How do I tell my mother in law, in a nice way, that she needs to stop showing up for just one kid. I realize biologically she is her only grandchild in our home…but, she expects me to watch the kid on my days off(my kids are with my parents for like a month in summer) 8m expected to clean up after everyone, pay the house bills, buy all their food(husband’s daughter is very picky and I have to buy special foods for her…I have boys…they’re pretty much garbage disposals) I buy all of this kids toys and clothes and everything. I treat her like she’s mine. Like mother in law makes sure I know that’s how I need to be. But she will bring this kid ice cream, clothes, toys,etc. Right in front of the other kids…gave her $20 right in front of my youngest who is 9…I make him work for money and he’s been saving (he has $160) and he freaked out saying it wasn’t fair…and it’s not. But idk what to do.
You have to really hold your ground. Pack it all up and hand it back. Tell her it’s not showing the other siblings that she loves them too.
My mom gets all the kids the same thing even my step son if she doesn’t know he’s here then she won’t but she feels bad after words tell him I’m sorry if didn’t know you were still here(he sometimes stays longer) so your MIL needs to do for all. They are just kids and husband needs to speak up too.
If u do it for one u should do it for another !!
Love is like all three of you sit down a have a meeting.
Not ever simple communication is the key.
All children are innocent.
Husband needs to stand up it’s up to him to fix this is toxic needs to STOP. OR MIL NOT WELCOMED till she gets it!
How can you expect her to treat your children like her own grandchildren, when clearly you can’t treat or see your step daughter as you’re own?
“The kid”
“I have to watch her”
“I have to feed her special food but MY sons”
How can she treat them equally when you aren’t?
Unfortunately this happens way to often. It happens to my kids too. It’s to the point we don’t like attending family get togethers because the kids are treated so different.
As rude as it sounds, she doesn’t own anything to your son , he is 9 so you can explain the situation to him using a simple language.
And to be honest, I do not know what is your living situation but seems that might be time to move out
If you want the MIL to treat your kids the same as she does the step daughter the same should go for your parents. Why is your kids at your parents for a month of the summer but the step daughter isn’t?
My son isn’t my girls dad biological dad. His family never saw it like that. We broke up a year ago & they still don’t treat it any different.
Split it between all the kids in front of her… and thank her
Who’s home do you live in? Hers or yours? I would be very blunt about it. We have 19 grandkids and 5 of then are step, they are still treated like one of ours and will always be treated like that!! I don’t play favoritism, and one doesn’t get more than the other!! I think people like this, are RIDICULOUS!!!
It’s very simple… you treat every one equally or don’t come around! There is no saying anything nice wen it comes to your kids! just like she does you, you do her the same way.
Its so hard because really she does have 1 grandchild. But morally it’s awful for the other kids to have to stand back and watch that. You can’t really tell her not to give her grandchild things but make her aware of how the other kids are feeling & that gifts toys clothes etc will need to be handed over in secret. And not in front of the other kids. But personally I would be asking for all kids to be treated the same. You are all family now and should all feel that way. No way would I treat my nieces brother like this.
I’d be packing up and leaving with my kids.
I would b saying something to her that’s not right.
All or none. Point blank. Ive had to do it to several. You have to protect your children at all cost, even if it means cutting someone out.
Have your husband talk to her.
Have your husband have speak up. That is on him. He welcomed you into the relationship with kids, he needs to stand up to his mother.
I don’t think it’s right that she expects you to treat your husband’s daughter as your own, but she’s not willing to treat your child as her own grandchild as well. My mother in law treats both of my children the same and only one of them is her biological grandchild.
This is your mother in law? It’s up to your husband to straighten it out
How come all three kids aren’t at your parents?
My exs mams the same buys all sorts for one kid but hardly ever buys anything for my daughter and the are both biological grandchildren makes me so mad and actually hurts
Get rid of the mother in law and your man. It will not change. These mama boys will not say anything to there mother period. Get rid of both of them and retain your peace.
If the child is not her’s biologically, there’s nothing you can do. I was in the same boat. My two oldest were completely ignored by their step-grandma. You cannot make someone pay attention to your child and you don’t want to punish your other child by taking that grandma relationship away. Just explain to the non biological child that that’s just the way she is. My two oldest had a great relationship with their own grandma. But treat her kindly and loving. You need to set the example. You’re the mom. What you do will forever be part of your child
You can’t force ppl to do what they doh want to… I wouldn’t say a word to her…
Why isn’t your step child at your parents house for a month as well? Do they also play favorites with your boys? And I’m sorry… But “she expects me to watch the kid on my days off”… sounds horrible 
Way to make your step daughter feel loved.
tell her she can’t see the children any more until she starts treating them equally. She is the one to lose out not the kids. she is no gramma to them anyway. THE DOOR.
Tell her offf, plain and simple.
I’m confused. Are you mad that you have to watch your husband’s daughter while your kids are with your parents?
This infuriates me, treat all or none.
All children should be treated equally.
This is really confusing to the point of you can’t even respond correctly.
Tell her no more. Stop her at the door if that’s what her plans are and tell her to leave. I don’t do favoritism. My step daughter got treated as our own with my family. And it shouldn’t be anything less. My husband and I are getting a divorce and I still get to see her and she still comes over. She still calls my mom “momo” that’s what her bio grandkids call her and she gets treated as such. That’s shitty to do to kids.
You need to be talking to your husband who has a conversation with his mother and say I have three kids not one.
Just tell her it’s causing resentment between the kids and either she does it for all of them or not at all.
We cut my mum out when she was doing that for two years now there is no convincing or making her. She’s gotta make the choice. Will she include all kids or have none
All I can say is make it stop because I was one of those kids, my babysister was his, my brother and I were not. The first Christmas we spent at his family house, my little sister got $500 my brother and I got $20 to share, and now even more then 30 years I remember how shitty I felt, and the look on my brothers face. It sticks with a kid, knowing you aren’t part of the family
But about the other stuff…you’re a mom, it’s expected that you watch your kids on your days off (step kids included), pay bills, do housework, etc. That’s not your MIL’s job.
Husband should be putting her in her place. She either does for all or her privileges will be cut for all.
You tell her if she’s not bringing enough for all the kids in the family, then to take the gifts back out the door. That you are an inclusive family, and its all for all or nothing.
I believe she should do for all the children if she can’t it’s time for you or her to move out.You just don’t treat children like this.Where’s your husband when this happens?He needs to be a man and speak up.
You don’t tell her politely and you should also probably speak to your husband because that’s his mom and your partner in life. HOWEVER I WILL SAY YOU MARRIED THE MAN WHO HAD SAID CHILD WAS SOMEBODY ELSE SO THAT CHILD SHOULD NOT BE SOMEBODY ELSE’S RESPONSIBILITY… Just yours and your husband’s 
.
Move out with both of your kids, file for custody, and child support…DONE!
Make no mistake your boys that are being raised under disfavored child status will grow to resent YOU if you dont advocate for them to be treated equally, it is a psychological certainty
My MIL does this and unfortunately even her bio grandchild sees it and does not like it, it’s her hole to dig. She is ruining relationships and that’s on her
Tell her!! Call her out WHEN/WHILE she’s doing it.
You should have your husband talk to her about it & be very clear that if it does not change then unfortunately your going to have to step in and say something on behalf of your children. She needs to accept them all ,when you do for one you do for all only days that does not apply is on their birthday . BUT AGAIN don’t do for just one of the kids birthdays and not the other children .
Just tell her point blank about it or talk to your husband and both of you agree on it and both talk to her
You don’t. She didn’t agree to grandparent kids that aren’t her grandkids. You can tell her how you feel but other than that, you really don’t have a play here. And it wouldn’t be your place anyways. It would be your husbands.
As far as “the kid” you actually did sign up for that. So you aren’t “watching” her. You’re parenting her. Again, between your husband and you.
Not sure why you’re paying all the bills or how it’s relevant in any way. Does your husband do anything?
You should not say a word about it. Your husband should and if he doesn’t, you have way bigger problems. (From your description of all you do it appears problems already exists)
When she hand the 20.00 to the one kid, take it and give each kid 10.00 right in front of MIL…what can she say, especially in front of the kids?
You flat out call her on it for favoritism -
And you grab your husband and tell him he’s either on the team or you’ll find a new one that’s inclusive of EVERYONE and not just the ones she favors.
Confusing to say the least. You have 2 boys and your husband has a daughter. Therefore there is 3 kids in the house, yet you state why must you look after the stepchild on your day off. I would have thought a Mother would automatically do just that. Does your Mother not take her with the boys for summer. I don’t know all the details but it sounds like there is no unity and precedents have been molded into this relationship. Both Grandmoms must do for all 3 likewise the Mother and Stepfather. If you paying all the bills what does your husband contribute. Resentment will be the end result. Sort it out now. Live happily ever after
Just playing devils advocate. But shouldn’t your parents treat all of them the same as well? Why just take your boys and not her? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. It might not be fair, but you can’t tell that woman she has to do anything. You made a commitment in that marriage not her. And the she expects you to take care of the kid? Maybe you didn’t mean for it sound as jacked up as that sounds. Don’t marry a man with kids if you don’t want to be mother to his children as well. I’m sorry to be harsh but that woman doesn’t owe you or your kids anything. And It sounds like they have active grandparents.
I don’t know. I canceled my son’s first birthday because my boyfriend’s parents forgot about my daughter’s birthday and hosted a memorial day party instead. I’m not going to make her watch everyone show up for him and not her. His family moved a 4th of July picnic for his nephew’s birthday, but I guess just screw my kid. So we didn’t go to the 4th of July picnic either.
My rx in laws tried that luckily my ex husband was on board when I said treat them all the same or we cut contact n I was serious we went 3yrs low to no contact before they gave in
That’s what tends to happen and unfortunately can’t blame her for that… I know my mom would love them all the same but I understand why some dont… not your spot to talk to her …your husband should… what happens when the other kids go and other child is left out?!? You can’t force the same treatment when different parents and court orders are in place… poor hearts that get broken
My MIL does this too. My husband And I have a 3 yr old together and 7 month old and then I have a 10 yr old from a previous relationship.I simply tell my 10yr old this, you have three sets of biological grandparents that love, adore and spoil you for exactly who you are, if said MIL can not or treats you any different than the others who cares, you don’t want fake relationships or love, especially when YOUR family loves every bit of you.
That is sad, if want to do that then don’t do it in front of the kids. Have your husband deal with her. If he can’t, then you tell her
sounds like you arent treating “this kid” as one of your own by your post.
My mom only has one bio grandchild and I told her right from the beginning they are all my children except them all or not at all I will cut her off your husband needs to step up to his mother and be a man and tell her except them all or she don’t need access to them
Yes, she is wrong, but your attitude toward “the kid” is very obvious. You’re expected to watch “the kid” and buy food for “the kid.” Shouldn’t you practice what you preach then and see this child the same as yours? If you are a family, a package deal and all the kids are equal like you are expecting her to follow, then your little laundry list of things you have to do for “the kid” is just as bad as her treatment separating yours. Your attitude about his child is screaming through very loudly in this post.
There’s videos going around that dad brings his child McDonald’s or other treats but not the child’s siblings. Everyone is on dads side saying they aren’t his kids, it’s not his responsibility to take care of all the kids their mom has etc. Same thing here. It’s not fair to the kids, she should be asked to stop but she’s not responsible for the other kids that aren’t hers.
when she gives her money you should say oh thats nice you and the boys will have whatever amount to spend and if its toys sweets etc say oh you and the boys can share and the proceed to sharing it out.
Tell her if she can’t buy for both children don’t buy for either one selfish!
Ok you chose to be relationship with someone with a child. It’s your choice to take care of her to a point. Her father should be providing for her mostly. Your MIL didn’t make that choice. She gets to spoil her grandchild to an extent. But if it’s going against the way your husband & her mother are choosing to raise her he needs to say something to her. As far as the treats it is unfair. I’d ask her that next time she wants to bring a treat to call first to make sure it’s ok & to buy for your boys too, that you’ll pay her back. You & your husband should be uniform on the money rule. If he agrees with you he needs to tell his mom that his daughter needs to earn the money. Maybe she has chores the kids can do? Unfortunately combined families are rarely equal. I’m sure there’s things your boys get & do with their dad that she doesn’t. You should mention that to your kids.
Your husband needs to address it and tell her she can’t treat them equally or not at all.
My mom was NOT a very good mother, but as soon as she knew my step son she treated him like a biological grandchild and spoiled him. She never made him feel like he wasn’t family.
I can’t stand seeing grandparents do this.
Ew. The fact that you keep saying “the kid” when it’s apparently YOUR HUSBAND’S DAUGHTER, meaning YOUR stepdaughter, is so gross. No wonder your MIL treats her differently. “Expects me to watch her.” She’s in your custody isn’t she? You chose to be a mother to her when you agreed to marry her father. Act like it.
This shouldn’t even be a question pull your big girl pants up and do what mummy’s are supposed to do and defend your babies put this woman in her place
She needs to stop being an ass
Tell her that what’s she is doing is unacceptable and even the kids are noticing that she treats everyone different. Ask her nicely to please treat all the children the same. If she continues tell her to stop it at once and either love them all or not at all.
You and your husband need your own space. Husband needs to set boundaries with his mom. You both can approach her together, or he can do it. If your husband knows this and has yet to say anything…it sounds like he’s part of the problem. Also, you’re upset you have to watch your stepdaughter when it’s your day off? 
Again, communicate this to your husband. This all just sounds like you’re blaming your mother in law when you really should be having tougher conversations with the man you married. 
My Mom raised both my one bro’s kids, and then when she went to Australia, my bro moved in but didn’t bail the beekeeper out of the insane assylum and since my bees died trying to kill his kid, and nobody supports the international beekeepers 9 year union, so Mom lost her memory since Police/healthcare and the justice professionals refused doing all the shit… Probably she’s estranged like I was from the kids most of the time a year after the spanking from three year olds throwing shit at my face. I was afraid of UFC 3 champion’s who taught me to fight off a drug dealer picking me up by my shirt but not women and children blaming beekeepers for being herreditarily retarded. He tried but couldn’t kill a random woman and targeted child over his wife’s feelings. The nurses drink coffees and ate Quiznos in front of us, feeding us the affects of ratt poison and LSD. I feel lots of the same.
Oh I get it completely. If other kids get something I’d go and get my boy something. While back kids got a slushy my boy didn’t, I asked my sister if she could go and buy my son one too. She did. It’s not fair. Kids get things when they are at there mom’s. And my son gets things too. I have my son full time. But the kids get things and go stay the night other places, my son doesn’t get to go or not asked if he could go. I feel bad for my own son. But as long as he has his mama that all I want. My son is treated differently too than the other kids.
Accept one, accept all or not at all
Have husband speak up, or else you speak up. Put boundaries up immediately. Don’t let anyone in your house that can’t respect your kids and you . Understand though, it’s not his daughter’s fault though so I hope you don’t make her feel guilty because of it. This is something between you, your husband, & your mother-in-law only .
Sounds like you need to have a conversation with your husband first if you are doing all of that on your own.
Respectfully return all the gifts etc and let her know why. Say, in front of your husband that you expect all.the children to be treated equally and until she can everyone goes without
Have a conversation with your husband. Make sure he is in alignment with you and he needs to be the one to approach his mother. I would request to be present when he has the conversation so there is no confusion and everyone gets to say their part.
I would let her know and not to do it no more
Just outright tell her that whilst you understand this is her only bio grandchild, she needs to be mindful of the other children because you are a family. If she would like to do special things with or for just that child… its best to do that out of the home. You can simply tell her that the children are feeling crushed when xyz happens and you’d like to find a solution to all of this. Take emotion out of it and just be honest about what impact it’s having on the kids.
No nice way to say it, just tell her point blank do forgone do for all or no one. Hubby should speak up since it’s his mom
It is very easy to break those knots by simply building a healthier lifestyle for you and allll your children without your mother in law.
She creates chaos that will effect your children in many ways growing into adulthood…Nuff said!!!
I happen to know.
Your husband needs to talk to his mom, it’s not your place!
They are children, they didn’t ask for this. MIL needs to be an adult and start adulting. All kids should be treated the same. I only have a foster grand child and she is treated as if the sun rose and downed on her. They are innocent children and she has a heart of stone. I would talk to hubby and if still no resolution end all gifts and stop having her over to emotionally abuse the kids. Good luck she sounds extra special.
She needs to see you and your husband treating all of the children as your own. And right now it doesn’t seem like that’s the case. I’m a grandmother of a blended family and all the grands have stayed with me for a week or more during the summer and winter breaks. There is no distinction between biological grands and nonbiological grands. They are ALL my grands and they know they are loved because I make it a point to cook their favorite meals, treat them to their favorite places and put time and effort into our relationships. And that’s the key - building relationships.
I wouldn’t allow her in my house if she’s treating kids differently… one place that is a safe place for your self and all kids. I’d be having a in depth discussion with hubby about how your feeling on it the effects its having on all the kids and go from there, but if deffo not allow her In your home until she treats all the same.
Tell your husband if he doesn’t get them treated equally then they stop going there. Because he wouldn’t like it if you did what she does and made his kid feel left out.
It sounds like you resent your stepdaughter. “The kid…” you “have to buy this kid” This whole post reeks of a stepmother and not a bonus mom. Maybe when you start truly treating her as an equal, others will follow suit.
Its your step daughter…? If I’m your husband or MIL I would be concerned why you’re referring to said child as “the kid” 
seems like there’s a disconnect…. Although grandma is entitled to treat her granddaughter how she pleases, it’s just unkind to not treat the children equally. Just IMO.
How sad. Blood is not the only thing that makes a family a family. I have two amazing bonus kids, that I love just like my own. They have never felt any less than my biological daughter. My parents have treated them like any other of their grandchildren, since day one. Any grown adult that can show up with gifts for just one child, is down right cruel. Communicate. Let her know it is not ok…and you yourself need to practice what you preach. It is your responsibility to care for this child. In choosing your husband, you chose her too… Seems like you both could do better. This chuld did not choose this situation.
It doesn’t sound like you’re treating her like the other kids the same. You refer to your kids as your own but you refer to her as just your husband’s. You pointed out everything you buy her but not what you buy for your kids. Maybe the grandma sees that she is treated differently and is trying to make up for it.
If anyone asks my step dad, how many grandkids he has got, he says 16, if they ask him how old they are well that’s a different story. My oldest is nearly 18, then I have a nearly 10 and nearly 6 year olds. My mum treats them all the same. My in laws don’t buy anything for my girls unless it’s Xmas
Really that should be your husband saying something.
Your husband should be addressing this by telling his mother its all or none of the kids.
Your husband needs to grow some balls and put his mother in her place and tell her like it is
You can’t force someone to do that. It’s like asking a stranger at the park to treat you kid as their bio.
It’s not her bio grandchild. She has no obligation or duty. And it’s completely natural and biologically normal that she doesn’t love that child as her own grandchild. You can’t and you shouldn’t demand it.
How would your husband feel if, your mum did that. Does he even know what’s going on.?Hell, tell him because, look what’s happening to your own. Your MIL sucks. Don’t let her do that. Stop being nice and put your foot down