Hello, from NY. Working on an exit plan. Long story short, we’ve been together for four years. The last two have been purely miserable for the children and myself. My goal is to have enough for a firsts month rent and security deposit before my partner is aware. The other goal is to establish primary care for our son (I have a son from prior with no legal attachments via adoption or marriage but he would be included for he has an emotional attachment to my partner) and have at the minimum them on the weekdays for the basis of their care (for a list of reasons, his father is unfit for majority or equal placement for nutrition, habitual, and experiences as some reasons). I would truly like to try for him to have every other weekend so I may have the opportunity to bring our children to museums, festivals, and travels as frankly we do see my family, or experience that listed before and have not in a long time. It took an open attempt to leave for him to allow us to go to the zoo as a family. I currently have my permit and have to test for my license so he is the sole driver. I am a stay at home mom and have been for the last three years. I am worried that jumping too soon will restrict opportunities for the children and I. So I know I have to be smart and take the right steps. Currently saving, slowly, about $25 a week slow, but it is happening. Please help me make a thorough exit plan. Those that have been through this or going through it, anything. The basics, the unthought of, that learned the hard way, that which learned along the way. Anything please. I sincerely appreciate any advice or steps you suggest. Thank you in advance. It has been months of knowing it is time for us to experience life and love. I am ready but I cannot lie that I am scared of making a wrong or untimed move. These boys deserve the best chances put forth. I also need it to go healthier with the steps I’ve taken to not create an outburst or to affect any desire to be a father other than maybe increase it. These boys get 1/2-1 an hour with their father a day while we live together, as his own choice and there are days they don’t even see him, and even that breaks their little hearts. I do not want him to become less of a father or even abandon them as we do separate so I also need help ensuring these steps are not malicious or can create that effect by doing them. I want what’s best for the boys and myself, but this is a joint separation and I accept that their father will be a permanent fixture in our lives with a lot of control and effect on how it is lived even after we leave, but these boys deserve both parents. I am just their mother. And while I am a mother first, as my partner will learn, I want to go about this in the healthiest way but the proper preparations. Thank you in advance. Genuinely, I cannot express what this means or what our lives have been like in the last four years but in my heart it is clear, while scary, this is the right thing for the best future for the three of us, maybe even the four of us. May happiness and health find you all.
Do not call the hotlines as people have suggested. Once you reach out they contact cps and cps 99% of the time take the kids from the both parents etc… then it foster care/kinship and it’s hard to get the kids back the state especially NY will punish you too it’s a messed up system. But do apply for government housing where they base your rent off your income.
My browser timed out twice while I was trying to write my original reply. First I wanted to say I know what you’re going through. I see your in NY. NY is a state about money, they do not care about you unfortunately. Once you start making police reports and calling woman shelters they are mandated to report to CPS, because you are trying to leave an abusive relationship. In NY, you are damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I myself had to do domestic violence victim classes and still don’t have one of my kids, after nearly 5 years now. Bc I called for help, when I was being abused. They notified cps and cps took the kids away, saying I was allowing the abuse.
So first thing you’ll want to do to avoid all that, is try to stay with friends, as long as the kids have clothes running water food and a bed to sleep in you’ll be safe as will the children. See if a friend can take you to some housing places that take applications for income housing. In NY family court is tricky now a days they mostly go on the fathers side now. They want to see mothers hump through hoops. Then after you get settled look for a part time job, emergency custody and child support. The state will actually take him for support since you’d be receiving assistance through housing. It’s been a long road for myself. I know it’s hard, wish there was some way I could help you but I’m struggling as it is myself. After getting out of a DV relationship and being a single mom etc. There’s help out there, but you gotta look in the right places. Calling a woman’s shelter, Haven House or the police unfortunately won’t help you (Most likely, I know bc I live in NY.) I got punished and so did a lot of other woman I know or have met at DV victim classes. I sincerely wish you the best of luck! Once you are on your feet, things do get better- hard at first but things do get better and yourself and children will be and feel so much happier.
I got an apartment and moved in alittle at a time Even did rent to own main things first Bed table chairs and couch…Then o e day things got so bad I just left and had my own place to live…
Most states/cities/counties have funding for women if there is any domestic violence, even if it’s not physical. I don’t mean to assume, it’s just a suggestion. Some local churches may help as well, just in general, not regarding dv. If it’s that bad, you could also try a go fund me. I wish you and your kids the best
You say you are scared of leaving but then think it’s ok for him to be alone with your children? I’m sorry but if he’s abusive he’s a danger to your children too!
As someone who is currently going threw having to leave a relationship safely. My best advice have as much support as possible from friends , family anyone … understand this isn’t a normal break up so be careful with sharing too much info . & visits after the fact of your child & SO . Saving money is important but don’t let not having a certain amount saved stop you from leaving when you should , it could leave you in a dangerous situation. Take it day by day & remember no matter how hard it is your doing the right thing !
If you or your kids are being abused, I suggest getting out now. If he suspects you’re planning to leave him, things will only get worse. I have been in your shoes. The one thing I regret most from that situation is not leaving sooner.
I’m so glad youre making a plan!! Getting out is the scariest part, cause the thought ofnyour parner losing y’all, can make him 10x more violent.
I would always have easy access to important documents (vaccination cards, birth certificates, SS numbers, student IDs, proof from their school that they actually are attending there).
Also, always have an already packed bag or easy-to-get changes of clothes for everyone, in case you need to get out running.
Do not hesitate to call the police, even if you’re not leaving yet. But having “proof” as police reports can help you to get a restraining order that can potentially save your life.
Have “codes” with friends or family for them to call the police for you. Sometimes abusers get violent when they realize you’re gonna get them in trouble. So call a friend and say something like “have you read XYZ book?” And that’s a code for them to call the cops to your address.
I’m not sure if your saying your scared to leave because of him or beciase you’ll be on your own ??? If he is a decent man then just talk it over maybe he feels the same way and will accomodate your needs ? If he is abusive ( and for gods sake don’t lie ) then go to the police and get him arrested and kicked out and there is funded agencies that will help you 
You sound unsure of what you really want. You live together and they barely see h, you can’t go out therefore you are in a narcissistic relationship and should call the holiness where I can get free counselling. That’s should be your first step. Because as of 25 dollars a week might seem alot to save but how will u do it on your own? You need help first then you can make the right choices cause you will end up a statistic.
I was with the father of my 3 kids for 16 years, most of which were extremely toxic and there was substance abuse… at first the abuse was only mental and emotional with me feeling like I was walking on eggshells constantly bc he was very controlling and manipulative and used threats of taking our kids to keep me too afraid to leave but once you get to the point where you know you can’t keep living in a dysfunctional relationship that causes so much pain and unhappiness, and know in your heart it’s time to get out the only advice I can give is to take any steps to protect yourself and kids even if that means getting an order of protection against him for yourself… but no matter what it’s going to be difficult and scary but from personal experience it’s best to just do it like ripping off a band aid. Surround yourself with a strong support system and there are organizations like Safe Harbors that can assist you in the process of making those changes in a way that make going through with it easier and safer. I feel for you and if you ever need someone to vent or talk to feel free to dm me. Best of luck 
Check your city for resources, girl! A lot of places have websites where you can add yourself to a list for subsidized housing, you can get to the top of the list if domestic violence is an issue. Reach out to women’s shelters, even if you don’t need an emergency shelter, they can help you find resources to become independent & help get out of that situation. Call you health insurance & tell them your situation, they can maybe point you in the right direction. Don’t be ashamed to seek help!!! There are lots of programs that are ready & willing to help women get out of bad situations!
Are you able to talk to him and let him know thats it’s over but you want him in the children’s lives maybe it will go over better that way and as much as it sucks its ways better for the man to leave and move out of the home than it would ne for the mother to move her children out of there home unless it’s to abusive to do any of that
Contact a local domestic violence group. Your police department or social services should have their contact info. They have plans already worked out to help people leave and sometimes can help with grants money and other resources for you and the children and moral support too
Take half of the tax return and leave.with earned income tax credit on top of the reg amt. Should be more than enough to leave while he is at work.
Get on the section 8 list asap…speak to someone at a women’s shelter they have all the resources you will need!!! Good luck mama…make sure this is really what you want…once he finds out it sounds like he is going to make things difficult for you…like the saying goes…Get your ducks in a row before you take any serious steps!
All the best I left with almost nothing started over best decision ever❤️ women’s shelter help us get back on our feet…gettinf in to a women’s shelter is the hard bit…
Don’t even let the children see you pack a suit case or nothing contact housing authority,where ever you move, because he will get information from them, get a short trade or skill to help you, leave, don’t look back.
Put an application in for your local government assistance program, food, shelter even cash assistance. See if they’ll do an emergency interview over the phone. Not sure how it works in your area so I’ll use mine as an example.
Prepare to leave with only a small bag and basic needs, go to a hotel and stay for 3 days, make it a mini vacation for the kids while you follow through with your plan. Go to your local COPE office see how they can help, then go to your local assistance office get emergency food stamps, emergency cash assistance and apply for housing.
NY may be difficult so prepare to move to a smaller county.
Start searching for help for women and children. There are organizations that can help you. Can you live with family while you work and save? I know it’s hard. I planned my exit for a year and a half. Slowly saving. Planning and waiting. You aren’t alone. You are so strong and brave.
The first thing you need to do is speak to an attorney to learn the laws in your state. Continue to save and keep the kids in the dark as long as you can. Have a go bag for you and your family in case he finds out your plans and gets angry. Find a place you can afford and go. GOD bless you and your kids and may HE keep you safe! You are in my prayers!!! 
If he is abusive, in any way, make sure that you establish proof, pictures, text messages. And you CAN make a police report without filing charges, this documentation is so important in the event that you need a protective order.
Do you have a friend or a place that you can store stuff a little at a time? Photos, etc. also, make sure that you have birth certificates, social security cards. Passports, oh and school documents whatever. Once you get your ID, make a copy of it as well, and keep it at this stored location. Even if you get a storage unit and start taking stuff slowly.
Get a credit card in your name, and some sort of utility bill, so that you can get a PO Box of your own. Also, open a bank acct. in YOUR name. It will be harder to do later.
Since the pandemic, lots of remote jobs are available, maybe you can get a part time job on the downlow. Heck even doing surveys can get you extra money, this might help boost your savings.
Make copies of photographs that you want. Family portraits, stuff that you csn make a copy of, so it’s one less thing you have to worry about losing when you leave. Start to declutter your clothes, the kids clothes and toys. Sell what you don’t need, and tell hubby you donated it. Or tell him you got 1/2 what you asked for. You can also clip coupons. It’s kind of a pain, but the $ you save, take it and add it to your savings. There are some coupons you make money on.
Get a secret smart phone, even if it isn’t turned on. You can connect to WIFI and email yourself pictures, documents etc. oh make sure it’s a private email. Be your bank info sent to that email address. This way he will have no access to it.
You can PM me if you like, I am happy to get you a safety plan, oh
Don’t forget if you look stuff up online to clear your browser history. Or look stuff up on the secret phone.
You can contact the domestic violence hotline for helpful hints, and when you are ready to leave, there is help that you will qualify for. Rent assistance.
Also, when you do plan to leave, file for a divorce, so that he is served the day after you leave. You need to have something stating that you have temp custody of the child you have together. Otherwise, he has just as much right to the child as you do. (You can usually file for some of this by yourself). There is also some type of legal aid that can help you with the right documents. A domestic violence center usually has the information for the local resources in your area.
Also, as a victim of DV, you may qualify for housing assistance, oh might want to start looking AND possibly apply now, there is usually a waiting list, and you can make sure that you have all the documents that you need to submit the application. Oh and here in Texas, the DV center can give you vouchers for gas and electric deposits to be waived. Rent can be reduced, but there might be funds available to help with those.
Good Luck!
Please download The Aspire News app. It was developed partially by Dr Phil’s wife to help women form a good exit plan. They can help you find resources!
Unfortunately, it’s not up to you what the custody arrangement will be for your son together and he may not want to be involved with your other son at all, and doesn’t have to be, so prepare yourself for that. Obviously, he’s going to be upset if you just up and leave with your kids one day, anyone would be. Unless this is an abusive situation, you should be telling him what you want. Just having rent money isn’t enough, how are you going to eat and pay bills? Do you have a job lined up and daycare? It’s a big change and a lot to handle so just make sure you’re making the right choice and you’re fully aware of what you will have to do to take care of your kids on your own.
You do what you have to do but you can’t make him be involved with then after. If he doesn’t want to then it’s probably best for them that he isn’t. And they shouldn’t be around him if he is a danger. If possible leave asap before things get worse. Go to a women’s shelter or if you can stay with friends or family.
I left my ex-husband of 31 years with not a dime. I spoke with family first and told them my plan and they all offered for me to stay with them so I did stay with my sister for a few months. My boys were older so I talked to them and because of their dad’s actions they told me to leave immediately so I did. (my plan was to leave after the holidays. I ended up leaving the end of October) He will have to pay child support and possibly alimony.
Take all of the advice from everyone that commented above me! The only different advice I would give is to leave now if he is physically abusive. Go to a shelter, do whatever you have to do to get away from him. The help is out there, use it!
Her Justice is a NY based NPO. Please contact them, they will be able to assist with the legal aspect.
I just want you to know I understand. I am also in an extremely toxic relationship. We don’t fight in front of the kids and for the most part their lives (my kids) are pretty great. But I am beyond miserable. My other half is extremely controlling. It’s walking on eggshells every day. And although I love him I know it’s time to move on. But the reality of trying to do so on your own (especially with kids…I have 3) makes leaving almost as terrifying as the abuse itself. Hang in their girl. You will get thru it. Trust yourself and ur gut. Do what you need to for those babies. Private message me if you want to. I understand wanting to make sure the kids happiness goes before your own no matter how fucked up ur life may seem. Sending so much love beautiful girl 
Resources…document b safe with those babies …write him a sincere letter don’t blame but try to communicate how you feel good luck sweetheart 
Start making copies of important documents, papers, medical records , school records
and store them in a storage locker or safe deposit box or a close trusted friend.
Pack an emergency suitcase with at least a week of clothes each with miscellaneous personal care items. If you have pets also have an emergency pack of pet food toys medicine etc
Keep your schedule until you’re ready to leave to avoid him catching on.
Save more money than you’re planning atm.
Maybe offer to babysit to earn some extra money until you have enough saved.
You’ve said nothing about domestic violence, and you want him to have some contact with the kids so I’m guessing he hasn’t been violent. So you need to come clean, actually can’t believe someone would call this an ‘exit plan’ if you are not in danger then this is so so wrong to plan everything without giving him so much as an inkling.
When going grocery shopping take out extra money
From debit cards as if you bought food. Don’t worry about the boys if you need to leave. They can adjust to not seeing him for a while till you get back on your feet. Get you’re driver’s license NOW…
Is he abusive or what? Are you going to play pretend with him for how ever many months it takes? I find that extremely sad unless there is something really wrong? Idk am I the only one who feels bad for him…
Please just be careful with whatever you do but there are a lot of resources to help you along the way. And unfortunately, if you live with the dad and he’s hardly “there” spending time with his child, it would be less probably when you move out but that’s on him and not you. Don’t let him deflect one you do eventually leave, just know you are doing what you think is right and doing it for the children
If you’re in an abusive relationship don’t wait for conditions to be right. They never will be. He will figure out your plan & find a way to stop it. Contact a DV agency & get out. Be prepared to leave everything behind. It hurts but not as much as the emotional fall out of staying.
First off, you are NOT just their mother. Your ex should have no control over you once you leave him. You deserve better and need to know your worth. Second, there a shelters for women and children in your situation. They will help you create a safe escape plan and help you get on your own once you leave. Been there, done that. It’s not a bad as everyone imagines. Third, find a support group. We went to “celebrate recovery”. It’s not just for addicts. It’s for people recovering from bad life experiences in general. They will help you rebuild your self esteem and help you recognize your worth. Prayers mama. You can do this. Also, not sure I’d want their father in their life. Not exactly sure if the situation, but if he’s abusive, verbally or physically, they’re better off without him. Document everything if it is abuse. A shelter will relocate you and the children for your safety and help with court and divorce if needed.
First get a job!!! Even if u left how would u pay ur bills second ur the mother he isn’t the father and they are young as time goes by they will grow older third you are jumping the gun wanting to leave I understand but no car no job hope u have family near by to help
Honestly if you don’t have a job you need to talk to social services and talk about childcare assistance, food stamps, Medicaid, and you need to get a job. You aren’t going to make it without one. If your partner gets mad about you having a job then living in a shelter or government housing with your kids is better than living on the street.
With luck, you won’t have needed to take these precautions, but better safe than sorry. The best thing to do is not tip your hand. Definitely learn to drive! And look into charities that get donated cars to get you one when you’re on your own, or even now if that’s possible. You can never do too much research.
Resources for good information:
- County & state websites for benefits available. Know how to erase your browser history if you’re on a shared device or share passwords with your spouse.
- Women’s center for advice & connections to services.
Domestic violence hotline for other suggestions to be safe. - Social worker to see what’s available for you.
Police to research what’s available in case of safety concerns, like restraining orders, what can be done if he locks you out or what they can do for each of you to safely get stuff out of the house. They may also have good contacts for you. - Lawyers (yes, more than one) to see what separation and divorce would entail & cost & what legal precautions and provisions you might want to take/include to protect you and your children. I don’t recommend going with someone who wants to soak your husband for all he’s worth. Keep things as simple as possible to keep costs down. Go in with a list of questions, write down/record answers and don’t chit-chat once you’ve retained a lawyer because you’ll be paying for every 15 minutes which may include phone calls. See if most of the work can be done by paralegals. Go for a mid-priced lawyer in a firm that has a “pit bull” if you need one. That way you can pay extra for the big guns if you need to bring them in but you’re not paying higher rates if you don’t need to. Ask about child support,
alimony and how all amounts are calculated, including lawyer fees, any court costs, filing fees, and if you can ask your spouse to pick up any of the costs. - You can check one resource box off already with this forum!
Get financial statements from the last few months for all assets. Just call the bank, financial planner, investment fund, stick holdings contact, etc. and ask. That way you can prove he drained accounts if he does. Make copies of his paychecks (or if he has direct deposit it’ll show on the bank statements) and all important papers. Stash copies with friends or family. Assume you’re putting your $25 savings in an account under your own name. Keep hard copies.
Get a safe house or houses in case he turns violent. I had a nearby friend within running distance whose address he didn’t know, and a friend from work he didn’t know who lived far away where he wouldn’t think to look. Thankfully I didn’t need either. You generally want people who can be discreet and not the obvious choice if he gets violent.
Did you have a career prior to being a SAHM? Brush up on your skills. If not, take steps to get an education/training to get marketable skills & make a plan for long term career success, even if it’s baby steps. See if there are county/city/state/federal resources that can help you gain job skills &/or help financing whatever education you need. Non-traditional fields might pay more, like engineering, computer science, truck driving with a commercial driver’s license, construction, plumbing, electricial work, HVAC, C-ray tech or pharmacy technician for example.
Make career contacts, do information interviewing, network like crazy & ask everyone you talk with to recommend at least one other person for you to speak with and ask if you can tell the person/s recommended that the first person referred you, or better yet, have the first person call the other person and set something up for you.
Decide which of your household possessions you want to keep and what you are willing to let go. In the end it’s all just stuff & if you have to abandon it all, you’ll survive. If you have things of great sentimental value, start putting them someplace safe off site if they wouldn’t be missed or if it’s something he could destroy or take to make you feel bad.
You may want to get a P.O. Box at a post office that’s not the obvious choice so you can receive materials without his noticing unless you ALWAYS get the mail before he sees it. A burner phone might be a good investment, but ask about that. Since I was working an office job when I got divorced, I’d just make all my phone calls from there & could have things sent to my office or a P.O. Box by my place of work.
Look into mental health resources for your kids and yourself. Divorce is hard on everyone. Also talk to a counselor about how to deal with hubs’ behavior if he’s controlling or whatever he does to make you all “miserable.” Might be worth marriage counseling first to see if you can make things better. If not, you can gain insights into how to handle him & your life better.
Depending on the type of “miserable,” you may want to restrict his visits with children to supervised only at a courthouse.
You didn’t say he was violent or unreasonable. Why would you worry about leaving safely? If your unhappy then tell him.i feel bed for him if he is working hard to support a family not biologically his and you are just going to dip out on him? I’m confused! Put yourself in his shoes.tell him the truth .
You can leave and go to a shelter there they will have you sign up for welfare at least temporary you can get cash assistance and an EBT card for groceries and apply for mass health , I grew up in a domestic violence home alcohol and drugs were on PTSD is no joke as is the depression, anxiety and the way it effects your relationship with people because you don’t know who to trust and who is a safe space good luck 
you need to get out for you your kids it can escalate very quickly and do many women and children have turned up dead or missing
It took me a month and a half to plan my exit. I did have help though. I slowly packed stuff I was taking. Had to take a plane so my two children and I literally left with what we could fit in our bags. I was in the military at that time so unfortunately my bag was army gear. He went to work one day and I ran so fast. Left with $150 to my name and two small children. It’s been almost 11 years now. He hasn’t seen them since that day. It takes time and careful planning but it’s not impossible. Don’t rush. Just remind yourself about the goal and go day by day. Goodluck to you and your babies❤️
CONTACT A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE COUNSELOR NOW! Please do not think that you are safe without a safety plan. I literally almost died a few months after I left. Strangled near death and beat bad. He still looks for me. I had to move three hours away from everything I knew. Please seek help!
Call 211. They’re a national resource hotline for food/shelter/etc. Habitat for humanity ran a domestic violence shelter I lived at for awhile.
Find a domestic violence program as that is the kind of support and help you need. It sounds like you are not in the USA maybe so I’m not sure your social network supports. They can help on many levels to leave an abusive relationship and determine if it is safe for the children to be in the presence of your partner
Contact your local domestic violence advocacy for assistance. They might be able to place you and the children in a safe place while you work on getting yourself together. This usually helps…
Contact domestic violence court for help
Not sure where’s in NY you live, but this is in my county. They might have something similar in your county. Good luck amd be safe.
Honey, all the planning in the world wouldn’t change how he parents after you leave. If he is going to be active in their lives he will be, if he won’t he won’t.
That being said you could try to get a job now and that would make the transition to being on your own a lot easier. You need to be able to pay the rent after you move. You could also see about moving in with a parent at first to help you get on your feet
If yalls lives are in danger or if there is any chance yall could be hurt physically etc dont worry about a plan just pack yalls things up as fast as you can and get the hell out of there the first chance you get. Trust me everything will workout regardless. If you have a family member or close friend anybody you can trust and count on I would fill them in on the situation and maybe arrange to stay with them or have them drive yall when the time comes. If not reach out to DV agencies. Arrange for a ride to pick yall up the next time he is going to be away for work or whatever. If possible start putting things you know yall Wil need close together like all the kids things in one drawer and stuff so when the day comes you aren’t having to search for shit. When the day comes as soon as you know he’s gone for good and won’t be turning around to get something he forgot etc throw yalls must haves in a bag (have your ride waiting outside in the car ready to go) grab the kids and go. He’s never going to allow you to do what you need to do to prepare and sticking around is too dangerous. You are never going to feel prepared enough regardless so just get out and deal with the rest once yall are safe. I promise everything will workout. Good luck
I don’t have much input but I see someone mentioned a lawyer. I understand they aren’t free, but if you call around you might get one that’ll help you pro bono. I was blessed enough to have one help me pro bono for a completely different reason but she was a guardian angel.
It says you’re from NY. I suggest getting in touch with a domestic violence resource as one of the steps you take for leaving. They can help you with lawyers, lodging, etc. And it might be necessary; I see a lot of ladies on here saying they were attacked once they left. I suggest going thru a program to make sure you stay alive for those little children of yours. If he’s no good especially, they need you so badly. Your (and their) safety is very, very important here. SO are never the same people when we leave! So many times they morph into our worst nightmare. I hope this works out for you!
Check into any and all community resources. If you’re in a domestic situation, there are agencies that will help you- food stamps, medical, child care, utility assistance - there are even programs that will connect you with landlords and help you get established with a security deposit and rental assistance. In the mean time, continue saving. See if you have a family member or a friend who has storage and slowly start picking up necessities that you’ll need for a new place. Gather as many people to help you as you can, and when you’re ready to leave, have those people come to the house as soon as he leaves for work one day, pack and move everything! The day before your move, go file for emergency custody and start the custody/visitation/child support process. Once you’re out, don’t tell him where you live. Any pick up or drop off for the child, should be done in a public place.
Im sorry you’re going through this I would contact domestic violence. I suggest you getting a job now. You’re going to need a credit history and proof of income to be able to get any sort of home/apartment. DOCUMENT everything. Make an email and send all your videos, pictures, letters everything to that email and remember to always log out and delete after. Then delete the deleted after. The day you leave do it when he’s not there and immediately file for emergency custody and a restraining order. Are you married? If not I would start getting set up with state assistance. Child care application for housing , food stamps anything that can get you ahead.
I sold our old clothes, toys, etc. We had laying around on fb marketplace. Stash the money.
Each time you go shopping for groceries, nessesities get $10 or $20 cash back and stash it to. Get all important paperwork gathered up. (Shot records, birth certificates, s.s cards) so u can grab them when u do leave.
Get applications for apartments filled out
DHS will help you with deposits to.
Leave while he is at work. You probably wont get anything else from the house once u leave.
Document everything. I would put my phone on record and put in my back pocket
Inquire about DSS, see if there is some way they can help you. Is there any family that can descretly help you? You can try to protect your kids as much as possible but some time the kiddos get caught in the cross fire. Good luck hun.
Remember you will need to furnish your new place as well
I applied for income assistance. Then got myself into a transition housing. It was that or a family shelter. They will help you get in your feet. I filled out forms for low income housing. Being in a shelter puts you at the top ot the list for housing. It can take up to 3 months to get your own place for you and your babies. Good luck momma!!