How do you tell a 6 and 3 year old that you and your spouse are getting divorced and that we will eventually move out of state away from their father, to be closer to family? I want us to be able to explain it in a way they can understand, even though they really won’t truly understand it until they’re older. [Husband had an affair, something he knew I’d never be able to get over and he knew would end our relationship. We always planned on moving closer to family eventually, now its just going to happen a lot sooner and not accordingly as planned.]
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I tell my kids their dad and I are getting divorced?
I simply wouldn’t move them away from their dad. To them, you and him are the most important family they have. Sometimes we have to make decisions we don’t want to…
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Just split. Stay quiet. Kids won’t have to be told or explained adults business. If the dad wants to explain? Let him, I guess… Kids minds are fragile and their hearts don’t deserve the burden of the details of adult relationships. One day they’ll have their own and know. Let them be kids. Be their mom and that’s enough.
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Turn over every rock to find the solution to reigniting your marriage! I beg you! The kids are the real victims of a divorce. They will not get over it. And, please do not expect that they will give an honest answer to how they feel about it. They will tell you what they think you want to hear. Don’t put your innocent children through the nightmare of a divorce!
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Don’t forget you will likely need dad’s permission to move out of state
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Sometimes if the party who was sinned against can forgive and the offender wants to stay together for the children and is sorry for the transgression things can work out. If you loved your husband when you married him and can forgive you can still have a happy life together. If you consider the vows you made were a lifetime commitment sometimes life is not all roses. If he ever cheats again then take him to the cleaners.
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You can’t just up and take your kids from their dad! I agree you should divorced but don’t punish your kids 
that’s their dad.
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I wouldn’t move them away from their father and to a different state. They need both parent.You are going to up and move them from the only place the know? That’s to much change.
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Kids are a lot smart than what we give credit for. I would just simple explain that mom and dad are having adult problems and you’ll be having two different houses. Make them feel as comfortable and involved with the transition because you don’t want them to resent you.
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Just be up front and say that it didn’t work out. Make sure you follow your state law when it comes to moving.
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At 6 and 3, I would just say that you are moving closer to (family), and then tell them that daddy has to stay ( because if work etc). Don’t tell them details or talk down about their dad. Keep communication between them and their dad open. He may be your villain, but he’s not theirs. They are too young to understand adult issues. Yes, he did something awful. But they don’t need to know until they are much older.
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Unpopular opinion. They’re such babies, if it was me and try to forgive and move past it.
Move closer to family? What about them? Their father is their family….
You’re just going to uproot knowing they won’t have a relationship like they do now with their dad?
I could see splitting and staying in the same area. But splitting up and moving far away is selfish honestly.
That’s a lot for their little minds to process. And honestly it’s shitty.
It’s fine to move away, it’s not like they would see their dad everyday even if you moved to a new place in that city. Maybe work out some kind of custody agreement on when to see dad/ just explain to them that daddy has to stay because of his job and to take care of the house and you have to move because of your new job or to help with family.
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I would just move and explain to them that sometimes mommies and daddies need to be apart but that you both still love them very much and they will still be able to see him, they can face time with him everyday even have him visit them
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Sounds like he should fight for his kids and let you roll on out of town .more fathers today are stepping up and getting custody the days of mother’s state are going away
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First of all "Don’t put your kids in a adult situation, never bad mouth the dad I front of the kids, if your going to move just do it…and be happy.
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Y’all need to stop telling her oh you shouldn’t move out of state. Y’all don’t know if he’s a good dad or if he even helps. I wish I had family out of state or anywhere for that matter that would help. We moved to my ex’s home town years ago and now I’m stuck here because of loyalty to my son wanting to keep him where his home is. So now I’m just in a town where I don’t know if I like it. I don’t have any help and my son has autism. I’m forced daily monthly and yearly to just suck it up. All the while the ex moved 6 hrs away out of state and he’s living it up as if we never existed. My son is only ok with it because my ex abused me physically and verbally and abused him verbally. And my son also has autism.
With my son he was almost 5, just set him down and explained daddy is getting a new house and he’ll see daddy and no matter what that’s always his dad. He is 7 now and I have a 3 year old from him obviously at time of split didn’t really say much to the 3 year old bc he was only 1. He left January 2020. It’s now march 2022 he hasn’t seen them in 6 months for his own stupidity. I even tried to ignore things so they had their dad in their life anyway my sons being 7 and 3, 3 yr old don’t understand any of it. And 7 year old misses dad but I explained we have to wait for a judge. That his dad will always be his dad and he can live him but dads on a time out. He did a few things that weren’t good and we needed to make sure they were safe.
They don’t understand all of it but tell them the truth without dads or moms a dick and your fine.
I have one thing I refuse to talk badly about their dad. Even when they bring things up that I don’t like or agree with I wait to say anything and talk to my bf when they are in bed.
No matter how shitty to you he may or may not have been or vise versa . The kids should always come first. The kids should always be respectful to both parties. I did this with my almost 16 year old. Didn’t talk shit about her dad in front of her and she sees him now she loves him but sees him for the broken man he is.
I let her form her own conclusion
You can’t up and leave the state with the kids taking them away from their Dad, he was clearly a bad partner but that doesn’t make him a bad Dad. I understand you need your family support but your kids need their Dad more.
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First off, I’m sorry this happened to you. Being cheated on is one of the worst feelings, especially when you are actually in love and have built a life together. I know it is hard to put the kids first when you are hurting. I understand the need and want to get away from him and closer to those who love you, but is the dad aiming to move wherever you’re moving to as well despite not being together anymore? How do you know the court will side with you on moving the kids out of state away from their dad? I’m genuinely curious because when I went through my divorce, neither of us could move away. We had to stay within counties of each other. My cousin was also cheated on by her husband and he knew she’d want to move back to her hometown so he specifically requested that she couldnt move out of state with the girls. Anyway, good luck to you and your precious kids. I hope that you make the right decisions for the kids and you both.
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You can do whatever you want. He is the one that fucked up… He should be working hard at not losing everything in his life. Just be as honest as u can with them without talking down about dad. U got this! I’m sorry he didn’t take his vows seriously and I’m sorry that it’s hurting u the way that it is.
I wouldn’t tell them now they 2 young 2 understand
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Man thse comments just aren’t nice 
when I left my fiance, I just told my then 7yo that sometimes adults fight too and just need some space from each other but no matter what happened, he was so love by both of us.
Has dad agreed for you to move out if state? If he has, don’t worry about whay everyone else says. Also if so, get that in court paperwork. And I’d get court paperwork taken care of before anything. If things turn sour you always want custody paperwork to help. Good luck! I’m sorry your going through this. I gave my ex a 2nd chance before we got married after he cheated, what a mistake that was!
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Some people can’t afford to live without having family around. 
So in reality the court can’t really tell her not to move if she can’t financially afford it.
When I split with my kids dad we didn’t have a distance or we can’t move in our order. I didn’t care and I’m not gonna hold someone close especially if they can’t afford it. You can’t make the other parent live in a state they can’t afford. Hopefully she wasn’t a stay at home mom or he’s gonna have to pay for more than just child support if she chooses to go that route. Some people can agree verbally to what fits them without going to court as well. So if she chooses to do it outside of the courts she won’t have the moving problem.
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Just make sure you can move. During a divorce it’s not something you want to do until u set parenting time up unless you can file in that state before he does. If he wanted to he can drag you back. Be careful. Every state is different though and hopefully he’s ok with it as well. I don’t move out of state Just back to my family which is a few hours away. I had to be a residence for at least ten days before I could do the divorce in my County. I was so happy to beat him to it.
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I’ve been right there. Exact same. I said the same thing that that line would be crossed and I wouldn’t tolerate. Here we are 2 years after and we honestly never been happier. We went to therapy and with that nd his efforts to win my heart his also bloomed and it sounds ridiculous but sometimes yall gotta go through the Downest downs to be in the highest highs together. I don’t condone cheating or staying for the kids. Stay because love is worth it. The hurt he’s caused is great and needs to be worked on but in time you could forgive if he really does want the same and changes his ways. Theres Men who change, there’s a literally physical nd mental change. It’s uo to you. But u also can’t just take ur kids and go to another state as well. There’s laws that prevent u from doing that no matter the reason. The kids need their dad so don’t just move to another state you’re going to hurt the kids more. They don’t need to know anything which is ur main question. They are kids. If you really do split nd move it would be obvious to them and since they’re kids they will find thier own reasons in thier head no matter what’s told to them. Don’t do that to your children they are to young to hear those things and not have it effect them. If you must just say mom and dad are having trouble getting along and you need some time apart. Not oh he cheated kids were moving. Sorry kids we gotta move without your dad. Not cool to then. Teach them that when things get tough you fight for what’s right. Together! Sometimes the grass ain’t greener.
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Thinking as a child around those ages I’d try to be as honest as possible. It’s going to be a very significant memory I think. I was 4 when my parents divorced and I think I would want my mom to tell me things just aren’t working out and that’s that. Sometimes people grow from each other and that’s ok. Just let them know everything will be ok
Out of state like how far? That would be hard. I moved out of state for a while but was an hour and half away to where I would bring the kids to him on weekends and when they were out of school he was still a simple driving distance. My kids were young and I just told them daddy and I are going to live in two different houses. They were excited when I told them they’d have two bedrooms now. One here and one there. They said yay that means we get more stuff! So stuff from me and from him. Sometimes you have to get on their level. My kids were fine with it. They talk to their dad whenever, see their dad whenever but he lives about 10/15 min from us now as well.
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So
In my experience making the move and situation around it all - fun.
Like literally.
When I moved out of my ex bf house I had 5 year old.
My mom and I made it sound so exciting that we’re moving to a way cool new house. He gets a cool new bedroom.
We let him pick paint out for his room.
We made it nothing but exciting.
We didn’t focus on “we were leaving”
Or “ you won’t see this person again”
All excitement. And it worked
I realize though this is their father. Just try ur hardest to keep as hype and fun and exciting as u ca . Keep them focused on the new and fun and new adventure.
Sending you good luck and strength
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So sit your 6 y/o down because I highly doubt the 3 y/o can comprehend whats going on. And say me and daddy just want to be friends right now. We are gonna be moving to a new house without daddy. You will still get to see your dad just not all the time. (Unless you guys can facetime eachother for your kids sake) If you want to explaon that your kid will get to have 2 bedrooms because 2 seperate houses. 2 Christmases, and all that. Just be honest and don’t talk bad about thir dad in front of them. They don’t need to be apart of that.
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Go online
I think Dymiccs have a kids book that with pictures that perhaps you and their dad can sit down (for the kids sake) as a family and read it together
This might help the kids understand a bit
Just make it fun and exciting for them, domt show them you’re nervous.
She asked how to tell the kids! She didn’t ask should she take the kids out of town!!! So I wouldn’t tell them until they asked as BD would break it down in kids language so they understand
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Regardless of what ya’ll got going on you should NEVER stop the kids from been around their father unless he was harming them in which this case he’s not…
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Should NEVER move away from a good parent!! Not only does it hurt the other parent but especially hurts the kids! When the other parent is actively involved!
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No need to tell them why. Just basic answers. Don’t make them choose or hate him. Asult business is adult business. They’re allowed to love him too.
You should make every attempt to keep them in touch with him.
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Sorry that he cheated on you. But the kids don’t deserve to lose their dad bc of a choice he made that hurt your feelings. If hes a good dad, don’t take his kids from him or him from his kids.
If you HAVE to, just make sure it’s in your divorce papers that you’re allowed to move out of state with/without his permission. But most of the time if you move, you’ll be responsible for getting the kids to their visits with their dad.
Just tell them the truth. Sometimes adults have to leave inorder to do what’s best of their kids and themselves.
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I would make sure you have all of your ducks in a row with a family law lawyer and a set solid plan before you tell your kids you’re moving them away from their dad bc you very well may not be able to do that as quickly as you’d planned.
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You can do this without trashing the Father. He doesn’t sound like a good husband however I don’t necessarily think that makes him a bad Father 
. More information is needed to answer your question 
Making your kids suffer because one parent cheated is not a reason to move out of state, you will have to have a better reason than he cheated. Always explain everything to your children in age appropriate terms and nothing more. Do not be the parent that bashes the other parent to your children it’s absolutely not necessary to traumatize them any more than they will by their parents splitting up. Don’t become the bitter ex, get yourself some counseling and get your children counseling before everything moves forward. Get a good attorney, one that fights for your children to get child support and use that child support on your kids not yourself. Even though he’s the one that crossed the line it takes two to tango, in some states you can go after the other person in the relationship for alienation of affection and sue them ,before you do that make sure their are no skeletons in your closet,it will get messy in court and in your home town, hold your head up high. Do not blast him on social media or in public be the Mom your kids see that treats others better than you were treated. Take time to grieve your loss so that you don’t become the angry parent. Divorce is like a death except you don’t have a body to bury, you will have relationships to bury before this is all said and done. Please always keep your children your first priority and let them have a relationship with their Father there are way too many children growing up without both parents also as hard as it’s going to be don’t let other people put your business out there for your children to hear especially well meaning friends and relatives that love to gossip, when these people are around your children, talking about their father in a negative way should always be off limits. Good luck to you.
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Be blunt and don’t sugar coat it. Tell the truth
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Since everyone is so worried about you moving, even though that wasn’t the question…you sit them down and say you would be happier apart, and they will still see you both and you both love them very much and will do anything and everything to make sure they have a great life. They don’t need to hear details, just that you’ll be better off as friends and you both love them as much as always.
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You just tell them. Stop trying to “sugar coat” things. Kids are very resilient.
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As someone who just went through this a year ago. You assure them how much BOTH of you love them first and foremost. You need to get a family law attorney and or sit down with the father and put together a parenting plan before you move. Make sure it’s in writing that he gives permission for the move. My ex and I verbally agreed because we were in FL and I knew literally no one there. So I was moving back to OR to have family/friend support. 5.5 months after I got here dad filed for custody in FL now I’m dealing with a cross country court battle all because nothing was in writing. Granted we were not married. Anyways, you also want to make sure you tell the kids every day how much both of you love them. This is huge because if you make dad out to be the bad guy as they get older they will see themselves as bad. This happened with my 8yr old when he was about 6. His therapist explained it’s because they come to realize they are half their dad and then they associate that as a “bad” half of them if you speak ill of the other parent (his father was my first marriage and yes it was bad and abusive so it wasn’t even something I said because I avoided negativity about their father to them). Now the two year old who’s dad I am battling now, I made a routine with him, every night we looked for the moon, and when we find it I tell him to tell daddy he loves him, and then we listen and he can “hear” his daddy whisper “I love you baby boy” from the moon. This is just the way I created for him to still feel love and attachment to his dad even at such a long distance. I did let his dad know we did this and when they video chat at night his dad asks him if the moon told him what daddy said, or if the moon hasn’t come out yet he tells him the moon has a special secret to tell him. Just an idea.
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I would think very hard before moving the kids away from their dad unless he is planning on moving as well. I made a lot of sacrifices to keep my kids in their same schools and close to their dad and home when going through a divorce and it was hard at times, but I don’t regret it for a second. He eventually moved a little further away after getting remarried but the kids had him close by until they were all teens+ and that was worth everything.
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No advice but great job on choosing and loving
Yourself and not accepting anything less. Good luck
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There’s plenty of good choices of books for kids that explain divorce in simple terms. Simpler the better. I would not say anything about moving out of state until you actually have your ducks lined up for that and a legal court order granting you permission to do so. Geographical restrictions to out of state moves are common whilst going through a divorce legal process. I had to wait 2 yrs to get mine lifted. It’s a process. For those ages play therapy is a good avenue. Be prepared for changes in behaviors etc. Yes kids are resilient but also this is a major life change. It’s hard for kids no matter which way you slice it and dice it.
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Kids aren’t stupid. Don’t underestimate how they will respond.
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There are some great children’s books to read to kids also go to court barking with them. Si it together so they understand it’s not their fault
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I made it a point to always say when they asked, sometimes people don’t get along and that’s okay because everyone likes different things. Because they were toddlers and noticed at a point there was alot of frustration and stress around this mystery issue they didn’t know. When they got older and started asking why, I say, adult relationships have adult problems and that means there are things that aren’t appropriate to discuss with children. They hear the same thing about adult movies they aren’t allowed to watch and why, so for now that makes sense.
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tell them with your mouth of corse
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Just be honest as much as you can
I’m so very sorry . The six year old will know what’s going on . I truly hate this has happened to you . Been through this with my kids close to same age . It’s almost unbearable. With Christ and the support of family and friends
, you will all survive . A good counselor for the six year old will help .
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Just tell them!!! Kids adapt!!! Just have your ducks in a row and a good lawyer before you take the ultimate leap!! Best of luck
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I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It’s such an unfortunate situation. My parents divorced over a similar situation when I was very young. Maybe you should tell them together. That way you can both be there to convey to them that it in no way has anything to do with them. Assuring them that it’s not their fault is probably the most important thing. You don’t have to be forthcoming with all the details either. You’ll also both be able to answer questions that they may have. My parents separated when I was almost 3, and divorced when I was roughly 4 or 5. I don’t recall them discussing the situation with my siblings and I. I do however know that they co-parented as a team, which is ultimately the most important thing. Divorce doesn’t necessarily mean an end to the family. The dynamic will obviously change, but the love you share for your children doesn’t. Even in your most difficult moments, put your love for them above your anger towards each other. Despite my parents circumstances, I never saw them fight and for that I am truly grateful.
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I’d just stick with breaking the divorce right now. Telling them you’re moving out of state away from their dad might be too much right now
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You sound like a sound individual that has some sort of plan in place, sometimes all kids have to know is the bare minimum and that’s enough. Here I feel like you’ll find the words as you move along, just be careful and pay close attention to your babies and their feelings
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Just tell them you will not be living to get her as husband and wife anymore but your still mom and dad
I wonder if the Court will allow you to move out of state with the kids. I guess maybe your husband is moving back too though not with you. Consult with an atty before making any decisions.
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