone else’s baby when you guys got back together.
There’s no excuse for this behavior.
Leave this man and raise that baby on your own.
Your child always comes first.
Oh honey, if he’s acting like that he is NOT a father figure that she needs in her life right now. Suggest counseling to him and if he refuses then pack you and baby girl up. That’s not a healthy environment if he’s making comments like that to you and treating her like that! You and her deserve better.
Leave and do what’s best for you and your daughter. He is probably upset because y’all have been trying to get pregnant and he is likely sterile since you got pregnant with another guy within a 3 month period. He’s taking his anger out on you and your daughter. Just my opinion.
Or you convince him to go to counseling and admit why he is acting like a douche so he can get over it and move forward with y’all’s relationship.
Either way, I would not allow my child nor myself to be treated the way he is treating y’all.
See a councillor together to work it out. He may even need his own private sessions with the same councillor to iron out any wrinkles in his mind.
Just leave! It won’t get better!
Idk I have 10years 2 kids and a marriage between my man and I dating… He treats my two just the same as he treats his biological daughter (also mine)… Some men are men and some are just boys
I wouldn’t fix this. I would better my life focused on my child.
Sounds like he was fine with things during the “honeymoon” phase of getting back together. Now he is worried about how the situation looks to outsiders instead of focusing on what he has at home.
Unfortunately, this won’t get better with time. If he resents the situation, and your daughter, now it will only be amplified as she gets older. I’m afraid it is time to cut ties. Sending hugs.
Neither you ESPECIALLY nor your daughter need him.
Sounds like he has someone else talking in his ear. It actually would make him more of a man than the way he’s acting now.
If he decided it’s too hard for him to raise this child knowing she isn’t his, that’s FINE. But he’s going about it wrong.
I think that y’all should take some space.
I think everyone skipped over WHY he’s upset. -you’re trying for another and haven’t been able to get pregnant by him but got pregnant with no effort by a dead beat-
You both need therapy separate and together. You’ve been with him ten years, you made that man sign legal paperwork to that child you know isn’t his. You at the very least owe him some compassion and therapy.
I come from a very similar background, same thing, got pregnant by another man just a short fling after a divorce , got with my best friend of 20 years name her after him and he took the role on as Dad wholeheartedly… my only advice is if he doesn’t want to be in her life then take him out of the equation!! You both deserve better
Most of the responses are so silly. Take accountability and realize you’ve been on a fast train…to where? Make much better choices in the future and maybe focus on your career for a while.
If he knew in the beginning that’s his problem I would tell him to stop it or leave his not fair to that little girl or you
I’m sorry to hear this but I don’t think there’s anything YOU can do to fix this, this is his problem now. He accepted you and your daughter and he has let it make him resentful, if he’s got to that point it isn’t going to get better. You’d be better leaving and starting out on your own with your lo, hopefully he can come around but I wouldn’t bank on it or rely on it. Just make the best choices for your daughter because while all this is going on she’ll be noticing his absence too. Xx
You said it. She deserves a good father and you deserve a good husband. (Boyfriend). If you had a child by him I doubt you would find peace, be glad you are young and can find true love for both you and her. Stay strong.
If he’s not willing to accept your daughter, it will not get any better especially for her. My main concern would be him getting jealous and hurting her if you aren’t in the same room.
Time to go. She deserves adults in her life who won’t have disdain for her existing. You deserve a partner who won’t throw in your face something that happened when you weren’t even together. You both deserve love!
This is over, you both need to end things and move on. If I was him I wouldn’t be able to be with you I would feel betrayed. Maybe that’s how he’s feeling and maybe he is hurt. Also that you two are having a hard time convincing. These will always be an issue. Move on and find someone that will love her.
Lmao it’s funny because when people say oh they want to find out what they really wanted it’s really just a fuck other people
Yeah you gotta go. You did NOTHING to intentionally hurt him. The relationship was over at the time and shit happens. So either he figures it out and never brings it up again or you two leave. It isn’t fair to you but ESPECIALLY not fair to her. Since he’s already voicing those issues… I’m sure it will never truly get better and I would go now before she gets more attached
Get rid of him. Doesn’t matter if it’s his child or not it is yours!
He needs to grow up, people adopt children every day that doesn’t mean they love them any less that’s their child , it’s all about love not what other people think any man can be a father it takes someone SPECIAL to be a DADDY who knows maybe she will be his only child ( god let you get pregnant for a reason he doesn’t make mistakes) good luck
Walk away but I please make sure he has no ties to your baby legally (you said she has his last name? ) Men are jerks and if you walk away and find happiness and then he changes his mind and he does have a legal tie to her you can be sure he’ll use it just to screw up yours and her life. RUN from this relationship and cut all ties, too many red flags:triangular_flag_on_post:
Theres probably no going back from this.Although yall were not together when you were with someone else and got pregnant it still has to hurt him.He obviously thought he could get over it and now realizes he cant which is understandable…atleast hes being honest about how he feels.You need to respect that and let him go.
You did nothing wrong first off…second he’s an ass hat for thinking he’d look stupid for raising another man’s child…its not gonna get any better specially if you have a child with him. He will treat them differently and that’s not how it works. Fuck that guy…
Girl bye! That baby is way more important than some asshole
That is NOT a safe place for your daughter. Jealous of a baby? No ma’am. Time to go.
Sounds like there is a great deal of hurt and trauma. Maybe together you can try therapy, address the issues, and build a solid foundation.
hi I was here.
So almost same scenario lol
- no communication adter a few month split; not even for his daughter
- together almost 10
When he found out I was pregnant - he was soooo mad and hurt
I got an email right away saying I told him I loved him
How could I
We got back together
And fell apart
And together again lol
But he knew by accepting me back into his life
By forgiving me - which is what he did wheb he came home meant he couldn’t treat the baby any differnent
The baby wasn’t going to know any different
The father of the baby went into the wind the day I said I was pregnant
That baby just turned 4 years old now
And she doesn’t know another dad. She doesn’t need too
And If you ask him - even tho he’s not in the greatest place physically emotionally mentally or spiritually he is her dad and her father.
It will get better
My hubby isn’t my husband anymore - due to some events we couldn’t foresee and poor choices we couldn’t over come together but he still comes over for a weeks time once a month and it’s peaceful
Fuck him… he knew what he was getting in to and also you did NOTHING wrong. You were single when you got pregnant. If he can’t accept and love your child you need to take her and leave.
Leave him. You need a man that will love your daughter and you before anything and pass no judgment. He will always treat her poorly. She deserves the best so give it to her.
He had plenty of time to walk away before the child was born, so to be acting like this now is just childish. Only thing your doing by staying with him is hurting your daughter.
I’d bounce. Like yesterday. Your daughter not having a father is less harmful than having a father who resents her.
You did nothing wrong… u guys already had problems causing the 3month break up way before she was even thought of…yes you love him but do no punish yourself by staying with him… what he is doin is abuse and manipulation… this baby is a blessing in disguise… at this point you have to choose… men are temporary and children are forever…I know it’s scary to be on your own and going back to the familiar is much easier but look at what your sacrificing to be with him… please choose yourself and your baby…
Honey, the problem is his not yours. He is an infantile egomaniac. You can’t fix that and he probably won’t change. You answered your own question when you said you Love him but you love your daughter more… You know what you need to do. It is never easy doing what you know you need to do when emotions are involved. turn off the emotion and Git R Done. The sooner the better really.
First thing you are not to blame.
Second he needs to take ownership, he choose tho stay with a women that was having a different mans baby. He’s decided now he can’t handle it.
It’s better to grow up with no father than to grow up with a father that doesn’t want her or like her. If you don’t leave, your daughter could grow up feeling like you didn’t put her first because you chose to stay with a man that put her through that hurt. As sad as it may be, kids come first you have to let go. Kids deserve love from parents
If you really love this man you can talk to him first, tell him you love him and that you accept you made a mistake, but that this baby wasn’t a mistake and you love her, and if he really wants to be with you he has to accept her because she will always be your first choice, and if you see he just can’t accept her then leave cause it will only get worse, besides I wouldn’t let my kids bond with someone that doesn’t love them, it’s better to leave now than when baby girl starts to call him dad.
But as I said if you really love him have an honest talk with him. Hope everything gets better, remember we all make mistakes but our children will never be one.
He needs therapy. And couples’ therapy as well.
That is a super hard thing to go through.
The only advice I can give you is if he gets worse you need to put your child first and leave. Give baby girl a shot at a loving father not one who resents her.
He made his choice. This is on him. No different than me already having small children or a baby and dating/marrying another. He is being selfish over her. It’s not her fault. I wouldn’t stay with a man personally that didn’t accept my child.
Therapy, you two need therapy
Whoaaaaa he’s becoming abusive to your child…not okay…she will always wonder what SHE did wrong. This will give her deep seated issues her entire life. He has to go. Protect that baby
He is probably feeling insecure about not being able to get you pregnant. But in no way should he take it out on you, for that I would leave. But also I wouldn’t want my child being somewhere she isn’t fully accepted. Prayers and positive vibes your way
That behaviour is unacceptable. You guys were broken up. He either forgives you and let’s it go or he leaves. You can’t stay in a relationship where he makes you feel bad for loving your own daughter
No man is better than the wrong man for u and ur child
Unpopular opinion. His feelings are valid. He loves you and he’s hurt. Therapy may help. It sounds like he’s a good guy that wants to do the right thing but that he is deeply hurt and his feelings are overcoming him. Be patient with him but it sounds like you both could use therapy… Couples therapy and individual therapy. I think there’s hope
What if he’s the one who’s having issues in the baby making department? Why doesn’t he get checked instead of being an asshole to you now, but honestly would you want a child with someone who’s so wishy-washy. You probably would have been better off just breaking up for good. Taking breaks in a relationship usually don’t make things better if you get back together (your current situation).
That’s terrible. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t cheat, you broke up. He came back into your life knowing you were pregnant with someone else baby. And now he wants to treat your baby like this? Leave him. Please. You’re daughter doesn’t deserve that negativity. She needs to be in a home where she sees her mother being loved. She needs to be in a home where she is loved. She comes first, leave him behind
I just want to reiterate that you did nothing wrong having consensual sex and then continuing with a pregnancy. There’s nothing to apologize for with any of this. You guys were not together. What happened independently from him isn’t his concern. He had a choice in the beginning and daily to accept both of you and he is choosing not to.
You need to stop TAKING blame. You were separated when it happened, and I doubt he didn’t screw someone during that time. You need to tell him, either he sees a freakin therapist and works through whatever turmoil he’s dealing with, or he hits the bricks and thats it.
Leave this man. He’s not good 4 ur child.
I’ve been in this exact situation and trust me, it’s not going to get better at all. The blame and jealousy will be there.
Follow your intuition do what’s best for you & your daughter. I went through a similar situation but we ended up having a baby together and it didn’t work out. I would recommend staying by yourself for a little while heal and you gonna know what you really want!
If he truly wanted to be her father he simply would. Trust me on that. If he is putting blame and jealous, it is not going to get better. You can attempt counseling. But, at the end of the day the situation won’t change. He still won’t be her biological father and he will still be resentful. It is far better to struggle as a single mother than put your child through a hostile and toxic relationship. And, if not him, in time there will be someone better for the both of you. Someone who will love her and you both without fault.
Either give up or try therapy.
What Jen Brooks said.
You took accountability. You didn’t lie. He definitely knew. His thoughts were probably we get back together it’ll take the pain away and it’s understandable but since he has seen it doesn’t than he should have asked to get couples counseling . I think since it’s causing you stress which you definitely don’t need around little people because they pick up on it. You probably should make a choice either leave him which I’m kinda thinking would be better in the long run or stay and watch this become more toxic.
Get out now he’s eventually going to take out his anger and possibly abuse that baby and possibly you also …these are huge red flags and early warning signs …do u n ur daughter
I am sorry, you were with each other for 9 yrs before this happened & yes you guys split up to figure things out, but you went out with another guy. That really doesn’t sound like you were really thinking about the guy you just split from, !!! So yes, as time goes by, all he can think of you is that you did this. Think if the roles were reversed!!! Sorry, I really don’t believe that you really love him, because if you did, you would have done everything you could to try to fix the problem when you first broke up instead of sleeping with someone else, At least that is how I see it, I am sorry, But the chances of you & him really being a family just might not ever happen, Sorry, I know, if a man did this to me & got a girl pregnant while we are trying to fix things, I wouldn’t be with him, because if he really loved me, he wouldn’t be sleeping with someone else, And that goes the same with you. Sorry, And the real father to this baby, has EVERY right to his daughter, so be prepared someday he just might come looking to be in her life & you can’t do a damn thing about that
He agreed to being there initially and now he is getting cold feet because he realizes how much responsibility this is.
Well, maybe you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk and just say “My daughter is here to stay, forever. She was not a mistake, she was meant to be here for a reason and has brought so much love into both our lives. If you don’t feel that way, I can’t force you…But I will never allow you to treat her like she ISN’T a top priority, or that she is only MY child when it’s convenient for you. You have to choose if this is something you can come to terms with, or if this is your chance to re-think your life.”
Get away build you and your daughter a family without either man your daughter is always gonna be your daughter a man you never no how long they will stick around
Do you and your daughter a favor and drop the boyfriend.
A lot of men… ESPECIALLY young immature men… have trouble accepting someone else’s child as their own and get jealous if they can’t have “their own” kid. He is not worth your time and will only get worse as time goes. I had an exbf like that… treated my kids good at first… and then slowly got mean with them… cuz he wanted his own kid. He knew from day one that I got my tubes tied and can’t have more. He “happy” with it at first and did treat my kids like his at first… but slowly he resented that they weren’t his. He would get so mad at just the mention of my exhusband for any reason. Long story short, we broke up because of how he was treating my kids. It was all an act from the start so he could try to live off me. Told him to go make someone else miserable because we weren’t having it anymore.
Your baby is young enough that she won’t even remember him after a while… like AT ALL… give her that gift and chance. She doesn’t deserve to be treated any less than the amazing little person she is. You didn’t ruin a relationship by choices you made when you weren’t in a relationship. He ruined it by resenting you for living your life without him when yall weren’t together…
Leave as quickly as you can - for your sake and most importantly your daughters.
I suspect that since you are both trying to have a baby together and you’re not succeeding, that your daughter is proof to him that he is the problem that youde not succeeding and he us maybe subconsciously resenting your little girl, as the proof. Just a thought. Good luck.
Don’t bother fixing it, it’s over move on
I think it’s great that you both have been honest with each other.
If there is someone you can leave the baby with for a couple hours, do so. Then sit him down for a heart to heart. It could, unfortunately, lead to you two going separate ways. It’ll hurt, but, stay strong. Do what’s best for you and that sweet baby.
It won’t get better. Don’t put your baby through that.
It’s time to let him go it’s not gonna work out well and if y’all have a baby together he will treat that baby better than your baby and it’s going to be a huge problem
Leave him. He has just been building up resentment towards you and your daughter. For your daughter’s sake you should leave.
Move out and move on!!!
Run on the opposite direction.
I raised my oldest son as a single mom for a long time. When I out of no where I my now husband came along, and he loves that boy as much as his own kids. You can not tell the difference in how he treat our three kids. One from his first marriage, my son, and our daughter together. Being a single parent is hard, and scary but you can do this. And when you least expect it you will meet someone if that’s what you want and you will know when’s it’s right because they will treat your daughter just as you do.
If you want to stay with him try couples counseling he probably feels very inadequate if you are trying for a baby and no luck when with someone else you got pregnant quickly. It probably hurts his ego to think he could have some fertility issues and unfortunately he’s resenting your daughter now. See if he will go to therapy and get his sperm tested to sew if there’s an issue. If he’s not willing to try you take your daughter and go. She doesn’t need to be around that.
What’s the question? Because by the time I got to the end of your post… YOU yourself were already very clear about what you need to do.
I will say that many many many step parents are capable of loving another’s child as their own, hell-even more than their own BUT there are many more (unfortunately) who simply cannot do it. They have the heart and the good intentions but it’s PERFECTLY NATURAL for some folks to not bond the way they’d hoped with someone else’s child.
The way he’s feeling is very valid, regardless of whether or not his eyes were wide open going in. It’s not going to change. If anything, it’s only going to get worse if and when you two have a child of your own.
I think you need to be realistic and let him go. Give him the opportunity to find the joy in being a parent with someone else. The longer the two of you do this dance, the longer you close yourselves off to the possibility of something so much better!!
Good luck but remember, he tried. And now reality is hitting you both like a brick in the face. Don’t ignore it.
Leave him. If not for you, for the sake of your daughter. Coming from a broken home myself and a mother that constantly felt that i ruined her life (like he says your pregnancy with her did), if you stay the chance of her growing up with depression, anxiety and ending up with friends and relationships that bring her down instead of building her up will increase tenfold.
Leave. Very few men will really accept a child by somebody else. Get the babies last name changed asap she should have yours.
Your daughter may be looking like the other guy and that is a reminder that she isn’t his. Just my guess as to the change in behavior.
Anyways, your daughter is your FIRST priority. She NEEDS a father figure that will love her unconditionally and that does not sound like either of they guys. So it is time to start over. As women, I think we hold on wayyyy to long to something disfunction and don’t realize it is unhealthy. Go find someone amazing. Best of luck!
Honestly its time to move on. He will not accept her and its a shame. For you and your daughter its time to let go. Its going to be hard. Your happiness matters too.