Since I had my kids, I’ve always been the one taking care of them while my now ex husband worked. Once my kids found out my ex was cheating on me, all three of them started having bad feelings towards their father. Even after the divorce they want nothing to do with him. My youngest has been struggling the most out of the three and it’s nothing to do with the divorce. She was bullied pretty bad at school to the point she was self harming herself. I seek help for her and she was hospitalized in a mental institution for a week. She since then has became so hateful. A child that once never met a stranger now refuses to leave home, barely attends her online private school, and expects me to do the work for her. When I explain to her, I can assist but not help she tells me, I’m a bad mother, I shouldn’t have had unprotected sex and got pregnant with her. This poor child hates life so much and I don’t know what to do to help her Bc I myself struggle with life and the “why me” daily. I’ve asked my ex to please help me out but to him he only wants their ss numbers to file on his taxes he even got that granted in the divorce, he even told me that if the kids move in with him for any length of time rather it be for the weekend (visits) or to give me a break (I have a lot of health issues) then he won’t pay me the child support that I’m only getting ($400 for three kids). Every penny I receive with child support and alimony goes to my bills to keep lights, water, internet, and car going. I only got granted ($800 a month to take care of 4 of us) I’m not able to work at all right now. I have no friends what so ever nor family, just me and the kids. How can I help my child? I’ve tried therapy but that really didn’t help her at all, I know she is going through a lot being 13, but how can I get her to see I’m doing everything in my power to help her I just can’t do her school work for her? Advise please Bc I’m on my breaking point.
Therapy,for both of you, is not short term, it can take weeks, months even years. There are different types of therapy. She is watching you,and you dont work/struggle so she can be mirroring you. You both need therapy maybe even medications, stick with it long term, dont quit.
I have a 13 year old who I just went through all this with last year. Therapy for both of you… there is something going on deep down. This sounds like I wrote this (about our 13yr old) we are a year into tearing her Therpist and let me tell you it’s taken her this long just to get my daughter to feel comfortable taking to her and still gets mad a somethings and walks out of her session etc. HANG IN THERE MAMA. Teenage years with a female and all those hormones are TOUGH . Just keep reminding her you love her and your always there .
You TRIED therapy? For how long? Therapy is a long process. Not something you will see immediate results from. Your kids should have been kept out of adult problems. There was no need for them to know your husband cheated. And sorry but I agree with dad. If he starts having them more than you, he shouldn’t have to pay you child support.
I found with myself it took 3 or 4 different therapists to find the right one, and honestly the right one makes a huge difference. Is there a way you can do therapy together and separate? Is there a way you can try and talk to her to see what you can do to help her, and if it’s not something you can accomplish by yourself can you come to a compromise with her or get some type of help through the government? There’s a line from a movie I seen, I can’t remember it exactly but it goes something like “you are kind, you Is beautiful you is smart, you Is loved” can you try saying that, with an “I love you more than you know” or something to her like everyday until she starts looking forward to hear that? I’m sorry your going through this, I really don’t have the experience, just some ideas to try, I really hope things look up for you both, being 13 is wicked hard on a “normal” basis, and even harder when life’s lemons are given. Xo 
This sounds so much like my story that it’s unreal. One of my daughters goes to a group therapy called celebrate recovery. Most ppl think it’s for drugs n alcohol but actually has a bunch of different help groups. My daughter said she feels more comfortable bc the ppl don’t judge her bc they kinda have the same problems as her.
I’d like to know why the children know the dad cheated. Shouldn’t be any of their business until they are older and ask. And your daughter needs aggressive therapy. For quite some time by the sounds of it
I’ve been in therapy going on 6 years it takes years and years to work through your shit. And I got lots more to work through. keep her in therapy
Is your daughter on medication? Because that can really help her. Anxiety can manifest as hatefulness and misbehavior. My own daughter had similar problems.
Idk about all of you but that shit never worked for me. I hated therapy just my parents wasting money at the time. Ask her “what questions do you have you need answers to?” What is it that is putting you in this mindset? Be up front and honest. My kids ask about their bio dad more often now I tell them the truth. Involving drugs, cheating, fighting, all of it said in a way they can understand. As a teen I was struggling with shit between my parents took till I was in my 20s to put 2 n 2 together but I just wanted honesty from the start. They see things they hear things so sit down and be real with her. Most times it just finding the right question and getting child to finally break to get to the core issue. Therapy I just sat there and read books or slept maybe talked and answered dumb questions “why do you hurt yourself?” Probably because I realized the amount of damage I want to do on another can have me spending time in jail. The amount of anger I’m guessing she has needs to be matched. When my kids get so pissed off where they yell in my face i get to their level and match that anger then they finally explain and we finally find the core problem and do what we can to fix it.
Some may not agree but sometimes emotions cloud other emotions anger is a beast to deal with. I have had to learn to control my anger since I was 10 yrs old. I’m almost 30 and almost zen with it all. But my kids know if they have a problem try to figure it out, need help I’ll guide but they do the work, if they are lost and finally at breaking point I’ll be there breaking that wall down with them.
It is hard but usually in the end it usually deals with the support around child and what is being said along with actions of others.
It sounds like she is going thru depression. My advice is take her to see her pediatrician and have them talk to her get a feel of her. Maybe she needs an antidepressant. My teenager takes Zoloft to help her mood balance. I’d also seek counseling out again. If you get her one and they don’t click that’s okay they understand and will get you someone else. Teenage years are super hard as it is then throwing all this other stuff on her like her parents not being together makes it even harder. Stay strong mama
Not an advice but I thought I let you know that, You’re doing a great job mama stay strong with time everything will get better xxx
First. Stop involving your kids in martial problems. Kids should not know the details ect. I will never understand this. Don’t discuss adult business when kids are around.
Y’all need to learn how to do a better job coparenting, Let her go to her dads. Sounds like you care more about that child support than you do her mental health. She needs both of y’all