How do I not resent my husband? I'm full of rage toward him

When we first started dating I didn’t know he was seeing another women until recently, and I actually found out he had stood me up to take said other women to Las Vegas to a hotel that his deceased father would take him, that held a lot of meaning to him, he had never taken another women there before, he had planned the trip with me then last minute expressed he wouldn’t have time (his in the army) and had to visit family instead, i completely understand and went ahead as he asked and purchased tickets for universal studios with a time an place to meet, i was waiting 2,6 hours and he was a no show, didn’t answer my texts or calls, he messaged me two days later saying he was with family and had no reception, me being a blind bat believed it thinking why would anyone lie right :woman_facepalming:t3:?
Well it turned out he was taking this women to Las Vegas and then spending the weekend with her and her children, something he also said he had never done is met a girlfriend’s children let alone stay in a hotel with them for the weekend,
I completely understand this was sometime ago but I can’t stop being mad at this, it’s ridiculous but his literally never taken me anywhere ever! I pay for all our vacations and hotels and Airbnb’s even when we started dating I flew to his duty station and paid 1500 for the Airbnb, heck I even paid for our wedding, and sold my car so we could afford to visit his mom,
I’m so full of rage towards him, like I know if I had the full picture then I wouldn’t be here now and apart of me isn’t sure I’m happy where I am, I feel like he gave the absolute best of himself to all these other women his ex wife, got hotel stays and a beautiful expensive ring, a wedding that he actually helped plan, and he paid for all her flights,
His ex girl got Las Vegas and spoiled rotten with gifts and experiences,
And me his wife the mother to his only children get treated like I’m a day job, I work Monday to Friday 5am till 7pm am expected to make dinner and lunch and breakfast for him and the kids, plus housework, or he makes comments,
His income is exactly the same as previously, so that’s not the reason
I just don’t know how to not dislike the way he treats me compared to how he treated them it makes me feel like there’s something not good enough with me

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I not resent my husband? I'm full of rage toward him

You stop resenting him by freeing yourself. By taking your power back. By owning your shit. By freeing yourself from his lies and deception.
By putting your crown back on and saying. I got this…
It will take courage but you already know it is costing your inner peace. Peace he should’ve brought in your life.

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Why are you trying not to resent him?

Drag him to couples counselling. Hash it out. Demand to be treated better. Then decide if you want to stay.

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Sounds like there have been alot of lies in this relationship. Seems to him you’re just old reliable…while he’s been living it up and having fun he has known you were just sitting and waiting! Plus meeting other women’s families etc. You married this man based on lies…based on a him being a person that he is not…I dont believe you would have married him if you had this information upfront…and theres no way you can stay at this point because your life together is a lie. Take your kids and leave!

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People will do as much as you let them do. You will resent him for the rest of your life. It’s time to step away and stop enabling.

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Idk, is this hearsay about what he actually paid for in the past? Like did he tell this or is there outside confirmation? Sounds like he’s always been like this and just lies to people who probably have no way to confirm his stories. Or… when he met you,he saw what he could get away with and not spending his cash on things for you or for y’all as a couple is one is knew he could get away with never paying for in any way. Hard to know which way id lean since we don’t have enough information but either way that resentment wont go away. Going to have to have it out and talk to him about this in every detail u gave here and more and express how this makes you feel and demand an answer and then have to decide for yourself if he’s lying or if sincere and of the resentment can finally be out to rest. Idk though the way it sounds is it may not be something you can get over. This is why i wish people communicated better because all this time the resentments build up and fester and only ends up badly. If something bothers you or hurts you and even when things are good,communicate!! People need to hear how good they make you feel just as much as they need to be confronted with behavior that makes you feel bad. I ha e a hard time believing people are truly in live with someone they can’t talk to about these things seeing as they are rather large parts of a relationship. I hope this woman can find a way to end her resentment one way or the other and move on. Also have to dig deep while confronting this or beforehand and decide if its the $,the cheating when first started dating and he was seeing others you had no clue about,or both or more thats making you feel so resentful. It will help to ascertain that info so everything can be addressed fully otherwise you can end up fixing one thing but still harboring another resentment about something else that may go hand in hand with the original issue and id think its best to get that all out at once instead of multiple confrontations🤷🏻‍♂️

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I’m sorry but it sounds like you’re just his back-up plan

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Is it really worth it ? Tbh yes it was wrong but it was also a long time ago . Clearly he built his foundation on sand and the truth has a funny way of coming out . Yet like you said it was a long time ago is he a better person ? You answered that yourself but your mixing all grievances together at the present time your issue is he doesn’t take you anywhere then stop paying . He can either take the lead or meet half way nothing less should be accepted by you. Sorry but you allowed yourself to be put in that position of paying for everything he went with the flow you didn’t speak up and now because the truth from the past surfaced you want to be mad ?

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Your question simply cannot be answered- because you DO resent him - for fair enough reasons by the sounds of it- stop wasting your time as he’s not going to change, and you’ve just realised what you don’t like - so it’s time for you to change your situation and I’d tell him how you feel with a decision made to leave. And then leave.

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If he can’t treat u how u want to b then he needs to go ask ur self this if this was ur child how would u feel would u want them to stay or leave once the voice their concerns

That ain’t got shit to do with you. You got a broken man.

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Life is too short to settle for less. Leave, and find someone who knows your worth!

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Think it’s time to re evaluate your situation and maybe rather leave, if he is still like that it wont change and you will continue been treated so disrespectfully

Laugh and leave. Why on earth would you stay with that!

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He is just using you ,know your worth and change the locks and move on :ok_hand:

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Leave his ass! You are being used! Nothing you do will make him want you, take your dignity and go away from him!!!

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read your post again as if someone else had written it… what would you tell them? Yep, you’d tell them to kick this leach to the kerb. He is using you, you are just his ‘bread and butter’ and somewhere to keep all his stuff. Plain and simple. Go and find yourself some happiness. Don’t waste time that you can not get back. You can do it. LIFE is out there waiting for you.

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I’m so sorry. Don’t stand for this. You deserve so much better. Leave him!

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Don’t waste your life with someone that doesn’t value you.

Have you told him this? Maybe you need to take a break.

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Resent him be pissed leave his ass your obviously not happy and know your worth

You deserve better but you need to believe that you do.

He need to tell him how u feel about it all u will never get it off your mind if u dont get it off your chest

What YOU allow is what will continue.

Sorry to be brutally honest but you’re doing this to yourself by allowing him to keep doing it. He’s comfortable of the fact that no matter what he does to u, u will always come around, regardlessly. He handed you the red flags from the very first second and u took em with the hopes that u will fix em by impressing him with all those extra things u did for him. Hun pls give urself a break. Love makes us blind only when we don’t love and respect ourselves. Don’t neglect yourself just so u can provide shelter for a man that’s offering a comfortable home for other women. Pls take care of yourself :pray: Prayers for u​:heart:

The question is why r u still with him??

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nope please keep resenting him and let that fuel you to leave him and be free :slightly_smiling_face:

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I personally think that he’s using you. I mean, you’re paying for all this stuff. Why? Why pay for all this? This man has a job and his own money.

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Sounds like you’re already single parenting…. With a husband so no chance of you meeting someone that would treat you better. The way I see it is you have 2 choices. Continue being stuck in a situation where someone else contributes negatively to you life and train your children that that is what a relationship looks like, or leave be a real single parent, show them that mom can chase her happy and be a strong, resilient woman that doesn’t put up with disrespect and values herself. I don’t know about you, but I want to model what a healthy, loving and teamwork driven relationship looks like for my kids. I think the choice while difficult, is a no brainer- get out and find/create your own happiness. Good luck!

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if i was in your shoes i woulda left. sounds like you can afford to… you and your kids deserve someone who at least will give as much as you

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Girl run! Run and never look back except for when he wants to see his child! Sounds like you don’t need him and you are waaay better without him! Of course he married you… He doesn’t have to do a thing cuz you got it all covered and he sees you sacrifice everything for him! I would resent him too! Leave, love yourself, and live your best life! Good luck!

Never let anyone make you feel like you’re not good enough! He obviously too immature for a relationship. Wait for someone is absolutely besotted with you.
You deserve to be cherished!

My heart goes out to you. You are very hurt and have been betrayed. I am sorry dear…he does not love you or the kids. He think see you guys are a joke. I am happy to read that you have a job and that since you have taken care of everything while he is out partying it up with women using money that is meant for his family, you are able to take care of you and your kids. Pack his stuff sweetie and tell him it will be sotting outside so that his girlfriends can cone pick it up and then just refuse to talk to him. Get a divorce. You have already accepted the fact that he cheats but now he has gone to far and shunned you out. This is not acceptable behavior of him and you should not have to feel like you come second at all. Imagine what ypur kids are feeling if you feel like you do now. You dont need him and his stress and childish behavior.

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My fiancee doesn’t do gifts ect but tells me he use to be really good with gifts when he was with others just told me about a month that he bought his ex a 1500 dollar stove as a gift. It really is a shitty feeling thinking your not as good as the others especially since I gave him his one and only biological child I just don’t expect shit now

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Take the kids and leave. When he tries to contact u send a text saying u need a “break” and watch to see if he will make any effort to come after u or contact u. You’ve been through enough. Let him decide where and who he wanna be with now.

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I often feel that way that I’m not good enough for my man to

He’s done alot of things with his exs / ex wife and
Still does things with them

But when it come to me and his baby we have together
He’s just wants to stay home :confused:
He goes and does things with his friends and exs
But I often feel like a 3rd wheel / a nanny with benefits

But every time I say something I’m arguing

But really just saying what I want

He can say what ever comes to his mind but when I do it I’m arguing :confused:

I’m not the only one with Resentment
But it doesn’t stop me from loving him

You can’t! What’s done is done. You can continue to be unhappy and live with the bullshit or you can make the change and leave and rebuild yourself for your number one priority which is your babies. They see your unhappiness and you’re not giving you’re all to them if you’re focused on resentment towards your hubby.

Sounds like you know where you are at but haven’t actually had the hard conversation with him. You resent that he treated people in the past with love languages that you crave but haven’t seen and as a result you feel undervalued.
Tell him that - straight out. It’s not that your are a trophy wife who wants trips and the exotic all the time but I bet the date nights, the occasional flowers and the once a year trip or romantic weekend staycation would make you feel pretty darn good. Tell him instead of fantasizing what his previous relationships looked like (cause we all probably paint them to be better than what they were and sadly it’s the wrong kind of dopamine your body loves that will put you in a bigger funk)

  • tell him what makes you happy and give him the opportunity to try
  • stop allowing yourself to do it all in attempt to get what you want and then resent him for not giving it to you
  • encourage him to participate in the decision making and plans versus mothering it for him. He’s obviously capable. Give him the opportunity to grow and be better.
    And if that falls through after an honest attempt at communication and work then it sounds like you’re pretty stable enough to know how to do it without him.

Stop p as tying for everything for him. Look after yourself and the children. Get a lawyer and leave, he wont spend his money on his now family, but expects you to spend all your money, its manipulation in a way, making you have no money mi eans you cant leave.

Did you get pregnant before you got married? I would feel the same way but if you can’t fix this with him your marriage won’t last or you will be married to a man you will end up hating instead of loving.Dont waste years of your life being unhappy…Sit him down say what you just posted and tell him what you want from him.If he’s not willing to change his behavior with you or compromise then you should leave and find someone that will treat you like you want.Please don’t stay just because you have a child together it doesn’t make anything better your child will see how his dad treats you and how you feel about his father and it’s not healthy.Dont live your life being angry and unhappy life is to short…

I loved going to 3 brothers. I’d follow my mom Up the wood steps. I remember spending a lot of time at the meat market and watching them wrap what my mom was buying. This would have been in the early 60s

Why are you still there. If you are a doormat you allow it. Sorry but it’s your choice. Not happy leave

The longer you stay the more you’re used and it’s not going to get any better. You can’t change him.

And why are you still married?

Like alot of us you started the wrong way letting him think that it was ok and you’d forgive him if still with him get rid of him and make a better life for you and your family

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Please leave him. You deserve better and if he wants to take care of someone else’s children then someone else can help take care of his.

We become the value of our relationship. I’m not big enough to forget … praying God’s instruction for you

Leave. Divorce. Not easy but necessary for you to be happy!

Oh no! I’d be packing my bags and I’d be out of there.

So sorry you’re going thru this

Sweetie just forgive and forget. If you love him?? You can’t change the past!!

You clearly resent him and I cannot fault you for it.
Write him a note about how you feel about this and why he had to treat other women better than you! Clearly money isn’t the problem, you’ve sacrificed so much for him yet he hasn’t raised a finger by the sounds of it. Leave him to read and stay away for a couple days, don’t call him or text him let that sit in his mind for a while. While you are apart it gives you clear head space and allow you to think better, you’ll know what you want when he decides to explain himself. Don’t fall for any excuses, you’ll know what the best decision is when he gives you his answer.

You’d be a fool to stay in continuous heartache

He is using you and he is only going to put in the very very bare minimum because he has seen from the very start that’s all he needs to do and you will be doing everything the chasing the spending to see him. Imagine him as a basketball Court and you and the other girls are all balls and he gets to play with, don’t let him play with you anymore stop being so available men like him pray on that vulnerability

Respect yourself and know he is a liar. You need to decide what you want and need. Go after what you and your child needs . I am sorry he is that way. He won’t change.

He will continue to treat you the way you allow him to, I say pack it up and leave…

Let him go and move on. Unless you want to live in a marriage like that. He’s played you!

You already know what you should do. Your on here looking for validation or some sort of excuse to stay with a worthless piece of crap. Get a life for YOU and stop thinking a man is what you need to have a life. You’ll find a freedom and yourself like you could have never imagined. What he has done is used you and yes forgive but never forget. That way you will never allow another man to do this to you again. Don’t listen to his lies and how he can change cause honey it will NEVER happen. If you decide to stay and ruin the rest of what life you can have left for yourself then you can only blame and be mad at yourself after that. Best of luck.