My husband and I are taking a break and separating to really evaluate if this marriage can change. It needs to be better for our two young kids. There has been a lot of hurts. My husband can treat me an amazing one minute and then completely terrible the next. I miss him and our life, but I do know this is a thing we both need. How do I go from a family to being a single mom? What kind of resources are out there for support? When will it stop hurting? Is it the right thing to do? My thoughts are really everywhere! Any advice, ladies? Please be kind.
There is marriage counseling for the two of you, to try and save your marriage
I’ve never been a single mom so I can’t give u much advice, but if u want to save your marriage that’s what I would do
I was having the same situation, he got diagnosed first with depression and anxiety, then all the sudden i saw him go from full energy to be completely depressed, I started searching and found out it might be bipolar ii, he left us and after like 4 days i saw his mom and she saw the same so she told him to talk to his doctor and in fact he is bipolar. His mood swings make them treat us nice and then all the sudden they fight with us, they are having a battle in their head. As guys they dont like to have a weakness so thats part of the problem when they don’t accept they need help. Maybe try to look in that way. I might end up signing the divorce papers, I have a 20 month old and 13 weeks pregnant. The pain won’t go away, just take one day at the time. It’s difficult its horrible but we have our kids and they just have us. You can do it. Fight for you marriage if thats what you want but not fight to each other. Don’t lose yourself in the way, we have our kids!
No one deserves to be mentally or physically and emotionally abused
I’m not one to sugar coat anything. It will be hard! You will need to accept help from family and friends, which was very hard for me due to thinking I could do everything. Just remember it takes a village. There was days I was so exhausted, angry, happy, sad, basically every emotion possible and many every day as well as hourly. I felt and at times still feel like a failure when it came to our marriage. Try your hardest not to bring your kids into yours and your husbands relationship as I found when I did it once it hurt them very much. As hard as it maybe you will have to suck it up and ensure your children that both parents love them and not bash the other. Some days were super hard for me and I literally had no energy for anything, it’s ok to just have a pj and movie day. Have your kids help you with little things. Take a break for yourself once in a while.
There’s Councelling for both individual as well as marriage Councelling that both party’s need to want to do, it can’t be one sided. You will both need to do some deep soul searching to know what you want and it maybe together or separate. Know your worth more and you deserve more then getting treated terrible.
For my family my ex and I got a divorce and I am very happily with the most amazing man which I never thought was possible. My ex and I have a pretty good relationship when it comes to parenting together. Don’t get me wrong it was many years and arguments between the two of us to finally get to having a good relationship for our children. Our children are now 17, 14 & 13. We split up 7 years ago when they were 10, 7 & 6. Honestly, it was the best thing I ever did for me.
Self care and lots of it! Find yourself again. Get a hobby, go out with your friends for coffee… don’t isolate!
Work on yourself. Go to work or find a hobby. Everything will fall into place.
Aww I’m sorry First off remember why you are doing this! And Remember your kids faces, they want to see mommy happy. Take time to be with your kids and let that bring you joy. Your a great mother and if you guys can talk it out or take a break to see if that’s actually right… do it! Enough of him. Spoil your self and remember that that’s how it should be. I’ve been single almost 4 years and I can’t believe I was so naive. Ruined a lot of happiness for my son and I, I should of left long ago. They Either fix the attitude or gotta go… if you ain’t got nothing good to show my kid. Buh bye
I’m in the same boat. Just separated from my husband of 12 and half years. I feel your hurt momma.
Not a single mom though. It might hurt seperating but that doesn’t mean your on your own. Those kids have 2 parents… if you guys keep your feelings out of it, the kids will still have the support from both of you they deserve.
When me and my oldest daughters dad split… it was rough. It was a severely toxic relationship, a horrible break up… It was just not good in so many ways. But the one thing we did agree on was that our daughter should still have the family vibe, we still did things with her together, spent time with her together… He and I just couldn’t be together… And it was fantastic. We became the best of friends. We enjoyed our time together with our daughter… We just couldn’t be in a relationship. We never got back together, but we cheered each other on in life. We still had mad love for each other but what was created after the break up was too beautiful to risk trying again and it ending badly. Was it rough to not get back together… Yeah… But we created a great dynamic for us and our daughter and that was what mattered to us. So my advice is… You don’t have to be best friends… But try to keep some normalcy for the kids because maybe you guys can take each other in doses, just not all the time. I’m sorry you’re going through this… But know that it’s ok if you guys don’t work out. I know it hurts, and it sucks, but that pain is only temporary… It’s what you guys do from here that’s gonna make all the difference. Just because you’re becoming a “single mom” doesn’t mean you have to be left alone. Let him be around for the kids… But set some boundaries.
I’m not a single mom but my mom was. And although my parents weren’t together they still were parents. Yes most days will be more on you, but he should not stop being a dad
Just remember you got this!!
Every situation is different. My ex husband was very toxic when it came to our two kids but at the same time he stopped being a part of their lives at all. My third daughter of a diff relationships father and I get along just fine. He sees her every chance he gets, buys her diapers and wipes anytime I ask, anything the girls needs he is there no questions asked. I don’t ask child support from him bc he is active in her life. It just depends on your relationship with the father and his with the kids
My only advice is to get therapy for yourself to vent and talk it out. Other than that us women are ment to bend and not break. You got this
It’s best 2 separate if ur constantly fighting in front of kids words or otherwise it just isn’t good 4 them. It sounds like hes bipolar and needs meds or therapy atleast. Separation usually doesnt end well but u got this. U are strong u are superhero
this was me 2 years ago. we tried seperation etc. 2 years later I’m so much happier. tbh I felt so much happier once I knew it was really over. it was like a huge weight had been lifted. I couldn’t deal with not knowing which version of him I was going to get.
Being a single mum is hard. But I have also found it so so much easier in many ways. I dont know about support but my friends and family were amazing and always being there for me
I wasn’t young when my parents split but for the remainder of our childhood it seemed like even if it were awkward my parents (especially my mom) would come together to give my brother and I the support that we needed. They put us first above their own feelings and that’s the way it should be. They still both need you and if you can take your feelings out of it you can still come together as a family.
I know its hard, Give your good energies to your children with positiveness. They see their Mother positive and encoraging it will work. God bless you.
I honestly prayed a lot for my own sanity, surrounded myself with family and friends as much as I could and looked forward towards goals I had left behind. It’s hard but give yourself enough time to try and make you feel better, do what you set out to do by taking this break, before running back into the relationship. Be realistic and don’t expect change from the other person, but you can change yourself and what you will become for you and your children. Best of luck
I left my ex husband after 26 years. Been divorced 6 years now. There is so much to learn. Do the right thing for you. You deserve to be happy. Then work on you. Don’t replace him with another man. Took me 7 years to realize that one. It’s not easy but it’s the best thing i ever did.
It never stops hurting if kids are involved.
A big part of it is mind over matter. If you think you can do it, you can. If you sit and think you can’t and it’s going to be hard, you can’t. Be positive! Every small step forward to a new life is a step none the less. Don’t be to hard on yourself & understand that creating a whole new life is a process. I did it, it just takes hard work, postive thoughts and keeping it about you and those babies!
Make sure daddy gets plenty of time with kids too.
It is not easy. Just take it one day.
If you have a church or women’s domestic violence shelter where you live I think they would be of help. Yes this is mental abuse
I went through the same thing years ago. Time will heal the wounds. Work hard on positive thinking only. I also took on a hobby, which is golf. It’s my own activity and after awhile I started feeling good about things.
Busy yourself with things that you like and that make you feel good.
It’s a HUGE adjustment, but it’s so incredibly worth making sure that your children are getting the best of the both of you. They deserve two happy parents that aren’t together versus two unhappy parents that set a negative example of what they should expect from a relationship. It is very much for the best, even if you can’t see it yet. My ex-husband and I took a few years to be in the place we are now. It was ugly for a while. Now we are amazing friends, the best co-parents, and are both happy in our own relationships. When it comes to how you should handle yourself…be the bigger person. If he wants to start problems, argue, etc…do not engage back. Keep your head high and remember that you’ll be the better person for it and it will make you a million times stronger as a person. Never use the kids as a weapon. They deserve equal time with each parent. And never talk negatively about the other parent around them either. That is so unhealthy. It WILL stop hurting eventually. It just depends on how soon you realize your worth as an individual and make sure your focus is setting an example for those kiddos.
Making the decision to separate is not any easy one to make, buy necessary if it comes to that. Seperation doesn’t mean you automatically become a single mom. Their father still needs to be involved in his children’s lives as much as possible. He needs to continue to help financially with your children no matter what journey this decision takes all of you.
You are all going to be hurting. There is no time set for grieving over a broken home. You have children together & this will have a huge impact on them as well.
You can not live with someone who is Mentally Abusing you. I know I have been in your exact position & the pain was unbearable. You’re still in love with the good side of him, but in dislike with the other side. It’s like you’re living with 2-different people wrapped into one. You need to decide if you can handle both or if you need to walk away. It’s Heart Breaking…
Now, is the time to focus on what you truly want for yourself & your children. Take it one day at a time & one step at a time. Try to keep the visitation as civil as possible, because your children need to see that although mommy & daddy aren’t together, that you can still be adults & co-parent.
There are many churches & communities that can help you. Seek them out…
I pray everything works out the way it needs to be for everyone’s true happiness🙏
Simple advice. Follow Christ. Find a Christian man you are comfortable submitting to that will lead and protect you and you will be his helper. He will answer to Christ and love you as Christ loved the church!
The right thing to do is ask yourself this question … is this marriage going to do an irreparable damage to my children? And the answer is yes … then the answer is you need to leave. You are setting the bar for your children and what they will accept themselves in their future relationships … good luck to you and your family.
Have you tried couple’s counseling?
I don’t think there’s an easy way to adjust to being a single mom you kinda just deal with it day by day.
it does get easier though at first it may seem impossible but, it’s not find a good support system like family and friends.
Good luck with everything
It’s the right thing to do when you don’t have to question yourself about the thought of separating. The hurt will never go away if it’s true love. Especially with kids involved, that’s even more of a rollercoaster. Keep your head up, take it day by day never let anyone else tell you how you should feel. Keep it in, vent it all out, do what’s best for you & best of luck for you and your family!
Whatever road you choose try to remember that y’all are teaching your kids what love looks like. My exhusband and I try to keep the drama to ourselves and away from our son. We try to be united at games and school events. Families come in all shapes and sizes and whatever y’all decide is right just try to take the high road
…you DIVE RIGHT IN…
then just as you feel like you’re sinking…priorities kick in and remind you that little humans are relying on you to keep you’re shit together…
You remember why you’re doing this…and YOU JUST DO IT!!!
It’s super hard…and never ending BUT things do get easier normally happens when you’ve learnt the lesson you were supposed to learn…lesson being YOU DESERVE GOODNESS…go get it for you and you’re babies mama!!!
Head up chin up
I was married just out of high school. After 11 years of marriage and with two kids (6 & 7oy) I was still willing to hold on to keep our family together when a good friend asked me this question… Is it worth it? Your teaching your daughter that it is ok to be treated poorly and your teaching your son how a man is supposed to treat a woman. It was like I was hit by a semi truck. I had to work two jobs and times were not easy there were so many hurt feelings so much anger. But I took it a day at a time. I had to relearn who I was. For so long I was Johnnys wife or mom I had forgotten who I was what I liked and what made me happy. Slowly over the next 2 years I got to know myself again. Its amazing what you allow yourself to become because of lifes circumstances. I didn’t date I focused on learning me. I set boundaries and decided what I wanted out of life. When Ibstarted dating again i was very picky I refused to settle for someone who was not exactly what I wanted for myself. I settled once and lost myself and I made a promise to myself and to my kids I would never do that again. Eventually I found a man who complemented me as a person and who was worthy of being in my childrens life. We have been happily married for 5 years ( 10 years together ). He respects me and loves our children. I couldn’t ask for more.
Everyone is diffrent and my story is not your own but along my journey I learned several things. I was strong enough. I did deserve happiness. No matter how bad things get never talk bad about their father. Find friends that will stand by your side. And first and foremost you are who your kids will look at and model their lives after so you have to be happy in your own skin if you want them to be. Remember God picked you as their mommy cause he knew you were who they needed now get up and love your babies enough to love yourself. You got this momma
Give your marriage to God. He will help you in ways no one can. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
When you’re out of sight you’re out of mind. Good luck
Literally going through the same thing except I moved into my moms house until I can buy a house on my own. It’s fucking hard but you’re going to get through it. In the beginning when you’re just trying to keep it together, rather than letting your mind wander to the good times & what you miss, try to remember why you separated, what you need to work on & what he does. Try to train your brain to be logical and it calms me down when I think I’m just going to be a mess all day.