Encourage them to figure out if their needs are being met while at their dad’s. Let them know they can talk with their dad or you and that you won’t be judgemental
2 Likes
Keep calling and texting whether they respond or not. They will eventually come around when the new wears off with the dad.
2 Likes
My dad was never in my life. At age 14 my mom gave me the option to go live with him (5 hours away) to show me he wasn’t as good of a person as I was hoping. I stayed for about two months and realized I hated it and missed my mom terribly. She drove all the way down to pick me up. They’re just young and obviously never experienced living with their dad so they’re just wanting to see how it goes. They will realize who’s been there for them, just hang in there 
1 Like
The answer to most questions on earth is money, I would bet if you look hard enough you’ll find the reason a “very inconsistent” dad can get his boys to go along with a shutout plot against mom, one that comes to mind is telling boys of all the toys, devices, or even cars that he could buy for them if he was to receive child support rather than pay it to you, also the standard promise of less restrictions on behavior and curfews
4 Likes
Let him have them. You gave your best shot and if they did not acknowledge that then so be it. Don’t feel guilty. Take this chance to start over and don’t look back!
3 Likes
First stop taking it personally… they are teens. They are confused and changing and growing give it a min… give them a chance to grow and learn without u… u set the moral bases believe in the work u have stated u have done… believe in them… as for the empty nest thing , hell I don’t know , but I don’t think I am gonna be good at it.
6 Likes
Oh momma 
always tell your sons how much you love them… They will soon realize that “dad” is a disneyland dad… They will miss you soon enough… I promise that… And like one of the other mommas mentioned, especially if theres court involved, dont bad mouth … And remind “dad” he cant either… Document everything and do your best to stay in contact with your boys… “Dads” like that can only keep the facade up for so long… Remind your sons, they can always change their minds and come home 
6 Likes
God bless you ! They will come around , even if it takes years . Nothing can replace a mother’s love . They will eventually realize this . Do not give up on being open for them . Who knows , the father may grow weary , parenting is often demanding .
2 Likes
Personally went through one of my son’s went for atleast 12 months and came back , the other has just left this year , the older woke up and realised the grass isn’t always greener there is no way to explain how it made me feel felt like a apart of me was missing I just always make sure I kept in contact and tell them that I love them and there more then welcome to come back at anytime , my eldest son while he was with his dad hardly talked me , killed me , but in the end he came back and I found out it was just a guilt trip and dad promised them more things
5 Likes
Give them time.try to stay in their lives.they will figure it out in time.ive been their.
1 Like
Take that clown to court for visitation. He’s probably giving them total freedom and brainwashing them
First off, I’d be asking my children if I did anything to make them feel like they need to move out.
Just because we THINK we’re doing great with our children, sometimes there is something they aren’t telling us and we are blind to that.
Trust me. Having an abusive mother taught me that I can’t tell her anything so I left as soon as I turned 18 and to this day, she still likes to play victim.
NOT SAYING YOU ARE ABUSIVE TOWARDS THEM.
But starting off with asking them is something then you can figure out if they’re literally only there because he lets them do whatever they want.
9 Likes
Just let them know that you love them and your door is ALWAYS open for them. If you were/are a good mother to them, they will be back. I know it hurts but the more you pull, the more they will pull away. They will figure their dad out soon enough. Good luck.
2 Likes
Well firstly they are CHILDREN so they don’t always know whats best for them. You need to go to court and at the very least get court ordered time and visitation with them. Do not let them just drop contact because they moved in with their dad who is probably feeding them negative info about you. Don’t just stop reaching out. Text and call them daily to say good morning have a great day at school.i love you. And good night hope you had a good day. If you need anything from mommy I’m always here for you. Love yiy sweet dreams. Kind of thing. Everyday. Even if they don’t have their own phones or messaging apps send it to the dads phone titled “KIDS NAMES” get to court. And call them at least once a week if not more when you can personally speak to them on the phone. Now I know you think you’ve been perfect but obviously there’s a disconnect somewhere. And maybe it was for their best interest but for whatever reason they either don’t know that or just don’t believe it. Press the dad for visitation before court as often as you want. Every weekend or whatever you wish. And keep record of it. I’m sure he will try to say you don’t deserve any. At this age kids really need their same sez parent actively involved in their lives. It’s important for them to have theor dad. I know its hard for you but try to think of your sons. They haven’t had him in a good role previously and now he wants to be there. Unless he’s a drug addict, neglectful, an abuser or otherwise terrible influence or just toxic person to the kids there is absolutely no reason you should try to discourage this new relationship between the 3 of them. They need their dad at this age. For them to cut you out like that seems very strange though and maybe there’s more to the story that you haven’t said or really just don’t even know or understand yourself but it’s not ok. Theres more to it and maybe it’s just the dad is feeding them BS or maybe you’ve wronged the kids idk I don’t know yiu. But it needs to be addressed whateverbit is. And I’d do so in court. Fight for your kids. They need their dad but they also need their mom still. No matter what tbe issues are they can be fixed if you’re all willing to accept your role and put the kids best interest before your own selfish needs to keep them here or there. Don’t give up. Reach out. They may need to see that you still care and want them. Kids are difficult. They don’t have the ability to think through things the same way adults do. I hope for the best for you and the kids, momma. Just make sure they always know you’re there and you live them no matter what.
1 Like
It’s hard to understand my son hasn’t talked to me in 3, 4 yes I don’t know why but I’m not gonna be upset if he doesn’t want me in his life , so I’m dead already no need for him to come to my furneal, sad but true . I still love him but ——-
I would definitely reach out to them often. My husband sons did the same thing and their mother NEVER calls and it bothers them to an extent but just keep calling so they know love them and thinking of them often!
2 Likes
Keep calling, texting, arrange weekend visits etc. And keep alll that documented in case their dad tries to take you to courts for neglect abandonment etc. You can get through this. You are a strong momma.
Stay in touch. Always keep the door open. For now take care of you. Join a group. Learn something new. Give it time and consider foster care
3 Likes
I have to constantly remind myself that he’s not my little boy anymore. My boys finally left to live with their dad 2 years ago and one just came back. I was kinda distant being busy with work, and mourning my dad’s death and then the distance only grew more. His dad’s wife planned a get together for me to spend time with the boys and my older one wanted to come back with me. I kinda got used to a routine without my boys, I had to remind myself that my son came home and I should probably not be out too late. He hasn’t been listening to me too much, and it broke my heart that he already wanted to go back to his brother and dad. Wish he never left, but the boys needed their dad (takes 3 planes to get to his town from mine) especially becoming teenagers. So now I’m trying to encourage him to spend time with the males in my family cause he’s being a teenager that dont want mom in his business too much
Dont take it personally. Teenagers act like assholes most of the time. It has nothing to do with you. Second, they will see the grass ain’t greener just give it time. Third, you can always check in and tell them you love them still. I would encourage it.
You need to call and see how they are doing and if they are in sports check on that. Invite them for a special day out with maybe a movie and dinner. Always tell them you love them. I just hope dad is not talking bad about you and you should Never talk bad about their dad.
1 Like
You did nothing wrong , he probably lets them get away with everything. Just saying. Hope they realize soon what they lost
3 Likes
Keep in touch with them everyday. I wish you all the best.Stay strong
1 Like
Following! My good friend is dealing with the same thing
Ummmm of course you should be letting them know you love them….
they already have space and time away from you now. If they have cut you out…then maybe you should be focusing on fixing whatever you may have broken. Sounds like there is much more to this story but I hope you get It worked out mama.
3 Likes
Sometimes you may THINK you’ve done everything right but often times kids have a different point of view. Just ask them what is wrong
8 Likes
Whatever you do, stay in touch. Even if it seems they’re pushing you away or ignoring you. STAY IN TOUCH. When they’re older and sort out their emotions better, they’ll remember you never gave up on them. Remember that they’re kids.
9 Likes
What about your time with them on weekends? It’s not like you will never see them. Let them bond with their dad for now. They seem to need it. They will always love you and come around.
They will come back, don’t push it just enjoy sometime off
3 Likes
It is definitely heart breaking my daughter is 12 and her dad decided to show back up after being gone for 9 years no phone calls not one card anything they talked about her staying with me one week and him one week but they have had that week and she xomes home at night and wants to leave to his house as soon as she gets up:expressionless: we live in a vary small town he lives maybe a 5 minute walk from my house. Hang in there just remind your kids you love them always 
I feel thats all I can do
Give them space and time! Go on vacation and drink a margarita!
3 Likes
i know it’s hard i’m going through this my girls are 13 n 14 iv done everything i could for them while i had them at even tho we love them so much we just have to let it be for now untill they see being with mom maybe i’d better or if not just make sure u key them know yr home is all ways open to them
They always want what they can’t have. I been through this. My son made it 6 months and came back. They know who takes care of them more.
4 Likes
Do your?visit like the dad did. So they know you will be their for them no matter what
3 Likes
Every kid thinks a “Disney Dad” is so cool to live with until they realize all the perks and carefree rules aren’t chopped up to what they think it is. My boys go to their dad’s in Indiana for the summer and they’re sooooooo excited and then are calling me, counting down the days till they can fly home😂 text and call them often and they will soon come around, it just takes a little time❤️
3 Likes
This happened with my daughter when she was 15, quickly realised fathers house was not her ‘home’
Stay strong mom
And yes always keep in touch
It might not seem like it but it is very important do you sure children
Even if they seem unappreciative just to know that their mama loves them
And it’s just a chapter for them
It’s not the whole story
Give it time. They will soon miss you. Just be available for when they want to chat. Organise some visits
1 Like
Do you have weekends or set days you be seeing them??
Stay in touch with them. Make sure you see them. You’re their only mom. Be the fun parent for awhile. Just goof off when you see them. Keep it light. After some time, they’ll want a real parent back.
3 Likes
Just let them know you love and miss them and that you are there for them always. That has to be hard to deal with. Prayers for strength.
2 Likes
Well 12 years old isn’t old enough to decide but it is what is. Make them see you one the weekends and still call and text them.
2 Likes
I think some boys hunger for that father -son bonding time. See it as a well-deserved vacation. Remain in touch weekly and it won’t be long until they are back.
7 Likes
Definitely reach out every day ! Never stop letting them
Know you love and
Miss them ! Their dad may be saying bad stuff about
You - idk 
. But you be the bigger person and
NEVER say a bad word about him .
Never give up
Either ! One day when they are grown ,
They will
Come back to you - if not before . Trust me
- I know
Of what I speak
14 Likes
Keep strong! Keep reaching out and make sure you’re always present weather it be calling texting that sort of thing. As soon as my son graduated high school he moved in with his dad. I had no idea but they had talked about it for a while so I’m my opinion my son just felt like that was his next step in life. They only have one mom and you’re it. Don’t ever forget it. My son still lives with his dad and it’s 3 and 1/2 years later but I refer to it as his residence. His home will always be with his mama!
1 Like
Hang in there Mumma…
I’ve recently been through this with my oldest (now 15) she went with her dad for 18 looooooong months & eventually, she seen the light and come home.
Don’t push them but def reach out and let them know you’re there for them no matter what. See if they want to come for dinner once a week? Then build up to staying the night. Baby steps. Stay strong xx
5 Likes
Been there 4 years ago and best believe they came back. Best advise: work on you its not selfish its the best thing a woman can do to be the woman they needc much harder to do than tell someone but keep your eye to God or whomever you look to. Dont live with guilt its a time waster. Heal and help your kids heal during this transition dont stop getting on their nerves. Open communication.
9 Likes
You just do, you get use to the new norm. Hopfully one day they will change their mind and want you back in their lives more.
My biggest fear with my growing children. I can only imagine what you are feeling. Just keep in touch with them…I hope they come back to you Mama
1 Like
He was filling their ears and minds with toxicity.
4 Likes
Mama, you will not be living without your sons! They will come around, your relationship and love is not forgotten. They are just craving some from someone who hasn’t been as present as you. Relax, breathe, let them know your there and ready to get together anytime. They will come around, you got this !
8 Likes
Call or text everyday and atleast say I love you and ask about their day
3 Likes
never give up, they’ll remember that
3 Likes
Make sure they know you love them and feed them when you get the chance. Boys love food
1 Like
It must be hard but at their age they are going through puberty and could use dad their is just some things a male child needs his father for. Don’t hassle their choice and just be their for them and keep reaching out so they feel love from both parents.
3 Likes
I promise you don’t give them space… keep showing up for them. I feel like their dad is trying to brainwash them or talk to them about you in a negative way. Kids that age are very easily manipulated in to thinking who is “bad” and who is “good” they’ll realize sometime in their teen ages what their father is doing. But please keep showing up for them. If you just ghost them that stabilizes their fathers opinion on you that he’s projecting on the kids!
2 Likes
I went through this too!
They have to push you away so they can emotionally handle it… and it hurts so bad!! Big hugs mama… both my kids came back home after about a year .
2 Likes
They’ll be back…my brother left with his dad, he didn’t even last the month…and if they don’t it’s okay too, enjoy this new freedom get to know yourself, look for a hobby.
2 Likes
A boys first love is their mom, they will come around. Give them a little space and they will figure out, some times the best lesson is the one they learn on their on. Our kids can hurt us worse and deeper than anyone in the entire world. Just keep them in your prayers (as always) but go a step further pray for the bad.
Is the reason the dad wanted them is so he wouldn’t have to pay child support?
2 Likes
Keep showing your love consistently. Also, it wouldn’t hurt to get y’all in family counseling. That will help you get to the root of the problem and will hopefully help repair the relationship.
2 Likes
Been there. Just hang on it will get better
Dear Lady I know it’s hard to understand what’s happening. But you need to take this time to just breath, take a little me time, get your self together, Your gonna be second guessing things. But that is just natural, You see Daddy thinks he is king of the hill right now, but it won’t take long for he starts sliding back into his old ways, and then the Boys are gonna realize it was all a con. Ten to one he has promised all kinds of this and that, But when he don’t come through, they are gonna know that he still the same, and then they know you love and care for them, That’s all you really gotta do right now, and it won’t be long they are gonna be back were they be long, I hate to say it but I have seen this so many times, And from the bottom of heart I am so sorry you are going through this.