My husband and I have been together close to 10 years. We used to do everything together. We’d go where the other went, go on trips, hangout and watch movies almost every night if we weren’t on a date, just everything. I went through a couple miscarriages and had alot of issues even becoming pregnant but we now have our one child. Since having our child he’s kind of just let go of us in a way. Our child is school aged and I can count on 1 hand the amount of times we’ve been out to dinner as a family. We take date nights maybe every six months or a year, which is because usually he doesn’t want to go. He doesn’t invite us anywhere and it’s like he doesn’t want to go anywhere with us. If we’re home for a movie night or game night he goes to a friend’s but makes me feel guilty if I go out for girls day or girls night one night every other month. He’s not cheating. That much I know. I just wish I knew how to fix things.
What about marriage counseling?
He sounds like a douche and you deserve better than the way ur being treated. I dont have any good advice just good luck to ya on which way u decide to go.
Talk to him . Tell him that you’re trying to understand what’s going wrong and you need his help to correct it before y’all lose each other
Idk sounds like he hasn’t dealt with the grief of miscarriages.
So could he have enjoyed the struggle?
Sounds like you need a new man
Everyone is always so quick to say leave him, most issues can be fixed and unless he’s violent/abusive/cheating etc then why not try to work it out first. Maybe he hasn’t gotten over the miscarriages, maybe he’s struggling because he doesn’t have your full attention anymore, maybe he’s depressed because new dads get it too. Ask him, tell him how you feel, try marriage counseling
I’m sorry hun but I’m gonna be honest I was in the same position we’ve split after being married for 4 WEEKS!! we’ve been together 11 years he married me then told me he werent happy! So off he goes. If he doesnt wanna work it out its time to get yourself a new man it wont work unless u both wanna make it xx
Just a question…how do you know for a fact he’s not cheating? I have seen way to much and I can say that no one ever knows for a fact that their spouse is not cheating. Never underestimate anyone. I am not saying he IS cheating, I’m just saying that you do not know for sure that he isn’t.
Remember it was just you and him and then you had a child.
He probably just feels left out because all your attention is on you son.
Have a chat and organise some date nights.
Hopefully you will get your spark back
Have you calmly and straightforwardly brought it up to him that you are unhappy with these changes? If yall used to be that close and it’s only been since you had a kid that he’s acting like this it could just be something from the stress of having a young child and he may not even really consciously realize how different things have become. Before just leaving its definitely worth having a long discussion about your expectations for family time and keeping your relationship as a priority and maybe even going to therapy together to work through your (both of yours) issues
Men also get confused between emotions after his child’s been born. Figuring out his role. Moms are busy trying to do it all, then if dad does anything with the baby to help, it’s not the way she wants it done… Its dads baby as well as moms, you’re both learning about this newest house hold member. So dad goes off to work to support his family, that he has little say about. They also don’t understand feeling jelly or left of mom and baby’s bond and lack of couple catch up time
Men need respect women need love
What’s his love language
You never know the kind of man a dude is until a child is brought into the picture. Try counseling
My husband and I are the same way right now. It hurts my heart. In 2 years we have been out as a family 2x. The only way he goes with us is if his friends are there. Then of course he pays us no attention. I’ve talked with him several times and nothing has changed. He barely interacts with our son either. At this point it is really starting to affect my son which I won’t allow. I’ve started saving money for separation and to get our own place. If I’m going to feel like a single mom I might as well be one. I hope you guys work it out before it starts to effect your child. Talking to him and being honest is the first step towards making it better
Sounds like he can’t be bothered to be a dad or family man and is basically acting single doing everything on his own think u need to hsvr a chat because he nerds to rem he has a family its not just him anymore and he needs to be there more and step up and be a dad did he have good parents and family life did he deal with you loosing babies it could be many things is he depressed does he have anything stressful going on when did he start being distant was it only once u had his baby men can get depressed after hsving a child too there’s many things it could be but u won’t know unless u talk to him and see what he has to say then take it from their make it clear u want to be a proper family not feel like a, single mum ect
More than 1 in 7 new mums and up to 1 in 10 new dads experience postnatal depression. I would speak to your doctor and explore that.
I have found a lot of men want a mother…they want your full attention. Now you have a child hes sort of sulking…tell him to grow up…if he doesnt dont waste your life on a douche bag…
Start giving a shit. Plan a date night. Be romantic. Love him. Touch him. Whether its out of your comfort zone or not… do whatever you can to reignite something.
We (im) guilty of this as well lately. I didn’t grow up in a loving home. So its difficult for me to know what to do, or keep it going, or know how to react. I’m slowly learning this again. Because I’m not willing to lose what I have. Get to that point… you don’t want to lose it…so go get it. Dont let it slip away.
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this. It happened to me too. I think before kids they are the #1 person in our lives. We cater to them, spoil them, etc. After children, they become #2 and some men just can’t be #2. We as women put our children first as it should be and even if we do everything we can to make our man feel like he is #1, he knows deep down that he will only ever be #2 from the point of conception until the empty nest. It is something he is going to have to seek help in overcoming. I hate that you are going through this especially after so hard the both of you worked to have a child. And because every case is different I don’t feel right trying to give you advice on how to fix it. I do know that communication and letting him know that his place in your life has not changed since the baby came. That helped me on a small level but it is up to him to figure out that he is still the king of the castle and he has a responsibility to raise his child and teach that child how to be a great human being. I hope this helps. I wish you Love and Light…
Do you guys have any similar interests or hobbies in common that you could partake together? I’d suggest doing things together that feel organic to him rather than jumping to things out of his comfort zone (like scheduled date nights) if hes more comfortable with crowds invite some friends over for a group activity.
Men go thru things as well n we know men hide their feelings… try getting him to open up to u… or get help from a therapist… men deal with things differently
Communication!!! That is the #1 rule for you all. Let him know how you feel, and he needs to let you know how he feels. Seems like once kids are involved, there’s not much effort put into relationships.
Dont let this manifest anylonger, you need to have a talk with him real raw comunication
Have you tried just sitting down at the kitchen table and talking to him? Sometimes that seriously all it takes. Just having a good heart to heart talk. Good luck
Sounds like your husband is not as happy being a patent, as he was before being a patent.
It happened to my daughter when she had her son. His father left, & even signed over rights to the child.
Some people are not cut out to be parents, but you obviously don’t know that until after you have a child who depends on you.
Use communication, & if not on the same page, it may be time to separate.
Maybe he’s finding parenting harder than he expected.
My husband straight up told me once he felt like it was me and the kids and then him. And In that moment I finally understood. Since having a 7 yr old my 1 yr old and now 2 month old( this was said to me before the 2 month old came). I would be exhausted so if my oldest didn’t want real dinner or wasn’t hungry I’d make him and sister something easy and not cook. Or I’d make the kids plates first and hardly ever his. Everything he did with kids I monitored. It was always about what kids wanted or needed not him. Of he tried to correct my oldest I’d always snap and how he would do it but then when he would just ignore and not correct him I was also so mad. So once he told this I was able to understand how he felt( he isnt a good communicator due to childhood stuff we are working on it). It might not be perfect now but I try to give him more attention and make him feel special. Communication is key. You gotta k ow what each other is feeling and thinking because if not nothing ever gets solved just avoided
Things do change when the children come along. Often men come home wiped out from work and are not interested in engaging in much. Keep up the good work with good meals. Use it for good visiting time.
Too, he may lack parenting skills …
Sit down when your child is in bed and tell him you’d appreciate date night schedule as well as family time going for a walk or to the park.
Schedule the same number girls night out as he has guys night out.
Be firm. He is married now and has a family - both should take priority …
Have you sat down and talked to him about this happening and how it makes you feel? If not that definitely should be the first thing you do. Did he want a child/children to begin with or did he just have one with you to make you happy? Maybe parenthood isn’t what he thought it’d be, still no excuse for his behavior though
I mean are you the same as before having your child? Unlikely, so it is not surprising your husband has changed too. You stated you had multiple miscarriages. I have only had one and it was an unwanted(mostly unplanned) pregnancy and I was still heartbroken and it still affects me from time to time. So I’m sure yours affect you more than you realize and probably your husband too. Even if it isn’t depression he may be playing off your changes as well. My husband and I are completely different people since having children, we have to work hard to put each other first and make time together, sometimes that means giving up girls night that week. Whatever it is we do it. Our hobbies have changed, our personalities have changed, and many other things; it is a choice to make an effort to keep the relationship alive. Make time for each other, even if he complains the first few times, have a set date night. You don’t have to do anything but stay up later and watch a movie together, just spend time together. Communication is important too. Tell him exactly how you’re feeling and how his behavior has caused it. Ask him if there is anything you can do to help him, or if there is a reason he prefers not to spend time with you anymore. Is he stressed? Is there something you can do to help alleviate some of his burdens? All of these things need to be addressed before just demanding him to do anything.
I hope you figure it out.
Start small like sharing pix from those date night memories & a few days later mention how much you loved snuggle night in front of the TV for a movie. Then a few days later, approach him & introduce yourself. When he asks what you are doing, make a silly remark about how you’ve been reminiscing lately & wanna start dating again. Family expansion & fertility issues can take a major toll on family dynamics & tis the season for seasonal depression. Your husband may have developed that. Ask a family member or friend to watch your kiddo & try to steer clear of talking about him/her while on a date. Focus on you two. And try planning your guys nights & girls nights on the same night so there is less concern. Heck, yall may even end up at the same place if your ladies friend are with any of his guy friends.
Marriage counseling is what you both need
Sounds like depression. May be suppressed grief from the miscarriages, worry about supporting the family, being a good dad, whatever. Doctor visit for depression screening first.
Then couples counseling to help root out what he’s feeling. Men feel like they’re supposed to be stoic so don’t know what to do with their emotions. A good counselor/therapist can help get to the root of things. Is he jealous of the child?
What are some things he really enjoys? Plan outings around stuff he already likes. Maybe create a surprise. Make everyone get in the car but don’t tell hubs & child where you are going. .
He’s cheating. If not physically then it sounds like he is interested in someone other than you/his family. Sorry.
Try talking to him about how you feel and see what happens talking is the only way to find out what is going on + you should talk
Doesn’t sound like cheating anyway. It sounds more like y’all aren’t communicating or putting effort into the marriage. First you need to find out his side and see what he thinks the problem is. Then you guys can go from there.
Communication is key in a marriage or you don’t have one. Sit down and talk to him about all this. It will help build your relationship stronger.
If he’s depressed vitamin D3 helped with depression for my husband. He was talking suicide and I started him on this and I haven’t heard anything like it since. You may need counseling, but try to talk first. God bless.
Intimacy is not a weapon, and for those like you who are suffering through emotional abandonment I have sympathy but cant advise you how to proceed, you have a difficult decision to make, leave and disrupt, or stay and suffer
Well, honey, your husbands true colors have surfaced! He is a very selfish man. He doesn’t want you to go places with him anymore because having a child slows him down and he just can’t handle that! He doesn’t want you to have a girls night out because he doesn’t want the responsibility of taking care if it watching his own child! Can you live his lifestyle for the rest if your life or until this child marries or leaves home?I think not honey. Get some counseling, go by yourself if you have to. I doubt very seriously if he is going to go with you! I can almost here him saying “there is nothing wrong with me!”
Being a parent is hard, and expensive. Not going out to dinner as much may not be as affordable as it once was. Your kids age should have absolutely nothing to do with you guys going out as a family. You can do that at any age. He could be tired, tired of being responsible for a child, tired of it not being just the 2 of you all the time, tired of not getting what he used to out of life. You 2 should sit down and have a conversation to see what you both need to do to better your relationship
COMMUNICATION like fr communicate and maybe yall should go on dates more often sounds like the spark is gone you just need to reignite it if its not possible then your chapter might be at the end
Sound like cheating to me
Mine does same exact thing
Feels like I wrote this