How do we keep parenting consistent between houses?

Post-Anonymous, please. I have three kids, 9, 12, & 3. The three year goes to her dad’s, on the weekend, which has less consistency/less enforcing on routines such as a decent bedtime (lets her stay up till almost 11 on her tablet) and less consistency; and I know with that she’s still in “Daddy’s house mode,” when she comes home on Sunday. She seems to come back in " spoiled mode " (do whatever I want when I want/ I get whatever I want no matter how I act.) I guess what I’m trying to get at is, should I have a talk with Baby Daddy about keeping some consistency between our houses with certain things.


He is probably doing it to get them to like him more and to get on ur nerves u can talk to him but I can almost Guarantee he will tell u his kids, his time with them, his rules :woman_shrugging:


If he has the weekend it is inherently going to be more relaxed and he is probably also trying to relax. Thats what weekends are for


She is 3 years old and i think there should be consistency in her routine, talk to him :slightly_smiling_face:


Of course you should… I had to do the same with my 4 year old… Some things I don’t bother addressing but when it comes to behavioral expectations, that should be consistent…

You can try, but at the end of the day it’s his time and his house.


You can talk to him, but what he does on his time, is his time. It sucks, but its how it is.

Just bring it up and explain the issues it causes/can cause and that you’d like to keep her schedule consistent.

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Agreed with all the above I have and had the same problem with my son and his dad but the problem was it wasn’t consistent and still isn’t on when he does go so when he does it’s almost no rules. And to top that off most times when he does go to his dad’s he ends up staying with one of his family members at some point and none of them have rules either. I’ve addressed it many times and gotten yeah I can do that to my house my time my rules depending on the attitude.

It’s his house his rules his time. just like your house your rules your time. And if she has behaviors when she comes back then that’s where you give her consequences like toys taken no tv etc for she knows it can’t happen at your house. You can say all you want till you’re blue in the face to your ex but I doubt he’ll listen to u.

Consistency is very key to a learning child. My daughter goes back and forth every week between my dad’s and her house. She’s allowed to do certain things at his house that she isn’t allowed to do here. We let her adjust back to our rules when she comes over and then proceed with time outs as needed. Unfortunately, unless in a court order saying otherwise, there isn’t anything you can do and same goes for him

Y’all should sit down together and have a talk about how you two plan to co parent long term. You both may have different parenting styles/tactics, and morale beliefs…but it may help to find the common grounds that you do agree on to keep a mutual respect for each others time with the child.
Ask him if there are things he would like you to meet in the middle on as well. Work as a team if you can & if you can’t, remain cordial

Absolutely, have that talk! But don’t go into it telling him everything he does is wrong. Start with this is the problem I’m having with child. This is what I do at my house. What are you doing. And see how he responds. And then see where you can meet and compromise.

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Oh boy yeah I go through the same thing with my boyfriend when he gets his daughters. They are 4 and 6 and he’s always let them do what they want and stay up all night playing on his phone and running through the house tearing shit up. He says they are learning. However they know better than to do that with me or their mother. You want my advice talk to him. Like I tried talking to my boyfriend. And if he refuses to listen then just make sure she knows she will not act that way with you. That’s how I had to do it. So his daughters and our son behave with me and they cut with him. And you know what he cries every time about how he’s so stressed and they won’t listen but he also said he is going to let them do what they want. So if her father has that attitude then he has to deal with it while he has her.

You can try if he’s the type to want to coparent but if he isn’t then you’re going to have to accept that he’s going to parent his way on his time and you’ll parent your way on your time. (Exact words from my lawyer for my almost three year old)

Not going to lie that how I personally run my house on the weekends. The kids stay up, have fun most of the day, eat some extra snacks and have a good time. We did have a talk with our co parents about consistency on things like bedtime for school nights and no sticky candy per the dentist orders but in the end we just started letting it be known what happens there stays there. The rules in our house are the rules in our house. Yes even at 3 we had to make it clear to our 3 year they could only do that at mommy’s house or mommy can do that because she doesn’t work the days she has you.

I mean, you can try to have an adult conversation about it with him but he’s going to do what he’s going to do regardless. :woman_shrugging:t2: I’d try to talk to him but know that that’s all you can do.

I’ll tell you right now, have the conversation sooner than later. She wont always be 3. You guys are coparenting. You dont need a Disneyland parent. I hope you get what I mean… its what’s happening now. I’ve been thru this with my step daughter. Yeah shes my stepdaughter but I’ve been around years. We sat down and talked to her mom and her husband and we came to agreement about rules and punishments. Yeah right now shes only 3 and I get some are saying it’s the weekend and it’s time for relaxing. I’ll tell u right now, it wont get better and the adjustment time when she gets home to you, will be tougher with each year

You can try and talk to him but just just remember if he finds out that something he is letting your daughter do at his house is getting to you, he could either fix it, keep it going, or make it worse on you.
I know when my kids come home from there dads its horrible, they do what they want because that’s what he let’s them do, he does it so the kids wanna see him. It’s hard. Hopefully you can get it fixed

Mines 10 n like this. As soon as she walks in the door at my house, she has a list of chores to do- just to get her back in that mom house mode. Now, a 3yr old imo, shouldn’t have a tablet lol that’s absurd to me. Yes, I’d talk to him about that. Makes ya wonder if your 3yr old is even getting dad attention, or just a tablet for the weekend…

You can have the talk but he might not listen. It’s his weekend and he doesn’t see her as often as you so he might not listen.

You definitely should talk to him. Hopefully you &, him can compromise on discipline & schedule. I wouldn’t hold my breath. He can be doing this to get back at you for your relationship failing. If it fails you can petition the court to enforce counseling. The judge may encourage it without ordering it, order it & it may help or get after you for bringing it to court.

Honestly coming from you, it may be taken the wrong way. We’re living a similar situation, but my child is older and in therapy. My kid is essentially expected to be 2 different people due to our 2 different lifestyles and parenting times. Maybe talk with your pediatrician about the healthiest daily schedule for kids that age. Then when you talk with dad, suggest it and ask him what he thinks about it. Reinforce that this is for the child’s best interest. We actually call my son’s first 24hrs home “reset” day. it’s important for us to allow his adjustment time

I have the same exact problem. Ugghh it’s a battle.

I have the same problem with my son. His dad treats him like a friend and not a parent so of course I’m the bad one 🤷

I go thru this too with my daughter coming home on Monday mornings from daddy’s on the weekend. Honestly pick your battles. It’s not worth the argument. It’s his weekend. Just let it be. It’s hard, I know.

I’ve had the talk but honestly unless he’s willing to do it, it won’t happen. My daughter goes to her dads every weekend and has as much screen time as she wants, as much junk food as she wants, etc. It sucks when they come home “spoiled” but I just give her time to adjust when she gets home.

Talk all you want. Hopefully he agrees but in reality his house his rules.

You can have the talk. However even if consistency between homes there is the transitional period. Ease her back home. As soon as she comes home remind her she is at moms and give her the rules. You can absolutely try to talk to him but it’s his house ya know so he doesn’t need to do what you want him to. Also how are you getting this information? From him? Or your child.