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QUESTION:
"My husband and I just got married a few months back. We’re currently sleeping in bed with our child but that can we avoid when it comes to sex. Regardless, I don’t find him sexually attractive, at all. I would rather sleep with someone else than my husband. Which Is disgusting to me, but just been life. I have not cheated, nor would I like to. I just want him to actually be able to get me off. When we DO have sex, it’s maybe once a month if I initiate it. And then he lasts maybe 5 mins at most and I’m not anywhere near getting off. It’s frustrating!"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"You’re talking to the wrong people definitely need to be discussing this with him!"
"Split after 12yrs & got our own places. It was a real wake-up call for my man. He was angry at first, but then he took the time to work on us. We moved back into the same house a year later & have absolutely no issues."
"Why did you marry someone you are disgusted by?! If you want a good sex life you need to work at it together. Have you talked to him about it?"
"Maybe if you have sex with him more then once a month then he might last longer. Why did you get married if you aren’t sexually attracted to him?"
"Communication is key. If you haven’t discussed this with him then you’re the one not allowing yourself to be pleased. Most men would be receptive if they know what your expectations are. If he doesn’t know how to get you off, tell him. If he’s lasting a short time, tell him what foreplay gets you going. Yes, it’s an uncomfortable conversation but I’m sure he’d much rather hear the feedback and have the chance to work on it than to feel unwanted."
"You have to actually communicate with your husband. If he doesn’t know you’re not getting off, then he can’t fix it. You have to tell him what you like. This poor guy just got railroaded and he has no idea."
"So I’m not going to be one of these “perfect” women and bash you cause I understand you. I’m married and I’m also not attracted sexually to my husband. I used to do it simply because that’s what married people do. I had a seat down with my gynecologist to figure out what could be going on with me. Weirdest thing is I’m not sexually attracted to ANYONE. I have yet to meet a men or woman that I want to be involved with like that. My dr made some recommendations and I tried them all but nothing worked finally he dropped the bomb on me that I may be one of these people that are asexual. I’m still learning what that means and find help. I hope you can seat down with your partner and talk to him."
"There’s other things you can do besides sex to light the flame and have fun together. The couples card games and dice are always fun. Instead of “getting off” focus on intimacy with your husband. Intimacy is not sex BTW."
"Oral sex…massages…take a bath together…Or laying with your naked bodies touching. I’m just saying."
"Were you once sexually attracted to him? Ask yourself what happened? Life happens and sometimes sexual intimacy is effected, especially with children. This is something to discuss with your partner, being 100% honest. Try couples therapy, try spicing up things in the bedroom, toys, sex games, making date night. There is a root of the problem if you once found him sexually attractive."
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