I would still let them know you love them, you miss them & you’ll be there if you need them. They’re young, & trying to have a relationship with their father. It’s very brave of you to let them regarding how their father is. Just reassure them that you’re always there for them & they’ll figure things out. I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this, I wish I could give you a hug. Just focus on you, which I know is easier said then done when you’re so used to having your kids… but pick up a hobby you used to do, start reading more, write about you feel so it’s not all bottled up, go to new places.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I move forward with my relationship with my sons?
Its new. My son did that and within 2 months was back home. Hopefully dad will still be consistent if that does happen. If not dont stress it. Boys do need daddy in there life too. Just be patient
Always be there!!!never give up. Give space but not to much where they think you’re better off. Remind them your there and do special things every now and then.
My son moved in with his dad at 13 , it ripped my heart out, I only saw him twice for 5 minutes a time, he came home after 8 months, hugs to you
They are old enough to make their decisions, you have to give their dad time to show his true colors
Oh honey. My heart hurts for you. I have feared that day will come for me, it almost has a few times. Please keep your head up. If you want to text them everyday to tell them you love them then do it. Let them know your door is open for them at anytime. Good luck.
Kids don’t just decide to up and leave a parent for no good reason. There is much more to the story than that. They clearly felt this was best for some reason. Passing blame and taking no responsibility is no way 5o get them to come back
Wait they will come home
I let my son move with his dad when he was 16. Whom was a part time dad, one I had to hunt down and force him to see our son. But still always wanted daddy. It was the Worse choice of my life. Wish I could take it back. He is 20 now and is so poisoned he won’t even talk to me. I am praying for you. I have no advice I got screwed.
That would be hard, maybe they thought you didn’t want them anymore and they moved out. Boys don’t show emotions much it’s going to be hard, but talk to them see where their at. Tell them your always there if they decide to come back.
Maybe the dad is telling them things? Idk but let them figure it out what else can you do
I allowed my son to live with his father when he was about 15 or 16. He really NEEDED to see just what kind of person his father was, And he did, he was back within several months, I never asked him why, I never asked him anything, He told me some things & I just let it be, Sometimes, kids think things are always greener elsewhere, & sometimes they are & sometimes they are not, But they need to figure this out themselves, You should never say anything against their father no matter what, Trust me as a person that went thru this with parents that split up, I figured out who really was the best parent & it wasn’t my mother
Always let them know they’re loved. Tell them everyday,even if they don’t wanna hear it! You will always be mom… give it some time I’m sure they will be right back were they belong…
like you said, the grass isn’t always greener. It will take some time. Maybe ask the kids why they’d wanna push away the number one person who was always there for them since day 1, ask them why they think their father is deserving of their time? Since the kids seem to be teenagers that’s a long time being absent.
Just continue reaching out to them and being consistent. You’re still their Mom and they know you love them. Sounds like they just want to see if it’s cooler to live with Dad. They’ll come back around.
Sorry you are going through this. I would keep in contact and just make sure they know you are there and love them always.
First of all, I’m a dr. Phil fan. He always says there are 2 sides to a pancake, meaning there are 2 sides to a story. Second, he is in favor of children being around the same sex parent, such as your 2 boys being around their dad. That being said, you need to look at your relationship with them and put that in A#1 status. I was an alcoholic and tried to do the best for my girls as a single parent. Words and actions that happened back then are impacting my relationship with my now 34 and 36 yr old daughters. So live the serenity prayer, change the things you can. Good luck!
Let them know your love is unconditional. Even if they stay there, invite them to dinners, movie night, etc. keep the contact, don’t take it personal. This is a product of divorce and lost children between a divorced mom and dad. I’ve been here, it sucks. Hangin there and I know this sounds hard but find a way to enjoy your time alone. It will make you a better person.
They’ll be back momma. Just spreading their wings
All way reach out to them.Just let them know you love them and all ways be their for them. But never stop reaching out.
Well, yeah, always be there. Why would you quit talking to them just because they moved in with dad? Call them, text them, do the same things you’d normally do if they lived there. They need their dad too, they need both of their parents. Have a family sit down and figure it out, including dad, talk to him first actually. Be rational and calm, you got this.
Never give up. Always put forth an effort and just be patient… They’ll come around.
They’re at that age, don’t take it personally. Jeff speaking here and went through this with my Mom. I just wanted to be around my Dad more at that age and I’m glad I did. My Dad passed a few years later and glad I had that time with him. My mom was definitely the better parent but I needed to have that experience with my Dad. My mom is 89 now and it’s going to be hard when she’s gone. Spending time with my Dad made me appreciate my Mom even more. I hope this helps you deal with this current sense of loss. Hugs
I fully understand this heart break(long story)I suggest maybe some type of counseling to see if that will help.
I lived with my dad for 1yr at 15-16. My mom and I’s relationship got better than ever and I moved back with her. Just talk with them. To push for any answers just let them know you miss them
It’s hard but give them time .If they want to live with him let them go ahead enjoy your time and focus on yourself .If all you have shown them was nothing but love continue to show that they will come around
I am the primary parent for my 2 oldest kiddos, there father only sees them when it’s convenient for him. I am terrified they are gonna wanna move out. Cause I am the disciplinarian and when they see him it’s a free for all. I am absolutely terrified!
My son kept threatening me with moving to his dads when he was 15. I let him. Lasted a week and he’s never gone back to even visit- 4 years later. He wanted a dad so much that he just took scraps of time. That age they really want their dad to be something they’re not. They can’t help it. Unfortunately, they will realize they can’t force him to be.
Stay in contact with them, via phone and more importantly, face to face.
Remember momma there is a transition period and two weeks may be killing you inside but they aren’t quite out of the honeymoon stage of this house swap. Continue to try to make contact and be consistent with visitation and communication
Keep reaching out but I’m sure you’re right,they thought the grass was greener on the other side. They will see it most likely is not. My oldest son moved out over the summer to his dads. I know how you feel. It sucks but we have to just love them and hope they’ll see me be day and understand how it is to be a parent.
My heart breaks for you. Never stop telling your kids how much you love them
or stop reaching out to them telling them so. Hopefully they figure out they also need you soon. Hugs.
I think I am in the same position.Father turn twins(11 years) against me!!!That is very very nasty.Good luck xxxx
Stay consistent in showing them your love…chances are your ex can’t keep up the caring act …. and they’ll want to come home one day real quick!!!
Definitely give them space. Keep in contact but keep it short and sweet. They are testing waters and it will become all too real soon and they will realize what they had with you. Hang in there momma.
I pray that GOD Blesses you.
Just be there for them when they’re ready to come home. It’s going to take time right now their dad is playing with their minds and putting on a facade but it won’t last long. Your kids will be back trust me
They will be back all kids of split families try out the other parent then they come home usually about 6 months mine came home in 4
Make your co
Parenting positive, the children always come first. Never give up the anger will subside as love always wins. Took me long time to realize it wasn’t about my hurt and anger anymore that I needed to be able
To communicate in a good way with their dad. Today he provides
For us well, our children are grown but we are making beautiful memories with them and our grandchildren. Lotsa family dinners , family trips and they are so much happier.
My daughter had to learn the hard way with her dad. He passed away a few years ago. She misses him but also realized what type of person he was and why we split on her own. Just now you get to be the one who sets up movie dates with them and have just fun. Let dad do the harder stuff for a while. They will come around.
Just need some man time. They will always care about momma but just let them have some bonding time
Give them time they will be back. I’m sure dad is promising them the stars and that will not last. Sending you hugs. Just make sure to call them just to talk about their day/week and tell them you love them.
Keep reaching out. Always. If the grass is not greener they will see it sooner or later. And they will need you.
Once upon a time , I was a single dad with 3. 7,9, and 12. My oldest daughter move to her mom’s at 16 came back at 17. My youngest daughter move to her mom’s at 14 came back at 18 for a bit. My son moved out at 26. It was hard . They’ll be back. Empty nester now.
I understand that pain. Even though you are hurting you can’t let that show. You do your best to support them just like you always have. Call often/daily or text. Even though they may not answer they will see your message. Let them know you love them and are there if they need you. They will come around in time. As for you you will need to find some hobbies and keep yourself busy. Take up something you’ve always loved but didn’t have the time for. You’ll make it through this one day at a time
My heart breaks for you.Give them time and continue to be there for them texting,calling,face timing or however else.Always let them know how much you love them and just because they don’t live with you your always there no matter what.Hopefully they will see the grass isn’t greener on the other side and be back with you soon.
Give them time. Keep being loving, consistent, and fair. They will come around.
My 12 year son moved out to his dads 3 months ago, he cuts me out too but i message him couple of times a week to let him know that i love him. Dont really get any replys from him but im gonna carry on doing it because i believe that one day he will come back
Keep in touch with them, they will see what you have done for them, and realize that you have kept them safe and secure, I think it will wear of soon, this is new to them, but always be there for them
Been there and it’s very hard. All kids change as they become teens. I was a single parent. My oldest son’s dad married into money and my son had a hard time resisting the temptation of all they had. He went back and forth and was very angry with me and I had to put up with a lot. He is now 44. Through the years I have heard about what was the problem. Dad had money and all I could give was love, phone calls, understanding, care, and honesty without putting anyone down throughout. He choose love. He is well balanced and letting him experience his dads choices was a building block for his life. Still when he reaches out to his dad he receives offers of money and he only wants love. It’s heartbreaking but he’s aware. Your boys will come back, keep telling them you are there, you love them. Don’t. Run down the dad. Keep a higher standard.
My 2 daughters did this to me when they were 14 and 15. They barely made it two weeks and they were back home.
My then 14, now 16 move in with her dad. At first she had nothing to do with me but now I make her come home whenever she can. Every weekend holiday vacation and summer. I still cry a lot at night about it. I want her home, we all do. It broke me. I am now just kinda coming out of it.
About 3 years now we went to court over custody and I won. Well then she stared acting out and threading to kill me so she had to move out.
If you didn’t do anything wrong then there’s no reason to give them space. Check in daily even if they don’t answer. They’re gonna grow up and even if it takes years, once they realize what’s going on they’ll come around and they’ll see that even if they weren’t speaking with you, you made sure to try and be there for them regularly and consistently
Going through that right now. No advice. But find yourself. They are safe and thats all that matters. Take this time to find a hobby.
They will be back, but don’t let them threaten you with moving everytime things don’t go there way.
It’s only been 2 weeks, give them more time. Reach out by text if you can every other day just to say hi how are you I miss you and love you, but let them figure it out on their own. More than likely they will be back, or at least will want to come spend time at your place.
They are kids. Dad promised them things would be easier with him. So yeah, they got mad at something and left. But they will be back. And as they get older they will know your the one who truly cared.
The best thing you can do is keep reassuring them they are loved and welcome. I’m not saying smother them and constantly pop up on them (phone or person🤷). That’s not good for you or them. You’ll feel more hurt with the everyday rejection and they will feel like your nagging. Maybe just send a quick “how you doing I love you” text or something if they have phones. This is the hardest part… Look at no news as good news. You’ve got to stop worrying yourself to death and believe in the way you raised your boys and their father for them to be ok. I don’t honestly believe as their mother you would let them move without feeling like their dad would be able to handle the situation so trust your gut. Try to see if their father is willing to give you updates just to help ease your mind. Tell him your not going to micromanage him or undermine his parenting but that your just upset and want the reassurance of knowing what’s going on with the boys. To me the situation seems like you have decent communication with the boys father so he may not feel it unreasonable. Lastly don’t “move forward” without them. Move forwards with the mind set that they could walk back in the door at anytime and you’ll be ready. Keep doing what needs to be done for the three of you but enjoy the “me” time. Raising kids is hard work and some self love may be the best thing while you have the break.
Maybe their dad is saying something to them about u… but keep in touch w them… let them know your always there… I was left too when I was a kid… a baby actually…
My papa and grandma went to go get us in another province from our mom… cause our mom was always drinking… I wish she reached out to us more… she died when I was in grade 3… Because of alcohol… But I had this one letter she sent me but idk where it is now our mom never came back to us but our dad did…
A lot of kids think the grass is greener. Going through that with our oldest. It’s heartbreaking and it’s nothing you did wrong- they’re at an age where everything seems unfair, out of their control, etc and they think a change like that will help those feelings. It won’t.
Keep being there for them. Keep offering time together and love and understanding. They know who’s ALWAYS been there, even if they’re being cold right now.
Hopefully they will come around. Keep in touch and let them know you love them and will always be there for them. Even if they don’t respond they will know that you are there. I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through and I’m sorry you have to go through it.
I’m keep you in my prayers sweet lady… your a good mother, your not selfish one…you let them choose, not that they don’t love you … cause they do! They just haven’t seen the big picture yet… they’ll come home. May God be with you always and your boy’s.
Time mom. True colors always show. Just be there. Let them know I’m still here if you need me. Its a learning experience.
Keep in touch with them.
They’re teens. Right now, they may feel like they need their dad more, it isn’t really about you.
I will say, if there is no custody agreement, get one. Have it include seperate and family counseling.
This is so sad . Something like this should never happen . I pray that god they come back home to you . Stay prayed up. Find something that you like to do and God will fix it !
You did the right thing. They wanted to go check out dad’s and that’s OK I know it hurts its happened to me but what was learned was noone could live with dad so I’ll let them go find out for themselves stay strong
Hopefully dad isn’t letting them do things they want that they don’t need to do as bribery.
I went through this before the dad is probably not letting them call you it’s absolutely heartbreaking I don’t think I’ve recovered from this and it’s been years now my son has his own car and his own house and we are closer than ever he’s my best friend
I know this exact feeling too well… I was in the same situation. Let the kiddos spend a little time with their father. Keep in touch with them frequent and like the other girls said do something special every now and then and assure them you are always there for them:grin:. Don’t think your a bad Mama Keep your head up!
Keep supporting them let them know you respect what they choose but also don’t lose contact let them know you’re there and love themb
You always, always, always keep trying. Keep telling YOUR boys how much you miss and love them! You’re their momma, YOU have to keep reaching out to them. Even if it rips your heart out. That’s what being a momma is all about. They will always know their momma loves them now matter what. Don’t ever give up on them. I will pray for your heart! I have a son who is 16 and I could not ever imagine my life without him. I pray the Lord will give you peace. I pray the Lord will guide your boy’s back to you. Sending hugs from Orlando, FL.
I’d fight for a custody agreement
They’re boys. Who want the attention from dad. For now. But They will be back!
I personally would have fought tooth and nail for my kid instead of letting them go. They go every weekend if they wanted but NOT move in with someone who you clearly said has been inconsistent in their lifes.
Always keep reaching out and let them know they are loved. Teenage boys a difficult (I have a 15 year old). Eventually when the newness of dads wears off they will come back around.
Keep in touch! Even if they brush you off or ignore you… I’ve been the angry teenager living with my dad and I refused to talk to my mom because of shit my dad and step mom were telling me (it turned out to be lies). Be that constant in their lives, they’ll thank you one day for not giving up
I wonder if dad is turning them against you? I know it’s hard but boys need their father. I sent my son to live with his dad and it really sucked but I can’t teach him how to be a man. I would just give them space (just a little) and see how that goes. I REALLY hope he isn’t saying things to turn them against you, that’s just wrong. Good luck!
The dad has been talking bad about you.
If the dad has been talking bad about you the true colors will come out. What comes around goes around.
No way. Go get your kids back!!!
God knows what he has been saying to them. Make sure your kids know you want them with you and you will fight to get them back.
Wow! I feel this post. After learning of my husband’s affair, I packed my boys up and moved. The agreement was for me to have custody and he have them every 2nd weekend. My ex kept the home and moved his whore in immediately. I was devistated when my oldest turned 14 and decided to move in with them. To go “home”. My lawyer advised me to not fight it as it would create animosity. I was a stay at home mom who made my life about my children. That betrayal stung more than learning of the affair after nearly 14 years of marriage. My youngest feels abandoned by his brother too. It’s an unbelievable pain.
I hope the dad isn’t alienating them from you. It’s a little concerning if everything is how you say it is. It could be as simple as you have more rules and structure and they think they want freedom. Or it could be that they just need a father figure. Whatever the case is I hope it goes the way you want it to. Don’t ever stop trying but give them space as well and ALWAYS listen to your momtuition.
Your sons will always love you they just going thru abit of a change but still always keep in contact just to see how they are but one thing it is always good for a child to have both parents it would be hard for you being the prime caregiver but they no who they mum is.
It seems that they are being blind sided by the other side. And led to believe the grass is greener. They will…in time…see the true colors. And who was truly there for them when they needed someone. Just let them know you love for them does not expire. And you are a phone call away…
He can only be fun for so long before he shows his true colors.
They are children, dont expect them to make you feel relevant because it just isnt on their radar. Now if you have expressed sadness or anger over them deciding to live with their dad they could be avoiding you out of guilt. Kids aren’t adults and dont know how to express their feelings, they will choose to avoid uncomfortable situations. With that said, take a day out of the week to spend time with them for the day, dont make them feel bad for wanting to experience life with their other parent or wanting to connect with their father, that will just drive them away.
Continue reaching out. I’m a long distance parent, and my eldest doesn’t talk much. Not because they don’t love me, they just don’t talk a lot to the adults in their life. So I told them they don’t have to respond, but I will text them whatever is on my heart. It works for us!
Also DO NOT be anything less than supportive. Do not let them know how you really feel about this. Do not give them any room to feel you are guilt tripping them. Then when things start to get better ask them how they think you could be a better mother to them. DO NOT judge. DO NOT correct them. Just listen and take in what they have to say. Thank them for being open with you, and go reflect on it.
There is something they are feeling is missing. Something they feel you are doing wrong, and if you are not open to hearing them out and fixing it then there is no hope of repair.
I would say the best thing my mom did was let me figure things out for myself. I would definitely say give them space and try to ask them how you can work on y’alls relationship. When they tell you accept it and try to improve. I’m not trying to sound mean…but kids don’t just do that. There’s a reason. I wish you luck!
Keep in touch with them every few days, by text, snail mail, phone or whatever. Do you have visitation or is that not a thing after they turn 12. Does dad’s house have better electronics like for video games?
Maybe as they’re hitting puberty they want a man’s advice. I’m sure they still love you and will come around.
In the meantime, fill your free time with movement classes, long walks, time with friends, girls day/night outs, trying new restaurants, visiting (vaccinated) friends, dating apps, doing stuff you’ve put off while busy with the boys. Start journaling, make a gratitude journal, redecorate, learn to meditate, take a class and learn something new, from a language to how to fix an engine to medieval history to flower arranging. Maybe learn more about something the kids like, for instance soccer, video games, whatever the latest craze is that eclipsed Pokémon Go.
Get therapy/counseling to process this & learn more about yourself and how to be happy. You might find what traits or habits made them want to try something new, better ways to communicate with your kids, or what makes you genuinely happy. If your kids were your whole life, it’s good to learn how to have other interests and how to better take care of you.
It feels devastating now, but life will get better, bit by bit. It also is good preparation for when they move out on their own. What did you plan to do then?
Talk with your ex and tell him, not to bad mouth you because in the end. It will hurt his sons. Tell your son’s you love them and they can always return home. Be available, call them weekly so they know you still care. Don’t act hurt as that will make them feel guilty. Fill your hours with volunteering or anything that interests you. Good Luck, they will be back!
Let them try it out momma and give it a try , they probably decided too because their dad hasn’t always been there for them and that’s what they been wanting is for them to be there. They will come around, give it a couple weeks and I’m sure they will be home.
Keep in touch at least once a week. I am sure dad won’t be as strict as you were, ( even if you weren’t that strict) but keep an eye on everything to make sure they are not running free!!! They are at that age when they want what they want now, and freedom to do anything is golden at their age.
I would just stay consistent. Every single week call once and offer something fun you’d like to do that weekend with them. Even if they turn you down just stay consistent. Let them know you want time with them without making them feel guilty for wanting the love with dad.
Do you not have a visiting schedule?
They may despise you for letting them go maybe?
It will change …the sun’s shining bright right now but it will change
Keep reaching out to tell them you love them and ask how they are doing, it does make a difference even of they don’t show it
Tex them a lot. Say hi. Hope your day is good or just to remind them your there
My niece who my mom has raised since she was 2 did the same thing about a yr & A half ago. Wanted to live with her dad. Lasted 2 months before she finally realized her life here was so much better. They’ll learn…I say tell them you’ll be there and you love them but give them space.