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QUESTION:
"I am a mom to 4 bio sons and 2 bonus sons. I'm the only mom they have known since their mom is out of picture. Our oldest (bonus son) is 22 and has a 2 yr old child he doesn't see or pay for. We don't agree with his way of life so we don't support him. We have a relationship with his ex and she allows us to see our grandchild. This makes our son furious because he doesn't see her. We have tried to arrange visitations but he wants it 100% his way which we won't do. We respect the mother's wishes. I love any time I get with grandbaby. Our son has hinted around several months ago that he had a 2nd baby by another woman. We have heard this story in past so wasn’t sure if it was true. Well, tonight I was doing some FB digging and found picture of baby born 2-3 months ago with our son’s last name. After further digging, the mom dated our son but they aren’t together anymore. We don’t even know if he has even met the baby. He only contacts us when he needs money. Do I leave this info alone until either he or the mother tell us or do I message her to introduce myself and ask about baby? Do I contact my son and attempt to go through him? He has said in past that he doesn’t want us to know any of his other children since we side with his ex when it comes to the grand we know. We love our son but he isn’t daddy material. I hate the idea of a baby out there that doesn’t know his paternal grandparents and we would love him as much as we love the first one. We live in a state that doesn’t have grandparent rights, just for clarification. I wouldn’t dare force a parent to allow us to see her children. If mother is doing her best, I will be her ally."
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Since he is a piss poor dad, i would send one message to the childs mother offering the relationship with her/child. If she does not want it, drop it"
"You reaching out would probably mean the world to her"
"I think your only chance is to message the mother and hope for the best. You can’t change him and will just hurt yourself trying"
"From experience of having kids whose fathers parents don’t give a crap I say yes contact her! Especially if she’s a single mom, it sounds like your a loving person, the worst that can happen is she says no. But I don’t think she will."
"I would reach out through your son first and if he doesn’t want to help or tell you anything, then I would reach out to the mother. When that baby grows up it will mean the world to her that her biological family made the effort to be in her life! And it will mean a lot to it’s mother too."
"I don’t think reaching out to her would be a bad thing. Just introduce yourself & tell her your intentions. That’s really all u can do. She may be defensive or weary at first, b/c of him which is to be expected, so just be very careful with your words. Best of luck to you, I hope it all works out, as u seem like a very loving, respectful, & fair person."
"My daughter was in somewhat a similar situation, his parents reached out and got to meet their grand baby, they adore their grand baby and have a great relationship. I believe that baby has the right to know the family"
"Reach out to her she might feel the same and not know what to do. If you don’t reach out you may never meet the baby… the sooner you meet him the faster you’ll get to know him and you won’t miss out on any more time"
"From experience I would say to contact her. It meant so much to me that my kids grandparents still wanted to see them anytime."
"I would reach out. As a once single mother, I know I appreciated the paternal grandparents reaching out and making it a point to stay involved. I always said my children didn’t have a father but God made up for that by giving them great Grandparents. Also I just LOVE your honesty about your son and your respect for your grandchildrens mothers. Much love and respect to you !!!"
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